you want to fall
crash into my landscapes
touch my sawgrass
and bite my quivering knees

it seems to me I have fell into hopeless romance
sided with pain and anticipation
anxiouness and sensuality
I feel how you graze my goosbumps
and they look at me with envy
I give them my humble smile

but I am almost never humble with you
you rip me apart
you tear at me with your claws
you bleed me dry
and Im flourished with all my thoughts
of you

I need a film to describe this
to get the message through in complete
character
mind blowing
subductive
subjective introspecting learning
through another mind in all that
its given for
I know you
but your my stranger
I carry you in between my fingers
I laugh at your curiosity
and beg to differ from
so many disciplines that have
frowned upon our new land
corsette love
imagine the thrill
imagine the drill
into the lightest and deepest core
within every unknown dark thing
inside of your small body
Im familiar with it
I embrace it
I cant control myself
and wish you would do the same
when in a menace sorounding
your purging in my mind
like atomic warfare

black candles are lined up like precious dark brides
their haunted bouquets of roses dimly light our staggered place
I fill you, like the body fills the coffin. you sweat perfectly content.
I taste your pain beneath my tongue like the thorns of the roses you.purge.
your eyes eat away at my flesh as I wither away
like the weakest human that has ever existed
the chandelier sways directly above my head. my neck is curved.
my veins thud and lay nakedly exposed against my throbbing body
I rest my hand at the bottom of my stomach and push.thats your command.
like vampires in love I set the white flag against your dreary eyes
and watch the exorcism unravel
your burgundy Lilith sings her saddest songs to me as. I breathe naked.
I have become a fiend of this aura we make. that pulsates like static.
you smell of earth, and wrap around me like a snake prepping its prey
what has become of the outside world, I think to myself
what has become of buses.cars. business.government. and mainstream
it has all been dissolved between our two separate skeletons
mummified reminiscent. I leak at the bottom of your mouth

speak about a girl who faced decease
after walking blistered in the woods of tall alabaster skeletons
moving they're boney jaws up and down very slowly speaking to my smallest phys- co
they stand like brute columns
taller and wiser than the willow
skinny torture chambers of sick delight
slithering words leak like snakes who hold
a richer venom in this life
they bite and leave open sores
those sores are were the orchids leak out
fluttering down her skin so softly
you can hear the pedals opening in the still calm
she closes her eyes and smiles
while giving birth to the entities
that plague the very ******* dirt under her short nails
those flowers created a whole new beauty in me
the images grasped so tightly in my mind
but never again for my compassionate eyes to see
her body a inferno
where she places gargoyles on her boney shoulders
my loved ones, beckoning to me on my white altars
they say, hush hush
we shall not speak aloud of the murders
the dispensful ones she sweats out on hot summer days
she moves on
always
but then theres days that settle like tight tunnels
almost impossible to get through
so I starve myself so that I dont suffocate within them
so that I may get to the end
the light, and the start of a new day
but I come out weak,starving,and heavy with dismay
time and time again she faces the rather
mortal creature of her responsive
yet mute sanity
figured with the parents of all her young ones
childrens memories
ebbing like purified water
cleansing everything but that ***** mind
young ***** girl
with a white heart
stuffed into this suffocated box
that she burried underneath that one tree
in front of her house when she was only 7 years old
shes heard it time and time again faintly
somewhere in the wind, blabbering the brittle words
please come find me
but she goes on with her life
not finding the time or courage
and ignores that sorrowful plea

It becomes hard for me to gasp
naked thrusted upon crying orchids
my thoughts hurt further than my skin
and intertwining loneliness
your body pressed against my frailty, further stresses this.

a hierarchy is in presence of condescending human minds
trying to reach the highest form of human motion
it is all love.
there is no love.

the thirst is fulfilled, yet there is a angry starvation
breaking bodies to the sound of wind and baroque melodies
of high courts and something ancient
something that our bodies are not made of

we are sprawled everywhere
on the floor like dead animals
being plucked by vultures
and somewhere amidst the pain. there breathes a noble pleasure.
a twisted game of  ****** and relief

a woman of pride I walk with my neck elongated
and my posture careless and stressed
I dare press my eyes upon the next prancing victim
for I am a black panther in this arena
of creatures roaming and courteous gestures

come lay next to me beautiful, may I wrap my gentle surroundings
about you, and taunt you with discreet words and subtle looks
that hold a greater meaning to something that is truly barren
within the sighs of these confessions. frigid.
I brush upon you with merciless poison

I have promised to let out a sigh of love
a cry of tender confusion, a protector of a dwindling suppression
staring out the gates of travel, as I deport to a distant country
to experience those who have lived different lives

there is a beauty here. one that leaves heart cold. and unwavering.
ones that make womens eyes turn into glass and hearts into rustic anatomy.
crazed in interlocking bodies of solid heights and crimson lips
buried in ruby graves beneath those who stand above others

torn between these sheets
a kiss on the forehead
and a promise to remain a strong woman
one that will not fall

