i'm going to try to go to bed now.
i'm left in the moment
of staring at the ceiling again.
trying to sleep
but the thought of you,
my dear,
continues on
like the snow storm outside
relentless and heavy.
i can't remove you
from my thoughts.
it's simply not
going to be done.
so be it.
i'll go to sleep
thinking of you
and hopefully
i'll dream you too.

this next few days
are going to be a little stressful.
and it's not because i'm settling
into a new trimester.
it's because i'm thinking
of you
and prom
and how i'm going to ask you.
i'm crossing my fingers.
i hope you say yes.

i'm starting to have
a hard time remembering things.
like passwords
and meetings
and schoolwork.
and i'm not exactly sure why
but i have a feeling
that it may be
because of you.
again, my dear
you're on my mind
more often than
my understanding
of the knowledge
that i can actually remember
to count to a hundred.
instead of thinking
about how many times
i think of you
and committing them
to a number,
i'd rather count
to a hundred of something else.
maybe the seconds i spend with you.
perhaps the breaths you take,
when we sit side by side.
maybe even the smiles
you give me in a week.
the hugs you give me
in a month.
at least
in forgetting
i'm remembering you.

my mission
is to crash land
into bed
face first into
pillows and blankets
let myself sigh
and melt into
a dreamland.

it's just common sense to me.
having self worth is an unattainable peace.
the beauty and the beast.
because really if you think
about it, no one should really care
but confidence is always lacking.
few know the true peace,
of the true complete content and happiness
of having the self worth.
and envy swarms around us.
we can't see through all the dark
we're driven by that envy.
we end up even worse.

i'm not sure what to say
my words
revolve around
"sure," and "okay,"
i'm not sure what to say
my hope is that song's not about me.
and there's so much more
than being torn
and i hope you learn that.
and i hope you learn that
i'm not the one.

i catch myself a lot
thinking of you and your well being
and us and all possibilities.