You loved me l.i.g.h.t.l.y.
I only felt it
In my bones.
You were a sickness,
And I --
Was the infected.
You
Took me over,
And I --
Ached with your weight.
You loved me lightly...
But,
You used me like a **grave.

I want to know how you take your coffee.

I'd like to gather up all of your pieces
And pierce them with sewing needles.
I'll watch them bleed,
And scab and scar,
Until they result in you.

I'll shine a light into your darkest places,
And scribble down your secrets.
Let a feather duster explore the things long forgotten,
Until all of your sins have been uncovered.
Let a flaming wick alight your eyes,
Until your passions burst forth, uninhibited.

I'd like to trace your lines, your cracks,
Your every imperfection,
Until your mind unhinges completely.
I'll drive you mad with my probing.
You'll be crazy with me.
And I'll be lost somewhere inside of you.

And neither of us, will ever be the same.

You're so broken,
Give it time and even I wont love you.
I'll learn to resent you.
For the way you need me, the way you use me.
I'm not a cure; I'm not even a treatment.
I'm just a crutch.
I'm what somehow justifies your pathetic existence.
And I hate you for it.
For making it seem like I said it was okay.
Because I understood.

Understanding isn't an excuse
To keep living like you have nothing to live for.

I know how it feels to be empty,
To be lost,
To be lonely,
To be broken.
But I never gave up thinking someone would care.
Someone does care.
I care.
And you know it.
It makes me sick how you ignore that.
And I can't stand to hear about how lonely you are,
When that was your choice.
Or how lost you are,
When I could give you meaning.

Don't complain to me, stupid boy,
Your whimpering will fall on deaf ears.

You begged me not to hate you.
You begged me.
I thought it was silly.
I would always love you.
Now I understand.
You have so much potential.
You are so much better than the person you portray.
And you could be happy.
But instead you lock that person away,
Because it's easier to be a coward.
You hide behind a ******* who's just looking to get laid.
Another day is just another drink.

I hope you drown in one of those bottles,
And go to bed alone.

Puddles of light are gathering under the street lamps.
If it were raining I wouldn't mind not being able to see the stars.
I'll just stare at the cracks in my driveway instead,
Or lay back on the hood of the car,
And watch the way my cigarette smoke dances in the air.
It's almost beautiful.

I'll remember times I had someone's hand to hold.
Music would be coming from the stereo.
He might even ask me to dance.
But back then, I never would have had smoke in my lungs.

I'll remember the nights it was really too cold to be outside,
So he would move a little closer,
And we would let sin keep us warm.
But back then, I never would have missed the stars.

I'll remember the times I never made it out of the car.
The conversation was too captivating,
His lips were too welcoming.
But back then, I never would have noticed the cracks in anything.

Now,
I'll light another cigarette,
Pretend I could splash around in the puddles of light under the street lamps,
Watch it glisten and fade into the cracks in my driveway.
Then, lay back on the hood of the car,
And watch the way the end of my cigarette burns hotter than any of the other flames I thought about tonight,
Still, it burns out just as quickly.
It's almost beautiful.

Love, like the scenes lost inside this tortured night,
Disintergrates on the whims of a fleeting dream.
I'll hide my breaking heart behind deceitful eyes,
As their light slips away through silent screams.

(Why can't I sleep forever?)

I need a sedative.
Desperation never looked good on anyone.
But when I show a little skin and do my make-up just right,
I can make it more than passable.
I can make them fall in love with the way my body becomes music, and my hollow gaze, and my photo-shopped smile...
All before they even know my name.
Not that they will ever care to know it.

My emptiness is unbearable.
And my heart is running away with my mind,
So they can live in train cars
Or abandoned warehouses
Or maybe a nice treehouse somewhere.
If they're smart, they'll see the world before settling down.

Meanwhile,
What's left behind is walking along the streets in quiet neighborhoods,
Humming sad songs that sound like hallelujah and empty orchestras,
While the rain melts me into the cracks in the sidewalk.
I'll be nothing at all by morning.

I'm not a real girl anyways.
I'm a memory box.
Keep your best of times tucked away in me.
I'll gather dust in the garage, or the attic, or the basement.
Or maybe, if I'm really lucky, a shelf in your room,
Where, at least occasionally, you'll glance at me and smile.
But even that is aiming pretty high.

My life made sense before
You.
I was happy without you.
I was happy alone.

Nothing makes sense now.
Nothing.at.all.

Now I feel like something
is
missing.

Now --
My bed feels empty,
And my phone seems too quiet,
And I'm always angry,
And everything looks breakable.

But,
Not as breakable as me.

My bones are glass and,
My skin is tissue paper.
I'm crinkled and torn...
And these cuts hurt the worst.

I don't think I would feel quite so
empty,
If I never felt
whole.
I wouldn't feel so
invisable,
If I'd never been
seen.
I wouldn't feel so
fragile,
If I'd never been
saved.

So thanks for that.

Remember when I could stand on my own?
I was so **** good at it.
I was strong.
I was intrepid.
I was ******* untouchable.
I guess we all have our weaknesses...
Mine was a perfect smile,
And eyes that could shoot me all the way to the moon and back.

Life before you made sense.
Life with you made sense.
Life after you isn't even worth mentioning.