I.
too clean
houses

II.
healthy
relationships

III.
sobriety

IV.
the way my brain
is wired.

I.
when you dumped me
they said 'time heals all wounds'
and i said they were full of ****.

II.
when i pick my scabs
i still feel my heart
bleed out over you.

III.
on bad days i curse
your name until i fall asleep
it's my broken lullaby.

i wonder if you're drowning me
in a glass bottle
dreaming of the day you drink too much
and i come to your rescue
i want to want to
but the truth is
i don't give a ****
and i can't apologize
enough
for not loving you.

just put down the bottle, babe.
there aren't enough tears
in the universe
to bring someone back
who never cared
to start.

i'll let you learn from my mistakes
if you'll let me.

if you deleted my number
it would hurt more
than every ****** thing
put together
and here's why

when i broke down on you
in february
i said i was just another girl
and you told me no,
you were you and i was me
and right then
we mattered
not as a unit, but as people
separate entities

here's the catch
you said ten, fifteen years from now
sure -- i might be just another girl

it's only been two
two years
if you started blurring me together now
with the other people who are just
taking up space
in your memory

i
think
i'd
die.

i'm barely sorry that i hurt you
i didn't even love you
and now you're giving me
passive aggressive silence
hoping i'll give a ****
darling, i know that trick
darling, don't waste your time
darling, be careful
just because it's working
doesn't mean i care
it just means i miss you
r attention

i know it isn't fair
you did everything right
you were good to me
but everyone's heart
belongs to someone
and mine was already
taken

so when i call at two am
don't pick up
you're just another
*******.

Our parents always told us
no drugs
I ask myself
why not

Sitting here inhaling toxic fumes
smoke dancing about in my tired lungs
stimulant seeping into my blood
am I dreaming?
Wilted flowers seeming to lift
take another deep breath
inhale, let the smoke corrupt your tired lungs
its their sunshine

My laughter
SINGS
a spring bird flying up
into the oceanic sky
Music notes
dance around me
through my body
as if to their own melody

I wish I could join them
I could almost swim
music runs through my frail fingers
just like warm spring water, filling my ears

Without drugs
How could I grow my flower garden