Don't you love the rain?
Reminicent of a place,
That could be heaven.
And you find comfort in that,
Now that you have escaped hell.

He told me not to leave my heart in San Francisco.
I told him
My heart wasn't mine to leave.
But,
The cold wind
Was already blowing in off the bay,
And it chilled him to the bone.

So when he slipped my heart
Back into my pocket,
I put it on my sleeve to get some sun.
And it painted pretty pictures
Of the place it first began to beat.

There's no denying,
From the beginning and,
In the end,
My heart always belonged to California.

I like to wear flowers in my hair and,
Robots around my neck.
They whisper to me stories of places I've never been,
And toxic lullabys when I can't sleep.
But they never tell me where to go,
Or what I should be doing instead.

They tell pretty lies (about me being friendly)
To unsuspecting people,
And assure them (at the very least),
I'm different.
And everyone wants to be my best friend,
Until they realize
It's not a mask, it's vanity.
I'll paint up my eyes but,
I wont paint on a smile.

So compliment my fashion sense,
But watch out for my disposition.
There's a bite to my bark that can leave scars
On places no one can even see.
I'll love you completely or,
I wont love you at all.

Just don't try to make me into something I'm not.
Because,
I'm done pretending that I'm anything else.
I'm a lovely little package with a "fragile" sticker.
But I'm wild,
Don't try to tame me.

Your eyes tell of an insatiable hunger
for me,
my person, my body, my heart.
You will devour me,
If only in your dreams.

Dreams, nightmares, fantasies.
Your imagination takes off with my memory,
My scent, my smooth skin, my ragged breath...
The way our bodies fit together
just right.

Right, I was never right.
I was never the girl in the white dress.
I was never your angel.
But.you.had.me.tamed.
I was wild and free, and undeniably yours.

Your broken princess, your awesome disaster.
And in your arms I was beautiful.
And in mine,
You were free,
Calm, safe, whole, home.

Home was something we didn't recognize
anymore.
And I had a reputation that was never wholesome enough
To stand in front of a priest, or your mother.
But you still wanted me.

Me, who loved you every moment
With my sin stained hands and my broken halo
And my singed wings.
I never claimed to be perfect,
But I loved you perfectly.

Perfectly and ravenously,
We hunger for each other still.
So once the world has made you hideous
You'll come back to me.
And understand that

*perfect love makes you whole.

I disassemble, unravel, deconstruct.

I am broken by
your changing whim...
The crushing weight of
your unpredicatable currents.

Because --
By love I was begun,
And,
By love I am undone.

(I will lose this fight)

I wish you never made me smile.
Because
Everytime you do,
I miss you.
And I tell myself,
We can be friends.
And I should try,
Just one more time.

But friends
Don't make you cry
And then
Kiss you goodnight,
Just to leave you hanging.

They don't
Hold your hand
While you
Pour your heart out,
Just to disappear.

And they sure as hell
Don't make promises
**Just to break them.

You see through me,
Know me.
Knock the breath
From my lungs.

Eyes that break me,
Shatter me.
I cannot even
Stand.

Words erase me,
Escape me.
There is nothing left
To say.

Except...
I am fading,
f.a.d.i.n.g.
Paint me black.

*I am nothing without you.