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fdg Mar 2014
I ******* ****
at making conversation
and being anything but boring
(you know it, I know it, stop pretending
stop pretending I'm interesting)
fdg Jul 2013
My best friend was in my dream last night
happy and dancing beside me again
and nobody ripped their bones in half
or bit through their lips
or drowned.
333 · Sep 2014
mysteries
fdg Sep 2014
wish i could tell you that i understand your rubik's cube mind
but the colors keep bouncing around
and i'll never match them up

but i fully believe that some puzzles are prettier unsolved
i can't line up my colors, either
332 · Dec 2014
Untitled
fdg Dec 2014
stop worrying so much about the future
because the future never comes, remember?
332 · Mar 2015
Untitled
fdg Mar 2015
i'd rather look at him
than look really anywhere

and when i look anywhere else
it's cool to be holding his hand

sometimes the light hits my world so perfectly, and i always have picture perfect moments of sun beams on his smile
he'll remember me squinting (trying to see past the glare)
332 · May 2013
Oops.
fdg May 2013
I guess blood stains,
and if you peel off your fingers it's hard to write with them anymore.
If you cut out your thighs it's hard to walk on them anymore.
If you slice up your hips it's hard to rotate them anymore.
The lightning keeps hitting,
blowing craters into my chest,
and some nights I hollow my heart out and let its remains soak into my sheets.
Those are the nights that I cry and think of you,
I think of you to fall asleep
because you are the only thing that has not broken my heart yet.


Oops.
331 · Nov 2014
human connection
fdg Nov 2014
let's remove the layers of clothes separating us
(you're looking me in the eyes again)
my shirt comes off
(your lips are against my ear)
my fingers fumble around your belt loops
(you're kissing down my stomach)
i want to press my palms against your cheeks and rest your head to my chest
i want to tell you how much you mean to me
over and over and over
he is not just a body or a boy, i will never forget him, isn't that something cool, human connection is so ******* cool (physically and mentally/emotionally)
331 · Feb 2014
2-2-14
fdg Feb 2014
I am one of those girls that picks scab into scar
because I like to leave marks
wherever I go
331 · Apr 2015
11:49
fdg Apr 2015
sometimes i drag myself across linoleum floors
let my fingernails scratch the surface
(or try to)
and i want you to leave scratch marks the next time you kiss me..
at least with you my eyes flutter instead of droop
fdg Dec 2017
new safe spot in between his collar bone and ear
wish i could hear his exhale right now
feel it on the top of my head as i rest.
do i trust him?
do i always?
will i ever?
can you believe a man really means what he says when the things he is softly mentioning in your ear are meant for the perfect woman, are too good to be directed at me?
i want to trust him, so i will.
&i'll softly mention that he deserves the world
(but i won't bring up that im scared i can't give it to him)
330 · Sep 2017
acknowledgment
fdg Sep 2017
Today I had a physical exam and they weighed me
So I ate my weight later in the day
And spent 20 minutes kneeling over the brim trying to get rid of myself
And congratulations,
I said to myself in the mirror
You're officially in this.
You've created this horror for yourself
Good luck.
(I want to tell this boy about it but he has no place in the corners of my room. I will leave him on the bed
Some things are best left unsaid)
328 · Sep 2017
7 hours, lightning
fdg Sep 2017
Gray sky light my way
Only way I know
Directionless in a tunnel-vision world of straight and narrow,
I'll never pretend to know who I am
but sometimes I wish I had better clues
.
326 · May 2016
re-visiting a competition
fdg May 2016
my lips are dry and i forgot chapstick and i still think of kissing you so all your ******* saliva can help moisten up these bad boys
but i'm four hours away and thats okay some weeks i just wish i had the right arms to lay in every single day
and yet i still need to shut the door when i brush me teeth in this hotel,
not because i don't like my company
but because **** for a second (at least) i need to be by myself
and i'm tired with work
but i'm kind of just sitting around all day, watching dances i don't get to dance in
wishing i got to dance, but happy to view
and i'm not sure who i am or how i represent myself
and it feels lonely
though at moments everything seems in place
but regardless, right now i'm here and still mainly thinking "**** kids, straighten your legs and point your feet and put your shoulders down and breathe"
326 · Mar 2014
Untitled
fdg Mar 2014
all of my sunglasses are too big for my face
and some of my shirts lie uncomfortably across my torso
and i flip myself off every time I look into a mirror
I have nothing to prove to anyone
and none of this means a thing
fdg Sep 2014
call me a kaleidoscope
my vision dances when you enter my dreams
i can't focus on anything
but the distance between you and me tonight
you're just nice to be around, that's all
325 · Nov 2015
B/\i|s
fdg Nov 2015
Under ur covers
Tastes like flesh
Or lips or tongue
Tastes a lot like what I love
& then hands are under waistbands
& this comforter is undiscovered land
I'll explore it with you
If you explore me
325 · Dec 2013
Six Course Meal.
fdg Dec 2013
Everything can seem so crisp
but I wonder if your love story is genuine
and if those are just drunk eyes
or maybe sad eyes.
all my sentences are are sloppy. (including this one.)
325 · Feb 2015
22315
fdg Feb 2015
**** it
Wish my walls would stop creaking and i would stop dreaming of sleeping somewhere else (I am in too deep for a boy who doesn't like me as much)
And tonight I daydreamed of peeling off each layer of my flesh and pinning it to my cork board so I'd finally hang up something original (lol it's probably already been done)
I am going to go to sleep in hopes that time will either stand still for a bit-so I can forget my stupid dramatic selfish thoughts, or fast forward-so all of this can be done with.
324 · Jun 2014
speeding at a crawl
fdg Jun 2014
I woke up in a box
in the backseat of an unfamiliar car,
driving endlessly and terrifyingly fast
(or maybe we were going so slow it made me itch for a thrill)
I couldn't get out
because this lady was holding me down
and she had it in her mind that she'd like to watch me drown
(in gasoline)
so she could see me scream as I charred
into ashes
burning me
and the box
and the car
to the ground
a nightmare, i guess
(sloppy)
324 · May 2015
just being crude but honest
fdg May 2015
thinking about plants a lot
can't wait to watch things grow and bud
spring is real and here and my hero year after year
i want you to **** my brains out in the sunshine
-----------------
i'll get wet
and we'll dive into summer
i'll stick my toes in the water
see where the current takes me
324 · Jan 2016
Untitled
fdg Jan 2016
am i boring or boringly cliche in the things i find exciting
323 · Oct 2013
Being a teenager.
fdg Oct 2013
I am a sinner
in the sense that I want you to bone me so hard right now,
I am a sinner
in the sense that that's all I can think about.
322 · Dec 2013
Caution.
fdg Dec 2013
but the feeling of blades
and fire
and destroying things in the middle of the night
is somehow addictive.

