my flowers never bloom
maybe they never will
but you're the one who told me to chill
when your hands were freezing and up my skirt.
you whispered in my ear and I froze
just like you planned
just as you hoped for
and then you had your way with my blue lips
and now my tights are ripped the way i like them
(but ripped in all the wrong places)

I want to get a little drunk,
sit on a couch and **** on lollipops
I want to look thin and fuckable, unstable,
I want to make eye contact while my hands are spread on card tables-
you pick up the jack, I swallow the ace
my mind is stuck in quite the mixed up place

there is a part of me that breaks myself down to the point where I am crawling
pulling at my scalp to get out of my own mind
but god ******* ****, does it feel good not to be crawling into someone else's arms.

I am learning to pick my own self off the ground
wipe my own tears from my eyes
wrap my arms around my torso and hold my own hand

dreaming of watching myself drown
through decades
and living through the pits of hell.
you thought bursts of fire would scare me,
but man, i'm over it.
I want to be driving myself through the ******* gates

Exploring the dirt
chance in my pocket
nothing but a backpack and hope
that I will never
ever
get bored

I am a messed up version of a girl,
clinging to tree stumps and swinging off dead stars
and you know what is the worst part?
you never saw the beauty in that section of myself,
scraping off flesh with shaky hands
and purple eyes

hot water
hot thoughts
I'll never
get caught
never ever
want to stop
I'll never
get caught-
Blood, run down my thighs,
Blood, make me feel alive,
Blood, give me some time
to look at you.
I'll never ever
stop
I can't ever
stop
I don't want to
stop
please stop
please...stop