you played to pursudae
my golden parade
into your midnight blue finger tips--
to hinder me to beg to be a part of the edge of your lips

oh young man why do you throw me in your bed like that
and touch my ribs and sides the way leaves touch the ground in autumn

your palms have left invisable marks along the small of my back

dont make me loose whatever is left inside of my thoughts
the waves of eminent energy that rush down your masculinity
as I simply watch adorning every crevice of anything that ever exsisted inside of you
and everytime I noticed this passion grew
---
and I always seemed to notice

when I felt blindness and artless
your name skipped in my blood
----
and I am no longer heartless

I hold these thoughts as I hold onto my infested pupils
my hands open like that of an infant in sleep
curved fingers, innocent and unexpecting of what is to come
the life
the street corners
the slum hearts
and the filthy
all the ends and all the starts
the loved ones who will depart
the torn bed sheets
and the opening of evil flowers
in the dirt of small drunken conversations
the murders and the beauty
of the old burnt down houses
I forget everything

only to be brought back to this state
feeling like a child.

come my most adored pain
my most cruel love
lets us fly on the wings of infants
let us bathe in the paint of white innocence
come to me with your palms wide open
so that I may read those brittle creases
and see myself within them
come to me on your mornings
when your head hurts
so that I may kiss the indent of your
beautiful temple
come to me when when your eyes
have become drought
and your heart a famine
so that I may plant the seeds of my sorrow
into you
and rub the heat of your bruised cannon

come to me when all has withered away
crawl to me on your knees
so that I may give you the strength within me
when you come to me I want you to say
let us **** our hearts and shun this dismay
tell me its okay
that today will be that day
when blood turns from brown to red
and hearts burn and shiver under the sun
in the midday
our lips wont touch, fingers stilted in a wither
I beg you
I beg you
to stay

and look at you with eyes of wonder, gratitude, chastity
I
I
will always feel you this way

my solitude was the closest things to me
and please I ask you to take it and **** it if you may

I tiptoe like a slave escaping his prison
held for crimes that he never committed
to you
to you
I have forfited
towards your dark beauty
I am driven
lets bathe in the dust
of our elephants tusks
I will shower you with my skin
and whatever it is that is left of this
worlds luck

we fail in our aura of traumatic meetings
of ruby lips and a similar tone
wine and ****** up love songs that end
in desperation and a longing to hold one another
or perhaps something that has been so numbed out

a figure of a pale girl, blurry. all white.
she  feels nothing. but herself.
which is all she has left,
that
that is
all we
have left

If I remove myself and place my soul on some kind
of height
some altering place so that it is not mine anymore
it would look like you

generations have passed in what is really something
smaller than a peculiar year of very quite screams
and hidden agony, that would expose itself like
a mother who can no longer hold her tears in front of her children
we couldn't protect each other from that pain anymore

that has all turned into dust.

leaned over your body
quite
haunted me so
loved me very insane

my world went chaotic
my nerves , they
--
over flowed

kissed, dramatically
trying to push the world further
into my small body

overturned
burned

mourning who I was before this
with a smirk

rigid the edge of the corner
where I have been subduded
pursued
by you

loving me internally
breathing the very core of me

I am wine in between your fingers

I should come in a locked incubus,
slammed with a appropriate warning label,
past figments of tender kisses and crazed lunatics
.

come here I point at you with my dramatic finger
you.come/ Eye contact becomes a form of survival.
Technique to **** the idle, melt your deepest fire.
Now I want you to listen to me carefully you much older.
you no more wiser than I/soul.
expand those ears that I'm sure have been deafened due
to all the screams that echo through them. The ghosts of
the ebony past. Drastic lights and mad art.
Thrusted naked upon my wall. You have been brought down.

I would like to give the benefit. But for the sake of this poem.
I will not. I'll taper with the thought of it. The slight burn that
disappeared before I noticed it was there. For the sake of a pretty
little write at the end of my night. by tomorrow morning I will not care.

listen to me intently

you who loved Esmeralda in Spain, Gypsy of dark colors
drenched in things I know nothing of. Curiosity that hummed
like a tempest. Challenging me like she always does. Has died out
in front of me as she always seems to do. prancing around at the right
moments bringing me back to my stone alter
I have ran out of words, I cant speak for things I did not receive.

listen to me closely
I wait for no none.

