I want to see the sun
Blinking through empty space
Unaltered by our atmosphere

I want to feel your skin
And your warmth on
A rainy Saturday

I don't know who you are
But I'll sing to the dark
And wait for you to answer

I can't help my itching despair
Tugging at me like an river
I'll deal with it someday

I want to hear your voice
When you talk in your sleep
Maybe later

Don't do affection, just
Throw it out and dust the
Curtains and be done with it

I just wanna love myself and
Thank God I'm the best he's
Ever made

We were supposed to go to church
But you tried to **** us first

And I know you've gone too far and
Maybe now you can fix things for yourself

i want to hang all your
art on my walls so
when i'm home it's
all i can ever see

I could chase you for a hundred years
And never take a single step

there's a certain magic to looking
where the sun set just hours ago
pinning down a mountain on my map
driving there
standing atop the mountain
staring at the stars
and the city lights beyond

buffeted by high winds
cold breezes and
crisp gusts of air
skin kissed by the silvery
light of the moon

it's a journey i want
to make alone

Our boots shake the earth and a thousand suns beyond,
stars shine afar, of which we are so fond

Burning voices tear the air,
hunting parties are rife with the knife,
a blade drawing black blood,
our boots soaked in black mud

No time to play, you'll waste away the day
Face the sun's shallow ray and tell me you'll stay

It's okay if you lie, dear,
but it's my wish to keep you near

I've likely written about you before;
I can't remember

I can't figure you out,
but I know it's simpler than I
want to believe

It's been more than a year and I
still miss you, I want to
sing with you and sit in the dust
awaiting your arrival

Promise you'll never notice what
I've done to bring us together, because
putting so much work into this is either
romantic or depressing and I'm afraid
you'll choose the latter

Blood on my hands and
I don't know who it belongs to
And it's not something I can
Easily return

Pull me from this arena

I can't stand to feel that sun anymore and
I can't help but tear myself apart for
Ruining their lives so many
Hours ago

Take me back in time
But I know this is not something
I can easily escape

I know you're fragile
And when I tried to hurt you
I helped you instead

Let it run like hot blood
In the snow, cutting like knives
In a soldier's soft skin

Red on white,
Stark, hands in my hair
Breath on my brow

Let your words run down
My back like oil on sand
Black and slick underfoot

You're a perfect poison
On which everything thrives
But me, but trust me,
It's a good death

i am lost in
these months
when the air begins to melt
the sky breaks like thunder
dry lightning storms as
a metaphor

we build bombs and
light them to appease
the clouds who cry back
and ask for more

we forget what sleep
feels like

i can't forget what
you sound like

above all the noise
i hear you

beyond the heat
i feel you

shared experiences in
moments of silence

I'll start with the first line of
A song I'm listening to and
It all rolls out from there

Knowing you act like you love
But I know you don't -
It's the purest form of torture

Blasted on golden guns
with bullets flying,
shattering red veins

How can I expect to put
myself back together?

Don't.

Let me ascend to
hot heaven

At the time, I was passionate
I was adamant
Our love moved mountains and
Your eyes were like twin gods

I don't miss it anymore, no
But I get flashes to the past sometimes
And my mind makes little rhymes
Trying to put the pieces together
To find out why I left

And the mysteries never solve themselves,
It's why they're called mysteries and
It's why it's best to leave them alone

There's no bad blood between us, no
Only stale words and promises I
Made and never kept and I knew that
One day I'd pull the plug on you

I can't tell if you're more alive now but
I know that I'm becoming something new
Something better
Someone better than who I was before

Because I'm adamant
That my love will persist through this
Storm and that I will rise to face the
Challenges that lie ahead and these are
Things that I can do alone

I don't need another part to complete me
I'm all I have left and I'm all I'll ever want
Beyond the sunlight and the trees and other
Little permanent things

It's crazy how the world shifts around us and
Sometimes we're the ones doing the shifting,
And how the leaves look different in the spring
Than they do in the winter

Dead things never truly go away, I've learned.
Like the rain in the summer, old things come back
To bite you and like the leaves in the winter, lost
Beauty will never truly desert you

Pretend I don't care
Masking this face with another
Lips touching on nothing

Weakness in every joint
Every vein
I'm struggling to carry
My own weight
My own breath

I'm struggling to bear
My own binding writ to honesty

eyes cast down we find safety and solace in the dark
where no prying souls live to tell our secrets to the world
and i know you better than god -
i can read your every breath as a song
each hitch a lyric

i hate this power
but you ought to know i have it

All I saw was white noise;
Empty crackling and a voice
Behind the mask

You're muffled and I can't hear
The truth under this sheen of
Sound

Every time you look at me
I hear a question and I can't
Translate it from this tongue
You're speaking in

I wrote of desert stones many months ago
and I lost my pen to the paper and
sacrificed my ink to the moon

