i want to be
a mad artiste
i don't want to
contain the beast

with pills and trips
to the ward
i want my voice
to be heard

either be famous
for my art
or be famous
for breaking hearts

cut off an ear
use blood for ink
a starry sky
in tulip pink

when my death
shows up on tv
teenage girls say
i wish that was me

i lean my head on your arm as the radio drones on
rain splatters the windshield and it is cold,
so cold outside and the sun has set (i have to be home soon)
but it is so warm here with you that
i ask you to drive us off a cliff
because last month you asked me what mania feels like
and i know now that it is the held breath moment
between euphoric love and the world coming crashing down
like the final scene in one of those artistic movies
that i love so much and that you never got
but you suffered through watching for me

just like a dog,
i whimper and whine
what will they use
to hit me this time?

ears cocked back,
head bowed low
maybe they'll stop
if i make a show?

"bad dog, bad dog"
they simply say
"i've done nothing wrong,"
i howl and bay

i used to snarl,
i used to snap
i have no more strength
to fight back

i buried my teeth
in her scarred arm
she only laughed,
i can do no harm

my ancestors were wolves
they knew the way
but i am nothing
nothing but prey

i should have bit
the hand that feeds
before it became
the hand that beats

rotten lies rise
between my teeth
my silver tongue
and the stench of meat

now i could devour
the whole **** world
just to protect
that scared little girl

but i still can't
stand up to you
what the hell
did you do?

that day the sky was
****** mary blue
lying in snow
making angels with you
there are two scars
where they took my wings
one for each person
holding my strings
im still a puppet
with a hollowed out heart
thats why i fill it
with trinkets and art
thats why i feel
so bad when you're gone
and thats why im writing
this silly song
tomorrow ill be empty
and they'll see the hole
fill it with garbage
that's always been my role

lying
sneaking
starting fights
hiding bruises
crying silently
oversleeping
overeating
starving myself
hurting myself
hurting the people i love

bella donna
blurry eyes
rabbit masks
are our disguise
delirious
heart beat
hold me against
your body heat
poison glazed
shining teeth
you will be
the death of me
moon speckled
pale skin
datura and
the scent of sin
devouring
like starved beasts
my bloodied heart
will be our feast