tonight the threshold has been reached
I have climbed the highest mountain of desperation for peace
believe me not when ghosts speak tales of mountains of cruelty
I have been there as well

tonight I shall crucify the monster that was born in me
through your frigid hands
and I shall crucify his mother

tonight things I never thought could be done, will happen
and I will walk away with water on my shoulders
walk away with a drought in my eyes
I will not shed salt for this anymore

tonight I will be moved by things that I have yet to expeirence
things like relentless exuberance at midnight alone
drenched in the company of my own hands
nothing can tear me apart from myself

tonight I will drown

I will burn

I will remember nothing

Tonight I write with the pale hands
of the loneliest creatures
Tonight I am explosive with the tales of my defeat
and the short comings of what I have to gain

Tonight I light my cigarette
and watch its smoke make love to the moon in the midnight sky
delicately it wraps around my fingers like a lover
the only thing keeping me company besides language

Tonight I am vulnerable, waiting to be haunted by a captivating
lock of eyes, dark and strong eyebrow expressions
a slight hesitation of enamored cheek bones and hands
that tell stories of kings and queens
stories of war/passion/starvation/survival

Tonight I am wrapped in my sadness
shedding all over me like a semi-transparent cloak
a mistress seen behind a fog of stagnant hope
I breathe in my wine
rub my tongue on my pallet
brush my hair behind my ear
massage my temples
exhale

Tonight I tell my wild eyes and veins to be patient
I ask my trembling soul to bare with me in silence
I beg my vicious feet to remain still, please do not run away
come my lush heart, remember to keep beating
expand by black lungs, keep breathing

Tonight, there is something that has finally broke through
the message pleading for my attention from you
you are a storm, awakening yet filled with rain
how can I love you, mourn you, conceal you in this poem
from so far away

Tonight I have mastered the language of tears, just some more
yes most of the time my life is miserable, but when  laughter sparks a fire in me
I am the happiest white soul under the blazing sun
the warmth that fills me, can make the orchids smile - can make rocks fall in love

Tonight I sleep once more alone
in a small bed that I call my own
in a haven of singular sorts
this place I call home

My heart beat so hard when I was next to you
that I feared you might hear my barbaric secret in its drum
my pupils expanded so wide, at the sight of your hands
that I could have swallowed the ocean with my eyes
and then shed that salty water when you depart
my heart surrendered and my soul left to the skies

locked in your demented skin and your innocent smile
I would like to kiss the back of your neck and breathe you in
for awhile
your moon stricken and I drink you in the morning
I place you like salt on my tongue
I take your skin and cover myself in it
we make each other wet with scorn
your paint is on my walls and now it is not myself
it is you that I morn
it is my white face that is torn
now
now
the fragile death has been born

you are like a old Gothic cathedral
standing heavy, uninviting yet undeniably luring
your heights are ascended and when I walk into you
I feel overwhelmed, by your detailed corners
your windows that bring light into your
gently smiling darkness
your ashy art mystifies me in a ****** tangent
your ghost stories and dead spirits
the love you have emitted
the love you have forbidden
the souls you have forgiven
the necks you have bitten

your different masks and your musical *****
where all the affairs and making of bodies one have taken place

I wish to breathe it all

I will sit on your empty benches
till you find a way to grace next to me
and place your hand upon my chest
so that I may feel my heart burst beneath your human flesh
you see
I must have this

I must live with you in a place that I know exists
a place that has been in the making for years in my head
I refuse this time, I refuse these people
I refuse to even speak of what society has made itself
the new words, simply will pollute and degrade my poem
of something that is so much higher than where we live now

place your hand calmly in mine
as I watch the entity which lives in your face
give me a sense of re-birth every time I bestow my eyes upon it
you are a riddle, a magnificent opera
you are what makes blood
blood
your are the atoms that make up love
your are the anatomy of every beautiful word
you are the feathers of every raven bird
you are the bed that I rest upon
you are the whiteness in a swan

you are the tragedy in all of the plays
you are the sun and moon of my
days

you are the toska breeding in me like vicious flowers
cannas perhaps lotus or bleeding hearts
haunting the excruciating longing in my sinking chest
a calming and white haunting

