tinted poetry
poetic in my own utter for trying to
grasp something that is close
to reaching the sun with my shoulders

my heart touched the sun when It encountered
your reluctant fire.
Nights where I felt as if love would suffocate me
with madness that was to good to be true
and you held me with the veins of your mind
and tugged at me with the strings of your eyes

gripping onto you when we would walk
let it be that everyone knew that you belonged to my hands
and my fingerprints ran over you body
just mine
you took my blue stones

blue stones

and set them on fire with your demonic lips
of shamelessness given to you by your manhood
a kind that was all too good to be true

skin full of color that wasnt there when you where born
a body composed of pure art and gesture
permanently scared
your neck sang
and your pelvis cracked against my hip
when the sand dunes went in too deep
the earth eroded
and our universe collapsed
between our two sepearte places

and after everything was gone
dead
we breathe
in and out so so
slowly

soft laughter sighs
what are you doing tommorow like questions
float in the heavy air around us
and all I know for certain
is that
this will end

the broken thunder has shattered our tunes of crazed whispers hidden in the space between your fingers and mine when they never touched. There is a emotion standing like me and you alone, terrible unaware of the pain that is to exhale yet numb and unwavering. you are numb and unwavering. your frailty has departed me into masked regions of normality and consistency. I know how you feel not because I have been there but because I have permanently become a part of you. and if you die apart of me dies too. I stand silently in the blistering sun my hair touches the wind as it sadly sings our old memories of torture and passions defeat, lost time the crimson in your eyes the similarity in mine bring out my age as every day that  passes you cross my mind at least once strangely and I wonder if I still hold a fire somewhere inside of you, even in the smallest. I run out in the waves holding the red holding the black and holding the old book where the edges of its papers are burnt by our naked times when two feminine wrists thrusted upon each other like tsunamis on brittle land. we broke everything beneath us. we perhaps broke ourselves. Our pictures are chaotic slowly moving hallucinogenic barbaric and stricken in my mind.  black is a slow color that lingers down above our heads and covers us with its intensity screaming in a dreadful agony bathing us in its oily sultry, covering our mouths until it became hard to breathe. I wanted to shriek I wanted to blow out a cry and tell you to rescue me from the fate that had driven me back to the alter that I first saw after I kissed you for the first time. Distant vultures stared with crude eyes of something of a disgust. A rush purging into an outlet and a endless amount of lust. forbidden mummification of the slender tale of trust. I lay my head weary about the soft death that plays with my hair and presses its bony finger on my cheek as I am soaking wet in a thin and paper like white dress. Embrace. The skies rained red and when droplets hit the ground a smoke would be born as we walked hand in hand amongst all our past ruins, believing that this was the last time. I failed. life has failed me. We shiver together and my essence frees itself like a flower that has been cut from its stem and my papery pedals strip away one by one on the side of your face. The cities walls felt close, count to 18, 19 open your eyes and speak quietly. kiss me quietly. hold me tightly. Let go of the shame learn to take this love lightly. My chest caved and my back felt heavy.Oh God forgive me. Forgive me. I have sinned and tangled myself into a situation that throws itself  like a nervous child at my knees. You cringed at my sight. You held me highly. You let me go violently. I cried silently.

strangers meeting on the wrong path
but going to the same place
I asked what its all about,
this glorifying race

built beneath the soles of ancient people
who call me every night in my dreams
to tell me,
that there was once a light
and that everyday the passes it goes deeper and deeper into
this black cave

for our world is changing in all the wrong ways

I tell you I have been weary for days and days
you called me to tell me it would be okay

I just want to tell you trembling like a leaf in a storm
I laughed and talked about how i just wish I was home
and smelled the stench of fresh cut green grass

with the thought tickling my tongue
I realize that very rare good things last
some go bad
and some are still great


my thoughts are more confused than my words
and I know sometimes I may sound absurd

but forgive me for saying that once I lied and said I never heard what I heard
and that I really am lonely
and that I really dont know what I'm living for

my suppression finds its weak moments
but I have seen their faces
when they simply let words caress off their tongues
(I don't feel alive anymore)

- don't give me reason to believe so

I know hope is lost
nourishing me under all the sheets I sleep on
when nothing cradles me in my sleep
but oh the ground lifts me
the ground
(lifts me)

