bella donna
blurry eyes
rabbit masks
are our disguise
delirious
heart beat
hold me against
your body heat
poison glazed
shining teeth
you will be
the death of me
moon speckled
pale skin
datura and
the scent of sin
devouring
like starved beasts
my bloodied heart
will be our feast

her combat boots
hit the snow
jumping from
her window

stuffed her backpack
full of sweets
lollipops,
her favourite treat

bunny pajamas
and braided hair
she shivers but
she doesn't care

into the night
she wanders away
looking for somewhere
safe to stay

you can't live
on dreams alone
you need
to return home

"but they'll hurt me!"
she begs and pleads
she cries and gets
down on her knees

she looks so pretty
with her doe eyes
but nobody cares
what a surprise

"i don't think i'll go,
i'd rather die",
she turns away
and waves goodbye

another tween
suicide
another angel
chose to fly

there was going to be a storm
and the air was still
we held our breath watching
the setting sun blaze through the clouds
curtain call
down the empty road
with old streetlights
mobbed by moths
white as the moonflowers
slowly stretching open as if
peeled by curious fingers
i stop to smell one
curtain call
but we don't have music
so i'll sing our reprise
duet with me, darling
peach scented words
as i idly play with your hair
and you with my choker necklace

red blossoms
on my wrists
rose scented
rosary beads
cannot protect me
halo light
only exposes
my sins
for god
to feast on
peeling my
festering heart
like a mandarin orange,
sinking his teeth
deep deep deep
into the black core
once there was
something pure there,
once i was clean
but i have been
ruined
i'm never
getting it back
no matter how
many crosses
hang above
my bed
no matter how much
holy water
rests dried
on my head

i cannot dream
when enrobed by concrete
crumbling, desecrated
and peeling walls
kids used to play
past dark
bikes whizzing under street lights
but doors opened to us
and swallowed us whole
with teeth of televisions
and saliva of anxiety
sour, putrid, reeking
it still blows over my face to this day.

i crack a window.
and it is noon
i am six years old
watching the field,
(i can hold it in my little hand
like a ripe, green grape)
sway under the weight of
imaginary children's footsteps
and beloved animal paws
i am ten years old
and i listen
but it is still
except for the drone
cars and cicadas, on and on and on and on
my world holds its breath
until it becomes dizzy

sunscreen shimmers on your skin like siren scales
your hand, dirt under bitten nails, idly picks at the grass
and you fidget with the braided bracelet around your wrist

i try not to stare while you talk
so i don’t fall in love with
your velvet dark eyes,
the upturned corners of your soft lips
and the way your nose flares while you smile

you laugh like a prayer

like a rabbit
i'm light on my feet
must be the lucky
clover i eat
i was born in
a wolf's mouth
i felt his fangs
but i didn't cry out
i know to be quiet,
i know how to hide
they can't get me
when i'm inside
i know how to listen
i know how to wait
i can hear when their voices
are tainted by hate
but most of all
i know how to run
my big white ears
catching the sun

i am
the ghost of a crow
putting myself back together
with trinkets i find
my feathers were stolen
so i use plastic ones in every colour
i picked from a child's art project
thrown out onto the street
and what for eyes?
i take acorns from the park
watching a girl read
in the shade of that mighty tree
lying in the grass in a white sun dress
but is there any scavenged object
i could use for a heart?
so far, i've tried
fresh dandelion flowers, and a lost golden earring
a shiny shell (and how! we're so far from the sea!)
a fox's skull, and the bell from a stray cat's collar
but nothing worked.
maybe i was made to be this empty
maybe what they did to me can never be undone.

Her mind
is never empty
All the time, it is full of wild thoughts that she can never escape

Beautiful thoughts
like the stars twirling through the void

Sorrowful thoughts
like the tears she holds in her lap like clear jewels

Violent thoughts
like the screams of the one who fell

She rips a feather from her wings
because she’ll never use them to fly

And instead she dips it
in ink, or blood
to her, there is no difference

Because her page will not be empty
And her thoughts will take flight, as sentences and words
and sometimes tears

