your "i'm really happy"
makes me
******* ecstatic

even dark cemeteries and UFOs
flashing lights in the night skies and 'keep out' signs...
even strangers and guns and things that frighten me
if you are heading toward them,
i will follow

time is weird because i can't remember what it looked like to look at the first boy i kissed
time is weird because i can't remember feeling his arms
time is weird because it doesn't matter now

DRINK COFFEE AND READ POEMS, talk more often, maybe even to a therapist. let yourself be heard and seen, let him ask you questions, let yourself ask him if he wants to go look at the stars with you but don't let yourself think about it too much if he says no

-I hope you know how often I want you around.

-Let me stay a little longer.

-I'm so happy you came, you're here, I'm so happy when you are.

-I like you so much I often think it must be love (but I don't care what the feeling is called).

I am always writing down a bunch of stupid drafts and blueprints
just to write **** down.
I don't want this as a reminder,
I don't want to talk about it,
I don't want to look at it too many times,
but I'll let you read it and you can think what you want of all of these things you'll grow tired of
(me, soon you'll get tired of me, and you'll be especially tired of me saying you'll get tired of me.)

maybe one day i'll pick up smoking
but i don't like the idea of getting hooked on something to the point of dependency
which is pretty ******* funny because
i got hooked on you pretty quickly
and i bet trying to quit
will do more damage to me than a ******* cigarette ever could