She's dancing in his eyes of misery,
Twirling around the floorboards,
Like a fruit ripening off a tree.
She's balanced in his gaze,
Hovering above the waves and pulses
Beating through the planks of wood
Built on this foundation of land.
He wants what he can't have,
And she is the reviving water
Stored underneath cactus ******
That he can't drink.
His hand is not hers to hold
And her dress is not his to touch.
His misery will flourish,
The distance of strangers.

Why aren’t your eyes--- there?
In two places--- where water should be?
Moldy residue--- absence of vision, tears
From those bullet holes--- you ought to see--- your own ambivalence
Fall down my cheek
Terrifying--- Me, with nothing for both us
Automaton, my weakness
Intellect, disease
You’re my body
Cage
You're my spirit
Doubt
Justice and horror--- within, without

i want adventure.
i want to be unpredictable.
i want excitement.
i want action.
i want love.
i want the freedom to say and do whatever i want.
i want knowledge and understanding.
i want to witness the most majestic thing in the world.
i want to be a mother to not only my children but to a stranger.
i want to make a difference.
i want to help where it is needed.
i want to give my time to everyone, everything, everyday.
i want to be remembered as a woman who was loved and shared that love.
i want to meet my maker.
i want to tell Him, " i never wanted anything more than to be here with You."

A sharp bark wakes me.
Tears begin to fall.
Distant growls ring,
tinged with pain and laced with loss,
reminiscent of an all-too-distant past.
It roars and bellows anew
as though intent to bind me to this wakefulness
so I might be a witness to this spectacle of grief.

A fine stage night makes,
for in deepest darkness
the enunciations of anguish are all the more potent.
I lay and listen to the falling tears,
the rhythmic backdrop to this soundscape of sadness.
The fury ebbs as the night deepens,
but tears continue to water the earth
long after the thunderous voice has resigned itself to silence.

Prepare to feel better and worse than
                You've ever felt before
      It's not easy, at times you will seem
                                          Completely and
                                                       Utterly
                                                                                                                                                                 alone
                              But there are the other times, times
                                  a unique sense of belonging warms
                 you up from your very core because
                                                                                                     no two people share the same love, it
                                                                                                      is a creation they each pour
                                                                                                             their hearts into, and life
                                                                                                     is hard so love is too
                                                                                                                      and at times you won't
                                                                                                 know what to do but
                                                 in the end it's
                                                          alright
    


                                                                   In the end it's alright

I. first memory of him:

in a bus
bodies were squeezed in like crayons
he, at one end
I, at the other

I remember him looking into my eyes

peering
sinking
seeing something I knew I didn't have

I felt nothing
wondered
what the hell did he see?

I looked away  
forgot.

II. the second memory of him:

curtains
covering a broken window
opening to a basketball court

thump thump thump
the ball went
alone he played

I turned my head as the wind blew
our eyes locked

looking...

       looking...

                 looking...

III. the third memory:

me
running away

IV: the fourth:
my anger
letting him slip

V. the fifth
waving at each other

smiling lips

and polite

empty

eyes.

The sea gave off a cry tonight,
It plays home to a child,
Her father threw her out of sight,
The sea swallowed her, so wild.

Her mother pushed and screamed all day,
Until the sun shone twice,
The blood would flow without delay,
Her grip was like a vice.

While pain would ebb and flow for her,
She knew her life was slipping,
But he refused to let her go,
The fear was ever gripping.

When finally the child was born,
And mother gave a sigh,
The father cleaned as best he could,
The mother closed her eyes.

A wail crawled from the fathers throat,
A pain beyond compare,
He'd lost his only love that night,
To love this child, he could not bare.

He struggled down the beach, that night,
With baby wrapped in cloth,
He swore up to the lord with spite,
And stepped in to the sea- like froth.

The sea crys out in pain tonight,
It's tears make waves, so wild,
A life, just barely started off,
She plays home to a child.