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young, so full of youth,
filled to the brim with
*** and desire and the
quest for flesh,

we are living the lives they
write about

we the young, so full of
uncontained emotion, so
happy to be alive and yet
not even realizing it, we
talk of suicide but never
believe it exists

we are perfect in our
decided ignorance of
our imperfections

(it gives us strength like
nobody knows)

-

spreading across the globe,
to China, Europe, and the
Southern Lands, our disease
is no plague

to the youth of the enslaved
places, to the poor countries,
and those shackled in the old
traditions:

we give to you our itch,
our burn, our aching and
hurting that drives us to
go out and do what needs
to be done

we give to you a reason
to make things better

(just as we give ourselves)

we are the reason
the earth still spins

we are the drive
behind every new
empire

we are the innovators
and the diviners

the makers of tools
and seekers of
riches

the creators of gods
and the gods
themselves

we, so young, so full
of energy and zeal and
lust, we the ones who
create and destroy, we
who so thoughtlessly
hurtle the human race
forward

we take ourselves to bed
each night, not wondering
with whom we sleep or
where we will awake;

knowing only that adventure
is worth having in itself.

that the morning is our treasure
and the new day is more fulfilling  
than any golden trinket in the
tombs of the old kings

this we sleep with, smiling,  
dreaming of the wild chances
we are challenged to tame

-

so young, so full of youth,
filled to the brim with ***
and desire and the thirst for
a definition in this grey and
blotted world

we awake each day
and drearily attack our
lives

we the pioneers, the philosophers,
and historians

humanity cannot live without us
(and I mean to say they have no
choice)
updated as of 4/1/12
I can't stop day dreaming about that little freckle
nestled in the hairs of your right eyebrow,

The way you scuff your Nikes across the asphalt,

How you taste like Moscato and always keep quarters in your pockets.

I love the hairs on the underside of your jaw,
the ones sleeping under your skin.
They're all wrapped up in you;
Just like me.

The way that gold chain sits on your chest gives me goosebumps.
I love to drag the heavy cross pendant
back and forth, when I'm lying across you.

I can feel it click... over every link.
Its tiny tremor wiggles through my hand.

I melt, when you cup my face
in your gently rugged paw.

So I just quiver
and try not to drip
through the cracks in your fingers
Heart stuck in gray dawn. Subtle remembrances, consume. Longing for more. Lingering for, "used to be".  Vulnerability in pain gambled for strength in love.  Held in place by promises.

Spoken words deny
Actions scream in love and pain
Hearts splinter and crack


Time cannot heal what was not meant to be broken. Change is slow coming.  Dreams of warmth take hold, trying to leach into reality so abruptly ripped apart.  Something once so perfect, so beautiful in its purity, in its simplicity. Forever tainted by selfless gestures turned selfish motives.

Promises broken
Dreams relive yesterday's bliss
Stopping tomorrow


What's good for one, not enough to sustain.  Love enough to last, pushed under, forgotten. Lost to fear. Submerged in darkness.  Yet, there lies the sun.  Warm and alive.  More than a seed, a field of flowers ready to bloom.  Still, flowers of love do not bloom in tears of despair.

**You are the warm sun
Watered by my salty tears
Flowers turned to hay
62311
When I turned ten, I knew
The world was mine
With the
Sparkling, dew-kissed branches
And hazy,
Laughter-warmed nights.

When I turned fourteen, I thought
The world would be handed
To me.
The high confidence eyes and
Brand name cell phones
Telling
Me what was what and
Who
I was.

When I turned twenty, I knew
The world never could be
Mine. I
Lost myself
In the cubicles and textbooks
That were written
And built with
The names
Of the mighty
Shadows
Under whom I’d
Always live.


When I turned twenty-six,
I was married.
And the world became mine again.


When I turned twenty-seven,
The world turned too.
And closed the palms
That held my childhood.
Sealed the lids that had watched
Over my adolescence.
Re-opened the mouth that echoed
My nothingness.
And left me to sit here and
Despair at the odds
Of your eyes opening
Again.
A ribbon
         of film
       imprinted with
    memories
not that far
      distant, slipping
past
    tires that spin
   so desperately
                  forward
                      that they,
                 with blinded
             intentions,
        are moving
backward,
         whirring past
                faces and forever
open arms
                     that  used
                                 to matter.
ironically,
I have both the
best
and the
worst
shower in the
whole house

I can barely
control the
temperature,
the walls are stained
where the water
flew out despite my
best efforts,
and the shower rod
has ruined many
a curtain with
the rust it’s gathered
from so many year’s
use

but despite all that,
despite all those little
imperfections,
if you can get it just right,
hit that perfect sweet
spot
you’ll have the best shower
of your life

the water burns
just enough to warm
you at your very
core,
the powerful jets
massage your whole
self.

walking out
afterwards
amongst the steam
and hot air
you’ll be smiling
and happy
and relaxed

it’s the added
bonus of all this
that the mirror is
steamed over

so you can’t see
your fat, naked,
lazy self in bliss
that can only be
maintained in
blindness
Tripping across a pastel canvas
Thoughts explode in color bombs
Minds melt into spreadable paint
The masterpiece is complete
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