we skip church on Sundays
to fend off champagne hangovers
wrapped in clouds of soft smoke
and perform oral *** on each other
under blankets and pillows
tangerine sourbet and wet windows
another reason to not leave you, my love
doorways into nightmares i tried to forget
oh this has always been more than enough,
hasn't it?

we met in the daylight
under a roof of rotting wood
flowers in your hair
i am allergic to chrysanthemums, i said
i hate the holidays, she said
mostly the music, though

u had a 'freckle'
u called a blemish
i had a scar
from a wound i couldn't remember
we held hands on swings at sunset -
i was seven
i saw the automobiles come
and go and we swung
and swayed
your hair, i still remember, today

My words are almost there
Ready to be drowned
Unfinished sentences - I
Start thoughts without knowing why -
I never understood kissing someone goodbye

I fall in love when
the walkways are paved with ice -
Your cold stare
My empty apartment
This dusty coffee table, you once
Placed half full lukewarm beverages
that became forgotten for days as I
woke up and drove places came back
A carousel, and you were the music to my madness - I knew
When you left, this was a
Terrifying place to be alone

the good stuff
is the bad stuff that
i taste and it burns the sour
reflection that curls the lip is the
same as the electrons leftover upside
down flat against the water
i learned to breathe in a vacuum
i learned to swim in the flames
i learned to rise from the ashes
and i learned to never be the same -
i left you behind, another story
another day - you might say otherwise -
you might say otherwise when i walk by
cigarette nod red eyed demon
i pray to a sky covered in clouds
they are so close, but i can't see beyond -
and after days of rain, i'm ready to go

the term reminds me that this body is a home
a home with a blue bicycle on its side
on the lime yellow lawn - patches of rust
and a broken screen door that whines when you open it -
moss and mold, lead paint and live wires exposed
my lights flicker, like my my heart ticks without being told -
cold drafts and rings of stained beer marks on the counter -
an empty fridge, an unkept bed
a broken dish washer, and a sink full
the air is still stale here, she said as she
ashed her cigarette on the floor and smiled