I'd rather forgive and forget
than live in regret -
But why do we continue
with living every minute upset?
Why do I let you,
into my head? Knowing
it's like any other stranger in the night
Exchanging insecurities
and swallowing my pride.
Please. You can keep your bad breath.
Your dusty clothes and your
unfinished jewelry.
Leaving odd marks against objects
crushed by apathy.
No regret there.
Just a bunch of windows I close
as winter gets closer.

I wrote you two letters
Both I sent together -
One was a welcome as well as
a warning of the words to come -
I often said that writing about you
was the easiest thing for me.
Be it the bad times, or the good we shared
I always found a way to mesh the moment
with your feelings, like I forgot mine
on a dusty European coast when you said
You'd come back and the phone never rang.
I watched it for days
At dinner, at dawn - I still remember how
little the food tasted then

i read
and i write
i hear
and i talk
oh --
when will
the silence no
longer be static?
when will
the noise no longer
be static?

Oh, falling water hushing
(******* white guilt)
Oh hush amber sky full moon open
Seal your soul in a small envelope
*******. White Guilt.
*******. White Guilt.
Can't have one without the other -
Can't help but wonder, why I'm filled
(with) *******. White Guilt..
Can't say I don't say my namesake often
Can't say I don't face, everything you're watching -
*******.
White Guilt.
(can't) Say what you think about the past?
Like there's this problem -
You think about all the times you've used others simply as an object
I certainly if I say so, you will object
If I tried -
Can't begin justify how I'm direct
Can't begin to live a life that you'd expect
Let alone unweace the web of lies I project
I mean what'd you expect?
What? Not want more.
I want more.
I got more.
But more money, more magic
More magic, more costs
More reasons at night
To hide behind a cross
Asking why I come across
as the wisest guy, to those just blind
and othets be completely fine
while I recreate the Holocaust -
Gaslight the atmosphere -
Kiss the sun with the backs of your hands
Finger nails jagged and sharp
Covered in saliva and light
I'm just looking for more.
*******.
White Guilt.
*******.
White Guilt.
When you tell me it can't be done
I'll deny -
When you tell me I was the one
I'll lie -
Simply under the skin -
Golden flakes from silver spoon
Where the milk never spilt
And the grapefruits kept coming.

Eighty percent of the time
I'm lusting for twenty percent of you, ***
Eighty percent of my time
I'm over thinking twenty percent of my problems - hmm,
Eighty percent of the time
I'm lost, trying to recognize twenty percent of the faces I see - huh?
Eighty percent of people I meet
Twenty percent I can actually stand
Eighty percent of my sins
Were 100% due to lack of faith.

You say words
I speak my mind
You fight wars
I spread inner peace one piece at a time
You cast stones
At glass homes
You are too much alike.

where did the day go?
i look back
and touch last year
like it was yesterday -
i look back
and i hear you calling my name
down the hallway -
dust on the lampshade
coffee stains on the counter -
half empty ash tray
and since then my life's never
gotten better - rotten ever -
since i suppose - since

I watch you roll over in ecstasy
Eyes full black like moons of sin
Liquid venom pouring from your lips
I want to taste the nectar of hatred
Self inflicted wounds
and poetry written in musky rooms
Where the air is as stale
as the coffee is as bitter as
the neighbors teeth broken as
the fan blowing breathing dust
into our lungs as we sleep
Please don't let go, I said
4 weeks prior, please don't
3 weeks left until I expire, please
don't leave me, 2 days you say
You love me, you love me
She loves me, she loves me.

there’s this part of it
that just
happens
and you go with it
you don’t plan it
or think it
or know anything
about it
it just happens
and its’ beautiful

Ask me to hang out
Your anticipation ringing
I'm sorry
This line is dead
I'm away
Answering my calling.

she doesn't smile for the camera
she is the camera
she isn't determined by what you deem
**** - beautiful - alive
she
just
is

I opened up your diary to inspire me
The shaking in my hands
I'm breaking down your tyranny
Why I'm like this?
It's definitely not the pride in me
I don't need your white lies, see -
I am complete
While half of you is unsure
with more drama
I write down one stanza
less filler - a smoother smoke

I see past the bright colors and
I believe that we can live like kings
If we can see past the bright colors
And just accept whatever life brings
Be kinder to each other, no broken links
I find its better, but, we'll still need shrinks.

