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Mo Mar 2017
Every day I sit here
questioning myself
Why am I here?
What's my purpose?
Why am I always questioning myself, about myself?
Day after day I question if I'm good enough
But the real question is
Good enough for what?
good enough for my purpose, that I have yet to figure out?
Good enough for a task i'm supposed to perform?
What exactly is the point of that question
if I don't even know what the question is based off of?
Why am I always questioning every detail about every day
One good thing happens and I question
Why is this happening to me?
A hundred bad things happen and I ask myself
What did I do to deserve this?
Question after question I ask
continually asking questions
whether there in my head or verbally
Question after question they all link together
Never just one
but always at least two
Question after question
day after day
Questioning the question
Just to question why i'm questioning the question
Will the questioning ever end?
Mo Jan 2017
I sit there quietly
staring blankly
at nothing in particular
Not a muscle moves
nor an eye blink
You try to budge me
out of my stillness
Only to have you give up
wrapping your arms
around my small delicate body
Whispering into my ear
"It'll be okay, i'm here"
But still I stare
not replying
Lost in my head
chasing after the white rabbit
Lost I shall remain
until the day the white rabbit is caught

-Mo
Mo Dec 2016
As the darkness closes in
I narrow my sight trying to find the shimmering small light ahead
But with my breaths growing heavy and short
My legs become stiff
My arms become a shaking mess
My back tenses
And the small light is lost
Sitting there in a panic
I crouch down with my knees to my chest
Burying my face into the palms of my cold sweaty hands
With my mind going fuzzy
I begin to think I'm insane
I whisper to myself
“It's going to be okay, calm down”
Over, and over, and over again
Breathing in through my nose
And out my mouth only makes it worse
Nothing makes it leave unless it wants to
Trying to get my mind off things calms the breathing
But the shaking continues
My whole body having an earthquake of its own
That only I can feel
As I sit there the only thing going through my mind is pointless
When will this end?
I ask myself this every time
Though I already know the answer
It will never stop
It will always be there
Hiding quietly
Until I reach a high point
Than it will jump out
Springing from its dark corner it grabs me
Dragging me down to the pits of hell
Laughing obnoxiously
While I scream for help
Only to have it silenced
Hidden away by the mask glued to my face
A mask with a permanent smile
I scream as loud as I can
Only to be muffled
My body beginning to shut down
My back constantly hurting
And my hands are always cold, yet damp
My mind is almost completely lost in thought
Constantly moving in some way to hide the shaking
Playing with the strand’s placed on my head every few minutes
Naturally a shy girl being forced to talk loud to hide fear
A fear of not being accepted for what she goes through
Scared to tell her very own mother
Knowing she will assume its for attention
Not knowing what to do anymore
The thoughts grow darker
The twinkle of a sharp blade becomes soothing
Promising her father she will never lay a blade against her pale skin again
Though the thoughts still come
Haunting her throughout each dreary day
Teasing her
Pressuring her to where she’s about to break
Though she stays true to her promise
And instead of scaring a canvas of beauty
She drowns her lungs in poison
The sweet sting in her throat
Giving her butterflies in her stomach
With each sip she slowly fade
Forgetting everything
A peace rushing through her
She can finally breath
Though now she must live with the consequences
Slowly drifting away from the poison
To the empty bottle
Filling it with all the stress, hate, anxiety, depression, everything
Closing it tightly
I store it away
Storing bottle after bottle
Until I run out
Then comes the heavy, short breaths
The stiff legs
Next the shaking arms
Then the stiff back
And it all becomes black once more
So I ask myself this again
When will this end?

-MH
Mo Dec 2016
Dead...
Alone and cold
Stuck living in the coffin my limp body lays
Hearing no wind
Feeling no wind
The pale white skin never touched by sun in many moons
Mouth too dry to speak
Yet still able to hum
Though this is nothing but a feeling
A feeling so heavy it wrapps around me like a blanket
With my eyes growing heavier by the minuet
The temperature decreasing by the second
Shivering I sit there, deep in a dark corner
Hidden from society
Drowning in what seems to be the ocean
Though only my mind
Knees to the chest with short breaths
That share the same rhythm as my heart beat
Humming a small toon
Trying to calm my stiffness
Being so stiff to the point my back locks
Pain shooting up my spine to the temples of my skull
Wishing I was dead from the pain and suffering
Hoping it would end soon
But only to be whiplashed when things seem to be going right
Why can't I just be set free?
Mo Dec 2016
Sitting there
Silent in the still room
White walls surrounding me
No windows, no seats
Not being able to think of a single thing
Feeling enclosed in a small padded room
Hugging yourself tightly, not being able to let go
Nothing but silence
Not a sound to be heard
The dim flicker of the light above
Casting smudged white shadows of your demonds on the walls
Your only company being the split second of the shadow
Feeling more and more tired by the minuet
Drifting off into the darkness
Slowly letting go
You begin to fade
Becoming nothing
But the shadow that shows for only a split second

-MH

— The End —