Eighty, he cried for someone dead.

They knocked. The door knocked back.

The good morning news to nobody.

911 called, time of death answered.

Fingers left prints. Hands left bruises.

The birds will still sing tomorrow.

The diary never held many secrets.

He remembered her. She remembered nothing.

He waited for her to return.

Joining her on stage, her wife.

Lost hopes. Reward for their restoration.

The paramedic drove; their love rode.

"Goodbye sir. I'm sorry. I failed."

your eyes were green.
i started to notice
around the time i realized
i would be sitting next to you
for a long time.
when i shared this information,
you disregarded me,
with a glance in another direction
and told me they weren't.
but how would you know?
when i was the one
who saw them on a daily basis--
searching between them.
you told me they weren't green.
that they were brown.
after brief arguing
i met with you in the middle
made a compromise
and smiled.
they were a brown green then.
yet you still gave me one of your looks,
and the frown.

i noticed you didn't like talking about yourself.
well neither do i.
but they definitely weren't brown.
because i have brown eyes
and they're not like yours.

whenever i am around you
i am mostly happy.
green is a colour that is said to alleviate depression.
that offers harmony.
and i didn't see brown.
i saw green.

and your eyes were green.
and i started to notice
around the time i realized
i was falling in love with you.
but i saw much more
than just a colour.
they were much more
than just brown.

|m.s.

what's wrong with me
is a problem and not a problem
within itself.
my problem is that
i am in love with you.
but also being in love with you
is not a problem.
but i continue to find myself
starting blankly into space
imagining my hand
with yours
and it's all i can do
to not start crying
at school
in fear that i may see you.

|m.s.

you know as children
we were taught how to ask
basic questions
like: who, what, where, why, when, and how.
and it's come to my attention
that these questions aren't the easiest
nor are they completely possible to answer.
when the question that arises
is who?
i know how to answer that one.
because who is you.
when the question that arises
is what?
i know how to answer that one too.
because what is love?
i think what i want to say is
that i like you.
as for where
i have to go back to september
thinking of the first day.
we were in a classroom setting
you sat to my right.
my right side faced you,
your front faced me.
i always had to look
semi over my shoulder
to look at you
and to be honest
that was quite often.
i enjoyed the time we spent together
and i mourned when the time
became too short
and the class ended.
the next trimester
we no longer had classes together
but i got to spend a lot of time
with you in january.
and as time continues passing
i continue to fall more
and i get to dig a deeper grave
at every frown
and at every smile,
at every swat
and every hug.
and i guess that's not too much of a problem
being in love with someone,
it only hurts a little bit.
where it started,
was english.
when the question that arises is why?
i'm taken aback at the question
because why is such a hard
question for me to answer.
i don't exactly know why
i fell for you,
why i like you.
but very easily i fell for you
in a matter of weeks, months,
in a matter of one trimester.
i knew at the end
that i had fallen.
i guess i took to stumbling very early on,
and eventually i fell completely.
there are certain wonders to the world
that can never be explained,
and i consider falling in love
one of those certain wonders.
because there is no explanation
to why it happens that way.
despite the scientific fact
of items falling at the same speed
no matter what it be.
it's not happening that way
i may be falling
or have already fallen
but you still seem far away
from perching on that stoop to fall,
so i count in the surface area
around your heart
affecting your fall
you're still floating backwards
from the last time you fell
and you crashed and burned.
i understand.
but when i fell for you
there is no math equation
scientific fact
that explains
exactly why
a person falls.
i can pin point
when.
when was the beginning of this year
back in september.
i can pin point
where.
in english.
you sat beside me
i can pin point
what.
loving you.
i can pin point
who.
you.
but i come back
to why and how
and i am unable to explain
myself to anybody who asks.
i just know, without a doubt
that i do.
those questions aren't the easiest
nor are they always completely possible to answer
so when the subject is you,
why and how
aren't possible to answer.
it's just knowing.

|m.s.