I hear a thud in the middle of my body and it seems
that my heart levels itself in between my dimmed ribs
so that it may nervously burst in my core
to let that beautiful yellow childlike  sun into my body

what am I without you, a weltering raindrop
on top of a dark wooden roof
falling into the rustic mud while nobody is watching
being absorbed into the earth while nobody
cares

when I spoke my voice was hallow
and now you fill my speech and the streaks of tunes from my neck
like a starving man who by the grace of God has been blessed
with the feast of kings and queens

the phantom artist of something like a never ending dream
the gentle spirit
the serene incubus

you
daydreamer of withering beauty
heartless and genuine
I rest my smile upon your spine
I suffocate into your talent
of a deep and barren like litost

your calm ocean
as mine
filled with creatures only our imaginations
can begin to decipher
a tender arena of hearts and fowl play
you have taught me more about myself
I am bathing in beauty
drowning in a glorifying deep silk

I would bring my last weeping words  in a coffin
with  dark and rich embroidery resembling
that of your driven eyes
for a simple brush of your hand
upon my cheek

taunt has been breathing latent
satisfying, tumbling, ringing
next to the sounds of the waves
that crash tenderly into my woman breast
intrinsic/immature
burnt black songs spread across the wall of hearts
ashen into the palms of souls
driven by the harmony of new days
I am a new day, smiling as I dig
my teeth into natures gatherings
given for sustenance and relief
virtues have been born above me
a white sea has come to be
I marvel at all these new found beauties

your hands bend like twisted willow
on somber chains
my heart is mute and pale in presence
of your subtle anger
hidden
deeply rooted into
your beautiful eyes

I beg to go deeper

although I know the income
of my words will retalite
I know how they will scar
some crevice
and unknown part of me
yet to discover
dead
until you have awakened it
with that flesh on your face
that monstourus gaze

they will speak about me
say how I differ too much
how I speak to much of broken hearts
and sorrowfull songs
but I know to every real human heart
every one of my poems is but a childhood sing along

I want to love you when you are ugly
pretty sirens held in tightly to my ****** regulation
of foreign relations/ and transgressed poverty

yes I do
I scream it at the top of my voice my darling
let me love you when you are ugly
I want to linger in your most empty places
awfully.

let me kiss you when you are angry
shed the ill word tell me everything you think of me
and speak to me bluntly

my ears are sore with the pretty
depict me/ dissect me
get me down to my nitty gritty

let me love you when you are ugly

let me stain you with my eyes and fly you away from this country
wrap my arms around you and tell you that you don't need your family

there was a time when blindness hovered in shades of gray
with wings of dragons
and tongues of Shakespeare
latent driven on the hooks of youth and
almost prosperity

let me love you when you are ugly
I say these words knowing it is almost quite impossible
for in my eyes you are always lovely

its amazing how many words I let loose
off so many strings with you always in mind
but this shall be the last time i write of your existence

I remember your water like a faded fingerprint
bent and pressed all over my naked chest
I remember your meaning like I remember distant days as a child
everything is so faded
due to the crushing that i have done over time

now we speak in strangers tongue
although i never really knew you
I knew of what you might be
and I knew of what you did to me

- at some point on the time line I felt
like patience was lost even though it was there
like my mind had found another place to live
although it was here all along

or maybe perhaps I did loose my mind
to have thought that such a situation can bend
or levitate itself to my planet
where you and I would live
never once did you read the script
and show appreciation towards my
rare admiration towards you

never

in humans I disgust
but you kept yourself in a twilight
somehow in my sky longer than usual
and till now the enigma puzzles me
oh you epidemic and dreary young life
how did you condemn me
in all the ways you did