you stung me with the vital glare of your black eyes
everytime a tidal wave that recedes
and all my pride hides
somewhere deep inside of you
all my senses have been taken away from me

you to me,
you are like the bones hidden somewhere in the deepest
part of the ocean
men who have died so long ago
their lives are lost
their identities sold

you to me
you are like the water spilled on the ground
by a child 30,000 miles away
and the maid wipes the spill with the kitchen towel


you to me
you are like the violin played by the man
who has no passion for it but does it for show
and the access of warm skin
so meaningless so worthless
but a tool of trickery and deceit


you to me
you are like the sunday on which I tire my hands
and my soul lays restless
while I should be on warm sheets sleeping under the sun


there are so many things you were to me
but I loved you because we shared the same
insanity

you heard the mute whisper
you walked with heavy hot stones on your back
but you still strayed towards me
you held me
I gave so much it hurt I gave more then you would know
but I didnt give my all, I did still have room to grow

walking down a trail that has laughter and purge embedded
I stagger with a crooked smile and a insane mind
I limp like I am in my hundreds
I tatter justifying your ignorance

your pupils are sewn into my wrists...
your darkness drowns itself in me
oh no
I cannot
take
this.

music of mushroom decent play in forbidden tunes
and I welcome them
a stagnant whisper, someone is passing their soul
and there she is that little girl born in early June
I lay on the piano and melt into its strings
I become a theater, making our play
composing its music
remembering those days
I could have loved you
in
so
so
many different
ways


I watch the end of my cigarette burn, and the smoke unfolds
I fill my ashtray
with the memories of the old

some say you must die to know life
and how many times must I die
to what degree shall pain be inflicted upon me
till I can say, here I am
I am saved, and I understand
how long must I write with broken
fingers and broken memories
folding skin, and dried yes
there is no more of that here
no I do not look into you and peel out
those truthful lies
I am a poet blessed with
a curse of knowing too much to soon
of watching the others come and go
and feeling myself back
time and time again
in the same white room
and quite honestly, if you would
like to have the courage to listen
to my smallest truth
I am afraid to let go
of my solitude, I enjoy
wallowing and drifting
in a endless space of nothing
but myself

in where nothing is ever concrete
and everything in life becomes
a big mystery and risk
I don’t want to fall and then land
I want to keep falling into life
and experiencing every medium of it
without having anything to hold me back
and am I selfish for that
at this time I would like
to remember the times when
I almost gave in, and how
each one of those moments
folded into a black darkness
never to be found, after examining
the creases in your forehead
you vanished
and I am washed on shore again
beating alone, and strangely
satisfied and I feel safe
somewhere inside of me
I have learned how to take care of myself
I am my own mother and my own father
I am my sister and my brother
and above all I am my own
lover.

my fingers break when I write this
my mind cracks like the grounds of a death filled earthquake
my lives are petrified
and the thoughts who are civilans perish
under the lava of life that erupts itself
with contagious fumes in my mind
I came close to something that
could have well rolled off my tongue so nicely
as perfect
now Im far away
and I might always be
burden places itself on my side
smiling at me always
like a dimmed creature
horror film based
1940's
always next to me

pain stakingly
one day It will come to our hault
our exit
our departure
and Im on my way
with a staggering pulse
and wavering feet

the only other paths on my side
are hell, disguised
demised
I press my finger against my temple
and wished for nothing but annihalation of thought
and the smallest breathe of fresh air

your image brings both
and Im a ghost I feel as though sometimes
I might bury myself in the clouds forever

cause they are pale and soft
and this reality is full of needles and thorns

my eyes fall out of my body
as my hearts is watching them discreetly and mourns

I limit my mind sometimes
to its endless space
which is not so endless
but
it is
years pass and still i tend to indulge in your hands on me
tension releasing itself to times where
it isn't really always there
but it is
smiles and understanding of who it is
me
no full comprehension
but a different one
so subtle and incomplete
the fact that this abstract thing isn't obsolete is
what helps us breathe through this
this
thing that has no name
and i can imagine you standing at our doorstep
just staring as i walk away to buy
milk perhaps some wine to help us live through another day
I remember thinking to myself
this is so wrong its right
and this is so right that its wrong
and neither ever lasted to long
so my state you cant imagine
living in a house with 6 doors
I never know who is going to walk in
when the locks are loose
when the wood is rotting
and when the paint just doesn't look the same anymore
thought goes so far
only so far into mass soul
so far into my soul where in my skin under my blood
there is control
so where do we go from here
this standing earth on another mind
into the deepest deepest and
darkest kind
of knowing each -- one another
of being brought up to say no to situations like these
because they can leave you
where they left them
or where simple thoughts left romeo and Juliet
on cold stone
with cold lips
closed eyes
and heartless