I will search for you in my little toy boxes
filled with old ancestors and sayings slipped from tongues, revealing stories of my birthmarks
I will search for you in the light
I will search for you in the dark

I will gentley remove my skin
in my mind you are so royal
so monarch

I will drink my water
all alone
I will light my candles
in the late night and imagine what would be the smell of your cologne
I will stare into the world at night until Im
****** and moonstoned

I will linger wax inbetween thigh bones
flirt tales with wishbones
until all the stars beg me to stop
uttering moans

I am beseeched in interlocking strangle
of submission to my loneliness
and waiting with a white transparent dress
on the bridge of london
hoping to see the dark eyes
that put light in the souls of the peasent in my
disabled heart, mused in desguise

should I sit here and speak the anecdotes
and the lies
of the littler girl inside of me
who everytime thinks of your dies
slower and slower
each time

the goodbyes
and the standbys

I reply
I have ran out of supplies
to fix my sunrise

and now I sit here in the absence of bright skies
life I see takes hold of the wise

but you see my lover
for you I shall be patient
I shall be humble

and I shall be kind.

my eyes they do wonder
more than you will ever know
will they always
tend to find themeselves in thoughts unpredicted
by even myself
who could probe so deep, mingle so lightly
with touches and sighs not meant to come out they way they do
but even more
so much more
then what ill ever draw with my finger
love dipped sand gripped
oh autumn summer fall
gray September
red winter
sepia summer
under leaves and leaves

ocean

the ocean never changed
where I felt touch as a woman
released my first sighs as a woman
doing bad so bad
under things that were so beautiful

that was so beautiful

I mix and walk back
I must be a woman
to walk this way

and to look into all of your eyes
and feel nothing
and then feel everything

alcohol

white fresh and tastes like spring
under the imagination of so many things
I can go on forever

you know
about cups lovers creeps echos and black *******
that helps me flow

and I still bend to weak minds and words
I still bend to eyes fleeting destruction
to eyes who try to lie about everything
make believe they are something
dieing inside from nothing
bleeding tape around mouths with tongues that are too narrow
for proper speech

i still bend to beauty and love for the sake of -- love
or anything of such kind
meanings lost mixed and revealed through each other
with such discreet difference in between
and I feel the difference
and the contrast only makes me fall deeper into things that i don't know

once discovered

I grab my scarf wrap it around my neck with a thin cancer mutation in between my fingers
select my watch drape it around my wrist
put all belongings where they belong
and check out into the next hotel of
malicious life tones

adorned in my own childhood memories, the rot and laughter
I lay there moist and in no obedience when it came to distraught thoughts
I wanted to feel something that burned the way I did
so I lay naked upon this lava
and without dying I feel its fiery mind
I enjoy its inextinguishable kind

I wanted to die slowly the way beautiful natural things died slowly
so I went to the garden and
picked the most intriguing flowers my eyes could find
I cut their stems
then I cut open my wrists and my spine
I lay on the earth and watched the time
I lay there and peacefully  cried
how seconds turned into hours, and I lay there slowly
with those flowers and together we died
my smell fell into the universe
my coffin slowly decayed
laying there completely lifeless under the suns shade
and when I awoke from that death
I was no longer afraid

yet there are things that I still cant reach
yet there are times I still dont know how to speak
I remember how you left a streak of light behind the smallest of movements and I fall weak


so I go into the ocean and I hold my breath
I want to be here forever,
even if that means
death

you sew my bones together, with the blue print of your voice
limbs tearing apart solemnly,
breathing in distant cosmos, left bitten/ forbidden
no choice
bodies bare birth to gentle flowers
like spring in the smallest forms
the whispers between calmly opening buds
the oceans remain salty, the tide gripping in its low
lingering on shore
kissing the roots of the pier
we remain eternal

like things that still have no names
I know new burdens bare like intimate kisses
so hard to explain and forget

I wake up with my teeth grinding
between broken fingers and disaster
I panic and become nervous
when I remember nothing special ever really happened
when I remember I never made real love to you
when I remember I did not taste the edge of giving you
my fire/ no I never even came close
when I remember cringing
shoulders/ locked
collar bones exposed. heavy.
I rub my cheek against yours
feminine lips part
emotions emerge like new islands
black and freshly exposed
we never gave time for the life to grow

I never whispered how I loved you in your ear.
I never took you all the places that were haunted
places I promised silently we would go
I never held you quietly, sober, in the dark
or fell asleep in your arms

