I wish I was drinking.
Sometimes I wish I was drunk all the time
But I hardly drink at all and besides,
I'd never have the company and drinking alone is just sad at my age.
When I'm drunk I usually drunk text you and right now I'm exhausted from loving you so much and not having as many reasons to love myself.
I think I want to cry but I'm not sure why. And when I think I'm making friends the next day they take my seat and push me out of the row and I sat by myself today in a room with more than 100 people in it and no one even eats with me and thank god i like eating alone. I think I'm pitied and I don't know why
I think I must be the problem,
Because I feel like there's something wrong with me
But I don't know what it is.

I give too much of myself away and
I don't think I'll ever learn how to stop.

Anyway, I'm going to walk in the dark by myself to go buy something I can ******* smoke
If you have a drink, I need one

It could be timing or young adult naiveity and the universe may one day tear us apart but for now the universe lets me kiss you under your covers
And the universe doesn't make any ******* accidents

Stuck in a state of sighing,
but ironically stuck in the same state as always
I hope to see the trees change color outside my room
and I'm not afraid of being away like I'm supposed to.
I don't know where to go here,
I don't know of any trails
But I'll find them

Sometimes headaches keep me up
And my body has this buzz
it tingles every time I touch the sheets.
When I'm holding my head between my elbows and battling nightmares,
I still take comfort in the fact that you're there, safely, soundly asleep.

the moon pulls me just like it pulls the waves
(sometimes I am pulled back with the tide)
I am drawn to the skies every starry night
and my mind is drawn to your eyes every time I close mine
because love makes it easy to drown in your blue stare
(how cliche)
my fingers get lost when they run through your hair
and all I ever write anymore is how I love to be tangled in your bed sheets
because that is all my free-roaming mind ever wants to jump to.
You are my favorite place to be
and this wasn't going to be about you, but
the moon pulls me just like it pulls the waves
and I daydream of being pulled into your arms
I won't choke on salt water anymore,
I'll choke on the words I'm learning to understand the meaning of
"I love you"

if we could churn things out in seconds,
i'd make you a tape of my top 3 songs I'd want to ******* to.
.It'd start with something fast-paced,
a song that would be standing up
a quickie but a "we can't help it, we have to right now" quickie,
not sloppy, just fast-paced.
loud and intense and back against the wall, hair grabbing, *** grabbing,
guitars blaring in the background, the beat matching my heart racing as you bend me over
.but the next song would be slower. It'd be the nights we didn't plan on it,
the ones where we already said goodnight and we tried to go to sleep
but I accidentally rolled closer into you and couldn't resist one kiss on the cheek
which made me want to kiss you more and then we're accidentally ******* and ending up having to say goodnight again.
Probably an acoustic, lyrics something about love.
.The next song would be classic. Something you're not allowed to really hate because it's by an artist you're kind of forced to respect? And you like it, really. It'd probably be one of my favorites by an artist I know you love. It'd play in the background and we wouldn't really notice it exactly until later down the road when we're on our own somewhere hearing it and wondering why the song reminds us of each other. It would be a song that just ended up playing one time while on shuffle in the parked car, us pretending nothing else was really present except that back seat.

I already have a lot of shuffled car songs that remind me of us in moments,
parked in the rain
from when kissing never got farther than kissing.

as I am growing as a lover, I am appreciating music in a new sense,
associating it with feeling from my own auto-biography of emotion,
associating those feelings with images from collect moments
and I am so glad some songs will always bring me back to right now
in this collection of moments and images and feelings
in these picture-perfect memories I have of rain on the windshield right before you kissed me while you played the Smiths
or while last summers shuffle of pop punk played while we fogged up the windows in a baseball field
and I am glad that once my mind can no longer form or remember the picture-perfect moments,
and I won't be able to put together the scenery,
I will at least be reminded of the feeling through a song.

Life is remarkably pointless
But I like rooms where you can stand on the bed and touch the ceiling
I like big mirrors and smoke,
When you're working your physical limits enough that you can feel the strain on your heart and lungs,
I like company
And I like being alone
Life is pointless and long and the world seems incredibly large and I am very far away but we are so astonishingly small.
And I guess it is okay
That there is no point to it at all

(I wonder if you ever check this site and get disappointed when I haven't written anything about you)
(I wonder if instead you are relieved)