I crashed back into rejoice
with the white monster
I wanted you to enter me

In small ways
in pheanomanal ways
in every slow movement
that comes to all the sinister minds

come inside of me
I trail my fingertips aside
paleness
hovered credibility to my
admiration towards all the skin
that has made up your human body

I am far beyond the mind
of an intoxicated woman

Im much more than that
I want to graze the liqour of
all your minds
and lay in between your different surfaces
aboloshied
with my happiness

while you scrape the insides of my womb

I will kiss your remininesent
tears with my scars
your salt will cleanse me
when your particles mix in my skin
and we shall become whole
like the root of every beautiful plant

the earth will swallow us
and we will dwell beneath the cradles feet
like two seeds
me and you
breathing as one living breed

I whisper between the dirt
and nestle as close to your warmth
my skin is stuck to yours
petite us
my pores are your pores

I dig my hand into my chest
to find that thing that is suppose to exsist
and when I bring my palm back out
my hand is consumed in ash
the reminants of those things that exsisted
filter in the creases that depict the past in my small palms
those memories when I would look into your eyes and smile
with the lips of a child
I hold you in my eager mind like an antqiue too precious to speak of
our lives have bid us to walk in a direction opposite of what we had hoped so long to accomplish

and now I see you, sitting beside me and I wish
nothing but to graze my hand upon yours
like the wind flourishes the oceans heart to beat
in a more rapid pace, like the winds bid the waterfalls
to leap into a uncharted terroritory
this is how I wish to brush myself upon you
I want to kindly give you the most feminine part of me
so that it may touch and love the most feminine part of you

I wish to scourn you like the sun scorns the leaves
in autumn, I would hope to make your colors change
to make you fall stagnant on the ground, like a silent whisper
I would like; if it was in my power to place a winter
upon your womanly chest, to freeze you
to make you shiver
to isolate that bitter, bitter potion within your distraught eyes
only so that I may bring the spring of my love
upon your soul
only so that we
you and I
live in our own universe where things that are forbidden do not exist
such as this burdened control
so that I may kiss whatever it is that is left
of you, whatever was not burnt and killed
by your fathers eyes
when he left you
and generated those monstrous cries

I, me
somewhere inside of my endless space
miss your defined jawline and that magnificent face
I miss that one morning I woke up beside you
after the first night our virginity in this type of love manifested
I cringe at the sight of your almond shaped eyes on that day
when the sun peeked through your white blinds and blue walls
and casted that eminence upon you in that natural way
when your tan and native american like skin brushed upon mine
and I closed my eyes and held you as if it was the last time
our hair was long and black and encircled our faces
like dead flowers in a field, I knew who you were and I knew nothing of you
I knew who I was, and I knew nothing of me
but regardless
we were one

If could rip my eyes out in exchange for words soft enough
to explain our touches, to explain the tenderness that ran
from your woman and into mine
I would
If I could shed my skin in exchange for words that cry a thunder and volcanic eruption powerful enough to convey the needles that dug into me like hope against fragility,
with no
no mercy
I would

that was almost 4 years ago, before I knew what I know now
that morning is many days and many nights behind me
and still till now, the noise made between our two separate bodies
hums its rhythms like a permanent tune, scarred lucid and repetitive
upon my ear drums
still you melt in me  like the snow melts upon the highest mountain
in the sun, when summer approaches in june
the time you and I first met

the year unravels beside me like a new born child
opening its eyes and only seeing in black & white
It is still adjusting to what will manifest, the things it will see
in such a short amount of time before its death
I wish the years where made to be longer
I think it is simply unfair
and what is my connection with this strange thing
a band that has a restricted time suffocated between its two ends
where do I come into this ebb of time
every second is precious I believe
disappearing in the air like smoke
as if it never happened, as if it was never there
my *** has not been touched in almost more months
than I can count on my two hands
and does that mean anything to anyone,
I have become eagerly selfish with my body
and then you come along and make me question my greed
but I stand firm and strong, like a column of dark gray stone
ascending from the bottom of the ocean and kissing the moon
and does that mean anything to anyone

I generate scenarios in my head of all the possible happiness,
of all the possible people, all the possible anguish that is far
beyond my comprehension and  maybe more than I desire to comprehend
I have recently came to an understanding of endless pain
I dont believe I quite understood it before
but after watching that man out of hate **** 2 men of a different color
a hate generated due to his fathers ******
then released from prison a clean slate
only to have his brother killed by one of the victims younger brothers
my head twisted and I felt his pain when I saw him hold his ****** brother
and my heart felt as if it was being suffocated between his very tears
I felt my heart disappear with his heart
I felt the deepest thing inside of my chest beyond my body
something that goes far beyond that
I felt that  thing weeping
and to think that there are agonies that surpass that
makes me question all my beliefs
makes me question myself
and quite honestly makes me question the things that I have cried for
and the things that I was unhappy for

me, a simple woman staring out into the sky
and I am but an atom
or something so much smaller than that when standing on the edge
of a black hole in our universe, falling into something that our human
minds cannot comprehend
and then where do I go
born into this world from my mother and father
my mother who came from the love of two orphans
and my father who came from the unfortunate meeting of a innocent
woman gone mad and a mad man
and my parents who came from two separate worlds
what has bred through my generations to lead to this
what happened in the seconds of my ancestors
the women who would in their free time sit alone
what is it that they thought of
did I ever cross their minds
did this madness ever cross their minds
are they flowing through me