I never cried to you. I needed to cry to you/ I held it in
I never let water fall on our naked bodies
I never helped you the way I wanted to help you
I would let you use my soul to wipe your tears
I never kissed the inside of your thigh early in the morning
I never gave in to the beauty of tenderness with you

I managed to pull out a few tears at 4 in the morning the other night
I managed to redeem that acceptance, it set me to pain.

you have been far beyond ruthless. you have so much room to grow.

an exchange of a few words
turning like sirens racing to save a dieing moon
in the fury of the morning
when birds sing and hearts align
like glorious mummies in the grave
decomposed
and awaiting the words of the curse to be uttered
by some love stricken woman carrying the burden
of the perfect day that withered away like
the snow in the summer underneath
tarnished melodies sung by the greatest of our time
my jawline contracts with the wind
the secrets of the invisibility rushes like the night
there is no stopping this truth from unraveling in front
of me like the baby coming out of the mothers womb
there is not stopping this fight
I hardened underneath the pale sun
like clay
turned
molded pottery
crafted by the music that rested upon me and
tough family nights where my father would bang on the door
I became stone

chosen
enduring like flowers who break to open
and reveal the most female of their colors
brushing chastity upon my charred heart
I become soft again
cradled in the arms of nature and her tragedy
that has grown far worse than any I have ever seen
her beauty
magnificent
and how she endures the blood shed of men
the tyranny of women
the tears of children
the atomic warfare
the bombs
the anguish

I learn from her that all things are equal
in the sense of the willow that covers her flowers in 40 feet of shade
roots clung to the heart of the soil beneath
he is equal to the twig

we can feed off of each others
destruction
life has shown us both
enivitability is always knocking at the door
it creeps behind the bar
holding death in a precious little box
or maybe a few tears in clear jar

I walked down into this forest
than this forest
and and this one
but no
no
the hands I see are not tinted enough
not invisably black enough
not tortured enough

the fire I see has never been extinguished
left with no nourishment
never knowing a word of despair

white breathing so many different colors
you illumanate in front of me
like earths beauty in the deepest core
under the most magnifecent things
you are perfect
and satan himself would agree

but no
no
you are not empty enough for me

I hold these thoughts as I hold onto my infested pupils
my hands open like that of an infant in sleep
curved fingers, innocent and unexpecting of what is to come
the life
the street corners
the slum hearts
the filthy
all the ends and all the starts
the loved ones who will depart
the torn bed sheets
and the opening of evil flowers
in the dirt of small drunken conversations
the murders and the beauty
of the old burnt down houses
the strongest agonies that derive
from the simple things that once
made hearts dance in the wind
when love bathed in the sun
with its blue veins
I forget everything

to be brought back to this state
I know noting of these things
I look at life with innocent eyes
and I feel like a child again

I come close to you
.
.
I Kiss you with my scars
come close to me
.
.
finish me.

bare as I speak the lines of the pandemonioum
in the hands of all the generations before us
wet room
I see the departure of glory
like a laughing damsel on her knees
you purge
everything inside of you
and your screams flow through the breeze
I am more than a rose
and more than a stone
and are we all, am I?

yes yes we all contemplate this
and then we belittle the abstract facts
is it the war
is it the hate
no no because regardless lifes fate
will always remain dangerous

so this is it
crime and punishment
hidden under barries that are too silky for the normal hands to touch
if I tell, I might be saying too much
in this line seeps one
listen to this, the story has just begun
from time to time
suspision raises something more than infiltrating thought
crawling through a master mind of unbeliavble things
the kind of things you see in those dreams
that slipped your mind a few hours later, and you can never seem to grasp what it means
I see those familiar figures laughing in the fog
in murky grass ,blue skies and deep deep courtesy they lay
glass scatterd and this head goes astray
pack up, and leave I may

a melody is playing ever so lightly on those taught strings
it reminds , yes
it reminds me of all those unforgettable things

