I was broken the first day I fell in love

made up of spring blooms and teen heart songs

I gave the world such precious babes

still beating, still pulsing

through poisoned air by filthy words

and touches I was told to accept

Foul play was never pure intention

it never touches hearts

crumbling instead, dry ice in viens

colder than the frosts on late crops

you left it through summers, autumns, winters, and springs, but never gave thought to years and five, and ten, and twenty

thousand of the nights spent wondering how the secrets came flooding through the cracks of well built homes without one mention of transgression

without one mention of “how could we let this happen in the first place”

Give me one truth to hold onto

cause I’ve been wishing on stars

higher than my expectations

My maybe stars and mostly flames

but they always fall down like hail

and leave bruises on my shoulders

already riddled with red spots

left by my bad habits and self hate

And bruises mostly stay longer than you want them to

talking about your weakness to strangers you’ve never met

It’s the same with hickeys and sunburns, but aren’t they all reminders

that yesterday your heart sang into another being

or ocean waves crashed into your ankles

and I know your eyes light up when that music starts

so don’t try to deny your vulnerability

You know, most of us been waiting for our lives to begin

for as long as we can remember

hoping and hanging onto daydreams

of inner peace and finally having love

but the smallest nighttime erases them

and our whispers are lost in the cracks of thunder

just like

every other wonder of every other lover I have

and all those lovers are stifled by each other’s unspoken phrases

and the rumble in the back of your head that chokes out

“don’t make a fool of yourself” “your words can’t carry your heart” “you will only end up embarrassed”

Why are we all so embarrassed?

When our beautiful friends stand in front of us blossoming as wide as a montana sky

and you stand there with a gate constraining your compassion like you’ve never cried yourself to sleep

But I have been both the guilty and the ashamed

and the only certainty I can give

is to speak your truth

or else wonder if you’re wishing on satellites

I’m hearing flowers sigh and drop petals
at the discouraged weight I carry
I think my feet grind into the sidewalk
awkwardly, hoping it will crack
and prove my existence
It has been cracked ceramic pieces
and running red lights
dead and disconnected
I probably shouldn’t be driving

Freedom isn't always
cutting ties
isolation
Freedom is
acceptance
loving without limits
giving all of yourself
taking your heart out knowing half the time it will be spit on and crushed
bashed into the art of your proudest moments
Freedom means you know what's best for yourself
it is the unconvention of spending two hours on love letters
and two minutes on schoolwork
You are not wrong in following your heart
there is no shame in loving the ocean as well as the forest
never feel like you are confined to the mountains
because you are worried of the pines reaching jealousy
I only ask
tread lightly on my needles
visit occasionally
keep loving the forest

I long to lay in that garden once more
let the veins in my chest grow in the patterns of grass roots
I ache to flow my love for the farm from every part of my being
those are the lives that fostered my passion

In the Summer I came back to enjoy the fruits of my labor
of countless tomatoes I seeded in tiny trays in early spring

I need that place to nurture my growth as I discover more land
I am reaching for the sun and stars,
but I need water from that acre
the love of all the farmers
and the magic of mycelium

I was planted on the edge of the path
I have been run over by wheel barrows
and trampled on by tiny feet
Had snow and mud piled on me,
but I feel myself coming back this spring

I am stronger than any year before
and I have come to tell stories of resilience and hope,
through miraculous green leaves
and flowers of breathtaking color
like the roses in my cheeks from long days
ankle deep in compost,
but not a rose bush
not pointing hands of thorns
keeping away my gardeners
lovers
I left my heart in the lupines I planted last year

I’m gonna fall from the tips of your fingers
beads of sweat off your forehead
oak logs into ashes
shaken leaves in autumn

I’ll pour into flower beds
and nestle with red wigglers
Tell me about the slow stretch of your shoulders
and the scars on your knees
Lets pound them into perfect soil
roll around in cover crop
I’ll probably need you to pick flowers out of my hair
when I fall asleep in the dirt on summer nights
I might need your raspberry lips to kiss grass stains
off my overalls
and sun-kissed shoulders
but in the morning I’ll praise
the way you lay still clutching my waist
like holding tight to the tops of trees

Twine our hearts together

Melt into your eyes

Rejoice for small seconds
in rhythm to the pulse
of your blood
Your breath
flows straight into my lungs
That voice of yours cascades like a river
rushing toward the boulder of my heart
I've been cracked by other stones
worn by time
and weather
I have stayed
for your cool waves
to fill my cracks
Wash away worries
Stay on course, love

Water wades high and low
I'll stay right here if you stay flowing