I brokedown forth right into this eloquent state
smiles rub my warmth
and I melt harder
and harder
into breathing easily
easier then anything that ever exsisted
easier than the cool winds that blow
through your hair and then in between my sighs

and I sat down and held my knees together
on top of the wet grass where I use to remember
hearing the sweetest lullabys of childhood
crashing themeselves into my body
and I melt harder
and harder
into breathing more so easily

easier then the time I looked into your eyes and your london left its burning letter
and easier then the time I fully built up the
guts to walk away from the building where only the
floor had been built

and I closed my eyes
as I danced on top of the ruins the wars inside of me left behind
I threw my heart into the sky
forgetting the fear of having it fall on nothing
and then giving into something in that
old old world
of nothing

happiness persecutes everything inside of me
and I melt harder
and harder
into breathing more easily

I sustain a mirrored courage of the earth
staggering posed like two humans who saw
the world in each others eyes for only a few seconds
the contagious feeling bleeds throughout my consciousness
and then leaves at the tipping of the hour
grunting and ashamed
we are each others burden
each others disaster

I try to lift my arms in the air with broken shoulders
while a melting metal falls on the sides of my neck
my collar bone twists while I carefully hold my steady breathing
so that my rib cage does not explode
my eyes closed shut
the bones in my fingers holding on for dear life
veins blue like the sea of our dreams
I feel every ounce of blood tremble in my chest
I feel every cell in my body fight for my survival
I feel my immunity perish
A shriek comes up my pit from the core of my small body
it was as if every heart that had ever beat stopped in sequence
as if the world had found its place in nothingness
and was drowning in silence

I fall
onto a house made out of black brick
empty and creative with its own darkness
its striking absence of light
its livid and ebony coal rubbing against me
welcoming me to the safety of the place made for those
who were no longer able to hold on
shadowy and starless with its own language of mute
its strain and and distressed fever

the thick air has become my companion
the hard icy floor, and the raven walls
the windows are mute and let in no salvation
to whatever beauty may be left throbbing on the outside

I have become a slave to my own pain
I begin to rub my body against it
I let the poison drip delicately like art from my tongue
I let it run down my inner arms
wrists
and then slowly off my fingertips
onto my stomach
and then lower
I churn

I am expressionless
the satisfaction of finally spreading my body
of finally learning how to adorn these black waters
to drink the toxins, alone
makes me shiver
a smirk manages to escape my cracked lips
my broken cheeks
my pale and black eyes

In the corner I sit naked and shudder
something dark and slippery falling off the ends of my hair
I rub the fluid and examine it in between my fingers

I bare no protection for it is not needed
I am no longer afraid
those who strangle now fear me
rancid
******
skulls roll off my spine and line themselves perfectly like little school boys

screams echo from my pores
I have no recollection of what was of me before I came here at first
I am only content to have found this haven

but after sometime  I grow feverish
repeatedly I find myself in alabaster boredom
I want to escape

I want to feel warmth other than mine
something light
like the painters brush upon his canvas
like a morning wave upon sand that sinks beneath your feet like flour
like two little girls playing with each others hair
like the petite smile a lover tries to hide
like the innocence I once had

but the windows of my world are shut
and this place is placid and hallow - numbing

I tear my skin open with as little as a flinch
break my bone
and sharpen it against the rough walls surrounding me
my blood seeps into the floor like venom
scattering in thin lines
suddenly my body becomes more connected with this world
with this tyranny

but I refuse to stop

everything engulfs me
there is no whispering
there is no talking
but I hear something telling me that it loves me
begging me not to leave
humming in what feels like a beautiful witches tongue

I stop
and remember the nights I spent here
how delightfully lonely and mysterious they were
how my heart had been injected with their air and finally became paralyzed
how hungry I was for more of the thickness and the monstrosities
how it had taken me so much strength to finally give up
to finally leave, come here and accept that this is my fate
far away from any source of light where my body felt heavy and torpid
remote and listless there had been nothing to worry about because
I had become a dead creature
far from mortal

but then I remember warmth
and continue to file my bone that has been made
as hard as diamond by pain and coldness

I spear into the walls and break them
spread my  bat wings
and fly away from that world

an afterglow behind me
while the universe sings its traditional song of the hearts revival

ponder with me as I throw these diaries
filled with tales of ******* and burnt down cities
towards the direction of every ear
that had but a moment to listen to my plea
of how other lands hold the children of my sanity
of how in other lands I see decadent beauty
how I feel the gnawing tearing in me awfully

supernatural were the nights I imbedded in sultry
cringed smiles and listened to the forgein birdies
inhaled the fumes of gasoline and drowned in the glorifying sunny
wet my lips in salty water and enjoyed the stinging in my eyes
graced the cannabis valleys
and the meadows of sustenance and endless possibility

the waterfalls of magnificent hidden deep in the earth
behind the roses of my ancestors

speak to me my land
call on to me louder
hinder me away from this place
and manifest within in me your womanly power

seek me oh mother land
and cast me away from shattered lives
bring me back to you
and beg me todestroy this demise

