i don't even remember you, but when i was 17, i thought i'd remember you forever
thought i might know you forever
...
remember being that young
and having that naive buzz of finding out a boy thought you were cool too?
i don't believe in forever anymore
but it doesn't matter,
no one has that long

binge eating at 12am and wanting to die is my new ******* routine
(but I don't want to die
I just want to disappear for a little while
Lay down outside and chain smoke
empty out,
come back to start new)

I want to melt into your skin and stay there for a night
Bite your collar bone and sink my teeth a little further from our next goodbye.
Say hello to me again soon so I can wrap my palms around your shoulder blades
Move my fingertips to your jaw line and touch my tongue to your throat
Taste the way your words come out

Around 1300 calories today (1305, I don't need to guess)
Burnt a hole in my best leggings with accidental ash
(I'd let you put your cig out on my arm)
(If you came to visit)

Failed flesh and bone
Way more than id like to be
I'm getting less than 4 hours of sleep tonight and I want 3 more cigarettes but I don't have the energy to hold them up to my lips
I think I am empty again
Glazed off from all of it
Craving

how is it that you can be in love and think you have met the single greatest human,
and then you're not in love anymore and you suddenly meet so many new people
(they smell the single on you, i swear)
and a lot of the time they're boring
but then there are multiple kind souls and maybe you can make new friends and maybe not everyone ***** and maybe life is a continuous spectrum of meeting people your dumb young self promotes to the "greatest."
we are all young dumb ****** up vessels just
...trying...
hoping connections last and hoping the greatest one falls into place,
at least for a little while until you grow out of each other again
and start over

empty shell of a body
(so full though, so ******* full)
accidentally getting random boys mixed up in all of this
"this" being lust & disgust
lust for attention and affection
disgust for my being conscious of it all.
i have heavy thighs that are making it hard to walk on
i like hearing about moths, i wish i never talked of myself