Because she is the Writer
There are stars in her eyes
There’s a universe in her wings

i was born underground,
i was born with darkness all around
i was born with a voice
my own choice
but they never told me how to use it
so i was quiet.
so quiet,
listening for
the scraping of claws
and eating what they offered me
one day i felt
the sun on my face
and it was august,
the sky lit up like honey
and goldenrods swayed in the wind
and peaches ripened like blood on trees
and i had wings,
i had wings!
so i took to the sky
brushed the dirt from my eyes
and ran away from that accursed
brood
and my mood
rose up like campfire smoke to the heavens
oh what a heaven
there are more of us
and we're in love
so we sing and dance
and take our chances
zipping through the sky
on diaphanous wings
now i sing
and i sing
and i know
some people find it annoying but
i was silent and scared for so long
now im in love and
i know death rides for me
but im in love
there's no room for thoughts of tragedy
as long as you hold me and ravage me
all throughout this night
reverberating with the ecstasy
of all the earth's creatures crying out

a crow
croaks harshly,
sitting on
the wooden cross
atop the peeling
church roof
something here
is dead and rotten
the stench seeps
from inside
where a priest
lectures a group of children
sitting cross legged
on a wooden floor
about hell
honour thy father and mother
(even if they hurt me?)
or you will be
pitched into the flames
for all eternity,
he says,
looking down at
the pallid faces
and fawn- like eyes

i should have bit
the hand that feeds
before it became
the hand that beats

rotten lies rise
between my teeth
my silver tongue
and the stench of meat

now i could devour
the whole **** world
just to protect
that scared little girl

but i still can't
stand up to you
what the hell
did you do?

The sun said:
I will vanquish gods for you.
I will conquer stars for you.
I will devour worlds for you.

And the moon replied:
You don't need to do any of that.
All you need to do is survive;
that is enough for me.

I close my eyes and wish I was dead
(and so, I must again write about you)
because you only love me inside my head.

I try to calm down, but only see red
(I know this is bad, I'm afraid of me too)
I close my eyes and wish I was dead.

Some days I can scarcely get out of bed
this is quite the hole that I've sunk into,
because you only love me inside my head.

Why can't I think about anything instead?
there's so much I still need to do
I close my eyes and wish I was dead.

Something's wrong with me, I said
Something they would never help me through
because you only love me inside my head.

Out of this body my spirit fled,
into the night, on white wings we flew.
I close my eyes and wish I was dead
because you only love me inside my head.

when you are alive you remember
the taste of dried blood and salty tears
tears you cried in a past life half remembered
soaking the ratty fur of an old stuffed animal
trying to remember
what it feels like to be sung to and held
poems written in sand
and on skin
and in the brain
are lost lost lost forever
photos that watch
and photos that are lost
photos of you that don't look like you
photos of people you forgot the name of
and places you've never been to
photos of people you've never met but you love anyways
photos of him that make you feel
like your heart is going to spill over
blood and glitter coating every surface you touch
don't touch me
don't touch me
don't touch me
i'm unstable
i'm not real
i'm not real
i'm not real

just like a dog,
i whimper and whine
what will they use
to hit me this time?

ears cocked back,
head bowed low
maybe they'll stop
if i make a show?

"bad dog, bad dog"
they simply say
"i've done nothing wrong,"
i howl and bay

i used to snarl,
i used to snap
i have no more strength
to fight back

i buried my teeth
in her scarred arm
she only laughed,
i can do no harm

my ancestors were wolves
they knew the way
but i am nothing
nothing but prey

hazy in september
third eye in the mirror
you bleed honey
where the mountain wolf bites

i tried to write a song
but the melody ran away
and i don't know
which one of us it was scared of.

next year the apple tree
will blossom again
and we'll hold on 'till then,
we'll hold on 'till then.

Sweet fae doll,
dressed up in all soft perfume and glitter
to make you look alive.
Like a dragonfly on a downwards spiral,
or a sheen of blood on a white marble floor,
the glitter in the corners of your eyes shines.

I wear sweet absinthe on my lips
and dark rings under my eyes
and I wonder- do you ever look like me too?
Do you ever cry at night?
Is your radiance merely an illusion
to be robbed by the moon?

Do you not exist until someone sees you,
little quantum illusion?
I wish, I wish, I wish
my face would crystallize and shine
and the resonance deep within
would be forgotten under shadows.

the days of summer's heat
the scent of stale air
dry grass under my feet
wisteria in my hair

the bugs sing out loud
as the sun goes to bed
heavy purple clouds
float around my head

warm august nights
the asters sway like stars
twinkling faerie lights
bind dreams in honey jars

i want to drink the rain
straight from the storm
i want to feel its pain
i want to feel its warmth

fluffy white
bunny ears
what is it
that you hear?
down the
rabbit hole
insanity
will take its toll
it shows its face
in scribbled thoughts
it knows this place
the river rocks
where Ophelia lay
down to die
where poets say
the angels fly
where girls take
too many pills
vanilla cake
and blood spills
heads in the oven
like you know who
she's my idol
and yours too
we howl in the attic
on absinthe dreams
coloured static
the tv screams
a lovely face
fades into view
she's gone missing
she's joined the crew

dappled light
falling
like rain
through paper leaves
and lazy rivers
of rushing dreams.

illuminating
the cold, grasping hands
of those below.
we wanted to believe
that they were asleep
but they never were.

