Come closer, I must tell you
Something before this all ends

I see a despair that dances in your eyes
A weight that burdens your shoulders

It screams through your gaze
Yet your mouth stays shut.

Let me tell you something
About this pain

Pain comes in many forms
It comes as loss and betrayal

It comes as failure and sometimes pure accident

Sometimes, pain takes the form of you

And that kind of pain
Where you have convinced yourself
That you are the source



Can ****.

Memories tinge the places we've been
Embedded and branded on us.
Once yesterday
Now gone by the way
They were there
But now they are dust.

Though locations they stay
Of warm prior days.
We look back with pulsating lusts
If there was a way
To bring us back to that day
I'm sure we would be on that bus.

The places we've been are places we need
Places of times that were real.
We see this unfold the moment we leave
The moment we yearn for that feel.

Love yourself
Before you love another
Or else you'll always wander
And wonder
What love is.

Anxiety is a cancer of the mind
One which manifests in kind
That begins as a seed within your head
A thistle **** while in your bed

Vines of doubt with acrid musk
Constricting around your hollowed husk
As it eats away from within
No longer knowing how long it's been

Like fungus that grows in the bleak
Fed by dank and dark lit rooms
Sapping victims till they're weak
Thorns that bind in anxious blooms

But as any learned gardener knows
Who has walked through fields of life
He who lets weeds overgrow
Shall surely be with strife

So prune and shape those chilling leaves
And let your garden breath again
But accept that life shall always have its weeds

But you're a gardener now, not who you were back then.

I met a man once who had a goal
To be more than he was when he started
With a wildfire and tenacity inside him
Hungry for achievement and success

Like all fires
It spread
And lit that same flame within my soul

I peer out again
To the courtyard outside my window
Where I face the many neighbors
I never see

I see evidence of life
But never life itself

Sometimes, I wonder.
If I live in a vacant building
Alone amongst spirits
With a sunlit Courtyard
All for me

Sometimes
One can give all that they have
They can sacrifice
And lay everything on the table

But life is cruel

For even when all is given
And the last of ones strength used
As ones bones begin to break
When sweat turns to blood
And one screams with a rage within them
That no force on earth can quell

Even then
That may not be enough.

Some who survive that battle
Who cared too much
For their dreams to drift off
Like sand in the wind
Emerge heartless

Humanity is complex
Like dirt
There is much more going on
Than meets the eye

But a fool will say
That dirt is dirt
Plain and simple
At first glance

There are no plain shades of man
No color is absolute
No blues or reds
No primary shades
But hues

Some hurt to protect themselves
Some lie to survive
Some **** to save their loved ones
Some save to help themselves

Humanity is like dirt
Simple looking
Easily written off
But closely inspected, they are much more

The ruthless may be kind hearted
The loving can be deceitful
The foolish can feign cunning natures
The shy can be malicious

We are who we choose to show
But beneath the guise
And the show they perform
Complexity is woven to make each man

We are like dirt
All part of the grand world
Yet complex beneath the surface
But still low and *****

Like Dirt

I was told I needed to grow up.
It cut me down so easily,
I was struck with awe.
Almost offended.
That someone would tell me
To **** the child within my soul

I asked them what that meant.
And they said to stop acting like a child
When I failed to be serious in a somber setting.
I was neither poking fun, nor hurting anyone.
Just brightening the mood.
But I was shunned for it.
And told to grow up.

So I ask you this you nameless lobcock
Who are you to **** my spirit?
Who are you to dull my imagination?
Will you take me out back and shoot it out of me?
Rip it from my spine?
Who are you to tell me to change my color scheme?

I look around and see people just like you
"Grown up" and so mature
But I don't see children lynching men
Or children stoning others
I don't see children being racist
Only when they are taught so by the "grown ups"

So who are we to ****,
That child in our souls?
Maybe we need more adults with inner children
To discuss sharing and treating others well
I look around and see the grown ups rain destruction
But who am I to tell?

Have you ever stayed up
Wondering?
If they truly
Love you back?