I left the good ones in the bag that I packed
and left with a long time ago
blinded by expressionism and confessionalism
a portrait hung on my wall for so long
I dream in blue and earthy scents
of that little space between hinder and breath
society placed a big burden upon my chest
it whispers so many funny and true things
dire to my belief of originality
and being specific in the things I do
mind like thin lines overlapping in many different hues
I have grown ill in thought of the ordinary people
you see me as flawed hurt and stupid
and I see you as plain boring and mediorce
eyes trail downwards about my sincere actions
and sometimes I must hold my tongue
being that envious eyes would like to eat a lung
my manner gentle and discreet
Im am nothing near the definition of obsolete
and I accept it as I accept that nothing will ever
with misuse be complete
and in a heartbeat I retreat to that creature
who beside me is petite

as I am

feathers of beauty brush against the
slowly moving winds on my shore
and I go back and wonder why everything
so quickly turns into nothing
descending tons of gore
and then fragility comes back to its place
sits on the front of my hands
like a serene masterpeice
reminding me who I am
and leaves me permanently marked
smile

its amazing how many words I let loose
off so many strings with you always in mind
but this shall be the last time i write of your existence

I remember your water like a faded fingerprint
bent and pressed all over my naked chest
I remember your meaning like I remember distant days as a child
everything is so faded
due to the crushing that i have done over time

now we speak in strangers tongue
although i never really knew you
I knew of what you might be
and I knew of what you did to me

- at some point on the time line I felt
like patience was lost even though it was there
like my mind had found another place to live
although it was here all along

or maybe perhaps I did loose my mind
to have thought that such a situation can bend
or levitate itself to my planet
where you and I would live
never once did you read the script
and show appreciation towards my
rare admiration towards you

never

in humans I disgust
but you kept yourself in a twilight
somehow in my sky longer than usual
and till now the enigma puzzles me
oh you epidemic and dreary young life
how did you condemn me
in all the ways you did

your mystery resembles that of
ancestors buried beaneth the living
endless tombs infused with secrets for
only the earth and life in its very self to know
and when in your arms, oh how I wish that I may die
as to know those hidden things that you carry
within your frail frame of humanity and
that beating heart that I immerse myself in
and feel as I did when I was only 4
I understand mediums of distance should be kept
between us, and I give respect to the energy
that needs the breathe there
we cannot suffocate that
we cannot abuse it
I feel you in every extreme
when next to you Im am on the edge
of a building ready to jump
into a infinte fall
I feel you like the love
a terrorist has for his cause
I love you like the mother
loving her sick child in her deepest
height and fear
this
this is how I love you
with every drop of intensity that
I can manifest within my stricken body
I long for you the way the earth
will long for the bee’s after they
banish from this world
I lay next to you like the pedal
opening agaisnt her leaf
and I fall into you the way the
dew falls off the stem an onto
the tombstone beneath it
and when you kiss me
and feed me the liquid of your body
I am the starving immigrant lost
in a foreign desert rescued after closing
his eyes and accepting that death shall come
but then I open my blistered eyes and you
are there
lets walk down streets heavy and engraved
with depth so that we can feel understanding
in what is around us
let us live in places that have lived
as long as we have, where love
such as ours endless, has bred€
the sky covers us with its thunder
and I lay wet and covered in us
my pupils expanding
in
wonder

I remember you

you are painful to remember

your face a muse in my deepest beliefs
on what the real meaning of love is
or mAYbe something else

Im so bound by my memories of you
they fall in my mind like the roots of dandylions
but with wishes that never came true

sometimes I feel
that I wish I could have lived with you in some remote world
far from the one we met
far from the one that any who have felt this way will ever go
Im engrossed in my simplicity towards you
towards your remarkable face

you brought joy
you brought anguish
you brought fear
and deliverance
to the furthest place away from you that my feet could possibly take me

why is it that my mind always goes back to you
at times
when Im almost on the edge of relief
you take my sanity away from me

and Im left in the same place once more
I feel like a failure everytime
who is left with nothing
not even the joy in my commitment of straying myself away
from the very core of you
for it is imbedded in my core
you are the seed and Im the outer layer of the fruit
that will never ripen with time
or with age
Im stuck in a pandominoum
in a world
where the sun does not shine
and I do not move foward

