i had a theme but lost it,
wish i was lyrically inclined
wish i had more and more time
even though these days i mostly waste it.

but idk whats wasting time, exactly

my eyes hurt because i'm tired
and i know this is a bad idea,
staring at a screen before much needed sleep,
leaving the required reading for the morning
but can the morning blame me?
I think of mountains and him at the same time
part of me says because it's all been progression, it's a feat to fall in love, and it makes me want to climb to the ******* top
and then the other part of me says i think of mountains and him because I'd climb onto his **** with the same motivating force it would take to climb a mountain.
Regardless
picturing mountains
makes me think of this boy with the ******* sky in his eyes.
(but honestly what's up with me and ****** love poems?)
looking out my window gives me different reactions as well -
climbing down the stairs for fresh air
or jumping out
but in the end
just feeling like climbing into bed

i love you i love you i love you
in ways i don't quite understand sometimes
how loving can feel like it hurts
that it can be so distracting i can't think of anything else
that it can lift me up in seconds
cliche, etc, cliche, etc.
i love you in new ways and in the same ways
i love you because you challenge me to evolve
and i have and i am and i will

last night i felt like i was reaching into your body for the end of the string that attached my body to yours
and it just wasn't there
but you said it was there
and i believed it was there
but why couldn't i find it with my fingers
why couldn't my palm grasp it
feeling around inside, peeking in and i'm looking around and I still don't see it but I tell myself I know it's there
and I know it has to be there because it's a string from my body that runs into you, where else could it be
and that's good enough so we go to bed without ever finding it
and in the morning I still feel detached but ignore the feeling until I can't anymore
and when you walked away
it felt like you snipped the string attaching us
and we couldn't find it because you had hardly wanted it there anyway
and when you ignored me
it felt like you knew all along that the end of my string attaching my body to yours
was already gone

thinking maybe this will be okay, i just have to let it.
smelling your cologne
your hand grabbing mine,
it means something different
(feels more important)
(and everything minuscule I ever got upset about is so dull now)

am i boring or boringly cliche in the things i find exciting

sometimes at the ends of small things,
it feels like everything is ending
there are no more leaves to fall
and what is coming still
will become a list of things that have ended