found a boy who makes love feel like speeding through a red light at an intersection
who reminds me of racing down the highway
windows down, hair blowing across my vision.
he and i could be a car crash
or a parking spot
he and i are 90mph on the freeway
yet when he holds my hand or brushes the hair out of my eyes
i swear the brakes hit themselves
and speed and light and time don't matter

i know i don't know the right things to say
i'm sorry for trying
you're the one who always somehow spits the right thing out at the right time
i'm the one stuttering and babbling in the corner with my hands on my head
clock ticking on my tongue
counting down time bombs
for when the wrong words will erupt out of me
(an explosion, even though it's a whisper)

when we went to the county fair
you felt ill after a ride
and as we walked from the blinking lights
and screaming kids
you told me, next to our buddies,
how much you liked listening to me on that ride
the noises i made at every unexpected toss and turn
not really screams, but...
"i just like your company."
-the simplest things you say and do
-make me the wildest for you

slowly swallowing
throwing out the rest
my good days end in quiet protest
mind against heart
heart beating my ribs
I never quite figured out how to blend in

but I can live happily on the outside of the lines
with you

-I could probably make a lot of new friends right now, friends for the night. high me iss so good at talking
-what was the last thing i texted? I hope i didn't send that to you
-I want to show you these sometime so ewe can laugh at how stupid high i was. but i feel like you'd disapprove of this or something. if you were here i'd like this dream more. is this a dream?
-But my heart is in my throat and everything feels fake or too real, way too real and i bet i'm super annoying to you.
-I looked in the mirror and saw my mouth smile but i thought it was open and blank
-Feels like there are strands of hair covering my eyes and half of my brain is stuck between each rib i think i could reach down my throat and feel it
-Can't tell if we crashed and are riding to find out what exactly happens when you die
-can't remember if bailey actually ever decided to like me or i've just been pretending he does maybe i have been dreaming
-eww if i let him read this i'll regret it and he'll think i'm lame
-Eeven more now because i said that hahah
-Brush my teeth, go ***, wash my face, ibuprofen, don't grab your lighter to your skin, go to bed, fall asleep, wake up without the lag
-God life is weird i don't know what i want out of life "you can choose what you do with your life, but you can't choose what life does with you."
-I bet *** right now would feel amazinggg right now in his room on the floor probably
-My eye sockets look and feel sooo deep/far back and have i ever moved from this spot in front of the mirror
-**** me for sending you messages tonight ahhh it's probably too much ahh i feel annoying
-Wait did i send you those messages did i write tht down what have i been thinking (god what have you been of me)
-I wish you had gone to the party, all those guys would have loved you. there was jamming and everyone was as drunk and friendly as the guy you met camping that oput his cigarette in between the strings of your guitar
-ask bailey to Go to hector's falls and the observatory on wednesdays where you can see Jupiter at
-The puppet can't pull its own strings but **** am i trying to

**** that night we snuck out to sit in the freezing cold wet grass
just so we could kiss a bit
should be enough proof
that little things are worth it
(your eye contact and lips)
(holding your hand)
(running my fingers through your hair)
enough proof that with the right people,
times that would have been ******
become magical