all of the poems i try to bleed feel incomplete
so that's why i haven't really written anything lately

i guess it's kind of like

sometimes you want something so much that you can feel it boring a hole through your soul
but when you get it you just go numb and your heart won't believe it

i guess.

i don't know.

maybe i just got so used to pessimism
or maybe i just got so used to everything being so dark

maybe i forget hope sometimes because i haven't been looking at Him

either way, i'm trying

not all those who wander are lost.

i fear i feel
too strongly
too much

i fear i overwork
my emotions
and heart

i fear i won't
be able to stop
these emotions
drenching my
crooked soul

i can hear the wind blow;
tonight i'll stay up late just to watch
the sky glow with bright orange

there are people in this world
that i'd like to know, but
i'd never meet, i'd never see
somehow that really saddens me

my mind is clouded with thoughts
that stream on and on and on and on,
sometimes i don't know what to do at all
other than turn up the volume of the radio
to play a terrible pop song

these are the days that must happen to you,
a wise man once said

i just wish, sometimes,
i had someone special to experience it with.

monsters exist
but only in my head
smetimes they appear in my dreams
but the scenes last only a split second

i've been drinking too much caffeine
and driving myself a little insane;
i've been listening to sad records and wishing in vain,

and i've been trying, trying, trying
but all i've done is cry
and i've been doing my best fixing up holes in my soul
but still my passions leak - out they go and disappear

it's been a strange year

Rilke said you go through important changes while you're sad
i hope so, i hope he's right
because i've been sad for a long time
and i'm starting to think this isn't worth it

if someone loves me, won't they tell me?
won't you tell me before i shut off completely?

i know i'm not as sad as i let myself believe
but sometimes it all just feels so real

what is this in front of me?
this false notion of what i'd like to be
take it away; i can't see
this is too painful to be a reality

i'm caught up in all the wrong things
and got my affections stuck in all the wrong places
silly me, will i ever learn this time?
i've been here a thousand times
and all i've done about it is rhyme

there really is no excuse;
maybe i am just a desperate soul
but i know the truth and i think that makes it worse

come here
don't come here
hold my hand
but not my heart

i just need someone to love me but i don't want to fall in love.

i look out windows a lot
and read books than go out
and i think people are crazy
but i also think they're alright

is it weird that i've got friends i can count with one hand
but i've got fears that go past numbers i'm too lazy to pronounce?

here goes,
me trying to put my thoughts
into words

i have to be sly and slick and kind of quick,
because my thoughts tumble over one another
and get jammed somewhere in the middle of my brain
and disappear without a warning,

so i try to capture them at night
when they run by the multitudes
and are more prominent in my head

sometimes i catch a lot of bad ones
and sometimes it makes me want to hate myself
but i catch good ones too,
and that balances it out for a while, i guess

maybe i should get up and take a walk to breathe in fresh air

or maybe you should come here,
and i could breathe you in instead

i think that would be much better for my head.