it may be hard to believe
but after the storm,
the clouds do clear.
it may be hard to believe,
but after the storm,
after the clouds do clear,
the blue sky comes back.
it may be hard to believe
and it is.
because sometimes
even i don't believe.
and sometimes
even i am stuck
in an internal and eternal storm.

i got the best advice today.
i told them my heart was already racing.
their response:
"let it race."
i figured it out.
i need to do this.
so let it race.
let it speak.
let it show the anxiety
the nervousness
and the excitement.
when i talk to you
my dear,
tomorrow morning
i will let it show in my eyes.

tomorrow can go two ways
each divided between two answers:
yes or no.
and the hand to my heart truth
is that i need to do this
or else i never know what you would say.
so tomorrow
i'll lure you into her office
and ask you there
m&m;'s waiting.
i'll have your full attention.
i can already feel my heart racing.
after you read the poster.
are you going to say yes
or no.

yes or no.
yes or no.
yes or no.

...is what i'm thinking
thinking of the scenario
how everything could change
how i could change
how we could change.
and i'm stricken with anxiety.
i need to do this.

there's some
sick twisted pleasure
i get at the thought
of you knowing
i like someone else.
and it slightly sickens me
but also that
sick twisted pleasure
in knowing
is elating.

i could of brought up prom
i could of at least mentioned it.
but with you
i seem to forget everything
and live in the present with you.
i have no worries
about anything.
i'm focused on you
and the way your mouth
forms around your words
and your smiles.
i'm focused on you
and the light reflecting in your eyes.
i'm focused on you
and you let me live in the present
without worries.

i may have
told how my day went.
and how your name
came up in conversation
more than once,
maybe even more
than five times.
but also, i may have
left out the part
where i leaned my head
on your shoulder
and you put your head
on mine.

my dear, today
you took a right turn
away from me
and shocked
i continued on my usual path
when 100% of me
wanted to turn and follow.
friday is approaching fast.