I need you to set palms together
entangle generosity like raindrops connecting
branch out and cling your roots into the soil
blossom like cherry trees in japan
quiver like the heart of a 10 year old girl
who just witnessed love for the first time

melt, like the man who was raised with
hatred in his heart and has melted for the
first time on top of his wifes grave

scream, the screams of the native americans
upon the burning of their villages and
the rotting of their tribe, the tyranny of their land
my tongue hurts to say
this is my land
I feel it was never ours
it was theirs

laugh, like the children
and remember there are children in remote places
that have a pain in their eyes that we thought can only exsist within elderly
who know not the sound of a tender smile
remember that youth, when your children give out that glorious sound
and do anything to make that melody even louder
let your children laugh for those who dont know how
and raise them to seek them and teach them
even if it is through tears of thanks
that is the most beautiful laughter
the deepest happiness is that which comes with rain
the kind that extracts pain and cleanses the soul
washes the face and kisses the cheeks


dream and have hope like the small child sitting at the window at midnight way past
bedtime with bruised legs
promising themeselves that everything will be okay
with no shoulder to lean on
staring at the stars and having a clear image of the better
days to come, away from abuse and neglect
yes there are children like that
and there are also children
who scream into their pillow at night
remember to cradle the youth
they are the future
you are the future, living through your young



feel every intensity within your body
hold it there for just some time
cradle it
laugh with it
sing with it
dance with it
cry with it
bleed with it
and mourn it when it is not there

remember that, that intensity
is your humanity

soft ruins play through the hands of your silky palms
whats here now has now gone
nobody can come up with a definition to explain to me how exactly this could be wrong
even though I have actually seen it all along
from time to time I remember the bitter notion,
how you let me dip myself in that bitter potion
and theyre the ones left to deal with all the mingled distoration
poor they for they are the ones who helped antagonize the poor mice
how you let them roll their own dice , and never once did it
land on anything more than 4
left them there all ****** up and high
although they fed them all the plumbs they wanted
never the less they were daunted
mingling monstrosities venture into this cannabis along with the other creeps
and that too isnt even good anymore
audotioning to be the perfect everything we all fail every single time
until it comes to that one audition when that person says she is perfect she is the one
but I'm sorry audtionors judgers and the court but for now I'm done
done for I have weaved my own little special web
I make my own fiery bread
and I dance naked in public in the vast imagination in my head
your words and their cares are the last of the last of my concerns the ones that are meant not to exsist
folding into peice by peice slowly streaming myself down the walls of this euphoric abyss
I met this boy one time who had this little lisp
he sat close to me and explained a lot of things I didnt know
years years and more years later they in a way helped me grow
you might not be able to tell me happy birthday next year

let alone the free
set astray the free

everything that she was ever meant to be
has been thrown away into the water
streaming down slowly
down her
her back
a lullably of all those times when the world ate us

alive
it ate us
alive

and I dived into you broken shores
full of broken sea shells
and empty bottles of whiskey
opened by the pirates of your unstoppable heart

hungover by the bench
your stenched cling to salt and me
yes
i remember
i remember
when i woke up next to you
and your eyes
they smelt like me
and your fingers touched like mine

you were exceptional
you were you were
more than phenomenal

breathe down everything i ever gave to you
with rusty canvas and charcoal beaten down
love spells

stuttering memories flood me
running running
breaking
I could wake up face
facing
the floor

while reading the last note you wrote for me left behind the closed door

how can you let me watch how you move
when you know my simplicity will fall apart after you leave
I thought before I met you
that i let my mind drift into forbidden places
but after you
I realized for the first time what forbidden was
it was being in between that little space in between your lips
soft and delicatley spoken your eyes conversate
with every crease on my suffocating palms
palms that suffocate for you
one set by the other
oh how they all faded away so simply
drifted away so weary
and those whom I kicked out calmly
but you

I will miss you dearly

paralyzing fears
spark different personalities
in the pit of something so much deeper than gesture
you graze inside me like a caged discern waiting to be realesed

you must be realesed


reveal your accent to my forgein tongue
never be shy
in your absence I am still present

still waiting

with your cornacopia imposed on my judgment
I'm extending my arm out to you

I will love you the same
no matter who it is to blame
regardless of the persona you take
or the one I seem to attain
I will love you the same

in my heart perfectly my hatred for you I will frame
no matter the cruelties and the monsters I find in you
I will claim
I will love you the same

I will leave the disaster put away my pride
and my shame
In histories books they will mark our names
they will speak of what we became
how satan twisted his strings and played his games

its him taken form of humans I blame
who touched our fiery hearts with their blackened flames
then came the black pit from our stomachs we couldnt tame
cracked out and drunk on *******
can you explain what could have I possibly gained
from the flood of this pain
left my self in peices of grain
forbidden and unhumane
insane
and
mundane

my conciousness leaks down with the water
in the drain
I have become so numb
I cant even complain

