I feel *****
Like the ***** you cannot shake or wash away
A ***** that smells but is only putrid to you
The disappointment, the despair
The dirtiness that you feel when you dripped gasoline on your hands
Where the fragrance never leaves and the memory hits you
A constant reminder of what you did
Like a stain that stares at you and reveals what was done
Where it bleeds through the many layers designed to conceal it but it wreaks.
And as I go through my day, I can't look my parents in the eye
I can't smile at them like the son they love
For the smell only embarrasses me more
"They didn't raise me to be this way"
And I stumble with words to form an excuse
Jumbled and fake I have no alibi
I am a convicted man and as the plan goes
My action only makes me lower my head in shame
I want to shove it under my bed, strangle it and let it die with time
But inside I know
Inside I feel
That this smell will be forever there
Another stench I must solemnly bare.

I take a sip yet my thirst is never quenched
Like a hunger with no end
A ravenous abyss, bottomless and forever
I talk yet no one speaks back
Not even an echo wants to chat with myself
My reflection often late when I stand in the mirror
I bounce a ball on the wall but doesn't feel like coming back
I pull the covers up when I lie in bed
But all I get is colder
I study longer to achieve more
But end up bringing the class average down even more
I sharpen pencils only to find them dull without a point
Cause sometimes I feel like their is no point
No crest to my existence
Sometimes the clouds broil
But the rain falls only on me
Sometimes I feel the frowns
The disappointment hits home like cold water on my face
Sometimes we all need to fall
In order to crawl and get up once more.

What happens to the mediocre man in an opposite world
Where the poor are rich
And rich are poor
Where the tables turn and opposite ends flip
For man always cries for the poor and dirtied souls
Or envies the affluent and golden kings
But who cares for the man halfway there
Who stands at the midpoint between the rich and impoverished
For the sad truth is, that when a sealed jar of water is flipped on its cap
The Bottom becomes Top
And the Top becomes Bottom
But the water remains where it had always been before
Never changing any better nor worse
No one cries for the mediocre man

Hey you there,
You sitting with your phone or computer
Scrolling through to find something to entertain yourself with
Or maybe trying to forget about the world for just a moment
Losing yourself for only a second
Hey you there,
Boy or Girl, Man or Woman
Who has some chores or work to do but would rather read some poetry
Who wants to write something
But can't figure how to fit the words that capture the feelings
Who only wants to run away and express yourself through words in print
Hey you there,
Doubting soul, who fears the future and what it hides
Or shameful past and stupid mistakes
Things you wish you could write about and accept it for what they are
I write this just as you do
Hey you there,
I am a human too
A guy just trying to mend the broken pieces and turn it beautiful again
To find the love of my life or achieve something for myself
Trying to fight the same but different fight we face everyday
Hey you there,
I imagine you reading this
Your eyes glancing across the screen
The tabs opened with music playing (or not)
We all do the same kinds of things
So do not fret, for we are all universally unique
Fighting our own battles, yet looking all the same.

Life comes like a smack,
Which slaps the fact
Right back
At you
If you react
Shows what you lack
Or if you're on track
Emotions in tact
Slipping past the smallest crack
Into a dismal state
And all these things proliferate
As they irritate and exaggerate
Is it always fate to wait
And see this all crumble down
For as we sit and stay a while
As another tile in this grand design
I only watch as time ticks by
Asking why did it have to ever leave me.

It's days like these that I wish to float away
To walk through a sunflower garden and admire life for what it is
Content for once, where whispers of olden days play
When staring in awe, I realize how how fast the clouds do move
Or how warm the sun bathes us so
Or how the trees sway
Where birds do sing their songs
And shade covers small patches of purple flowers
Waking from an icy winter sleep
When the world greets you as you step out into its home
That is when you know you have found yourself
In Spring again