I assume that the only thing that will bring me refuge
is your voice
which is the only thing that terrorizes me most

you are a monster caged in the very depths of my thoughts
I have lost the key to let you go
to free you from my restless mind
I hear your echoes every night beaming in my head
agony mixed with revelations of something I was so unfamiliar with
until your frail and young exsistence came into my life

I did not want to be the one to show you
the one to bring you into that world
it was so painful for me
will you ever now
how weak I felt holding that responsibilty in my small hands
I have never felt so small before

the sin
the relaxtion
the realse
the pain

you let me be the barrer of these
and now Im left with all except relaxtion
and without you

our story falls on the thorns of beautiful roses
Im stuck on the needles
while I stare at the pedals in rememberance
of all the things that I can no longer touch
with my veins
I end this poem like I ended me and you
without wanting to

I feel you
the way
I feel the blood coursing through my veins
I feel you
the way I feel my very soul
breathing in me always
until I take my last breathe

I am horrified
with you

I am explicitly terrified with
the thought of how you said my name

I will

always
remember you, as I remember the days when I was small
meager and did not yet understand what the world brung forth

I remember you as I remember the horrific acts which molded me
to be who I am today

I will always remember you that way

I walk the land of the other kind
only women who seem to have lost their right mind
would tarry in fruit other than theirs
and indulge as if they are them

sweet pulp running down the chins of all my objects
small objects
nectar filling me whole
I speak for women like
like me
who do things desirably
willingly, cascade torment
befell the hands of such little age
and quietness is the first stage
before we turn and move our arms lightly
breathe swiftly
come and go
come and go
stay
leave
then we leave
nothing can bring me to care
oh nothing nothing little master
deadly words
sharp laughter
discreet plans or no plans is just the same
in the book of not lies
but something else

move were life takes me
life life just take me there
takes me there
brings me here
upon the shore of a thousand different hearts
beating simultaneously
in the oven of my baking brain
thoughts pounding loud so loudly

in
out
in
out
in
out

I believe
I believe that I have conquered you

I walk the land of the other kind
I seem to have lost my mind

if this pulsating addiction through my brain
can be more than madness
than I
I am more than nothing
cause when something so big, its condemed to itself
all it has left to do is diminish
into hunderds of icy little peices
covering my body
seeping down into my grittle bone
haunting under the light pole
polariods laughing in my head
dimmed creatures
humming
kiss me
kiss me
haunted

Im am so mesmorized for you
and the way you sit with your hand on your cheek
smoking your nicotine
speaking about venice and the lions in your closet
your blushing and speaking red
and I am watching you

I am watching you
--
move your tongue lightly on air and
tell me your stories in the most
simple word,
please
the creses in your forehead
shedding all the deatil
I am afraid to be too close to you

watching your hair fall to the side of your face
watching your veins pulsate
adorning your 5 o'clock shadow
you pushed me against the window pane
and shoved everything you had

that break me till I cant break anymore
kind of
love

I throw my arms above me---
to where I cant see them anymore
little dimness tracing at my vision

but am I blind now
or was I blind before
or am I still blind
or was I previously blind
or is this you
and this is my cycle
and you always come back

but I can never find you
and I am nowhere to be seen
perhaps on some forgein path

on my way to buy chardonnay and mint

I see no degradtion
in my broken passion of words
these words I speak from my deepest creases
my secrets hidden in the birds

I let you read me in my peices of peices
and I am called absurd
I let you let me shift you with my magic
now your vision of me is more blurred

Ill let you hunt me down
so lopsided and up and done battered
I open the door hallucinating and tattered
its not not like you never mattered

I just have remote in my hands
I have intrusive in my wastelands
now my lungs expand


slow
ly
I lift my eyes and bend my head
without voice I preech muse of the dead
Im yearning for more than lifes bread
and we yell enough
enough
was said
but I get on my knees and I beg
life I say might there be something better that you can
grant
to express myself in ways purer than this
because I feel that I cant