I restrain from my
veins
I bleed to feel
the feeling of sane




at the end of the day Im left with nothing but stains
from the rain

and still
I will always love you the same

I leaned over backwards
to eat the paint that dripped from
your lips, hearty sentiments
given to nature by exquisite controversy
life took humanities blood drenched towel
and squeezed us out
and now we lay
here
in something that is so
much more powerful than your
average noisy silence
and I smile gently to you

give me that womans woeful eyes
that rupture bizzare ghosts of another time
that her mind cant seem to remember anymore
give me that soul which has become out of focus
that I may clear the blurry film in that life
give me that ivory neck filled with pulses
of an inexplicable nature
give me that lover, that sinner
give me her disease,
I will eat her cancer
I will cure her
so that she may become a bloomer
a bruised life sitting on the street corner
hear me every woman who feels as if she is a
loner
no no
you are not alone
bring our hands together, yes me woman
yes us, feminine; we have all been under that rain
we have, frail; inside all felt that womanly pain
keep your head up lady
there is much to gain.

I pressed my prancing ear upon the chest of the thin melancholic paper
the words dripped like purluded dreams of infants
I beckon to trace my invisible whispers deeper into the parchment
the pen touched the edge of tatter
and my veins pump the bluest blood through my fingers
Im bound by the seduction of the black art
mused by its very exsistence
Im in a constant dilemma of letting it persecute my very movements
hurl my insides to make them distorted
it is what allows me to walk straight
emotions spit darkness into the light
and I am basking in the harmonious sun
leaving splinters on every pore
and I beg for
more

be so kind to speak harshly
too lovely to think smoothly
and open your skin so I can peer inside everything you
believe in

waters thrusting without a sound
in my playful obstacles of the notes that bound my lips together
and I am purging thoughtful gazes in every direction
or so to speak

I stand and hear snaps applause for my devotion
admiration and unforgiving blunteness
into my perception on the side walk the brim of homelessness sits on
and I hum as I walk away from shaken lands
the happiest tune I ever learned

the findings are premorse
and the abstract facts are not enough
you see

when I speak, forgive me but I always try to transgress
logically
fame in the writing of words are a bore
and there is no cure in them
speech is in the pit of the abdomen
words are poetry spat out from the core of any woman

Dear Lover,

you are my first
I followed you with fragile feet
I touched you with innocent hands of  infants
finally able to control my own muscles
everything has lead to you
breathing has lead to you
seeing color has lead me to you
I remember your dark hair
and something inside of me sinks
like a ship with a thousand souls
awaiting their death
somewhere in that bottomless pit of beauty and destruction
somewhere deep in those waters awaits my last sign of hope
something of a tragedy and meanings lost as to why I want
nothing more than to be with you
and something inside me now wishes nothing more
but to be swallowed by this dark and endless ocean
of your reluctant love and dimmed fire
something inside of me begs to be in that darkness
so that I may not know another day of suffering
I walk throughout my day invisibly bleeding
gushing red on every sidewalk
I am ashamed to walk into places where people
are happy, and stain their surroundings with my
invisible affliction
only those who know can see it
but I cant see them
I cant see anything because I am subdued completely
immersed in my catastrophic realm of a deep agony
your heart is a vast desert
and I am completely lost within it
and this famine and drought is killing me
I am starving
my skin sags, I can barely open my eyes
and I am growing into something far beyond emotionally weak
in one second if you tell me to go
I will exit this world that I have thrown myself into by will
and will never twitch at the thought of you again
I will exile myself from here never leaving a trace of my soul
behind

