Don't destroy our safe haven
Because it ****** you up a bit

i remember the first day out of the installation better than most. we'd been locked up there for weeks, then months, under the impression that the bombs would fall at any moment. eventually we grew cynical, if compliant, for it was easier to keep one's head on straight when questioning leadership - while still obeying them. i knew the story about the radical resistor - the people in charge will chop of the head that rises up the highest, so it's easier to lay low and work in quiet.

once we realized that leadership's main goal was to turn us against each other with profit in mind, we snapped. it wasn't easy at first, because we still had our differences and found it hard to ignore them. a few of us realized that ignoring these flaws and defects of character isn't the right way to go - we must accept them and love each other for who we are, otherwise we're just as bad as leadership. that's what enabled us to break out, and then we found a jarring absence of bombs. or any real threat at all.

when i first stepped back out into those pine forests, my brush with peace was a foreign introduction. i remember there being an impenetrable quiet, threatened only by the songs of birds and the gentle rustling of pine needles far above our heads. or the distant cries of squirrels, or the dizzying stares of innocent does and fawns. i remember falling to my knees. i remember knowing peace.

I meant to take a shower
Seventeen minutes ago
And by the time this poem is
Written, the clock will read a little
Wrong and I'll be lost again

I'll feel a little bad again and
I'll forget what it feels like
To kiss someone and mean it
To love someone and mean it

Remember when it was
Exciting?

Neither do I

Pray for me
Because I'm about to lose
Myself again

You make your promises
But your legends are as real
As my dreams of a
Perfect life

I resent you no less than the Devil
And I keep your book on my
Shelf so I can read the death of
Your son and remember how you
Killed him in cold blood

You'll **** me too one day,
Like you did him,
And I'll die as insignificant as everyone else
Because we're nothing more than
Your playthings

I'm sorry I ran that way
I'm sorry that locomotive
Killed you on the tracks
And when I picked up the
Pieces you left behind, I
Found no way to repair you

Nothing short of God
Can mend shattered gristle
And blood spread over a million
Miles, I know that you still
Ride that train into the
Great forever

I take some comfort knowing
That you're seeing the world now
Like you said you always wanted to
Even if it's not like how we
Imagined it

we see best when our eyes are shut
you're too afraid to try
too scared of what you'll find
lurking beyond the paths you've
walked a million times before

nothing is written
but the items you cross off your list
turning green again
once the paper is used, once
you return it to the earth

it may regain life
as you
surrender

i took your photo
so i may later
be riffling through
old memories
and find that this
one refuses to
collect dust

You had to be there to live it
to feel it, to feel that wrath and peace and chaos and blood swirling round your face
so many were there, but not you
not anybody who's still around

i'm the only one who recalls this legacy
clocks don't tell, and neither do skulls

I can try to explain it
what it was like
but i never can
never could
never would

you'll never understand
the blood that was shed
the sky that was cut
the earth that trembled

my poetry lives to say
my blood warms to sway
my skull cracks to warn
my bones break to cry

paranoid fear
shadows dark
hastened escape

I don't know who you are
I don't know what I want

No different now than it was before,
You thought I was mad at you but a
Resting face isn't under my control

And empty words are the same as
No words at all and I can't figure
Which one I prefer

Because they're both ******* aggravating

A kiss on the chest
triggers the human instinct
to draw a quick breath

I can't express how titles
Dictate content, or how
Names are formed after I
Hear the voice behind the face

Uniform march searching for our mark,
pens in hand we seek to be unique

Speeches of futility and grace could not
hold us down as well as our own ambitions --

I saw a photograph in my mind the
other day, and we were in it before
a fountain, and the sky was like snow --

Black blood poured from your eyes and
water from mine, and the only things
moving were our hearts and our minds

(Your fingers are a chisel and my
skin is marble gray)

i'm a mess of contradictions
and i'm lost inside my head
so i write all my afflictions
for i know why i'm not dead

because i know there is tomorrow
and light just past the clouds
now i will lay down in my sorrow
deaf from my thoughts so loud

started on their sophomore record
brave enough now to move beyond
tracing years like a spinal cord
feel your breath hitch
i found it

found snakeskin on my brow
newly shed
oddly red
wished i was dead
i'm wiser now

lonely nights
all i got on my mind is
this song and you

To deny pain is to deny growth;
to shy away from opportunity is
a waste of life

Accept the fear and blossom,
embrace the struggle and become
something greater

Oh honey,
Don't try to hide

You make my skin crawl;
Just the way I love it

Cold scars, blank eyes,
The only things that scare me

I love you like the trees love the sun,
like the whales love the sea,
like my heart drives me toward
thought and feeling before logic