I lay on my bedroom floor
a bedroom that I simply cannot stand but have somehow grown fond of
one that probably wont be mine in another year and someone else's
will my energy rub into them, did the previous owners energy run
through me, this previous child

its quite amazing how every human is a absolute work of art
generated by two people who at some point in time mixed the paint
of their bodies together and came out with a piece
call it cheap art, bad art, disastrous, ******
every human is still a work of art
filled with thought and emotion
peoples eyes lately have come to **** me
I cannot handle it, the thought of this alone
is so overwhelming

and here I am writing of it
like the slave I am to my own mind
like the slave that I am to my own thoughts
I am a faithful miner digging through the pits of life
eager to find something worth drilling for
eager to find something worth crying and laughing for
eager to find fuel to add to my fire of a raging heart

I have come across a mind recently
that is bent in all sort of shapes and directions
I can hear the bizarre in that voice
and I have been rather amused, for a longer stretch of time than I usually let myself be consumed within another human
I have forgotten what those waters have felt like
coming to me, yet staying far away
there is so much room for me to breathe
and yet so much room for me to be close

I have found new sanctuaries within myself
where the elimination of boundaries have been discovered
where nature breathes like a blushing ghost
where the flowers are dead yet sing the tales of liveliness
and bewilderment and they are just as beautiful as the new born
flowers, but they have the death and wrinkles of wisdom
the rivers butcher into the oceans
and within their butchering they make love in the most
calmly fashion  
lovers roam these lands touching and kissing each others hands
there are no promises of love made, only ceasing of the moments
and a lingering future of mystery and hope
that is all

and many times I retreat in my thoughts and wish that I lived within
this state of mind when I met you or you or perhaps you

I have been known to suffocate love
I have been known to walk away full
to empty myself and dehydrate my body of life's genuine water
I have been known to drown that emotion
I have been called the reaper of these beautiful things
but I have done quite more than forgive myself and accept these things
and I have done quite more than just make myself believe that I can

restraint bled through me since I was young
because emotions where made to be wrong
these things erupted in me the wrong way


but I am here now in this state of mind
and have come to the realization that this is where I belong
the risks I shall take
I am not preaching only endless beautiful things
no, I am preach things of a true life
and taking it in for simply everything that it is worth
I don't believe in solid dedication
I hunger for space still
but now I hunger for other things as well
and the mix of the two
has made new souls within me

I have reached that fatal point
in where I associate consequence with defeat and happiness

I have reached that fatal point
in where I associate warmth in spaces between your arms
and your fingers

I have reached a point so fatal that it has made me
feel
more alive

in between your curiosity I hide
I imagine myself in so many different places with you
and sit and just let my thoughts trail

I know you in a sense of understanding
and how subtle that is
I wouldnt believe it if I really knew you
saw your light in your darkest places
and saw the dimness in your vast brightness
saw your spine from the inside out
and felt your chest upon mine

I have tasted the poisin in your cheeks
but I have yet to hear your heart beat upon my ear

I have a notion brief yet so strong
of what your are capable of doing to me
that if you were to show me to places within your
hidden places
I might lean back and scream
what it is
what it is
to feel such a powerful thing

when I thought beauty couldnt strech her hand any
further
I saw what was behind your fingerprints
what was behind everything that was physcial
what was behind everything that was spiritual
something that went deeper

I see you
and then I see time
and then I see a mixture of colors
a blurr

this permanent handwriting on my walls
marked with touch by your words
has edged itself along the small of my thoughts
and I am devoured
depleted by you


To think that your sense was staggered
puts my thoughts to sleep
and I cant understand
how you thought I didnt feel the same

I walk backwards to how I hid so discreetly from you
if only you knew I feared you
and feared myself
feared how the colors might mix
feared how the pain might ravage us and lay
our hearts to waste
under the gravel of such beautiful little things


now I move
and where to exactly I cant press my tongue against that
but we move timidly towards each other

I am accompinied by the thoughts
that have made us up

the air moves in simple
ways around strands of my body
and it pushes off a cool

there is no room for detail in the castle
no room for words of the shameful

my feet will depart this land
shake this land
I am an orchestra in the clouds
thoughts race when you dont turn around
to observe the entire life of one simple human
being left behind
yourself
I will stray on land that has many more footprints left behind on it
and let it consume me


I find myself in a different color
with minds from another place

I practice spells in haste

I plan the days to come
where that mind dosent exist
build a little butterfly garden with a pinch of Zen
sit behind the bar stare at the men

lay down with a pen in my hand
in a place where its only me again
again and again