sincerely , Lover 1







Dear, Lover

I understand that you are tiered with me
and I am sorry that I make you bleed
but keep in mind that your invisible red
showers like a waterfall unto me
remember that I warned you about my senseless ways
about my chained spirit flying free
about my deranged childhood and my broken hands
I warned you about my shattered eyes and my wasted lands
I cant help but wither away like pedals falling off a rose
in the height of spring
when you bring yourself close to me
when you smile that simple smile
I can die in your simplicity
I can die in your beauty
I can live in your eyes
and Im sure you know that more than once
it is plenty of times because of the portraits of you hung in my head
I fall apart like an ancient wind and cry
Im sure you know many times I asked myself why
why life must I be in this displaced manner
of a starved love and barren core
for there would be nothing more satisfying
then enjoying the ocean and things like autumn and the red leaves with you
do you not that think I am hurting too
you saw how my skin grew bright when you were next to me
you felt me from the inside of me
I let you hold me like a mother would hold her child
even if it was for a second I let you give that love to me
and it hurt more than anything I can ever bring myself to write about
or put into words
I was not meant for this life
as much as I want to be
I was simply not made for this love
my heart shatters and blows like glass
only things of nature can burn how I burn
we have been through this before, I try to stay away from you
but when something sits in front of you, so undeniable it is hard to learn
it has taken me quite sometime to say this
but apart of me has refused to stay with me
and will forever stay with you
a part of me has loved you more than it loved me
and I cant take that back, it is out of my hands
you say my heart is a desert
if I could generate a spring for you to enter naked
simple and at ease I would
but the only spring I have are those which
flow through my eyes and upon my chest
Im sorry
Goodbye

sincerely, Lover 2

he said you little girls.you little girls.
dont do pretty things no more. your eyes are full of lies.
and you laugh at us with empty pockets.
he said. you little girls. are filthy. no.
dont know how to treat no man right. you spread your wings
and throw us on the ground and leave us behind.
stupid stupid little girls.

and I said little boy let me tell you a thing or two
about what us women have to go through

since the beginning of time us women have been robbed
of dignity. of sanity. even of insanity. you robbed us of everything.
you little boys. you little boys.
you tied ropes around our neck when we committed adultery.
although that crime for you went by very smoothly.
you killed our daughters and slaughtered our babies.
you banged our heads against the wall when we didn't bare
you a male off spring. You ***** us and used our body as
personal jewelry. You had no mercy when your attraction pursued you
our eyes wet and our tears ******. no you little boys.
you set no boundaries.

a woman jumps of the roof and commits suicide. She was kidnapped.
she is being *** trafficked. Some over weight pig tries to shove his
**** in her face. She jumped because she rather save her dignity before
she catches AIDS. and dies in a cell full of other women who cry every
single chance they get every single nerve wrecking/shattering day.

There is a little girl with big blue eyes, and light wavy blonde hair.
she is 6 years old. She has no idea where she is. She see's a man
sitting at the end of the room. He puts his glass of bourbon down.
he thinks of his wife and his daughters, picks the glass back up and chugs.
he trails his finger along the child's thigh, he tells her its okay. the is stained heavy with the smell of old carpet and hotel sheets.
your mommy and daddy told me it was okay, hush beautiful don't you cry.
years later that woman is a ******* because when she was 6 all she was
taught is that her body is a tool. Her kidnappers showed her love they told her
her mommy and daddy didn't want her anymore they are her new family.


little boy little boy. let me tell you about the girl who was sent to
the asylum on her 23rd birthday for trying to **** herself with a bottle
of pills and a bottle of jack. She woke up one morning with re surfaced
memories of her father molesting her when she was young. She starved
herself and would not leave her house for over 2 weeks. Now her sister
knew why she was a lesbian. Now she knew why. Her daddy would come
to her late at night and rub in between her thighs. Im sorry to be explicit
but you say us women have gone crazy and little boy I am telling you why.

so before you decide to judge a woman take a moment and try to figure
out everything that has made her cry. Look deeply into her eyes and
you will see all the goodbyes. You will see mentally how many times she
has died. You will always find some innocence and if she really likes you no
matter how many people she has been with she will still get shy.
You will see how many times her tears have ran dry. Because I guarantee you that ever woman you meet has gone through endless night of heart break and no shuteye, has heard every lie in the book and been defied. Listen closely
you will hear the ghosts from her past nearby.
The definition of a woman is something that is unbreakable.
something that when thought of you cant help but sigh.

if you believe that you truly are a man
then to you my heart expands
it is hard for me to see you after all these stories
but I do try the best that I can

so make no excuses, when defending a case speaking badly of women
because emotionally we are distraught more than you can imagine
and still seek to find the good in every ruin

I have died within you
explicitly in ways that I only die within my own self
do you understand what that means
maybe you do not
but I speak with the words of a brittle child
who has parents who would never understand him
from such a young age
from such a young age
you see
I am learning these things
drowning in a genetic mutilation
this is not me, no
this is what life has lead me to be
I am underneath you
I breed within what we call sanity
although I know nothing of it
I will wait here for you
as you try
try
to tread closer to me.