Far away, you defy impulse,
and when you arrived in the dead
of night my heart was quick and
you were quicker to grin than I
when I saw your face

I remember the way your eyes stuck to the
walls because you were overcome by their
conversation, and the sound swelled up
and I knew what you were feeling

And I wanted nothing more than to walk
with you by the river so we could catch a bit
of quiet but I knew that was impossible

The world has a course and I'd best let it be,
roll with the punches, so maybe I'll see you again
before time steals you away

Often it feels as if the past
is a desperate, dying dog, its
teeth stuck on the hems of my
jeans, beady eyes intent on
dragging me back to darker times

This feral beast will scrounge up
my hope with a wag of the tail,
drawing me closer so it can bury its
diseased claws within me, taking blood

I want nothing more than to put a
bullet in its ragged face, but that power
is not innate

to be the earth
as you are the cold sea
calming my breathing
taming my shores
our contact muddling the
border of sea and sky

my warmth rises but you
are there to temper it
as your storms meet my
mountains and stop
in their tracks

the force i cannot match
is how you bring life to
everything you touch
and i may only help it grow

You're wasting my time

I'm a mortar shell deprived of black powder
And there's nothing left but the echoes
Of an explosion I once delivered lives
Before the one I'm living now

Melt me down for scrap and fit me into
Something new so I can fly again

Clouds abound and far
Glittering emerald heights
Smokestacks at the base

your stories make me cry
my chest never aches like this
i wish i could get these tears to flow
i didn't know they made dams this strong

It was the same yesterday
And today and tomorrow
And I'm praying for a change
But abandonment is the solution
I don't want to accept

By the end of the day and the sun is
High I find myself forgotten by
Those whom I love and I begin to
Feel that heat in my chest

I run home like a child pushed to breaking,
Hands tense and clutching denim,
Breaths forced because breathing is hard

Praying for change, denying what I
Know is true, I need to
Escape these echoes

Faith delivers miracles
And this keyboard is too loud;
I'll probably wake my brother while
Typing this all out

But before I lose my train of thought,
Remember that I'd rather die under the lights
Than lose you to them

we are drinking in the light
that filters through the trees
and i feel her tug on my shoulder
i turn to the right
meet the gaze of another man
far away

i am feeling the rush of caffeine
leaning on the counter
and i feel her behind my back
in white drapes and vines around
her shoulders as a scarf
here to give another warning

i am far away from here
moving faster than any man has
before but she is there
beside me
light as a feather but
heavy as my heart

One thing I love about
Music is the way I might get
Burnt out on an artist but
At the tail end of it all, I might
Listen to their first song I ever
Heard and get pulled right back
In again

You grin when
You see me

Your eyes make
Me feel young

But God forbid
We ever speak

Perfect date site
With a café and
Everything

This is a refuge I
Found when I was
Young and it's all I
Can do to share it
With you

Today I made a comment
That could be considered
Misleading because I'm
Scared of the bullets that
Might fly from your mouth

I know it's impossible
So why do I bother?

I've learned it's useless to follow the source
When I can sit here and hear the echoes
All the while

Why join the clergy when men and women
Of the Lord are preaching to me right in
My own home?

you know you can't
make everyone like you
at best you can hope
they'll tolerate you
never hate you
they're always late

i've spent so much time
thinking about this
and how it keeps failing
and whose fault it is
and how to stop it
and how to return from it
and i think i've found a
solution

to break a death spiral you
must first disengage
state intentions
be friendly
care for one another
at arm's length
love from a distance

With several years under my belt as a living, breathing human, I've decided that it's high time I evaluate who I am. Deep down, I'm real. I know this. Amidst tests of life and vitality, I've resorted to prose to find my inner truth.