panic
i can't breathe
i feel like i'm going to cry
who's ripped my heart out of my chest this time
why's it empty
what's happening
it's getting worse
you tell me to breathe
tell me to breathe
me to breathe
****** breathe

on this break i've designated one thing.
to steer clear of you,
to remove you from me:
my soul, my essence.
twenty one days
is the amount of time needed to break a habit.
this break is less than that
sitting at a fourteen
enough for me to sit the night before we return
chewing my fingernails on if you'll be there in the morning
if you'll be safe, healthy,
alive.
a lot can happen in fourteen days
and it's awful for me to sit and think.
so far i've done a very good job keeping you out of my thoughts.
out of my conversations.
the only time you've come up
was that a few days into this break
i saw you
and blast it
my whole body heat up like fire
i felt my skin get clammy and hot
i felt conflicting emotions.
but one thing stood clear:
i want to be done with you.
now.
i have no time
for this beating around the bush *******.
i'm sick an tired of crying over your bipolar personality
being a friend one and a foe the next
you even know that i feel for you.
i've dreamt to hold your hand
and lie beside you and watch the sky be born
and grow old,
fading into black to count the stars.
i've wished for you
on lost pennies, four 1's--two 11's on a clock,
on stars, on birthday candles, crossed fingers, christmas lists.
i've written countless poems
expressing all my anguish and excitement.
god you bring out the worst in me, but also the best.
i'm so patient with you, but jealous towards others.
i wish you knew what you did to me.
i wish you knew what you did to me over
the fact that i feel for you,
over petty feelings that i'm ready to be over of,
that i've wasted a year and a half on.
twenty one days breaks a habit.
fourteen isn't quite enough,
but i'll take it.
tonight is the first time i've actually thought about you.
and this poem of promise
speaking of freedom from feeling so awful all the time,
sounds lovely.
i'm sorry to have inconvenienced you
for a year and a half
over feelings i should of put out immediately.
but fire spreads rapidly, my dear.
and i have a low tolerance of heat.

|m.s.

i saw someone i knew
that i haven't seen in three months.
i knew it was them even from afar
by the way their hair had grown
and the way they walked.
and it's as if time itself slowed
allowing the seconds to clock our heartbeats
and i know now what they mean by "follow the light,"
because they were the light at the end of the tunnel.
and my feet were instinctively brought forward
but they disappeared down another hallway,
and i wanted to cry as time sped back up with me
because life is cruel
and i missed the chance to say hi
and even more...
see their smile.

|m.s.

i taste you on my lips
and i feel you in every heartbeat.
but i've never actually kissed you.
and my heart beats alone
because even when you're in front of me--
you're so many miles away, my dear
with closed store window eyes
and a prison cell heart.

|m.s.

i've come
to this conclusion
that the universe
is against me
and i must be
a dying star.


|m.s.

i'm come to a conclusion
after staying up late
for so many days.
i've decided
at two, and three, and four
in the morning
that i love you
more than i'll ever love myself.

|m.s.

i don't make my computer
remember how to spell your name.
because therefore you are permanent.
and i know very well that you are not.

|m.s.

you know
at one point
i had
changed
my travel routes,
created detours
to my classes
to see you.
and that meant
risking being late.
but even now
i still continue
to travel on my
created detours.
it hurts me to see you
but i still walk past you.
eyes cast downward,
and hooded eyes.

|m.s.

i thought of
purchasing
a dream catcher
but the truth is
i'm not sure if I want
my dreams of you
captured.
so i'll deal with
the nightmares.
|m.s.

i used to dream of flying,
soaring through the air.
i used to dream of flying,
when i was young,
interested in happier times.
then the dreams used to be of flying,
but then i could no longer speak.
and even after that i began to run,
chased by things i have been avoiding,
running from ideas that could break me.
then within my dreams, i began to fall.
and then i dreamt of death.
i no longer fly,
i am merely wordless, running,
falling.

|m.s.

is english class
the place to fall in love?
my teacher always
places people near me
that captivate me
that i want to learn more about.
because i always had open ears
and starry eyes
for a dancer who's always too serious.
and to a band boy who's always humming.

|m.s.

people say
'not until
it's set in stone.'
but people forget
even stones
erode.

|m.s.