That night, you would have found me,
sitting in a tree and watching the fireworks
from the city in slow motion,
opening themselves like lilies,
framing the night with sparks,
fanning into the darkness their sweet perfume.

My nadir, reflected in your eyes,
I see the light of the full moon.
Rippling like silk,
soft to the touch like velvet.
What creatures lurk beneath those waves?
What jaws will close around my curious hand?

i am a
snow splattered
stained glass window
shingles
falling off worn roofs
glitter
from a church dress
under your nails
the sound of a child
drawing portraits of the devil
a bunny's death scream
spent fireworks found
the next morning
a lullaby
a child sings to herself
an old graveyard
no one visits anymore
(except the coyotes)
lay a rose bouquet for me?

hot pink
lipstick
starting fires
lighters click
self harm
relapse
why do you
keep doing that?
confessions
at midnight
a promise made
hold me tight
i know
it will never last
i move things
way too fast
they all leave
when it gets bad
i can't blame them
i'm totally mad
but god i feel
so alone
i want someone
to be my home

i wear what you said
like jewelry
sometimes it glimmers
a dark red snarl of pain
sometimes it falls
silver cascading tears
sometimes it chokes
leather and dog teeth
sometimes i pull at it
i try to break it
and rip it away from my skin
but i guess that's just
the situation we're in
because right now
there's someone inside
i want to keep safe

the flurry of
diaphanous wings
dance to the beat
nature sings

lyrics of
the heat of july
perching on branches
we reply

here comes the honeyed
time of year
sun ripples like daisy
silk in my ear

gathered with love
first come the berries,
as summer rolls on
next are the cherries

the chorus is loudest
when peaches are red
dipping and diving
because we'll be dead

enjoy the goldenrod
while it lasts
these shimmering days
always go fast

by frost the air
will be silent, you'll see
piles of corpses
of you and me

The mask is beautiful,
ivory, with golden filigree
and studded with crimson rubies.
But the eyes behind it are empty,
dull and lifeless.

I have been living a lie.
Split in half by the she-wolf's fangs
the husk shambles on
while I lie dying
among the fallen leaves.

While I lie dreaming
among the drifting snow,
it turns to rain and flower petals.
Wishing to never wake up,
wishing that this is all there is.

oh gods, i have made
bread out of hope
eaten it watching
meteor showers
painted it all
in sacred runes
let it be blessed
by the light of the moon
i'm not asking for much
just something
more substantial than a nebula
because i've been running on hope
but my wolf mouth is hungry,
slavering for something
to sink my teeth into
feel the blood run from my mouth

rolled down windows
blow cold winter air.
where are we going?
I don't really care.

snow speckled hands
catching the sky,
laughing and singing
and feeling so high.

the radio plays languages
I don't understand
but that doesn't matter
when I'm holding your hand.

I want to get lost
on those foreign roads
I want to be buried
where nobody goes.

i talk, and she listens
how steadily she listens
to every anxious whisper,
every wail of grief

i smile, and i glow
and she glows back
moondust made of fine gray hair
a serene face laced with scars

i never learned
how to sew, or cook
but i can make potions,
and write prayers

and i am nourished with the milk
of the still night sky
and the sugar of stars
ready to be picked like ripe cherries

you could burn out tomorrow,
and nobody would ever know.
we're still content to bathe
in your brilliant afterglow

nobody would notice,
and then one day, you'd be gone,
nobody would mourn you,
we'd just find another one.

staggering home after dark
pine needles in my hair
i've become a catholic mother's
worst nightmare

bruises and cuts
my dress in a tangle
crawling through
a raspberry bramble

ruined makeup
smudged with spit
he called me angel
but that isn't it

lost my cross necklace
somewhere in the dark
the one from my grandma
that shimmers and sparks

i'll do anything
because i'm in love
and that matters more
than the heavens above

i'm reckless with knives

i've got scarred, ****** knuckles,
but i'm still alive.

i'm reckless with knives

there are bits of me in the soup,
but i'm still alive.

i'm reckless with knives

i keep this one on my nightstand
it was made in nineteen forty five

but (somehow, unfortunately)
i'm still alive.

golden beast
your smile
becomes more like
a snarl
with every
passing day

your eyes
like pools
of acid
shining with gold
dripping
on my face

your claws
sitting
on my chest
when the sun
rises
each day

your fur
smelling
of midnight
dusted by dreams
soaking
with tears

your touch
gentle
like brocade
beckons me
to close my eyes
and sleep

and sleep
and sleep
under your weight
forever

what happens when
a hug
turns into hands that grasp
claws that tear
wings that smother
into silence?

what happens when
cotton candy clouds
and imaginary laughter
rot and drip
forming fetid pools
under the eyes?