Alone on a Friday
What else is new
All my friends graduated
To learn they're better off with you
Buts its too late, I've left this place, for good.

What is a love unspoken?
Is it as alive as the love captured by cameras like lasso's on wild animals?
Never tasted a cage -
Or is it like the sky
You see constantly
But couldn't comprehend if you had half the facts.
Is it too much for those involved to express?
Or is it the others you're afraid of?
What is a love unspoken?

14 years ago?
I was getting
off the bus walking
up the stairs
thinking something
was off
all day.
The low voices
The lower eyes
I was getting off that yellow bus
walking up those stained stairs
as an anxious new brother
Her feet were in the air giggling.
My mother said
(almost from the other room)
"Something has happened."
I went to make a joke
and then saw the television.
I thought it was a joke.
I wondered why.
Now I wonder how
one act of evil justified another
and another and another and another
And when
it will end.

pleased to meet you
you piece of meat you


ok.

sometimes i wonder
when the last time you wondered
what has come before you
and what may arrive after you leave -
sometimes i wonder
how much impact i could have
on what we believe -
and sometimes, i look back
and wonder, what i was thinking

Another poem you'll never read
Another night I run on all fours
Wild and free.
Another car in the driveway
That was never made
A neighborhood my self conscious subconsciousness
somehow decided to create -
Two male bodies that bear no threat
But to me and my dealings my stomach upset -
Another kiss I never thought I'd taste -
Like flat rinsed toxins running across my face -
My eyes and fingertips forced together
Please don't wake me up
I wish to stay with you forever.

follow me.
please. i have no friends.
i work go home and get tense.
please. talk to me.
i have no chance at survival
this downward spiral
under wave that's tidal
there's gotta be another way that's viral
just rhyme on stage and become an idol.
follow me. follow me.
i promise light and night
and flames and ice
and whatever you need to keep the harrowing shrieks at bay
[little do they know it's he who press play]
controversial contraception
better cover your mouth if ya get to guessing
what's coming next - never gonna happen
- even I can't do it.

I know I'm up too late when I start getting emails from myself -
I realize it sometimes
Reminders of the past
Hoping I'd changed my ways or
at least my sleeping patterns by now

My grandfather was a drinker -
I think.
I mean. You gotta be
To be like 73
and fall asleep
Drunk
At a wedding
In the grass
At 10pm.
My grandmother had depression.
Manic depression.
There's a difference, you know
Look it up, what do I look like?
Google?
People forget about Google,
and I think Google prefers it that way.
Me too Google, me too.

It's been another cold summer
with the
air conditioner running nonstop -
Yeah I am constantly caught up - at screen
Racing thoughts I capture them
plus
nightmares are right there
to deform ideas, but ideally
I'd die for, my ideals
Yeah
So I try to warn my peers to keep it real
But honestly, my fear is
it appears that no one wants to hear
About that ****, rather just amount to ****
Pout and *****, sulk and disconnect
I'm ******* repulsed by it - so I choose not
To follow suit and instead chase my heart -
Call a ***** a ***** and just make this art
Yeah rather that than rage for days
Yeah I'd rather work away the pain than relax distracted from the fact that we are each a slave - in one way or another

i have a few
     people let's say
who i thought i knew
but chose to keep the truth at bay
breathless ravines
dark chasms and streams
unanswered prayers because
     He can't understand.
this modern language
tongues of
anger and lust
tied tight in a knot
dripping with sweat
i hear his pain inside my cough
and the body is a stage
from which the soul
leaps off.

