never be empty enough
am i human for my faults or becoming less of one

do you think being at a cliffs edge would benefit or harm my mental health
I think 6 cigarettes this evening is the proper amount to feel like I'm dying
And also forget that I want to
(more than 1200 calories today)
looking over the edge doesnt make me want to jump, it never did
afraid of the fall
but chasing the excitement
****** that I usually find the biggest thrills in pointless acts of love

Skinny dipping until 1am,
Welcoming fall with one of the clearest night skies I've laid eyes on.
I said, I hope you didn't catch my cold
You said you didn't care if you did.
I said, thanks for being the type of person who makes me feel like I can take up space
You said you like the amount of room I take, mentally and physically
I said, (I want to see you again) with a sigh
You said, when will you be home next?

I don't know

Today I had a physical exam and they weighed me
So I ate my weight later in the day
And spent 20 minutes kneeling over the brim trying to get rid of myself
And congratulations,
I said to myself in the mirror
You're officially in this.
You've created this horror for yourself
Good luck.
(I want to tell this boy about it but he has no place in the corners of my room. I will leave him on the bed
Some things are best left unsaid)

I'm eating like a normal human being
To fuel myself
Treating myself well
I deserve it, I know
But it's making me panic

Every time I feel nothing I wish I felt anything at all
Tonight I feel longing and loneliness
And i take it back
Anything but the beginning of another broken love poem
I wanted to hate everyone else and take time to try to be content with myself
But every time I see an insect I think of ******* on a park bench
Leaves stuck to my back
I wish I felt nothing
I was getting used to (content with myself alone wanting bones)
I still want my bones to show harder
Paper skin
But I like the friction another flesh outline provides.
I hate that I ever want anything

explore me softly
with pruned fingers, after a bath
trace my veins, blue eyelids
purple tinted lips
bite my chest, skin
press the bruises on my knees
explore me intensely
explore me at all
we are still strangers, and i am wondering if i will ever become familiar to myself
but i will trace your bones with my tongue
and enjoy the gentle aggressive soft hard touch of familiarity that i've never known