I almost lost myself within myself
or perhaps I have
life where shall you drag me upon your silk path
I am wondering in your pain
and not satisfied with your happiness
unless its in your sun
or in your sky
but night comes
and clouds cover
and where am I left
with no human
with no heart beat
with no emotion

alone I wonder
like a drop on a stormy night
I fall to the ground
and I am forgotten

I evaporate
or I fall into the dirt
that blends in with more of itself
with more of my loneliness

how incomplete I must be
when I look into eyes
and feel the pain of my own
and I forget about everyone else

in worlds
in where only I live
conquer me for I cannot conquer myself

she disclaims her beauty has been long forbidden,
I will release the very low curve
of your manifesting back
lock it with mute fragility
and the furthest land away from absence

I sense curiculum
the binding of neverending days
overturnedto the same face
and the same wake up call
the long exsisting dream

venture you out
from the most brutal mortality
in my small hands
I will make you fit

your heavy
and your abudunace in character
murders me

but I will find
the right place
for you

precious torment

I have hidden away for so long
I will exhale my very breathe
the one which I have held in for so long
you see I was suffocating

tender,let go

Gracefully.

It is in my conscious stream to speak of restricted words
the kind, that hang off  your two separate lips quietly
that usually hold hands in that scrutinizing silence
the beauty of these two things my eyes find hard to hold

may you come to me on blazed days, and shivered nights
with the wisdom of owls, and teach me all the things life has taught you
and show me your scars from that faint childhood
and tell me about the beautiful lands you wish to immerse your body into


may I be blessed enough, that you - glorious you
sacrifice your time to simply stare at the immense turquoise of the sea with me
the veins in a leaf, the memories written on tomb stones

I hope to figure out the secret paths of your garden labyrinth  
to find your white beaches and leave but a footprint upon the shore of your inner arms

at night, I find the most joy in asking you to look at the stars
for when met with your eyes, they burn brighter and become shy with your beauty
they scatter and hide behind each other. The moon envies me.
She dances in the sky
gloriously.  

your hair unravels like a bush of silk
harmoniously tasseled out in the sun and when you smile
fruits of labor fall off the corners of your comely mouth
all of natures most passionate things are instilled in you
you are every season of the year
every phase of the moon and rotation of the sun
the rain that I stand under
the waterfall I fall asleep too
the immense darkness of the night that inspires me

your eyes taut, like black diamonds - your tears benitoite
even that from you is something to be admired
I wish to be a leafless tree standing somewhere
in the outskirts of your world

you are the toska breeding in me like vicious flowers
cannas perhaps lotus or bleeding hearts
haunting the excruciating longing in my sinking chest
a calming and white haunting

I hear a thud in the middle of my body and it seems
that my heart levels itself in between my dimmed ribs
so that it may nervously burst in my core
to let that beautiful yellow childlike  sun into my body

what am I without you, a weltering raindrop
on top of a dark wooden roof
falling into the rustic mud while nobody is watching
being absorbed into the earth while nobody
cares

when I spoke my voice was hallow
and now you fill my speech and the streaks of tunes from my neck
like a starving man who by the grace of God has been blessed
with the feast of kings and queens

the phantom artist of something like a never ending dream
the gentle spirit
the serene incubus

you
daydreamer of withering beauty
heartless and genuine
I rest my smile upon your spine
I suffocate into your talent
of a deep and barren like litost

your calm ocean
as mine
filled with creatures only our imaginations
can begin to decipher
a tender arena of hearts and fowl play
you have taught me more about myself
I am bathing in beauty
drowning in a glorifying deep silk

I would bring my last weeping words  in a coffin
with  dark and rich embroidery resembling
that of your driven eyes
for a simple brush of your hand
upon my cheek

you have created a positive energy within me
that gives birth everytime you linger in my presence
my womb explodes with your static blue
leaving permanent goodsebumps whispering
the deepest tales of forbidden love

my cheek has found its warm home on your chest
listening to your heart beat
my ears have longed for the noise of your life
flickering beneath me like my ghosts that burn
when you place your hand so simply upon mine

you are water to my soul spreading like
glowing beams of light through my frail body,
sustaining and giving me the power to open my eyes from deadly sleep

drag my being into infinte space and I, because of you
can light the darkest edge of the universe
you have given me the power of 10,000 burning suns