he's all American
blue eyes, red face - white lies
she's all American
blew money, well read, wide eyes -
flipping this coin
I'm about to flip out -
either way, we're headed for failure
tails between our legs - since 9/11
i knew something wasn't present -
maybe that's love
maybe that's greater -
maybe that love, has us meeting our maker -
maybe that love, isn't giving us our sacred ****** -
you arrived at the gates and got an IMAX ticket -
wolves among sheep
i see the future -
money in my pocket for no reason
not yet though, i have to learn
to let go, first

it takes
time
to get to know someone
time
and energy and
energy sapped I pine for you.

I don't listen to what people say much
or comprehend many situations that rise
I use plain language like yogurt
and barely taste the sunlight on my eyes -
I shave my face on Sundays
I occasionally stalk you online
I exercise on a bi-weekly schedule of shame
and I lie to my lungs telling them it will all be fine

I'm a nice guy (nice guy)
Wasn't always the case
I'm doing alright (alright)
But it
Wasn't always the case

I wasn't always so willing to speak about it
See, I was just as lost reading out the
Fist fights screaming shouting - matches passed it
almost me sapped of passion
no shocker I
zapped back into action
People confused might say it's
acting and passive
My alphabetical magic is massive -
Please!
I don't seek the blood of my enemies!
I'm so nice
I'm so nice
I'm too nice.

I'm five nine
I work a nine to five
My hands at ten and two
To intent to fall away
I drive home without the radio
The windows are closed
Kids in backseats gazing into iPhones
I'm fine, nice
I smile and kiss
The sky at night, day too
I reuse grocery bags
And I let bugs outside
I will call you once a week

I'm sorry I said that
You didn't deserve that
They say every body is a broken bell -
That must explain the ringing in my ears
I can't tell you no -
I know, -  I should tell you no -
But no, I can't tell you no -
Oh - here I am again,
night owl at a crow bar -
another situation I was leveraged into -
but somehow so far, so so-so, so mediocre -
So far, away, you must be by now

i have a new tie
it's red and
i think you'd like it
my coffee
this morning
was burnt and
the milk was wrong
i thought of you
as i swallowed the grounds

Why.
it's as close as it gets to me
that's why.
black circles in my eyes
under my eyes
in my blood
watching us all the time

passing strangers
with stranger angers on all their faces
i don't know why
you're all so mad.

Do you ever think the wind gets a second chance so why can't you?

somethings wrong
somethings off
the nights are short
the days are long
bleeding together
it's too raw, being together
it wasn't always awful

but what kind of basis is that for relations?
brutally escaping in even the most catered of places
chasing - those exit signs i guess
bad at following directions i guess -
so much time passed at my expense
with my ex, spent
so much energy on a situation run down
just closure after a foreclosure - back then we both
double-down on what seemed a fortune but where's the fun now?
little did i know we'd both been better off had i chose to ignore you
but of course  explore new
territory, and now it's terrifying
got gory with all the hellish lying
if you hear this, know that i am fine
better than before and
i hope the same for you
and i aim to do what i came to do
though i'm not a soothsayer
i know that i can't abandon a trail
but maybe that's what happens when
gemini tries to stand on the scales
get suspended in air -
she doesn't end in a veil
let me just end it right there.

we used to bask in the warmth
we once drank from pure bodies of water
until the parasites came
and I stopped wanting to sleep at night

I'm over you.

I'm not broken.
And even if I was,
doesn't that imply I can be fixed?
I can be fixed!
I can be fixed!

If I were to die at the hands of a madman, so be it
If we were able to round up the crazies in the world, we would have figured it out by now
But that's it -
Some things drive some people crazy -
While others suffer from madness -
And that difference there, between the two
That's right where you are.

yellow sand and green grass
swing sets and hands clasped
white clouds and blue skies
those were the best days of a past life

We walk the web tonight to
trap some putz hugging light like
stars falling without expectations
and longing driveways and rivers
cement and pathogens
to someday be Home for your
occasional lost soul.
Your absense is your absinthe.
The grass chases the moon.
Begging for release, don't just
hide in the shadows - smiling
for freedom.
Go get it.

