One last big beautiful day together
Things breathing
As they close in on themselves and open into endless infinite expanse
A cacophonous brass
A sweet simple quiet
And my eyes on yours pools love from my belly to my forehead and casts it out into the vast world

Step in
Move forward
Go on go ahead
It’s okay it’s just change
Hold my hand for all of today

press fingers into impressions I wish would
Try to wrap sensory morsels of memory into shiny silver tokens
To unwrap tomorrow and the next day and the next
When the space between my fingers aches

My heart is soft and Buoyant in the heavy rain of my internal ocean
And I wiggle my toes in my shoes to remind myself that I am here, and this is real, and try my best to trust myself in the love and life I have
I have to
I have
To
give myself

The uncertainty of tomorrow is blinding
The anticipation of another clean-ish slate
The dread of my gaze on my gaze in the morning mirror
The language of cornea, pupil, iris, all exposing my grief

In the moments I’m alone washing my hands while you wait on the couch
I catch glimpses of my tomorrow
I have my pain to reckon with
And **** it if it’s binding
I step outside to soak you in

I breathe with deliberation
Inhaling as I crack open
Exhaling as I dissolve
And try to pull on the long tether
The most pure tether
anchored deep in the sandy bottom of my internal ocean
Anchored by the call of the sea bird taking flight from my belly
Where certainty of time and evolution lays beneath all things
I have to let you go

And gosh your jaw is open and alive and how I want it to stay mobile unlike the stillness of your fixed smile in my mind
A still, maybe of you at your best, but no longer dancing with time

And gosh, I love you
Beyond all time and space
And gosh, how change and time have a deal
that leaves me with space
Between my fingers

Blood thick as crystallized molasses
Cold and golden
Goose bumps crisp up my skin
Glistening with snow
Heart belly heart chest and bones
Aura bright white
Ascending
Take me take me
Sick to my stomach and terrified
This rain pelts the roof constantly

Divine surrendering

Slept-in cotton smells stretched long sleeves
Eyes heavy
Love spilling from my lips today
Will not keep it tight
Goodbye goodbye
My baby dear
My fawn my sweets
Oh how my heart aches with bittersweet
Morsels of your tongue melt in my memory
Warm whispers of your voice
Silken up my skin
A collision of your cool warmth,
my heart on fire
Eyes, cheeks, mouth, gaze, all squinting and making me fall in love with you
And you feel it too
I want to cry while I catch my breath
I want to *****
I want to know why I,
deserve a life, just so
and full of love

Divine surrendering

Wash me of my joy and my delight
Float me down the river in sorrow
Much to feel and see as my penance
Devoid of love.
Of pleasure.
Of forgiveness

Divine surrendering

Let a tear drop to my pillow,
please
Let this well under my collar bones
be brought to tea and sipped
Let slow shakey hands wash
in my water
Let the depths be a mirror
to reflect in
And let sunlight cascade rays
through rippling waves
Rainbow and iridescent
Tainting the grey with hope
Holding your hand with mine
in the not alone

Divine surrendering

Belting hot breath into cold atmosphere
Where still molecules grasp in delight at my warm wet offering
Ecstatic in its heat and vibrating wavelength
Attempted vibrato
Soft winter hues vibrant under a thin sheet of frost
Timid in their pause or perhaps effervescent vibrant just unnoticed
Lending inspiration to my animalistic undying expression
Magnetizing the door of inspiration slamming open
Whooshing out
Up and out up and out
Effervescent bubbles surface to my skin
Pop pop popping
Hair standing on end
Tingles from cervical spine to elbows to ribs
Racing roots down my bones fast and satisfying
Goosebumps and ******* unable to soften
Sharp. Cold. Bold. ******. Blissful. Loud baby
LOUD
Winter purple hues
Against pale sky and pale evergreens
Heat in my heart
Stoked by the fire of winter
Subtlety offering expression and visibility up to me

Surrounded by Spanish moss and cypress knees
Ripples filled with sun
Cold water that I don’t mind

I want to float blue flowers on the surface of the water
Plucking stem from armful bounty that I’ve humbly been gifted
The heavens choosing a blue so deep and so true
Like the color of the ocean when you’ve gone out too far
I want to let the water hold my love for you
A wake of buoyant violet teacups
Filling the surface delicately
Tastefully
Truly

Catch my gaze
For a moment long enough
the love I hold for you surely apparent in my smiling eyes
Teary, surely, and heart filled

This lasting love pure as clear aquifer filling and pushing current forward
Boundless as waters without borders
Cycling and crisping with movement through ecosystems, through time
And while I grieve our eyes not holding each other
While I grieve yours not falling on mine to rest
I’ve got nothing but armfuls of blue flowers
To float around you
As you paddle on

Viscous and tender
These moments around 9pm
Upside down and gazing
Feet like a rowdy symphony
All moving in raucous allyship
I simmer in the delicate effervescence
Teeming vines thrilled and dancing
Swimming through viscosity
Thickness perhaps birthing from relief
Oneness poured on hands cupped
Oneness, soupy with depths as rich as each commits to be changed
Devotional maillard reactions
Steam and aroma and fond and breath and hum
Seasoned bounty poured, glazed, caked, sprinkled, contained, admired, held, extracted, celebrated, loudly slurped
the rah crescendos, ebbs and flows surely settling as the hours pass
Doors open and close part way
Grateful glances bid adieu
Oneness composted little by little
I’ll meet you again, perhaps anew and teeming with new spirit
Until next Thursday

i feel so held in the cradle of the canyon
the dips in the earth
the way she swells and wants my eyes to know it
the way she bathes my breath
in tiny ice crystals
as i stare
frosty-eyed, at her
dusted in snow

it all is a caress -
soft as sheets
floating, fluttering, onto skin
as lover makes the bed around you

her voice softens
to a whisper of pine needles in wind
as cold dampens, assuages, sound
every cell is called to calm
drawn to a hush
i think i can close my eyes and rest here
i think i can open my ribcage to more breath

sweet and crisp inspiration
hushed sip
i think i can soften into the blankets laid out for me under these trees
a sensational winter picnic
a cordial invitation
from earth and saraswati

Let me disarm you
Let me flood your senses
With the sureness of my desire
Pulling the stars of ecstasy
Down to earth to meet your body
Sipping the freshest water from the heavens
A dense fog draped over this city now
Drizzly
Cold
******* hard
Body shaking with anticipation
Tender lust
Damp desire
Warmth on your breath from your sweet promises
Fumbling
Tumbling
There is a velvet purple cherry on your lips
A confident swing in your hips
A ***** glimmer in your magnetic gaze
****
My jaw clenched
The room unmistakably quiets when we kiss
Tender sureness
A deep untethered momentum
Drags us along