I will carry my mind somewhere further than any foreign land
somehwere to a brutal coma
where little aliens of dripping uphoria exsist
hidden deep in every uncharted abyss
they will come up from the mudd
I will unravel them with the unraveling of this flower bud
I will lift my head up then nudge
in acceptence of all these empty cabinets
they have been emptied out by my wet mouth
to ease the pain and **** the drought
that burries itself like a baby
under the sheets of blood in my eyes

swim in the redness of the fruitility
that leaks itself like perched pedals
falling
exuberent/ burgundy
pale and translucent like the water in pure places
from your
wrists

tuned into the old jukebox
laughter shining things like
why wasnt I around when this was invented
right here, eyes pressed upon that sky
belittled, torn like a rag placed upon a tree of thorns
then tugged

reality breaks the seal
people put up shutters to block out the noise
they knew it wouldnt hit hard
but these animals think they are of some greater
power

its my turn, thoughts scatter like ants on the dining table
I grab my Q and gently hit the 8 ball, I remember when that man told me
to always go soft arrogance never got nobody somewhere good
I miss
was that a lie
?

perched on the stool going into reclusion in mind
what if
what if
the world was filled with nothing but
sylvia, anne, khalil, ghandi, Vincent Millay,
olds, ginsberg, abraham, lennon

what if our energies never fluctuated
in the nervous patterns that lead to the
exhaustion and you never let yourself fall
into that place we as writers promised to never
be,
driven far from complexities
tuned into conventional
inspired, but not really inspired

I bow my head farewell
smiles brought forth to my lips
as the positive is extracted
stable lives
t.v nights
no fights

redeemed when looking in the mirror
touching
your cheeks
rubbing your thumb on your lower
lip, examining all of those things that make you woman
that make you beautiful

everyone is beautiful
lovely tunic in their own way
let it be one small characteristic
one disposable action
one smile is a charity given

pride presents wistful sayings of abloshied tyranny hidden between
your gracious lovers and those 3 stars viewable from any place in the world
men with eyes full of hatred glanced upon them
children with tears in their souls

I loosened the knots of active  promiscuity drawn on the
face of the most indistinguishable and demonic paintings
hung in the highest places in my living room/ I burned the house
ambrosia dripping along my legs,
your mascara, scarred on my fingers
lipstick smeared on vintage walls fill the narrow
hallways in the bones of beasts sitting in high trees
in the alabaster forests of our dreams

laying so still, motionless
afraid to speak a word
one finger might break your skin
then eyes light
and smiles are emitted
like beautiful wedding nights
where its raining, no clouds
and a full moon

depart fruitful stances
I sit dreary in the airport
what summer love may summer bring
upon me, discreet soul
blackened tongues
long nights, made short
gags and hands thrown in the sky
kiss you
pretty
goodnight.

I walk away from the pool table, lost second time in a row
who cares, I have time to get better
maybe next time I should halt random infusions
pause my unstable mind
for a poets thoughts such things are considered
a crime

would I imagine myself throwing myself
in the arms of desperation after many years
of annihilated love
after many years of baroque turmoil
tinted with smiles
and kisses on my shoulder

multiple
one ten
maybe when I'm mentally exhausted 2
I drained myself of ability
to perceive the difference
between the look in your eyes
and the look in mine

what does it all mean

I'm standing still and all I can hear
is you yelling at me
you cursing at me
you drenching me in the pain that
I have caused you

you kissing my neck
and then slashing my back
with the knife we have built together
of our linking souls

I smile and tell you to just leave
and my carelessness draws you closer to me
then ever before
and I move further
wanting you
yet I move further

what encompasses my sickness in love
destroying my perception completely of the monster
who was suppose to save me so long ago
under heaps of destruction i find myself
mendled by all your pretty things

and then at the end of the day
I sleep with tears on my lips
love.

its by growing through means
living by moderate extremes
anything to pass by that perluded meaning
drafted hung by my neck from the ceiling
intoxicated by your words
things phrases and voices, before you I have never heard

have you ever been inside fire before
scorned even when I open my eyes
to something called a new day
days are just blended into together
like watercolors
overlaping each other
sometime complimenting one another
and sometimes end up in a unorganized mess
yet we call it beautiful
but every painting has its own meaning
those that dont are never painted

