The lines around your crow’s feet make me laugh and cry in the same second. Yesterday's memories often pervade me but old letters crystallize these moments in the hindsight of a tight chest. I wanted you to know that I’m sorry for how I acted. I was tricked by the world. Acceptance, I know that you’re not greedy but this person trying to get it was formed to be. Beauty, power and success equals acceptance in this world and as I age the price tags keep rising while the fads continue to fill the grave yards. And every ones watching right?! Did you ever slow down to ask why? Get good grades, a good job, a pretty wife, big house, money, the good life… Well how do we do that and says who? Acceptance is acquired through our eyes and ears that are manipulated by ideas that exploit insecurities and fears for profit. Why do think 1% has all the money? The crisis isn’t about lack of money but the lack of acceptance! We are born at sunrise and are over the hill by noon and by sunset we wait for the midnight train. Life is short! Heathens know this and will trick you to enslave your life through their overpriced materials that reduce your true talents to a novelty that works for them. Ahh yes a controlled slavery but what for?! Why give your life to this when you’re dead tomorrow? Did you know that Jesus already accepts us for who we are, without exploitation! He hates sin but Loves us! Listen I am who I am and you are who you are and I like that. I don’t need a red bow. We will have disagreements on things but I don’t want to change you. I don’t want what the world says acceptance is. Now with all this free time I can embrace my limits without ignoring my impending death as I allow my temporary masks of security to hit the floor. Jesus died on the cross to give you this freedom He wants to know you but again it’s your choice. 'The truth will set you free"

Lord can you teach me to gather my words so to speak in pure encouragement instead of vanity? Words are two faced coins flipped through internal struggles to the lips of external manifestations. Our mouth is the ultimate weapon of deception or peace. The maggots of hell and the righteousness of heaven dance on the vibration of syllables . The better we are at it the more these lines get blurred. So let’s start at day one… God created the world with a Word. “Words have the power of life and death.” So it is written. “What goes in does not define because it comes out but what comes out comes from within.” What do I feel when I speak? Do I speak to encourage Divine creation or do I speak to create my own world? Acceptance, manipulation, power are the polar opposites of Faith, Hope and Love and yet they can be expressed with the same words. One leads to a pit the other paradise. One feels like paradise for a moment but is ******* the other looks like ******* but is ever lasting liberation. Jesus help me weather the storm. I want to distinguish the two so I can build for your kingdom as I willingly destroy mine. I beg you to separate these words of vanity from my heart. Please forgive me for my misguided words. May I speak to embrace the sacrifice of your blood instead of embracing selfishness. May I speak from the embrace of Your peace in the humility of who You are because of who You are and what You’ve done and will to come. “Speak for your servant is listening”

With every page turned its old wisdom reclaimed on new pens of questioning minds. A question a mere question underlined unknown transition in the permanence of dried ink. I didn’t realize till I reviewed my letters from decades ago. A bumped head couldn’t match the past with the present but ever did I try. I wish we could have faded together like ripped jeans. The disparity of this shadow, I painfully claim. It’s not you it’s me. I know this cliché all too well. The scape goat of a coward but the champion of the righteous. I’d hope in this case to be purely the latter. But while I purge can I let you know that I love you? Ha I guess the hope for my purity was exposed false upon the intrusion of this idea. Can you see this foolishness? It is indistinguishable through the invisibly visible emotion of fear that can often seem composed but more often not. It is otherwise expressed under the misunderstood ambiguity of the infamous phrase…”I Love you.” How can we grow when these disguised words of pride and selfishness either spoken or silent are desperately occupying the places of our hearts that need to be filled with truth? ….. Let these futile interpretations fall at the wayside alone from yesterday in the deepness of the soul reborn from its depths dripping wet in the NOW in the relentless quest to Love not for a moment in the past but for an eternity. I’m far from perfect and in this moment my words are far from where I’ve fallen. I resisted righteously but I can’t forget the vertigo lest my words forget who I was….Jesus show me how to Love in action…………Authority……………

Did my thoughts touch reality today?
Did I question in unadulterated Philosophy to the reality of my being or was I swept in the fear mongering deluge of productiveness. I know What but not Why or Who’s doing it. The trap is set on a materialism that sits on the sheets of the American dream. You either have and want more or can’t get out but still want in. This is a fraudulent joke of false individualized eternity spinning on an axis of evil that feeds delusional happiness to our sinful perspectives. How many thoughts and lives are wasted on the will of willingly submitting to the selfish hoarding of monetary prosperity? “Eye’s but no sight, ears but no sound”  I guess we rather willingly enslave each other than to unclutch an idol. But can I ask a question for the sake of asking a question? Can I ask a question for you to ponder and only answer to yourself without its relevance being associated with the happiness of a 5 year plan?............. Who are you?...........

Lost in the double clicks of my minds inbox I stand numb at the breach. The new years banner of past and present dripped a surrender deep into the gray matter of my consciousness. Beguiled frozen and depleted I lay captured in overwhelming emotions divided forever in the blocks of my heart's spread sheet. Sure my Birthday marks my age but the new year marks the world's. In this moment more than ever do I realize that my life is falling quicker than the confetti….I am dying! I have spent my whole life building this empire and on this day I find my self alone with the truth. I can’t stand and turn to delusion anymore! The resolutions of-Money-Health-Finances-Etc- only deceived to rescue me to  false masks of success that are engraved with deluded promises of happiness. That’s how our world speaks through its endless peer pressure. How these hopeless actions painted false lines of empty wisdom. I’m done  working for this body..... it's now time to peer into the deep waters of the heart…… With phone in hand I fired these thoughts through the tip of my trembling left index.…..Instead of this years resolution to the flesh, I make the call to my soul……. ring…ring…ring..ring..…...and finally I pick up……………….Now………………………Jesus calling