Addictive like your tongue and words, addictive like most dangerous things.
321 · Jul 2014
Untitled 3
fdg Jul 2014
I don't want to cut myself tonight,
I don't want to see blood
I don't want to find a razor and swipe
I don't want to cut myself tonight

I want to take a lighter and burn myself
I want to feel something new and
see something bright
I want to press and click and scream
I want to burn myself tonight
I want you to see it
i want to listen to Untitled 3 by Sigur Ross while I do it and then I want to cry
321 · Oct 2014
Untitled
fdg Oct 2014
THEY WERE ALL JUST WORDS BEFORE YOU
"well i wrote your name and burned it, to see the color of the flame,
and it burned out the whole spectrum, as if you were everything.
I just burned gold...a normal flame. I am...not anything."
Untitled 01//Brand New
321 · Mar 2014
meh
fdg Mar 2014
meh
someday when we grow taller
these mountains we climb will seem smaller
and every branch we cling to for safety won't break

how do we ever find solid ground when all of our hands and feet are so shaky
320 · Sep 2017
rustling leaves
fdg Sep 2017
Skinny dipping until 1am,
Welcoming fall with one of the clearest night skies I've laid eyes on.
I said, I hope you didn't catch my cold
You said you didn't care if you did.
I said, thanks for being the type of person who makes me feel like I can take up space
You said you like the amount of room I take, mentally and physically
I said, (I want to see you again) with a sigh
You said, when will you be home next?

I don't know
319 · Oct 2014
Untitled
fdg Oct 2014
when we were drunk,
i had sober thoughts of how handsome you were
(what kept me from saying it out loud?)
when we were sober,
i had drunk thoughts of how handsome you were
(what kept me from saying it out loud?)

I want to tell you so many things about yourself,
I want you to know that
I'm not sure when you began to mean so much to me,
but it feels like it's always been this way
fdg Feb 2015
ayy boi,
love's gonna hurt, they say
but this is worth every ******* ******* ache
whether we've got another year or just a little while,
today you are my favorite and most important reason to smile
fdg Apr 2015
drink out of the bottle,
draw on my stomach with sharpie
maybe my lips will turn purple
i'll take pictures
318 · Nov 2013
New Rituals.
fdg Nov 2013
I pretended to be the elements
like maybe being water, earth, air, or fire
would help me break the habit
of
being
*******
disappointing
317 · Feb 2013
This Monster Never Dies.
fdg Feb 2013
I had a dream
that a monster woke me up in the night
and slashed my wrists for me.
I screamed.
I kicked
I let myself bleed.
In the morning I walked up to you
and you didn't believe me when I said it wasn't me.
317 · Dec 2014
whatevs
fdg Dec 2014
I am so tired of being the open book.
You used to tell me that I could tell you anything
and now I've told you anything + more
through typed words and glances back as I leave,
and sometimes it seems like I have no mystery left.
I am so tired of writing every ******* thing down.