Lay me down
until the snow covers my skin
like a blanket.
Watch as crocuses and violets sprout
from my still beating heart.
Pick them, and see
the patterns my blood makes in the snow.
Oh how I would love to be a feast for wolves,
for them to sing with my voice
next time the full moon rises.

let the memory of me
fade
into the night

forget my voice
forget my touch
heal your scars

you don't need me
anymore.

bleak fields
quivering
under an oppressive wind
trying not to cry
trying not to cry

when it comes
pouring down
when thunder splits the sky
i will watch them die
i will watch them die

take your thumb,
dip it
in your weeping wounds
and smear the gore
on my face.

you have stained
the folk dress
that my grandmother made for me
but I do not care
because I love you.

i've got
intrusive thoughts
classic psych ward
grippy socks

put me
down to dream
floating on
quetiapine

angel wings
paper white
too close to the sun
they'll catch alight

too close to the dark
they'll drag me down
like the time
i tried to drown

because either i'm
feeling high
or else
i want to die

that's why i'm here
in the locked room
pacing up
and down the gloom

the warden says
its time for bed
trust me it will be
good for your head

i close my eyes
and dream of you
all the struggles
we've been through

yes i know
i'm insane
but i have you
to share my pain

under my bed
a collection of things
snippets of ribbon
and tangles of string

old scuffed buttons
teddy bear eyes
shriveled up flowers
left to die

a bird skull i cleaned
with my hands in the sink
old perfume bottles
so shiny and pink

a lost love letter
not addressed to me
shards of glass
spit up by the sea

a lock of my hair
from before it turned dark
a cicada shell
i found in the park

i can't bring myself
to throw them away
even though it's junk
like you always say

i know how it feels
being unwanted and worn
i want nothing to feel
so forgotten and forlorn.

I wish to walk
on threaded moonbeams
through dreams
on velvet silent paws

not worrying about
the heaviness inside
and whether or not
the universe will hold me up

to look down
at the turning world below
and not have to ask
if I am safe here.

the water here
is clear
scoured
with acid
like a prism

no predators
lurk
in the darkness,
they strike
by daylight

with overwhelming force.
everybody sees them
nobody does anything
we are all too afraid
of the humming lights .

have you ever had a dream
so good
that you felt light crashing through the sky
thought you'd wake up when you died
but you didn't?

you can dissolve into chemicals
so sweet
that the devil's face is in your eyes
and your hands are pinned by your side
but you aren't afraid?

you can caress that nightmare
be brave
and wake up feeling like a ray of light
be proud that you survived the night
to fall in love again?

bad things happen
there's no reason
they just do

bad things happen
sometimes there's
nothing in them to learn

bad things happen
stop telling me i'm strong
for surviving how they hurt me

because bad things happen
i used to believe in god
i hate him with my whole heart now

the silver scalpel
scrapes
against steel blue veins

sparks
the sickening metallic sound
like a gasp

sparks
the sickening metallic smell
of fresh blood

sleep well,
precious one.
sweet dreams.

when you grow up,
what will you be?
I always wished
to be food for the trees

to not have to suffer
for one more night,
but it's been a year
and I guess I'm alright.

my body still moves,
but someone else pulls the strings
my brain is too rotten
to bother with those things.

the roots grow out
from under my eyes.
do the flowers smell nice?
do you love their lies?

to become a puppet,
doesn't it hurt?
not when you are piloted
by mother earth.

she took away the molecules
that made me feel good,
now there is a blank face
under the hood.

the decomposing me
can no longer feel,
and yet I still have
the power to heal.

the power to give,
and give, and give,
is that truly
my reason to live?

Bubblegum and mania,
glitter and hate.
The girl in heart shaped glasses
just can’t wait.

Fly you up to heaven
on candy pink wings,
drop you when she gets tired
of you telling her things.

When she’s not feeling high
she takes a trip to hell,
the devil beats her up
and gives her pills to get well.

Brimstone in her left hand
and roses in her right,
settling in with a bottle
of liquor for the night.

Looking for the ones who want
manic pixie dreams,
looking for the one
who will have the sweetest screams.

sleeping
on the bank of a foreign river
under a blanket of snow
you approach me
singing
a folk song
that I taught to myself
for comfort.
you reach out
with your scarred hand
to pull off my cloak
and there are human eyes behind it.
you tell me
I am no longer a monster.
you tell me
everything will work out.