You promised me you'd never leave,
and now I'm laying here,
wondering what it is I did to make me no longer worth your time.
You cannot tell someone you love them and walk away with the excuse "I didn't mean it like that" but yet you did.
You were scared to love, I get it, so was I.
But I let you love me, I let myself love you,
I let you teach me to love myself.
How dare you look me in the eyes and promise I won't have to go through this alone. I helped you.
I spent all my time trying to heal you that I abandoned loving myself.
And when I no longer had anything else to give, you left.
You broke the one promise I needed to keep me together.

Knives slicing the back of my throat.
Can't swallow the thinnest air.
Face red, dripping sweat, forgetting to breathe.
Vision blurry, voices tuned out.
I feel as if I'm going to pass out.
Face burning, knowing it's slowly but surely becoming brighter.
Nervously, I look down. Hiding my face.
Mentally chocking myself, yet screaming to breathe.
My stomach drops, my heart beats faster, I am a complete disaster.
Anxiety is nothing but a monster.

This thing, so called "love," brings out the best and the worst of us.
Blindly obsessing over something we know so little of,
we die desperately trying to find it.
But that's where were at fault; it is not something you can find.
It is something you have to patiently be blessed with.
But who are we kidding, love will make you do unspeakable things,
and no one is that patient.

Depression is like a bad habit.
You don't want to be a slave to it,
But its something you have to spend time on to get rid of
A habit is an addiction;
An obsession you can't help but crave
Depression is a safe house
Its the only thing that will always be Constant; never abandon you
And that's a relieving feeling
Happiness has never stayed long
Enough to fall in love with me,
But maybe I don't want it to
If happiness is only temporary,
I'd rather befriend my sadness,
Because at least then I know it can't leave me.

It used to scare the living hell out of me.
Beyond any comprehension.
But my heart is an adrenaline ****** and my minds a dare devil.
I like the mystery of not knowing.
Not knowing who I could possibly wake up one day and fall in love with.
I think I've mentally worked on myself so much,
that I think I'll be able to handle my next heart break.
Although I haven't stopped loving the one I am in love with,
and probably never will, I'm okay
with letting myself fall in love with someone new.
It's a scary thought that I could actually love someone the way I loved you, but I'm excited to have the feeling of uncertainty.
You never know what can happen,
and to me, that is an adventure everyone should take.
Even pain feels good when it comes from love.

I stay up late each night,
staring into the darkness of my room.
I get ****** into the endless thoughts my mind holds captive.
Have you ever thought about how hard it must be for our brains to hold as many thoughts, feelings, and information as it does?
It's beyond me, that smoke hasn't come from my ears yet,
from the burning of my mind racing back and forth.
It's like an exercise. but for the mind.
If you were to put a brush in my hand and a canvas in my lap and told me to draw my heart,
I'd have a painting of my worst nightmare,
losing myself in the process of losing you.
You wouldn't be able to make out what you see unless I were to tell you.
And I guess that's why I don't get too deep into my thoughts and feelings. Because how I'm I supposed to explain to you my mind,
when I can't even comprehend it myself?

You are like a polaroid picture that I want to hang on my mirror,
so that I can look at you, each morning as I get ready.
You are like a sunflower in a garden of roses.
But I refuse to pick you, because I will not let you die.
You are like the first dive into the pool on the first day of summer.
Or the butterflies I felt from my first kiss.
I want to remember every little detail for your beautiful, sweet soul.
You make me want to be alive, you make me want to breathe.
I want you to see what I see, when I look into your eyes.
I want you to know what it feels like to be in love with someone like you.
I want you to capture your beauty.