I want to be the deep end of the pool when I lay down
You could dip your toes under my rib cage
I want you to be able to grab me by my collar bone
Pull me into your chest,
Let me disappear completely in there.
I am tired of my presence
I am tired

The moon is almost full
I am still on my first cigarette and I've got all night to use my brain
Right now let me just inhale and think with my heart

skin loose and hanging off each limb
i'll pull it to one side,
(try to give you the better angle)
i think its amazing that i can forget all of that,
naked under bed sheets
this boy grabbing my thighs and i only think for a split second, "i wish they were smaller," and then the thought disappears and i don't feel like i take up too much space as he kisses my stomach.
i want to give myself the credit of confidence but i think it's just comfort
and at least that is something
even if it's seemingly only there in the soft presence of a smile

Mom, i think i'm starting to like this boy
I'm afraid and ugh, ****, mom what the hell??
I didn't realize that life would be this cycle of careful steps people take, walking on shards of ******* glass
because if you're not too careful
you are going to get hurt.
I used to be so bold without question
I was fearless about feeling
today, I have never been so scared
me, to my mom, whispering:
(but i'll be bold anyway, okay? i still prefer all the fuss of butterflies with someone)

Hands a little shaky
I'll drink water and rest.
I'm not sure I deserve it
But I'm obsessed with shaky hands outlining a jaw bone.
And my hands steady as I stare off in space daydreaming alone in my car, smoking
wondering if you're going to have a moment thinking of sitting next to me somewhere by water today.
I'll float out there next time
Body light in the middle of a lake
Hands still, resting on my stomach
Swim back to shore and hands explore in the dark for my ******* mixed in with a pile of both of our clothes

I wish I knew what I wanted to say
But all I've got right now is:
it's ok you might be leaving soon
i'll take any amount at all.
i'm afraid a little bit,
and i'm not sure that will go away,
but you can have me regardless
to fiddle around in my ribcage
(just leave a little for me when you go)
(and i know you favor questions, baby,
but tuck away a few answers for me please)

I just want it to be loud
The gasping, my deepest inhale when we start
Song on in the background
(I can't make out what it is anymore because I don't care, my hand is on the front of your hip, slowly gliding to the side to pull you in)
((all I hear is the friction))
And then I just want it to be silent
with eye contact and your hand on my cheek
ear to pillow
Hear nothing, but I see us exhale