I am toughly and sickly
at the same time

shower me with your graciousness
and devoutly banish my crime
I will wait for the thunder calling
and make excuses for this ****** place in the meantime

I find that ebb into alienation
brings flow to my psyche

the blood coursing through me
runs at a higher tide
my love for all the things that I so
admire
diminishes when I walk out
from retaliation
and it is yet that I have
discovered meaning profound enough
to detach me from all these
miniscule things

for what is more powerful
then the notion that moves us all
for any reason
even the *******
mmm the *******

hidden under water
that can crush the skull
hidden under all the darkest parts of you
hidden in the tombstone
or in the first house you grew up in

we all yearn for the same thing

your syllables once sprouted butterflies in my womb
and now those same letters off a strangers tongue have
manifested the monsters growing in my pit
layers retreating back to the moment i layed eyes on you
layers that have fallen away
and are rotting on my doorstep
your smile
but I must say
that little smirk
that still makes me forfit the flesh in my body
if only that and not all the rest
shackled in old rusty chains
I beg to dismiss myself
yet I cling to stay
dip your hands into me
please

my fingers break when I write this
my mind cracks like the grounds of a death filled earthquake
my lives are petrified
and the thoughts who are civilans perish
under the lava of life that erupts itself
with contagious fumes in my mind
I came close to something that
could have well rolled of my tongue so nicely
as perfect
now Im far away
and I might always be
burden places itself on my side
smiling at me always
like a dimmed creature
horror film based
1940's
always next to me

pain stakingly
one day It will come to our hault
our exit
our departure
and Im on my way
with a staggering pulse
and wavering feet

the only other paths on my side
are hell, disguised
demised
I press my finger against my temple
and wished for nothing but annihalation of thought
and the smallest breathe of fresh air

your image brings both
and Im a ghost I feel as though sometimes
I might bury myself in the clouds forever

cause they are pale and soft
and this reality is full of needles and thorns

my eyes fall out of my body
as my hearts is watching them discreetly like infatuated murderers
and mourns

your hair was long
eyes burnt like savage charcoal hanging
off the tunes that follows your voice when you speak
blindess carsses infant bones inside of me
you make me weak

pretty you moved like glitter in summer rain
your words were simple and plain
you sat like a indian sun child
everything around us somehow manipulated into nature
nothing was concrete
nothing was cement

nights and days I repent
the hours minutes seconds spent
on basking in the rain that built up
in front of your hands
drops fall off strands of hair
slowly
on to the ocean under us
purging lips

dive deep into uncharted mansions
somewhere between bones and hips

from your water I would take small sips
as I knew after our cups were empty
you would leave
or maybe I would

I got up to depart
she grabbed my wrist
at my skin she rips
shes slips
and unto her I grip

the yelling snaps like horsewhips
my heart beat skips
the anger settles
the images fill the film strips
my vocbulary slips
as femininity strips
and I think how I can no longer take this

minutes then roll off into bliss

Dust travels in soft tones through your eyeslids
a face of remarkable joy
hidden in between my fragile fingers
lingering waiting for you to hold
come by those old feilds
where the rumors use to grow
and breathe with me
to help me forget everything I now know
in places where we smile
places I never go
I hide it all undreathe conversation
its good conversation though

beckon to me with quivering lips
as I stare into the sun of all my innumberable objects
that swam in the days in where
our skin would touch

and I laughed
and sighed
and told you that I think
your the moon thats cradles my bed

life in junction
life in motion
under my little feet
Im hungover
and I sing out loud all the songs that you
hate to hear

maybe you are not for me
nor I you
and Im just too much
Im breaking your basket with all my eggs
and my childhood is incomprehensible
and who I must be
clings to you shirt

and I am detached from your mind
I see you as I see my coffee in the morning
twice a year
and Im followed by herds of
paper , and no paper

simmer me down from this restless place
that isnt so restless
where I can turn off all these machines
so that I am detached from this
society
I despise so much

lay me out naked on a tree
but only by myself
and only with you
or you
or you who dispersed me as a child