This truth is that when we are alive, there it a reason. When we die, there is a reason. Although it may not all be pre-determined, I know that when there is an action there is a push. Like a deep sigh from the ever-dark of my lungs, things come to light, and they come to spread about in the air and go on journeys untold.

What's harder than leaving
A human being behind,
Sacrificing a billion would-be's
And countless possibilities

And what irony could be found
If I did stick around and if I
Did discover that nothing lay in
Wait for me?

I care about you,
I do,
But I can't linger on people
Who make me feel confused and
Lonely

If my sin destroyed your
fragile covenant then maybe
it should've disintegrated already

I'm an inconvenience
And time is short no matter the hour

i wish my stories could tempt
tears like yours do
but such skills in storytelling
come from the heart
inspired by fear

when i hear your voice my
tongue bites and my ears
call for silence of the brain
so i can wholly focus on what
i might then hear

i know we can't laugh and cry
like we did just weeks ago
so close i could touch it
so far but only by a measure
of the past, where an instant is the
same as a year

reason says move on, now
for once my devils are silent
for i am the only survivor
of their awful ranks
this much is clear

there's seltzer in my skull
pockmarking my bones picking
at my marrow, eating me alive
i know how to fight things on
the skin but how do i defeat the
enemy when the enemy is me?

I can kiss you back to life
Give me your hand
And I can pick you up again
But, oh
What strength lies in my bones?
Eliminated
Shot
Gone years long past
I'm weaker than I thought

Kiss me back to life
But we're both falling
Twirling in this dance of death
Ever-distant
Growing smaller

Give me your hand

short like a novella
black and honest
i lean in to hear what
you have to say
today

yesterday was an eternity
a million years ago
i hope you believe my confession
i've been holding it in for
weeks now

when our lips meet
i ascend and i fear
it's not the same for you
i'm like a rubber band
snapping back to attention
each time your eyes fall on me

been through the ups and
the downs with you but
i'm afraid i'm just another
young mistake

i'm gone now so
only time can tell

when you coat yourself in silver
and shut your eyes
and fly too high
and breathe in rain
and tell your lies
you oxidize

your skin turns blue
and rots away,
exposing bones
bleached like snow
you've flown so low
they'll never know

so you hide away
and cry for help
and no one comes
until you've died
deep in your cave
in need of light

you strike on stone
and light a match
and burn yourself
to light the way
back out of hell
and into life

I bought that coat for a little more n'
twenty dollars, she said.

He looked up and clenched his jaw, coat in hand. Ma'am, you were seen stealing this here jacket.

She protested and the man was going to call for security when the police cruiser arrived outside, silent but lights flashing

Your secret is safe with me, said the officer, and he took the jacket and the man perished, and the woman opened her palm to find a little more n' twenty dollars.

It was the middle of winter and the store was closed, and the corpse of a dead clerk stained the ground for the weekend before it was discovered by the night watch. There was no coat and no woman and the police officer's name was concealed.

You can't call my bluff
Time to back up, ********

I've escaped the ties of those around me
and living free has taught me to love
myself and never feel shame for living

but when tricky broads and mindless
dogs try to stick labels on me, provoke me
to fight, a fist around my neck looks a
lot like an invitation, so I shut them down
and ignore the thunder in my brain

I remind them they know nothing about me,
I am self-assured, unassailable, and I can learn
from people terrified enough of new things that they'd
come and attack me, and they're scared that I know
what's in their head

I can see only a
Glimpse of your soul
And I understand that
You don't care for me

A photograph captures a
Piece of the spirit and
Yet your eyes reveal
Nothing

To cause a man as much pain as possible
without quickly killing him, drive a plastic
knife into his gut and twist the handle so
the blade splits evenly, distributing shards of
polymer that will ache each time he moves

your tongue tastes like *****
i can't stop these bullets from
slipping between my lips

i crave our moments together
and i know you don't want the
things i do

i wish you did

Your friend almost killed us in his car
And you were strangling my brother
And when I called the police on you
I was happy you were safe

"'There was passion without emotion,' read the book.

I burned the book and then my hand caught fire."

Don't do affection, just
Throw it out and dust the
Curtains and be done with it

I just wanna love myself and
Thank God I'm the best he's
Ever made

I'll have to cut the title
This time so you can't
Find my tracks but
I don't know what I've found

If diamonds are rare,
Then this is rarer