she doesn't smile for the camera
she is the camera
she isn't determined by what you deem
**** - beautiful - alive
she
just
is

who'd have thought it would take so long to drown?
last i checked i can hold my breath for about
fifteen seconds, to then pass out
but it's been fifteen months and i'm still around
so - maybe this game is more like a flame
under a slow boil i suppose
where every other day seems to be the same
and then, there it goes
something feels wrong - off
my stomach churning about to explode - watch
the thoughts - start to drift - lost it's
like old clothes strewn across the carpet - chaos
and i'm off shift racing quick trying not to get ******* car sick -
that's some hardship we were both a part of
so no, this is not home, it's just an apartment
a vacate cell, i temporarily dwell
and then ding that's it - i'm done.

... so how about a..

"You sure you wanna leave this page and ruin that massive masterpiece you mistakenly wrote here rather than in a document?"

                        ..window that pops up before one of my dumb fingers slips against glass?

                                   relief

that'd be fantastic.
because sadly it happened to me, yesterday.
i wrote up this giant thing
and then it got annihilated
so with that in fact let's say
that every shed of light that this poem accumulates
we put towards this - feature, okay?
and i'm well aware i don't have the greatest of reach
but sharing and liking and blaring this message deep
is just as important for this to be
successful, because please
it's stressful. not being able to speak.
knowing it was only expressed tongue in cheek.
i refuse to admit defeat.

because let's be real people.
we owe this to our future selves.




//i just realized i wrote this here right now, luckily i didn't lose it.
:p*//

doesn't anybody even look at the sky lately?

like there's nothing between
me and this screen
- nothing.
no purpose
no moment of wit
no urgent revisions of loyal commitment -
just forget it -
- in this odd object is the origin
and the horizon
- by the time you noticed
it was already over
overwhelmed
unenthusiastic
i guess when you've been through hell
you're okay just making it to the mattress -

      but maybe you don't know.
      maybe it's not so bad.
      maybe we can get together
      and share the laughs we used to have ----

- nah.
   she said.
i got things going on
   she said.
plus it's already been so long
we might as well keep going strong -
   she said.
jeez, i mean, i guess i agree.
but look at it like this
- we already have everything we'd need.
- it could be worse, you could fall out of a tree -
- plus it's already beginning to seem, not so bad.

      don't ask me why we relapse on a kiss of the past
      when there's a smorgasbord of other organs to explore?
      sure, we could share all the laughs we used to have
      and who knows, worst of all, we could make even more -

too deep and been here before
and i didn't wanna come back
i knew she'd be on the fence
i sat in the same awkward position
going through awful images and thoughts of vengeances
exacted, exactly - I wish we could say why
so no wonder we haven't the time
to eye the sky and imagine lives
where we're happy and calm and by each other sides
no wonder we didn't do this
or find the moment to do that
and we make excuses like
"i wish time didn't move so fast."

awake again always facing only blankness
throwing off the covers of her blanket statements
heart racing
I always imagined critics taking
my art seriously
- never like this though.

just shut up and listen.

what.
what off Earth did you expect?
some courageous campaign of charisma
collecting chaos in a bottle?
we drank until our insides hurt.