I pair my hands side by side
the servant that I am
I am nothing but that
and I give thanks in the most kind ways
that I did not brake the way I thought I would
after your stigmatic body passed through mine

your poise was perfect
and you walk with your hands trailing behind your back
pointer finger slightly extended
the orchid swan
holding in her tongue
holding in the poison

no architect could have built our castle
ancient ruins falling atop each other like
the moon falls into my scorned eyes in the midnight
when I sit with myself
when the ache hits the center of my black lungs
when the melancholy sighs to me
as if her pain is greater
when I know  that the true haunted king
sleeps in my stomach
arising and coming out of my throat
every so often

while I am sitting on the bench
while I am leaning on the wall inhaling those gray fumes
while I am reading my book
that is when that king comes to me
and wraps me in his hopeless melodies
of the days where we shared the same lips

and all I can do is give thanks
that I did not brake the way I thought I would
that the wound though alive
and breathing with its open sore of reds and pinks
pearls and hatred
did not slit me in half from head to toe

I know with my skin that you take pride in my pain
somewhere in your days you sulk in the compassion
that I hurt for you
it makes you feel wonderful and special
it makes you feel unique and beautiful

that me, who has had love conveyed to me in a thousand tongues
sits here alone like a cement column numb and baring nothing
receiving nothing, maybe simply existing
if that

you tread your eyes upon these poems
knowing in your darkest place that they belong to you
knowing in your darkest corners that you tore me
knowing in that part of your soul that stood naked in front of me
and how that part hid and wore a cloak of white
as to distract me from those short comings where you left me
with a welted heart here on my pillow
gasping for air
that would rather choke than be held by you again

you are a form of poison
seeping through the rough edges in my mind
an immensity of nations I have brought out of this here.body.
to try and rid of the look in your eyes

your body moves swiftly on the ground
each step weighing a ton.you shake the ground beneath you.
and those surrounding you stop in awe. at the magnificent sight.
your exotic manhood. realistically condescending and ******.
you make me want to ***** and give me butterflies. simultaneously.

if I could sing my song, expand my lungs so that they explode
in the air fluttering around me like new born children
there would a girl standing at the end of the crowd crying
If I could play this tune on any instrument
I would make the hairs rise on the pores of some man
mourning his dead lover

you propose marriage

you dare caress the soft woman within me
you dare make some.almost.dead.suffocating. buried.dream.
a reality in my head once more you *******

you wrap around my pink finger like a sharp thread of Indian silk
you leave marks and my blood is not flowing properly
I can squeeze you with silence
I feel your body swell between my fingers
sweaty and frustrated

I see you sitting in your living room, lonely
so bent and out of shape. life's burden has came to you
with its heaviest distributer of pain. utter emptiness.
your forehead creases have become deeper
from endless nights of that deep hunger
the one that digs into your very soul
the one that makes you want to cut your stomach open
and stuff it with anything that will fill that empty void
that has taken its physical toll on your body

so you. the man that you are.
come to me. the woman that I am.
begging for that thing that you have lost.
the woman who gave you 4 nights of kisses.
shy looks,a nervous voice, blushed cheeks,a unpromising smile
and a very hasty departure

I picked up my imaginary wedding gown took off my
invisible Cinderella heels and ran like hell to the woods
after the day by the water you ranted
spoke in the tongue of a master
and I am no humans servant, you let the timid movement in my
hands deceive you of the power that strikes like a noble guardian

that day. you held my eyes in yours
and promised to never speak to me again if I did not get up
and leave with you. I retrieved what was mine, and did not hesitate to
shift a bone. silly of you to think that anyone can shake me
without my permission
maybe if you would have asked me passionately softly
rather than passionately angry
the past would be present. but our story did not unravel this way.

I cant lie. and say that you are not gifted.
you are in so many ways
you are a leader, and if you lived in ancient times
would be the head of any army. I see those lives that have lived
within you. old soul. broken. like me.

