misha

misha Jan 2022

i don't                                     think
     this is                                      healthy
    but i                                       can't
      stop                                        myself
      i'm stuck                                  like this
             just a                                         sick sick
     pathetic                                    bunny
          my mind screams and screams when
       you're not around so i want you to stay
    stay please stay i know i'm sick but i can't
    do it on my own because they hurt me over
    and over and you're the only one who doesn't
i think i'd end it all without you but i'm afraid
to tell you all this because i know its heavy
and i don't want you to suffer like i have
i want you to be light fluffy joy
i don't want you to worry

misha Jan 2022

sparkle

you can't buy my love. feral animals
don't wear gold (and that's what you made me)
so i'll chew and spit it back in your
face before i rip it open the way
you once did to me when
i was little and
defense
less

you can't take back what you did.

misha Jan 2022

club house

fluffy white
bunny ears
what is it
that you hear?
down the
rabbit hole
insanity
will take its toll
it shows its face
in scribbled thoughts
it knows this place
the river rocks
where Ophelia lay
down to die
where poets say
the angels fly
where girls take
too many pills
vanilla cake
and blood spills
heads in the oven
like you know who
she's my idol
and yours too
we howl in the attic
on absinthe dreams
coloured static
the tv screams
a lovely face
fades into view
she's gone missing
she's joined the crew

misha Jan 2022

hop

skipping on tile floors
and singing out loud
a smile on my face
my head in the clouds
bathrobe sleeves
soaked with tears
the jangle of a pill bottle
stuffed rabbit ears
lithium salts
and jumping for joy
will i make a bad decision?
whose life will i destroy?
will it be my own
with the butterfly knife?
will i tangle myself up
in someone else's life?

just got diagnosed with the same mental disorder as sylvia plath, stay winning! <3

misha Jan 2022

hometown rhapsody

i am a
snow splattered
stained glass window
shingles
falling off worn roofs
glitter
from a church dress
under your nails
the sound of a child
drawing portraits of the devil
a bunny's death scream
spent fireworks found
the next morning
a lullaby
a child sings to herself
an old graveyard
no one visits anymore
(except the coyotes)
lay a rose bouquet for me?

misha Jan 2022

misfortune

bad things happen
there's no reason
they just do

bad things happen
sometimes there's
nothing in them to learn

bad things happen
stop telling me i'm strong
for surviving how they hurt me

because bad things happen
i used to believe in god
i hate him with my whole heart now

misha Dec 2021

sunday

red blossoms
on my wrists
rose scented
rosary beads
cannot protect me
halo light
only exposes
my sins
for god
to feast on
peeling my
festering heart
like a mandarin orange,
sinking his teeth
deep deep deep
into the black core
once there was
something pure there,
once i was clean
but i have been
ruined
i'm never
getting it back
no matter how
many crosses
hang above
my bed
no matter how much
holy water
rests dried
on my head