It is easy to stay silent
To watch intently from the quiet comfort of your home
Silence is an action
Taken either by those who hold their own tongues
Or silence is something forced upon others
Nonetheless, complete and utter silence results

But those who are silent, be not afraid
Your words and ideas are not trivial
For if you feel within your heart of hearts
The burning desire to break the silence
To scream and shout and ask "WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?"
Then you are steps away from breaking free

Silence is a choice
A choice made by those to escape
It is a quiet room where we have the privilege to stay safe
A choice made to stay away from arguments and confrontation

But hear this and hear well.
Silence kills
It killed the Native Americans,
It killed the slaves that built this country
It killed those seeking freedom
And it is actively killing those who need to be heard

Donate, go to marches, stand tall, and speak your heart
They will try to mock you for your words
And point fingers at you for your seeming inability to shut up
But if your words are so minuscule,
Then why do they wish for you to stay silent?

Speak up.
Or else silence kills us all.

There once was a story of a little bird
Who lived in a cage by the window
And everyday, the little bird would look outside
To see the sky sprawled as far as its little eyes could see

The little bird knew not was out in the skies above
But he knew,
And it burned within him
That someday,
Someday, he would make it into the open world

For many years, as it watched
It saw rain, and sunlight
Storms and tranquil nights
Always in love with it
Always yearning for that world

Finally, the day came when the bird made it outside
Finally on the other side of the window
Without bars or cages to stifle his flight
The Bird had the every and all direction
To fly into the endless horizon

But.
The Bird went nowhere
Despite the absence of the cage
Because now that he had his moment
He realized he was far too afraid
To decide for himself his own journey

So he waited
And waited
Until many years later
The Bird decided what he wanted most
But time had left him older and slow

And the Bird never left
Despite the open world around him
Because he feared
That his decisions
Could be wrong.

There is a sadness to the cheater
Whether he be a cheater of love
Or knowledge
Of ideas or simply looks.

Done maliciously,
A cheater can hurt
They can steal
And their conduct
Can sting.

But some cheaters,
Most cheaters,
Are afraid
Afraid of what
They do not have.

Corner cutters
And "good enough" types
Too afraid to give it their all
There is a battle of thought within them,
To take something else when they believe,
They can't meet expectations alone.

Pity the cheaters that act out of fear
Their hearts are made of paper
And their courage is held up with wire
Resorting to steal and lie because
They do not trust themselves.

Puzzle pieces of fumbled assortment
A smell of cardboard chips
Bedlam ensues
When scattered and afraid

But a piece thinks it unselfish
To join hands with another neighbor
A myriad of frightened fragments
Can surely make for a beautiful picture

In our feeble existence as a waning empire
We have achieved more destruction
Than any life or prosperity we have created.

I care not for a nation, who stands for hope
To the suffering masses
When in fact, that very nation is the author of their pain
And a benefactor of their sufferings.

The days of national pride are myth and they always were
For pride in a country founded on the killing of others
Pride in a nation built by nameless souls, shackled into slavery?
Merely bygones of an age where cruelty was commonplace
As we now live a facade of a lie our grandfathers told

And I hear you
Why bite the hand that feeds you?
Why speak at all when you benefit from the very thing you detest?
Alas, here we are.

Two fools who both benefit from the death of others
Squabbling amongst ourselves, when we all have been deceived
Deceived to argue
To disagree

Because what better way to keep the channels running?
What better way to clog your thoughts and turn your heart?
Then to begin the age old battle between "Us v. Them"
But yet, we always fall for the same ploy

I no longer recognize this place anymore
And I feel hopeless to change it.

We all have a single moment
In the infinity of time
To let our light shine across the stars

A lifetime is but a moment
Years are to time
As grains of sand are to a desert vast

But in our fleeting seconds of existence
We shine brightly to show the world
Who we are

And yes, of course we are afraid
But we are eager
To frame our seconds, our days, our years

As beautifully as we can.

