heads so full

and some times light

when i see your smile

oh. so windy
can't light my smoke

**** me now
id rather live in winter time
then in dark times

eyes so full

oh so tired

ill go to bed

rip off your skin
and wrap me in it


ill die happy
with the wetness of your lips on my forehead

sometimes
i never wanna wake up

I wish humans were simple


But we're not

Complicated as ****

We don't even know our body and mind

I wish we were simple as ****

But our entire being
Is a maze

At night,
When we look up

I put that betelguese,
On a tiny saturn's disc
Molded with our fire love
Under the cross and a priest

Her eyes,
Like a crescent moon
Where you'll see her abysmal joy
You'll get to capture a moment,
When she's smiling
Yet they are blur
Stars, they are billions above
Not so pretty sure about that
Like when she'll be back
She took my heart and soul
Relationship is like Jupiter
Full of never ending storms

Then my boy ask me,
"So why that star is still there?"
She throw it away I guess
"Name a star or a Galaxy!"
Danica, maybe
"Why is it so dark in heaven?"
It's a secret Tommy,
You better ask my love
"Is that the infinity?"
Oh well she is
"Where is she?"
See that shining?
It's her forehead
Please don't tell her what I'm sayin'
I might meet death
"Look it's a meteor!"
Where?
"You're too late to catch on"
You're right, like I always do

Don't worry my son,
I know where it is
She'll be home soon
We'll just wait here my dear
Until your Mom wakes us up here

Do you hear me?
Come closer
Let the wind whisper something,
Something mournful
I'm paralyzed,
But I can still breathe and blink
"What do you see?"
Gleam, just light
The heat of the bullet,
The warmth in my head
The pain in my heart

Why it feels like frigid?
Am I holding something?
I can't remember anything

Few minutes left

Do you hear me?
Come closer
I have something to say
It's a part of my bucket list,
Yet I'm afraid anyway
More than death or quietus
Let the wind whisper something,
Something ballistic
I'm tired,
But still I want to fight
"What do you want?"
Calmness, Love and Silence
I want to sleep

Let my blood be the design,
To my unpainted affection
Before I accept my incautious decision

Few seconds left

Do you still hear me?
Come closer please
If the wind blows harder,
I want you to know that I'm shouting something
Something surreptitious
Get my gun out off my hand
Then get me a good pillow and a neat blanket
"What do you want to say?"
Goodnight my lo...

From deep, again giant flares arise
"Oh Alex! Don't expect please for a surprise!"
Doors locked, preparing for a ride
My Best Man still sleeping outside
I don't have a cake nor a nine-shaped candle,
Even balloons or a new leather
Instead, they bought me flowers for my new garden
Then I saw a black limousine from a distant in my window
Yet my Dad is still asleep!
Just waiting for the sound of beep
I guess, We'll be going to a gothic party or near by the shore
I'm not planning to bring my umbrella anymore
So the sun's shine will show the glow of my smile's core
Then it all turns into a dark milieu,
where everybody is seriously crying
Cheerfully I shouted "Don't worry! I'm not yet turning to Eighteen though!"
No one tries to laugh nor to smile
I gently ask my Mom about this after a while
She said that my Dad had won a solo ticket from the clouds
Having a long vacation above

Reminiscing it now,
Before I go to school by myself later
*"Waking up without Father, is like stirring milk without water"

Have you ever been surrounded by people, yet you still feel alone?

Cause I am.

I'm scared. The universe is getting bigger and it gets more lonely.

Pretending so hard that you're fine and then when no one sees, you broke down in tears. That's what I always do.

Indeed, fake happiness is still the worst sadness.

Small, dark room became my favorite place. I hate going out. I hate interacting with people.

Humans are the most fake thing on earth.

And yes I am human. I am fake. I pretend.

And I know some of them are pretending as well.

Pretending every single day that everything's fine when they are really hurting.

Walls became my best friends too. I always lean on them when I break down.

They always hear the sound of that person, her cry, her loneliness, *the person who's alive but not living.

To you, I was a tear drop in the sea; bitter and salty.
She was the entire ocean; a mystery crystal clear.