14 years ago?
I was getting
off the bus walking
up the stairs
thinking something
was off
all day.
The low voices
The lower eyes
I was getting off that yellow bus
walking up those stained stairs
as an anxious new brother
Her feet were in the air giggling.
My mother said
(almost from the other room)
"Something has happened."
I went to make a joke
and then saw the television.
I thought it was a joke.
I wondered why.
Now I wonder how
one act of evil justified another
and another and another and another
And when
it will end.

puddles of flesh
warmth by liquid
splashing against insides
of veins
everything buzzes yellow
as her lips rise and tremble
her eyes, widen and resemble
clean dinner plates
the walls and floor spinning
I fall into confusion
my stomach twists
my heart drops
and the light is gone.

JEEZ
you got a
twisted perspective
only feel alive with
kissed erections - no
missed connections - no
mixed messages - no
*** with protections - it's expected
that on the first date, I waltz over to the third base
and worst case scenario, this is just a game - right?

She said
I'll never do it again, I promise.
Ok.
Okay - but... how can I be so sure?
and making mistakes at my expense? how will you ever learn?
because I was aching all over while waking this morning
hands shaking as I'm taking, this medicine
I can't take this, it's making - me sick
But for whatever it's worth,
I never wrote a song for, - anyone else,
but Hell, you just glanced and smirked,
tossed it aside, and then talked about work.

I'd rather forgive and forget
than live in regret -
But why do we continue
with living every minute upset?
Why do I let you,
into my head? Knowing
it's like any other stranger in the night
Exchanging insecurities
and swallowing my pride.
Please. You can keep your bad breath.
Your dusty clothes and your
unfinished jewelry.
Leaving odd marks against objects
crushed by apathy.
No regret there.
Just a bunch of windows I close
as winter gets closer.

those silent seconds in the sand
the slow motion moments holding her hands
the days i spent driving down to you
to spend hours going down on you

I've fallen asleep at screens
and have had nightmares where
static snow falls and is making a snowman out of me
no - no - I beg and plead
but it happens that I can't move my feet
I look at my phone but for some reason I cannot read -
and as they trudge closer, my frozen cheeks
cracking under the winds shrieks
grow colder against my teeth, chatter
please - i don't want to be a snowman.
and then i wake up.
drenched in sweat again.