helios

helios Nov 2018

i prefer green grapes over purple ones
they're more sour and that gives me the shivers
like when it's extra cold out
my breath comes out in puffs of white
i used to pretend i was smoking
when i walked out of church on sunday morning
and it gave me the same pleasure
without being addicted to anything
but life itself

it's
too
hot in california.
and my cat wants to eat my grapes.
and god doesn't exist anymore to me-
our fate is in our hands, now.
no more excuses.

helios Nov 2018

shattered

gently now;
glass under the carpet
can still cut your feet
and blood is too thick
to pass off as wine

</3

helios Oct 2018

olive

the cup is
half empty
like my heart
when i
told you to
stop saying
"i love you"
in fear that
blue would
turn to red
and cold would
turn to warm
and i may
be empty
but you
by god
you are full
i see
the ocean in
your eyes
and the wind in
your hair
the passion
in your calm
and the tranquility
in your anger
you are
the lamb
and the lion
and you
tear me apart
and i let you
because this
with the pain
and the suffering
is the only time
i feel full
you are enough
for the both of us
but you
will never
satisfy me
because
i crave more
like the fire
whipping at
the trees
like the waves
lapping at
the shore
i can never
be content
with a full cup
and even when
it spills over
i still
pour.

</3

helios Oct 2018

what could have been

when i go to hell
give me a
glimpse of heaven
so i can see who i am
and who i could
have become

helios Oct 2018

sun,flower

i fear for the sunflowers
tall woman
   too high for
men who
  can’t let
the weeds grow
bigger than the ant
miseducated,you see
   ,for they are
not weeds, but
something new
undiscovered &
waiting to be found

#sunflower

helios Oct 2018

i yawned so hard i cried; thoughts

i yawned so hard i cried
tears disappear into the cracks in my skin
my hands sting from dryness
and my lips break

my fingernails are ragged
and the blankets are checkered
one square for every time
i forgot what it meant to be human

and cancer runs in my family
given to me without my consent
i'm forced to follow its rules
if it makes me play along

a cruel game where no one wins
except the wind
it scatters me across the galaxy
i'll be a astronaut
no need for a helmet

the stars exist for excuses
reasons beyond explanation
why this happened the way it did
why i failed, why i lost, why he died, why she lived
justice is a fairytale
and the poor maiden is a myth

my mind is the only thing that matters
except my looks control me
and even if i have words of gold
my face will dictate how they are said
and what they mean

i'll fail math class
because x doesn't equal perfection
and the ***** only goes downhill

and the crying continues
long past the yawns.

a mess

helios Oct 2018

cold burn

winter couldn't be hotter
the snowflakes burn into my skin
my blood boils and i cry
yet my tears freeze before
they hit the ground