When I say that I love you,
I mean that right now,
in this moment,
I am in love with you.
I mean that I care about you.
I mean, that right now,
in this moment,
I would like to be with you for the long run.
I mean that right now,
in this moment,
I can see myself being with you forever.

When I say that I love you,
I do NOT mean that I can promise that I WILL love you forever.
It only means that right now,
in this moment,
I would like to try.
I do NOT mean that I think loving you will be easy.
It only means that right now,
in this moment,
I think it will be worth it.
I do NOT mean that I expect you to always agree with me.
I do NOT mean that I expect you to love me in exactly the same way.
I ONLY mean that I hope that you can try
to love me too.

I just have scenarios in my head where I get to turn to you and be so open and honest
and we're laying in your bed and I feel so present and there and real
and we're both physically tired but mentally racing
and I ask you if you really believe in love...in all of this
and I ask you to explain what you feel with me
and you don't think it's dumb, and I can't imagine what you say.
maybe one day soon the scenario will play out
but daydreams are just daydreams
maybe I'll ask you anyway

i found the perfect song
i cleaned my room,
about to go clean myself up
my neck hurts
i imagine the sky looks great tonight,
sometimes i wish i still had to sneak out to see you this late
(but if you still love me in a few months, i could sneak into your dorm)

I wish you wrote about me
it's selfish, it always is
-i think i'll always be the one splaying it out
mapping down all of my emotions
matching them with my fingerprints on your bare back
pretending you feel them,
that they sink through my skin, soak into yours
so i can let go a little bit
but i've got a tight ******* grip.
-I wish you wrote about me sometimes
I wish you'd splay it all out,
spread your fingers on my belly
leave your prints
so i could soak something in.
it's selfish, it always is.

i don't write as much anymore.
i'm trying not to romanticize every move you make
because sometimes life just isn't romantic
and looking at the moon would still be as cool without you behind me
(but it felt cooler with you there)
(and even the way you said goodbye this morning felt romantic)

i'm sleeping on spilled coca-cola
throbbing headache
thinking of your boxer/briefs
and thinking of the lake
sometimes life is so ******* cool it makes me want to stay for a bit

my whole life has been inside parentheses
a side note
can't say i mind
i'm comfortable living in the sidelines
less traffic here
still plenty of excitement when it's not in the spotlight
they're the memories we store in boxes in the back of our closets
they're the photos we pin to our wall but don't look at that often
they're the thoughts written down in unkempt journals we'll put in a drawer or pile under our bed when the pages are full
and i can be your parentheses
i can be the memory you store away one day,
occasionally fondly looking back and ruffling through
and touching the corners of photographs
(but not admiring for too long)
(I can be your parentheses)