She
had a feeling
in her gut
like punch
drunk
love
to the lights
that had bathed her
as a child.

She
had a notion
that tides
were turning
spinning round
dizzy with creation
but also
busy with
the death
of her faith.

She
was just Observer
to her fate
today
widdling away
with the blade
that had slain
so many before her.

She
also a warrior
also a storyteller
gave life
to those ideas
which she felt
surely
could keep her warmer.

She
also a psychic
also aware
of the manifestations
we bury below
we bare them below
the surface
she
found peace in
the darkness
that lay
within.

you said "i can show you four days in which you died." i replied, "i didn't know you were watching." you sat down and put your face in your hands, i stood up and walked out.

some days you follow me with that camera of yours. i play the part; i look at the sky, i pigeon-toe my feet to look trendy for your lens. but i'm sick of swallowing your gray muck.

i need a change. i need out. those four days in which you say i died were the only days i've felt alive.

i will miss the vase in which you always place flowers. the blue and orange ones were my favorite. i told you that once, but you were too busy with your threads, knitting and knitting yourself away from me.

i'll also miss your hand, it used to feel so warm on my stomach. lately, though, lately, it's all so hazy. i can't remember the last time i really saw you.

so continue on, don't pause for me. in an hour i will be merely a stream of thought of a life you'd like to live. you never did have the guts to leave this place. i'm glad i do.

so hold on to your camera and the trendy things you crave.

i'm headed to a place where ideas, theories, concepts thrive, where the mysteries of life reign hard, and the petty place we lived is no more to me.

Grounded, because my head is not always in the clouds
Solid, because you can't always see straight through my hide
Broken, in just a couple places because glue always comes at least a little undone
But healthy, because I am aware, aware aware

Startled, because I can't prepare for all your quakes
Puzzled, because I can't absolve all your mistakes
Singled out, as I was in all my worst nightmares
And harmful, because like Iron Man I do not know my own strength

Crippled, because I cannot look away from you
Stifled, because you take away from everything in me
But magical, because I am a princess in a big pumpkin
And healthy, because I am okay with everything.

you are
                                 you are like a midnight breeze
                                 calming,
                                 threatening,

you calm me with your cold,
                                     black air
                                     bleak air

that seeps straight through

                                  with a false hope, of what this could mean to me.







i am
                               i am but a thistle on this very large tree
                               waiting for my chance to grow and i

i can't seem to find a way
to mean anything to
                                 a n y b o d y

                               won't you stay awhile?
                                                       just awhile.





we
                              together we

we could grow and rule this world
                              (we could     r      u      n    , you and i)

you and i,              and never stop

                              and never stop never stop never stop never stop never stop

                                                                                                                                           STOP.


until we find
                   that place where time stops
                                                              that place where
                                                                                          l o v e
                                                                                          .
                                                                                          d r o p s
                                                                                          .
                                                                                          .
                                                                                          d o w n
                                                                                          .
                                                                                          .
                                                                                          .
                                                                                           i n t o
                                                                                          .
                                                                                          .
                                                                                          .
                                                                                          .
                                                                                          f o r e v e r.




                                                                                                                              

                                                                                               (safe)
                                                                                          




        







this
this won't be

this won't be
                    (the end)



the sun always shines right after it's darkest and i
                                                                               i believe



i believe we will spin this yarn into something more      
              
                                              

and
we will

           c . r . e . a . t . e

   &nbsp

and i can feel you in my nerves and i can see you in my skin and i can't look away from your

your soul is so promising just a hatchling of a chicken i am with my head cut off running loose in the barnyard

barnyard lazy days are what i had and then i saw you and colors everywhere sprockets and gadgets and loose-runnings and shoes

shoes without feet only energy only anticipation exhilaration in our eyes looking feeling touching

touching toes with no shoes on cold toe warm toe is a good sensation a broadening horizon a war zone in my belly

my belly rises and falls in time with yours the sun is up and stars are hiding we slept soundly fingers crossed between the others and then we knew it was

it was everything we read about from old men's minds in starched collars with big dollars who dreamt these things couldn't have them sat in foyers with long pipes smoke filling lungs tears filling eyes

tears filling eyes because i can feel you and

and i can feel you in my nerves and i can see you in my skin and i can't look away from your soul.

You carry your life on your shoulders; a swing in a park in a city, with a lonely, shadowy, ghost of you sitting so delicately. As people pass you, they stop and look, and words come to their minds such as "passion" and "sorrow," "broken benches," "spilled dreams" and they couldn't even tell you why.

You wear your heart safety-pinned to your sleeve; a grave declaration that you are not your own person. Someone has marked you, taken something without asking; this you show everyone, not meaning to, in hopes of finding a semblance of relatability. Was it normal, what happened to you? Is this a dark fog everyone lives in? You hope not.

You have an everpresent effervescence of the wrong kind. It's a nervous habit, a shuffling of the feet and a glance to the sky. It's the reincarnation of life before that day, with the tender rips of who you are now. One can only paint over paint so much; mix the colors, they will all become grey.

You've a vague sense of relief when you look around and see no one. It's a talisman, a testimony to your independence, and your dependence on lots of human-free air. It's the writing on your arm, words you shan't forget, words like delicate innocence shame tragedy naivete melody sorrow blame identity apology and the biggest, boldest of all heartbeat.

It's a short cry from here to insanity and you remind yourself that your heart beats in pride, in admonition to the evil. "I am alive. You couldn't **** me. You won't **** me. I have a heartbeat."

I have a heartbeat. I have a heartbeat. I have a heartbeat. And the little ******* the swing smiles to the sky, a premonition of her future, a confirmation of her strength.

you were, you could have been, something grea--
something grey.

the knight -- no, the night, so black and shining, oh the knight,
never even knew what was coming --

what was coming undone -- wait, what was coming --

coming underneath the hide -
underneath your tide.




whisps and whirls, oh the world couldn't help you

couldn't tell you how to see --

oh the world couldn't tell you how to seem okay.

whisps and whirls, oh the world couldn't tell you
how not to seem so grey.