I feel that anything is possible, strangely enough
and for the first time I have placed a pressure
upon myself to become more of another human
full of hope and acceptence, you move me

there is a eager passion waging war inside of
my arms to fight any army to bring you near me
let me protect you. let me be the one to bring
you more sincerity if it be possible
can you be filled with more love
I want us to build our home with the seeds
we have found in each others secluded gardens

while I write the lines that make us beautiful
and you sing them with your trembeling voice

sudden inspiration floods the veins in my eyes
when the death of long lost thoughts prances near
you speak of me,--- beautifully my dear
and my anxiety cuts to the chase
who will claim the victory to the blood race

the red fluid which pumps souls
the char emotion that our hearts cant control
the steel weapons
the guilty pleasures that our hands cant hold
my intellect
my issue
was sold
to the most gracious one of them all
and here is where I think about how I should fall
to whom should my feeble knees crawl
and to think would any of it have even been worth the drift at all

poison creeks
I have memorized how he speaks
how he moves his eyes in such a way
to have me sway
into the black pool
shaded by a light arena of dreams

legs crossed in black lace
I feel no disgrace
no hinder in my sexuality
however nothing statifies me more than the thought that
I am  lady
and in my heart there is an army
and in my thoughts many dark alleys
forgivness finds its way into the darkness
steered by my hopeful persistence
on the magnificence marked in everyday

you shed your androgyny in front of me
like the leaking of a dead poets mouth
prized convinction your are the killer of these things
bitten by your sharp nails
our souls blood is splattered on the wall
like a child's mess

we held hands and ran through the streets of wynwood
both nervous at the thought of people watching the passion
strangers who like to be alone
woven together in a harmonious mesh

we came across faces
and stood in that one corner and looked at that murial
on the cement wall
screaming out its makers message
in a thousand different emotions that linked to our past

I would tug your curls and they would bounce
you watched me smoke my cigarette
put on your artist eyes and pictured a painting in your head
using my ghost skin for your next piece

you drank my skin like milk hungrily
and I felt when my insides dripped down the
corners of your mouth
I throw my hands up in the air
and ask what can break me more than this

I sat in your kitchen in all black
and watched you cook me that fish, a recipe you probably
called your mother to ask for
you opened a bottle of white wine
we carried our glasses and sat outside
while I lit a smoke
your yard seemed like it was a haven for
bohemian children trying to escape South Florida's
cement buildings

you put your arm around me
and I nestled my head into your chest
at that moment I told myself here is the line
standing in front of me thick and red
shouting its warnings like old tapes of Hitlers speeches
preparing his soldiers to **** innocent children
and there it was standing like every sensitive poem I have ever read
like every painting that had a heart beat
like every smile my mother has ever shed

that red streak was not a finish line
but the beginning of something that would have turned into happy
years perhaps or just many painful nights, where I find it hard to breathe
and I thought to myself I can fall in love right now
I layed there listening to your heart beat
you kissed my forehead

I raised my head to look into your eyes
and before  I brought myself to make a decision
before I started feel my heart loose
I was already walking away to the place I have known the most

I am no longer rusty
tunic driven like a alabaster skeleton through tongues of wine
hearts of misshaped happiness breathing beneath my tongue
aqua marine
risky
danger zones between close mouths and breath
long locks of dark brown trail against your back
like water paint fluid on your paper like skin
hold me here beautiful forever
I will rest in between your palms
as you open them to gather water from the
river of our sacred dreams
I will lay there like a small fairy
for you
at ease

I understand the viscousness the inexplicable vitality
with a woman next to a woman
I can teach you how to be comfortable with me
we might become black at times

we might burn
reminents built
torn and ashy

but here there is a beauty
a burgundy understanding of similar nature
rich with cause
suitable by death

night bound by the man who believed he was clever
driven insanity
crude hearts gestures
leave that castle
be my vampire
join my tower

touch the sent of the wicker
and dive into this feminine power
I set hot trembling
tender sighs let out
every hour

I will hunt those wild beasts within your breast
hold your hand and kiss your chest
stitch myself to your ivory neck
seek you
until my hearts a wreck