Dear Anne,

I don't really know if you have read, been reading or will read through my letters. I have been pouring my heart out through these words, well, even through countless stories I share yet I don't really get much from you back. I am not angry, sad maybe? Because yes, I am dying to hear how your day went, may it be good or bad... From simple things as what you had for lunch or what you wore that day (I love imagining how you look like from here - how those curly locks fall on your shoulders, or if you're wearing white because they look good on you).

I will just be here. I'll try something that may or may not work (but yeah, you're always worth the risk) and hopefully this silence from me can help you with the time and space you asked of me.

I will just be here, patiently waiting for a 'hey' from you, or even maybe a 'how are you?'. I will just be here, praying for you to have good days every day, that you don't have to work too late or too much because it drives me worried, and for you to have good night sleeps because I know how you love your bed.

I will just be here, with high hopes that in this silence, you look for my smile... Or how I try (sometimes in futile attempts of using cats) to make you smile when you had a bad day... And how I braved singing just to let you know that I have been thinking about you, all the time.

I will just be here.

Always yours,

Mims

I want to say 'hey'
Every time I catch you online
But I try to hold myself back
And just lurk from afar.

I want to say 'I miss you'
But I decide to keep it to myself
Until that time it becomes too great to
be kept inside
(But I swear, that's how it feels every single time)

I want to say 'I want you back'
But I do not want to scare you away
Or to jump into things too fast
When I know you'd want to give this time.

I want to say 'I want you mine again'
But I guess I don't need to,
at least for now.
For I am content
with knowing that I have committed
myself to be yours,
all yours.
And I am not expecting you to pay it back.
I am happy to know that I am inspired
to be a better person
to be better every day
for hopes that someday, my prayers will be granted
that I, be yours again.

And I want to tell you those 3 words,
those 3 words I have heard from you (and I vividly remember how your voice and tone sounds like)
sweetly, beautifully...
Yet I knew I took for granted at one point in our relationship.
But I will wait.
Because I know that the next time I do and the next time
I hear them from you...
We will be eternal.

Dear Anne,

I am longing for the time that you'd take me back in your heart again. It has been a painful journey for me, of going through every day without knowing how you are; if you are doing well... Or if your back is hurting because I would love to massage that sweet spot to make you feel better. Or just hold you close to a hug to let you know that even if the world is starting to become cruel, everything will be all right because I am here, and we are together.

But I am getting by, I have devoted my time into strengthening myself - physically (I know you know me that runs and training are my outlet) and emotionally - to get ready for the bigger things coming in my life. I am happy, happy knowing that my heart has been stilled and it has realized that above everything else, it is still you that it yearns. Only you that it wants.

But it is still waiting. My heart wants to be complete, to be in its best form when the time comes that you accept it again. It wants to be filled to the brim with passion, of eternal happiness. And it knows that when you come back, it will finally be able to beat faster and slower again at the same time - it is only you who can do that to my heart. :)

You will always be loved, Anne. Always remember that. :)

Just here,

Your Mims

I hugged her - hugged her so tight that as if bringing her close to my chest, with our heart beats going in sync, would help transfer her pain to me. I would love that to happen. Her pain all gone and I, enduring it all. I knew she was hurting, I knew I was a part of it... And I knew I wanted to take it all back to me. She did not and does not and will never deserve that pain; but the best I could do for now was hold her so close that I feel her breathing in my neck and hope that as she rests in my chest, she hears every heart beat of mine shouting her name. Every beat was hers. I wipe away her tears and kept her close, I could not afford to let even a tiny bit of space between us - all the 5 months that has gone by without feeling her warmth was already too much; I could not let space nor time get in between us anymore. I placed my lips into her forehead, held her at the back of her neck and caressed her curly locks, no need to say any words, with hopes that the silence would emanate how my heart is beating faster and faster, louder and louder and again, all for her.

From a distance I am always keeping you this close, Anne. I want you to hear every heart beat; how it skips when it sees your name on my phone, my Twitter feed or my Facebook page, or how it goes faster when I look at every photo of us together - reminding me of how magical our relationship was, is and will be. We will be stronger, we will be more amazing. We will burn and shine together. For the next 3 months, I will be doing my best to let each day be a chance to bring you closer and closer to me, and as I return, I will never let time, distance nor pain separate us anymore. I will wake up everyday beside you and we will spend each day having each other as our first and last thoughts. I will make you fall in love with me every day, and I will fall in love deeper and deeper into you every second.

You are always loved, Anne. :) 97 days. Please wait for me.

Always,
Your Mims

If only
I can run to you right now
and hug you
until you fall asleep
to assure you that everything's all right,
I will.

If only
I can wake up beside you
every morning
and follow you around during your whole day
just there, supporting you in all your day's work,
troubles and triumphs,
I will.

If only
I can hear your stories every night,
while cuddling in bed, holding hands
with the TV on (but we're not really watching because we're too busy listening to and falling in love with each other),
I will.

And I know
that one day,
all these If only's
will become
our everyday realities.
I am assuring you
that I am doing my best
to be able for us to get to that day
that everyday will be ours. Only ours

:)

*ps. You are always loved, Anne. I am just here. I will do my best for us... So that when I come home, I will have all the right to give you my pleasant surprise. It is a risk, yes. But I know you are worth it. :)

It's cold outside -
the world has started to freeze
as you wake up in the morning,
with frosted sunrises
and bold, leafless trees.

And it's cold inside -
until the inside
of each and every of my inside,
ever since you told me
we should go on our own ways (for now, I know this will just be for now).

And it brings me shivers
(that type I could not seem to control);
those chills that shake me inside out,
to realize
that it is only you
that can bring back the warmth.

*You are always wanted, you are always yearned for, you are always loved Annette. :)

When you know
you have emptied out
yourself;
hollowed your soul
and found within you
that beautiful realization
that in the centre
of the centre
of the depth
of yourself,

it is still her.

And you smile
at the thought
that this heart
will be resilient -
through time, fate and chances.
For amidst the indefiniteness,
it is certain
that this heart
will be whole again for you.
And that it will
have every heart beat
only for you. :)

You are always loved, Anne. :)