Written with blood, this writ
sings of my dedications and
poems penned with names in mind

Unmeasurable love and adoration
beyond simple words, I feel more than my
body can handle

So please, stay here, and never
leave me to the night, for you are
my light and I am your shadow

I am too fearful to return to that
which birthed me

flash back to just last month
i'm sitting on your bed
you're right there but
i feel so alone
the television's playing music
and i only want quiet

you can say so much with your eyes
i tricked myself into thinking we
didn't need words but now i know
we can't keep a conversation with
anything but our hands

conquering distant lands

with you i am intoxicated and
when i miss you i miss nothing but
your voice

at no other topic does my mind
backtrack like this, correcting itself,
forcing lessons i put off for so long

that when i am chided for having boundaries
it isn't me at fault

that when i am pushed to my limits
i shouldn't be jumping off

that when i hit the waves
i shouldn't try to breathe water

Let it all out
Let it breathe

If the sky can draw a breath
Then so can (*******) you

They're telling us to calm down
But it doesn't make me any more sane

the moon said you're gorgeous
i said yes, i agree
she told you what i couldn't
this i hope you can see

when the air is cold
but the sun beats brightly
i am caught in the middle
of a land war between
two perfectly balanced forces
wherein my body
is the battlefield and
my mood is the spoils

I got my hopes up again, friend;
I prayed to the wind and it went quiet

Left me in the dust again
and I don't know if I can
pick myself up this time

I don't know if I want to

I got my hopes up again, friend;
I prayed to the wind and it went quiet
Can I breathe once again, when on the ground I stand,
My vision turns blue, I need to forget you

I need to bury the past and kick it back
and hold it where it belongs
It'll eat me alive, friend;
Come and save me

You picked me up when I felt weak
and my voice was too soft to speak
but you read my eyes and told the truth
and on young souls I cut my tooth

Lift the past and burn it down
and throw the ashes to the wind,
so it can never find itself again
A chance for rebirth

But I don't know if I want to

Looking your way,
I'd be hard-pressed to admit the
Beauty of an angel even if
It ****** me to Hell

full offense but
i will never fit in
i will never be valued
by who i want to be

on two feet i run
and go nowhere

i spend breath and
get none back

and if it must be said
i am over it

I can handle depression
But anxiety is a bit too much

I'm sorry for writing your run-of-the-mill
Emotional venting poem but I need to get
This off my chest and I have nobody left
To talk to, not to say I'm not thankful

These fires lately have me on edge and there's
Too much on my shoulders and though I
Know that I can't collapse,
I really do want to

You feared you would tear us apart
like you did last year and I told you
that I would never let that happen again

Three months until the truth of my
powerlessness came to light, and my
only option was to let you drift away

And when our eyes meet I feel not even
the common affection shared between friends,
and when I speak to you your head turns as if
we had never before this moment met

I am a pursuant who runs and goes nowhere,
and though my legs grow strong and my lungs
learn to feel pain I feel guilty for letting myself
spend so much time on you

I know not to regret past decisions because they
made me who I am, and there's not a single thing
I regret about you, I just can't help but tell you that

It hurts how we let this die so quietly

I was born twice and about one day I remember
Everything and of the other, nothing

We're all one and one united,
Paths blending and voices mixing until
Languages are indecipherable and
Each touch is the same in its variety

We're back and we never left,
And if there's one thing you should take
Home with you, let it be that, with the hope
That it reminds you that it's possible to
Disappear completely whilst biding your time

I was born twice and the second time was as intense
As the first, if quieter, and I tapped into something
Much greater than myself

We're all one and one united, and if tracking back
Means you'll reach a second birth, come into
Contact with a family you never knew, then
Maybe it'll be worth it

you send me good morning texts
when i'm three hours into my shift

it's a strange feeling
warmth
when i have become so
comfortable locked alone
with nothing but
the cold

I'm leaving my windows open tonight
with the hope that it'll help me sleep
because when I wake up
I don't want to feel like I'm falling

They say the eyes are the windows of the soul
and I'm looking out
seeking something
and I want you to tell me what you see
when you stare at me
because I don't know what to feel

I've heard songs sung by long-dead stars
recorded on instruments divine
and I want to know what it sounds like
when the rings of Saturn spin

I'm getting over a fever
that's hobbled my mind for far too long
but instead of triumph I feel only
emptiness

It took everything from me and I took it all back
but I'm looking down into my outstretched hands and
I don't understand what I'm seeing

Take my hands, please, and cure me of this
disease

Close my windows when I wake

the rain on my brow is a shield
before which wind wakes whirls of dirt
and dust catches on my well-worn shoes,
soles sliced by the pedals on my bicycle,
sharpened instead of dulled by two generations of use

the arches above my head are the ribs of an umbrella
but drops cut at an angle as if the notion of striking
the ground before kissing my skin is simply too
much to consider

so under this canopy four years has stretched
into six hundred, the crash of minutes slipping away
muted by the wolves in my brain and until this pathway is
finished with me i will never know peace