Sometimes I still get nervous when you put your hand on my knee,
and I think that's important.
I hope sometimes you still get butterflies
316 · Feb 2017
food is fuel / food is fat
fdg Feb 2017
tipsy in bed
ate too much and admiring old photos of last summer, last winter
i never thought i was skinny but these photos look so slim
and then i tried to eat more this year, thinking too little would make me weak (even though i was strong)
and now I binge and restrict then binge
it's all so stupid and pointless
and i'm fine
but i looked better when i was ****** up
hmmmmmm
fdg Aug 2017
I'm not sure I believe in love anymore
but I've been getting the best oral of my life from a guy who sings me songs at night.
I feel selfish for meeting a kind soul at such an interesting time
(I'm not sure I believe in kind souls either)
I can too quickly drop love
And forget what it was to feel anything at all
(Did i feel anything at all?)
I felt too much
Every time.
And feeling too much will come again, and then I'll realize I feel nothing in the end.
316 · Nov 2017
are we making love yet
fdg Nov 2017
I just want it to be loud
The gasping, my deepest inhale when we start
Song on in the background
(I can't make out what it is anymore because I don't care, my hand is on the front of your hip, slowly gliding to the side to pull you in)
((all I hear is the friction))
And then I just want it to be silent
with eye contact and your hand on my cheek
ear to pillow
Hear nothing, but I see us exhale
fdg Sep 2014
but some nights i just think too far ahead,
i just think too much at once,
about things that don't matter,
things that aren't happening yet,
what-ifs and why-nots and
holy **** i love you
and i know i told you i'd message you before i'd cut myself again,
but **** **** **** **** **** **** ****
why do i even write things down
311 · Dec 2017
frenchies
fdg Dec 2017
an interesting flavor, an interesting smell
sometimes i still catch the drifting scent of my first kiss
i can't help but wonder
"how many people in this life am i going to miss and
miss and
miss"
I don't remember any other version of myself and that's terrifying, but I'm also scared that I don't really know what version I am currently presenting
How do you know if you're not real
(**** me to help me not think about it)
(But pls still love me after, so I can hear your reply)
fdg Dec 2014
i hope you sleep well and don't have dreams of cement blocks tied to your ankles while you're diving off the dock.
i hope your leather bound heart keeps all the ink in and that you trust yourself with a ******* pen, i hope you mean every kiss,
i hope everyone starts telling the truth,
starts making it clear,
"never let someone you love doubt that you love them."

i'm infatuated and stupid for it
i should have been happier.
but at least i get to sneak glances
309 · Dec 2014
winter
fdg Dec 2014
tired of writing dumb love poems and going back and forth between
extreme assurance and insecurity
I
will
not
be
around
forever
tell me what you want to do before I'm gone
let's go ******* do it
stupid that we ever let ourselves be bored, don't yoU EVER PANIC ABOUT TIME, THIS COULD BE MY ONLY WINTER WITH YOUR COmpany.
i forget what it was like when you didn't know me so well,
i wonder if you ever wonder who i am anymore
fdg Nov 2013
the bodies all break,
as one by one,
we walk to the ocean.
The salt spreads out my hair, puts holes in my clothes,
I try hard to keep calm,
but my lack of breath keeps me stuttering sentences,
"I...I promise I love you, it's just, I wanted to s-see the sun...hit the water."
309 · Jun 2014
Untitled
fdg Jun 2014
i peeled off my bottom lip
and burned off all my flesh
and stayed underwater until my lungs caved in
because it seemed fascinating
308 · Apr 2018
twenty-one
fdg Apr 2018
it feels like a classic cliche
walking hand in hand through arteries
when you are gone, so is half of me
everyone should find someone who let's them say anything
With you, I am a bleeding heart ready to place myself in the palm of your hand for a tiny squeeze of life before tucking back into my rib cage
And it is not too much or dependence
And this is the love I've always wanted
307 · Jul 2013
Thank you.
fdg Jul 2013
figure 8s on my thighs and my heavy heart sinks sometimes
deeper into the ocean I hide it in
sometimes the current gets too strong
fdg Jan 2016
thinking maybe this will be okay, i just have to let it.
smelling your cologne
your hand grabbing mine,
it means something different
(feels more important)
(and everything minuscule I ever got upset about is so dull now)
fdg Jan 2015
i don't have any friends that will be around after high school
so i guess somewhere i'll have to start over
but i'll take all my photos and pin them up on every new wall
or at least keep them safe
305 · May 2014
Time zones and "k"
fdg May 2014
Sometimes, even though you reassure me, sometimes I wake up and I wonder if you still like the way I smile
304 · Oct 2012
A year of empty.
fdg Oct 2012
Most moments I have the urge
to get out of my seat and lay on the ground,
so I can stare at the ceiling.
Not much else to do or say or see or hear.
No where else to be.
304 · Aug 2014
sometimes
fdg Aug 2014
**** that night we snuck out to sit in the freezing cold wet grass
just so we could kiss a bit
should be enough proof
that little things are worth it
(your eye contact and lips)
(holding your hand)
(running my fingers through your hair)
enough proof that with the right people,
times that would have been ******
become magical
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