You know?
it's not as easy as it looks
answering you, - It's commitment.
it means.. i can't write.
it means.. i can't wander.
it means.. i can't stop
or quit So?
I just shut down the world
like a computer
over-heating.

ten digits are what make up my being
echoes across a canyon that divides
you can't touch me baby don't even try
don't you see? i only exist in your mind -
i'm a little short on good news these days
i hear people talking about what just bad food can do to you for days -
blood sweat and tears i must say, i've trudged past these years, in one way
or another - reality is a struggle
when you judge a book by it's cover
swear they're shook, don't even bother -
catatonic - i catapulted past your walls - vibrating on a
higher frequency frequently i'm eagerly
willing to work, it's killing me envisioning
all the time your killing or worse - yourself
poisonous serpents sitting in my lawn
peering in my windows waiting for dawn
barely make it to the sidewalk and i yawn -
wanna walk back inside and hide my thoughts -
why? you don't ever call me, never - no
why? you said you would but it's been some time, i know -
why you don't ever, call me never - no
you already tried to take what's mine, i know -
see - you can't and you won't

oh why can't I escape its glare
reflections of a time insincere
I know if I hide it beams back

pleased to meet you
you piece of meat you

The sky is falling!
Just watch
Your significant other falling for another lover -
Don't fall for the scam of the century
They don't want you to know
There's better out there.

Such a long sigh
for a girl with a such a shortness of breath -
She's explaining to me why
I should already be kissing her neck -
hands all over my back, to be
inevitably covered in sweat, she reads
Comso on her lunch break - (back to)
back to punching numbers in the face -
(day to)
day dreaming how much wine one could taste -
the thought alone, my stomach rolls like a vehicle out of control, knowing cold how much time one could waste -
it's a trait
We grew up with. (and)
I'm disgusted.
Even myself cannot be trusted,
so why would I even touch this?
Frail female with a ten foot pole?
Good thing I'm packing eleven
If they're playing games?
They should fold, I'm betting
with a wrist of aces
a hand that can't lose
how far should I take this?

my eyes feel heavier than usual
i start to wonder if some foreign
substance is crawling through my
endocrine system, mutating my thoughts

whenever i watch the news
i leave the room feeling weak and awful too
persuade me i'm unfaithful for eating a falafel
helicopters flash across my sky
more bloodshed to shock the soul
can't help but be asking why
obstacle after obstacle, is coming after me
even waking up is impossible, actually
i should say, i got to go, got to go
instead of sitting at the home, at home
see the world, you got lot's to grow, lot's to grow
but i'm firmly planted in outer space
everybody i used to know says i vanished without a trace
trying to be human without the race
trying to be honest without the consequence

i am the dust
that emerges from
the crack in the Earth
when the plates shift
and the chasms orange and clay and
the rivers that ran, have run dry
the trees bear no fruit
and there's a dead-ness in her eyes -
i haven't seen a sunrise
i've never watched a sunset
i can see the tides, rise
but believe it hasn't begun yet

who'd have thought it would take so long to drown?
last i checked i can hold my breath for about
fifteen seconds, to then pass out
but it's been fifteen months and i'm still around
so - maybe this game is more like a flame
under a slow boil i suppose
where every other day seems to be the same
and then, there it goes
something feels wrong - off
my stomach churning about to explode - watch
the thoughts - start to drift - lost it's
like old clothes strewn across the carpet - chaos
and i'm off shift racing quick trying not to get ******* car sick -
that's some hardship we were both a part of
so no, this is not home, it's just an apartment
a vacate cell, i temporarily dwell
and then ding that's it - i'm done.