Let's plunge into delirium
lost in our own suffering
bathed in blood and oil,
I want to lose any illusion
of purity

Of soul and body I want
you to consume me,
and I you but only this
skin-deep terror holds us back

You took a white soul
and made it blue

Pro-blade whispers on the edge of things,
There's no running from this

Forcing myself to sip water is different
Than drinking sunlight and taking in
Attention gets me high but it never lasts

By the time I'm home the world has fallen
And I'm putting the pieces together to
Figure out why it broke and if I
Caused this myself

Keep this boy alone

Can't find a reason to stick around since
It's easier to dust off bad looks and
Double-meaning words than
Rely on a dead man's grip

you should know
not just anyone can look over my shoulder
and leap into the mind of a stranger
years away
inches closer
and while i admire your resolve
and your self-confidence
i'm asking you to step away and
leave me in peace because when
i open the eye on the back of my head
it's not you i want to see
i'm sorry

I'm nothing next to this mountain
And I've begun running
Lest it tear me apart

my card is the fool
i think
i never really got into stuff like that
but this feels right

conversations with me trail off
minutes long at most
million things left unsaid
because i'm really really
terrible at articulating my thoughts

if i could i would give you the sun
but i can't
so this song will have to suffice
for now

and i hope soon i can make your day
because when you smile
the sun gets a little bit brighter
and time slows down a little bit
and talking gets a little easier
and my feet feel a little bit lighter

i know you're a socialite
and i'm a socialite for you
i think three's a crowd
to be absolutely honest

i ******* hate
alcohol
don't come near my friends
my family
don't create any more
qualifiers
i will destroy the bottles
shatter the glass
drink up the blood that
spills from my fists
i will not let
you take that too.

acid poison venom
the ugly disease
the one that i hate
the one that i work to
destroy.

i am ******* immune
to this fear of mine
and i am adamant
i will **** it where it
stands

this is my warm month
my brown month
my i'm so safe month

its time to say goodbye
to the earth and i'm a worthless lie
and it's everything to me
that i may die

huddle by the fire and sing old bible hymns
to me as i fall asleep
and the leaves outside are my lullaby
as i descend into my deep sleep
this november

And I begin to wonder
When the rain will start to end
And my mind will become normal
And God's back will start to bend

When the sun will fall to Earth
And the ground will crack again
When my lover says hello
And my tender heart will rend

I will start to cry again
Eyes as streams of vitriol
And in myself I'll find a friend
Answering my heart's own call

There's a bridge beneath my feet
And there's smoke in my twin lungs
I'm scared this wood is burning
Searing through these fragile strings

I've been searching an escape
That which I cannot find
Buried so deep in this dirt
I'd be better off alive

So please, I plead of myself:
Save me

headlights illuminate
cherry blossoms kicked up
by a late night breeze
dancing in the moonlight

a forever
competition

i glide through the dark
soundless & frictionless
free to observe
and think

i walk through old memories
lost in the blossoms
stopped only by
road signs

I confessed to you that
I'm a devil at heart but
I started to doubt it
Moments later

I still wonder
Why?

Can't I be sure of myself
When I finally figure things
Out

Maybe
I'm something holy,
Beyond what I had in
Store for myself so
Many months ago

Maybe
I'm something sacrosanct,
Something God wouldn't
Touch for fear of *******
It up before it got a chance
To bloom completely

Maybe
I'm something awful,
Maybe I crawled up from
Some rotten hole and I'm
Waiting for a hero to
Finally end me

He's fixing himself,
said I'm difficult

Who am I to judge
a boy whose true colors
I've never seen?

They say stay where you
belong, to me, and to all of
them I say I'll do what I want

But it might be best, I think,
to keep to myself when all
my help just hurts instead

Bad moods don't breed good words
I've learned
Even the dark side of Mars
Sees the sun sometimes
And the dark side of Luna
Sees it as well

Don't make a boy a promise you
Can't keep if you'll get bored the
Next day over and leave him in the dust

Don't take what you can't give back
Don't use up energy you can't replace
Because my time is gold and you aren't

I've lost myself
Once again

I think it's better this way
To swim and never once think
About surfacing for air

I think it's better this way to gather
Gold and never once think about
Its holy volume until it's all spent

Today I got a perfect marks on an
Examination I'd previously failed and I
Adore this illusion of second chances

I think we should all be afforded this luxury

i see those good students with books on their knee
and i think to myself i wish that could be me
but my mind is so scattered pure thought is a lie
these dark nights make me feel i could hang up and die
for i see no near dawn when i'll lift up my head
without cursing the stars for not keeping me dead

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