It almost hurts somewhere inside of me. to see a man of such
grace and honor fall apart in front of me like wood in  my
fireplace back home in the mountains on the coldest of winter nights.

I sit here fixating impossibility.convincing myself.
regardless of the promises you just made after 3 years.
You have been begging on your knees for so long
that I can see the bone coming out of the wounds.
You are leaking everywhere. your pride has crumbled beneath me.

I sit and think about how beautiful
the children we will never make
will be.

A woman once said , honey you will die
one
thousand
times
before you get through me
and looking at things in that perspective I must agree
this whole mystery thing isnt easy
speak in deformed patterns so atleast I wont see
your trying to figure out who it is, this person,
this person named me
the song plays I stoped everything I was doing
and just sat to watch the sun dance in this marvelous way
its not moving no, but its dancing
the wind is blowing all the flowers and dandylions they are all dancing together too
how many times has the wind invited you
a lonesome creature it is getting rejected so
but I take advantage of it, I never let the oppurtunity go
what secrets about life it may whisper to your lips you never know
next time it invites you dont say no

woman of stature
the woman of grace and disposition
I am faulty
believe me when I tell you I am

love forbidden
love in chastity
completely forge in to me
yet embedded in my whole
and woven into the meaning of myself
within myself
deceit forbade me from conquering you
and now I am forbidden from myself
and you and you

lonesome yes
in the deepest part of my seed
nurtured on every outer layer
hidden is the young infant within that weeps
sad songs that scream
take my hand
pleading
hold me

you can see with your naked eye
Im holding out my lungs to you

loneliness hasnt seen itself
till it sees so many who can full fill it
and then walks away
that is loneliness

and I walk away everyday

this white cloak gets as close
to me as you do
simple cloth fabric
simple complex human mind
they get just as close

I have lived in such a state
for 3 years
I read the old letter I wrote
and the measure of my imeasurability grew longer
to be reminded I delivered words that speak openly
to another human

woman of stature
the woman of grace and disposition

positioned only within herself

I am faulty
relieve me when I tell you I am
believe me when I tell you I am

I push reason into mind
and it pushes me further from you

I push passion into place
and it brings me closer to you

I
me
If I were in someplace a hidden globe
would multiply myself in your lives
so many little to one
I am imagining your beauty
between my fingers you see

and all I want is to bring you closer to me

and then my mind sets its foot down into
who I am
and then I realize
maybe you should become a shadow
not the one which follows me
but the one of my days
the one that represents everything I smile
at when I wake up in the morning

I didnt know you
I made up who you were with a combimnation
of little things you have shown me

bring me to subtle understanding
distressed creature of another sort
I am yearning
in the pool of you
alone

lets be honest
let me be honest
when I speak of the precautions
of the extents
where my skin feels the need to come off my body

I dont know if I want to wait till it sheds
or if I choose to be intolerant
and simply rip it off my muscle

the skin that you have touched
let it ware away
anything please
just let this violence settling on top of my being
just ware away

I have been there
in the inner most deep depths of your freckles
and Im meddled
so lost
in your extrgavance
something put me out of this state

and the last time we spoke, I spoke to you with a tone of hatred
and I would never let you know
that, moment was my love manipulated

into something so much deeper than what we were
and why is that
why are you
you
and why am I me
and things trail down this little road of our
personal caotic catasrophe

the clouds bleed out our meaning
everyday
when the sun is out
and its light everyday
and it brings me into a retreat
you make the light do this to me

hopefully
somewhere in between the stories
ill find myself pleading
and then I will find an answer
to this endless mind thought
love forgive me
the passion itself
please

your hands so female
declare suffocation in every bone

my blood has fallen asleep and at ease to your beauty
your eyes

I beg
to breathe in the skin of your thighs

you move faster
and I move further away-
with you
from everything you represent
your prose and the most you disobey

leave you I may
beautiful woman
leave you I will
meager minds and griefs hearts to you I dispell everything
you may not see brown eyed,
I for now
have given all my insides to you

I walk away against my will

for you to display ---
life
sprung into things you must discover
and below you I hover
hoping that the feeling will not absorb me
like water into a sponge
like blood into a lung