Why would I run through the gale for you?
When all you do is make me cry?
After all that you have put me through
Sometimes I wonder if you try

Why would I soak myself?
Through the sheets of rain
As you put my heart up on the shelf
You stay dry while I'm damp with pain

There was a time I would run after you
When the harsh winds and showers mattered not
Long ago when your character was true
Before my heart began to rot

Before the mold ate away what was once there
Now sour tastes and bitter tang
Back when we were warm and fair
Now from the rafters my heart does hang

I do not think I would step outside today
While maelstroms crash and strain
I choke on these words but I must say
I would not run after you through that soaking rain.

Hatred is not evil
It is a spawn of evil
Born from it
Caused by it

Like a knife
It is wielded
By some who want peace
And others destruction

Do not hate hate
Grip it tightly
Master it
And let it set the fires

Within your soul

When we are alone
We hear ringing in our ears
Unbound yet shackled in the lonesome
Many hate to be alone
Alone is where the wolves get us
Alone is where nasty thoughts ****** us
Alone we feel a loner’s crushing weight
All alone, nothing scares us

When we are alone
We wander
Sometimes we wander places
Alone in the fog
Alone in the brambles
A thousand thorns pricking you
Alone with trumpets
Alone

When we are alone
We wish for the opposite
But not really
Alone is limbo
Alone is the balance act
Alone is infinity
When we are alone we panic
When alone, we choke

Master the loneliness
Feed on it as it fed on you
Grow to love to be alone
Tame those wolves
Fend off those thoughts
Toss off that weight
Embrace the solitude, breathe

In solitude we are perfect
For though the sun is alone
Still it shines

Your shadow may weigh
the same,
As if you weren't there
At all.

But your actions
Today,
are
paramount.

There is something seductive about your words
Your ideas and thoughts
Your confidence
Are more seducing than
Anything you could wear

At the end, what do we all ask for?
What do we desire in the final moments of life?
Why is it that we call out to those whom we love?
Why do we reach out to those who give us warmth?
Is it because we know at the very end,
That nothing else matters,
But love?

When I was young and simple
I never understood why and when
Adults lost their color

When and how did growing up
Into an autonomous being
Become the wasting away of eccentricity?

Until that is
I grew up
And saw first hand how it happens

Gradually, you begin to dull
Until you look around the world
And realize the color has all but vanished

Every step along the way
To "growing up"
Means at every stop, you must sell another piece

At every station along your life
You have to shave off another slab
Another offering, to get you "back on track"

Until you finally made it!
As retirement nears
You begin to remember that basket

Full of all the childlike wonders
You cut off to get you where you are now
And it pains you

Retirement finally comes
And you are handed back that basket
With all the once glowing ideas

But it feels heavy
And foreign
And what was once the inspiration of your entire existence

Is now dull and grey
And so are you
Who sold all the imaginations and innocence

To grow up.

Feckless and without warmth
We have grown to pretend to care
As a new species of man grows
From the septic pools of lies and deceit

Outwardly, we have grown not grotesque
But perfect.
Flawless and divine
Yet no light shines through our eyes anymore
Nothing more than hollow perfect creatures

We have perfected the art of deception
The art of pseudo compassion
Like the light of an angler
We draw in those
We only wish to consume

Surely, we have evolved
From bandits, highwaymen, and thieves
We have become licensed bandits
Licensed highwaymen
And licensed thieves

"All for the greater good"
We whisper to ourselves
Every night before we sleep
Hoping our dreams stop the pain
Hoping our dreams pause the fragility
Of our brittle compassion

We boast as love.

Sometimes when driving through towns
Past little homes and apartment complexes
I can't help but to wonder
What unspeakable horrors hide behind
Those walls
That conceal
And muffle

Am I deranged? To imagine such things
To worry about the deeds
That may or may not be happening
In hidden rooms and behind closed doors?
Is it my anxiety? Is it a psychic connection?

And so.
I created my own idea of a perfect world
A system.
Where people are safe, from the horrors of another's sense of justice
Enter Aethisia
A world built entirely by the host.
A world free of others.
And only in his own solitude,
Do I believe man will truly Flourish.