One berry                                    
hangs                                                   
alone  ­                    
    silently            
           decomposing  
                                     in
          ­                                   a
                            ­                    wilting
                                                   wait
 ­                                                 of
             ­                               just
                                     S
                               u
                         p
                  p
               o
              s
                i
                    n
       ­                 g      

                                     I             
                             hold one            
                         shining berry,
                            (yes, dear)            
                                    &            
                                     
                          ­            do
                                        so, 
                   ­                       with
                                             hazels  
                                                 doe-ing                      

                                                       One berry                                  
                         ­                                         hangs                   ­                     
                                           ­                         where all
                                                                ­        other orbs
                                                            ­                     f e l l,  
                                                                ­       squashed      
                                                  ­  between amused
                                            fing­ers
                                    for   
                             I           
                   wish                         
          upon
       just
                                           
    one
                        ­
   kiss                 
   
      |  
      ^  
   /    \  
          ●
              that 
                   clearly
                        lingers

                                    **One                   
                                         berry hangs                                                                        ­                                                      on  ever green

While you’re here
while I’m here
while we’re talking
while we aren’t
while we hug
and I nearly fall asleep
you get lost
in activity with others
tell me a story
and I’ll always pay attention
so don’t mind if the eyes glaze over

I’m just entrenched
And enthralled
I guess the point to this,
The point to it all

Is that minus those hugs
and the reasons
I’ll inevitably drum up
to mess with either of our arms

Or trace my scars again
The Beatle comes out in me
And I just Wanna Hold Your Hand
Minus all of these things
Even as I write this

I’m always *******

Missing you

Five blankets rumbling winds
and me
Mind humming like a bee
I didn't ask for it
(It didn't ask for me)
Unwinding the coils
at 4a.m.
And I feel
free

Today you wear a black sweater.
Standing in the marshy December atmosphere
With a cigarette between your two most learned fingers
You do not take shame in such a habit
But you make it so appealing.

That day you wore a beige knitted number
I saw you at dinner, and recognized you right away
Your distinctive ****** features peeking out
Over the loosely woven yarn that hugs your torso
That face I still cannot quite figure out.

I watched that beige collared cloth
Hang down your back and angle at your neck
As you danced behind that girl I didn’t know
And then I watched that same sweater
Stumble on over to me, ecstatic to be there
I had no reason not to indulge you.

And when you wear your school’s sweater
I know you need to belong, and play a part
You’re a rugby star, a lettered fraternal success
But I also know that grey cotton crew neck
Clings closer to you, than I ever will.

Sometimes I look at you,
and you seem to be looking back at me.
But sometimes you look away
as if you're afraid of what might happen
if you look just a second longer.

The way you keep looking back at me,
as if there was something in me worth seeing.
I wish I could envision the world
the same way you do.

Where everything is beautiful and new
and innocent.
Your world is untouched.
Immaculate.
Like a little kid.

But in some way, that's exactly what you are.

Ive 'nunquam magis sentiuntur solus* is Latin for
                                 I've never felt more alone.

I only learned Latin because
For some reason, I think that if I say things in the root of most languages,
I'll find most of the roots to these feelings.
But... Cogitationes strangulatus.
It's funny. Saying "thoughts stifle" in latin, merely sounds like cognitive strangles.
                                Not that it's any different, really.
It just sounds so much more like what I want it to be.
The English language has a hard time
Catching the depth of things
without sounding like it's trying too hard.
I want to be able to say something once, just once,
and be done with it.
To stop ruminating on you and find peace knowing that when I say
Reliquum aliud nihil est dicere
I don't just mean "there's nothing left to say."
I mean that *I've said everything I needed to say.

No thoughts, concerns, hesitations.
Worries can wait.
Happiness shouldn't.
Despite how fleeting it may turn out to be.

I'm happy with him.
Happy enough to forget
about the clouds that have a tendency
to settle into the snug horizon.

He's like a red balloon
that keeps me looking up.
Distracted from all the cracks in the pavement
that make me trip.
Oblivious to the wavering skies.
Focused solely on keeping my eyes
on patterns of movements.
Memorizing this new thing.
Piloting something unknown.

Let's refrain from using maps that lead down past paths.
I'll use my sense of adventure to navigate my way.
Illuminate the trails
with the colors of your mind.
If I get lost, I'll anchor down in your arms.

Clutching each of these moments
with a ferocity that
most will never understand.

Let them question why
I'm staring at reflections of light
through a bit of plastic.
They'll never know
that you gave me rainbows.

All the more reason to look at the bright-side.