I am beaten down

hurt

and I understand that breathing comes in hand
when in place of a human
who does not yet understand

I feel the skin move through me
like a thousand bricks fallen off of a mountain
completely at ease
you ravage me with your simplicity
eyes edged on the corner of every dark alley
your smile is a projector
in my mind of all the things
that I really admire
is it too much to ask
that you always spread your soul around me
I fall into heat
and there is no way to be discreet
about this anymore
Im bored with holding my tongue
Im bored with the run
I would like to lay in your arms
my beautiful sun
as I press my lips to yours
and my heart to the gun

your hair was long
eyes burnt like savage charcoal hanging
off the tunes that follows your voice when you speak
blindess carsses infant bones inside of me
you make me weak

pretty you moved like glitter in summer rain
your words were simple and plain
you sat like a indian sun child
everything around us somehow manipulated into nature
nothing was concrete
nothing was cement

nights and days I repent
the hours minutes seconds spent
on basking in the rain that built up
in front of your hands
drops fall off strands of hair
slowly
on to the ocean under us
purging lips

dive deep into uncharted mansions
somewhere between bones and hips

from your water I would take small sips
as I knew after our cups were empty
you would leave
or maybe I would

I got up to depart
she grabbed my wrist
at my skin she rips
shes slips
and unto her I grip

the yelling snaps like horsewhips
my heart beat skips
the anger settles

my vocbulary slips
as femininity strips
the images fill the Polaroid film strips
and I think how I can no longer take this

minutes then roll off into bliss

are we okay
will you hold me like you did that one day
speak to me like you did when we sat in the sultry cafe

kiss me like you did on that winter night in the driveway
my love...

are we okay

our cigerrete buds fill the ashtray
as we listen to the soothing beats of reggea
I remember you in the miday

darling...

are we okay

I sit and watch
not the passion
but the connection decay

the burdens outweigh
our clique
feminine
folkway

your fingerprints marked along every hallway
your lips scorn the evening of every friday
your pushing edge on every railway
your uneasiness and the foreplay
your secrets replay in my head like a violin

finally
I have come to realization
of this heavy dismay
with drought I say

lover we are not okay.

transgenered abomination of laughing lilies
who was I when in thought of that life
reading the old pages of transfixed emotion tied into yours
but for another
with you
hearts nauseous and repugnant
fingers stilted
still 3 overweight words
breaking the air I speak on, somewhere blowing in the breeze
I hear its calling
no denial
no fight in lifes court
no
no
trial

no remembering kisses in april
no remembering broken bottles
no remembering a girl built castle
or the dazzle
scorn his devil
rot the bashful
inside of me, inconsistent in liqiuadating inervation
and defiant sensitivity

dance the night away when its humid
and sweat the sweat of slaves
dance on top of your ruins
and forget the lonely songs of yesterday

I cry my heart dry to the thought of you

my eyes they feel as though---

I dont want to think about you
because if I do
I will have a drought within my body

for years

I have dreamt of you so many times
I have thought of how it would be
to simply stand next to you

I remember your parents porch
and I remember you
on bright sunny days
you couldnt be more beautiful---

you were----
so beautiful

and no matter how anyone sees you from that angle
you will never be more beautiful
than to me at that second
when I walked up
and introduced drinking wine

I will never forget that day
when nothing could have been more simple
than me laying down next to you
I remember everything
down to your awkward smile
nothing
nothing was more beautiful
than your smile

thinking of any gesture that you might make
noone will ever be more impassioned by you
than me
hate that truth
or grasp it
no one will
but me
because we come from the same place
that has a thick air of loneliness

makes my blood cringe
and I feel inconsistent knowing that any of you
was ever really
real

I hurt knowing and remebering that you were real
your beauty
hurts me

Im wounded by who you are

in a complete sense and completely
I am everything
in everything that you are
and if you cease to exsist

then I am dust.

and nothing matters anymore
although you never mattered

because I am nothing but dust

to tattered eyes
in hopeless glimpses
in everything without you.