I have found a new passage way
and I find my remarkable exsistence
pulled up higher
by means of these new words I utter
from pure distraction
this is my distraction
from all this cruelty

beckon to me with quivering lips
as I stare into the sun of all my innumberable objects
that swam in the days in where
our skin would touch

and i laughed
and sighed
and told you that I think
your the moon thats cradles my bed

life in junction
life in motion
under my little feet
Im hungover
and i sing out loud all the songs that you
hate to hear

maybe you are not for me
nor I you
and Im just too much
Im breaking your basket with all my eggs
and my childhood is incomprehensible
and who I must be
clings to you shirt

and I am detached from your mind
I see you as I as my coffee in the morning
twice a year
and Im followed by herds of
paper , and no paper

simmer me down from this restless place
that isnt so restless
where i can turn off all these machines
so that I am detached from this
society
I despise so much

lay me out naked on a tree
but only by myself
and only with you
or you

I have found a new passage way
and I find my remarkable exsistence
pulled up higher
by means of these new words I utter
from pure distraction
this is my distraction
from all this cruelty

thrashing through three predictions
dont let it **** you, you know the suspicion
yesterday I remembered it all, when I was sitting alone drinking half fake orange juice in the kitchen
funny I even began to listen
pausing the old tracks on a cassette player I borrowed from 1973
I warned you never to listen to me
my advice is good
the sky really is beautiful outside today
you know its good when you hear those poor kids laughing in such a light hearted way
remember that line from mr.jones were he says he wants to paint himself blue red black and gray
I picture myself painting the world like that over looking the ocean next to the cherry blossoms on that old bay
when we meet I would like to ask you over a million questions If I may
but then I will realize that I will never do that
cause that just not me
I dont like asking too many questions personally

past phase through mansions of vampires
that lurk at my doorstep and ask for garlic and white flags
just bare with me please
one more time through this
just one last time through this
sire I grasp these iron lungs and beg for forgiveness
at the thought of your gratitude I am driven
to find something far greater than you
although

I know its impossible
I know its impossible

the room is copper
your hair is not there,
how I knew it all along

I bare

because the one thing that will drive you to destruction besides love is
despair

hoping for something greater than this
just a little better than this

I know its impossible

you gave me your heart
and I asked you to dance with me
I will forever be who I always was
satisfied by the lonliest and everything thing else I have came to be

Im built now with sepia
my metal has rusted
with rain
and with time

come here oh small love
come here petite
pretty little mine

the girl of no return
hiding behind pale papery skin
and malicious eyes
so gentle when you walk
and angry when you speak
heavy when you think

and we would have thrown out
a thousand different lands for you
they say,
just promise a stable mind
bring back the old acts
are you not so human
that you cant feel the agony in these voices that cry to you
lovely bird once you where white
bathe in the dew fallen on pedals by spring rain
and free yourself

press hard against your heart
and ****** the past
and leave it there
somewhere in a cemetary in your mind
to rest in peace
acknowledge it will always be there

and let it be calmly
in a far away place
where it cannot bother you

Je t’aime, mais j’ai en moi la mort
and then I smiled when the words committed
suicide off your pale tongue
jumping into an abyss of falter in my
pit of emotion killing themselves within me
I cant stare at you for too long
because your pain is far beyond
striking, and I feel like
my glance might hurt you,
maybe burn a hole through your skin
passioned by the existence
of your hands and the body
you have marked, I understand
through our similar experiences
the love that manifests within
our cement bodies
outlined in a rush
spoken of in a small hush
I stroke my fingers through
your hair which has been tinted
by the sun, and I feel tragic
give me all that pain
mon amour so I can hide it
so that I may extinguish it
with my small woman hands
and my small woman heart
there are no words of happiness
that exist to explain how
my being became abrupted and
fell in this heap that might
last as long as the breaths I
take while standing next to you
I feel more beautiful when I
lay next to you
I feel humble in your
kitchen full of broken things
and peeling paint
lets take our smiles
and mix them slowly
until our colors become one
separately whole, I kiss you
and smile as I silently hear our
songs of sorrow playing together in harmony
and the notes are changing and
resemble something of the
universe and its vast space

something endless

the type writer fills the nonsense
letting go of bloodshot canvas
flustered tongues
bedding the wise

this room smells like ink
your hair smells like ink
your arms smell like ink
your body tastes like it

there is no more room for sensual
broken glass
hindered
smile
it was so precise
incision inside right blue vein
hardened in sun, molded into beastly atoms
drained come loathing
breathing forbade me from looking
in the pale direction of ruby sonnets
hanging off the tip of shoulders

scratching thunder
moonlight sonata
dance, eyes pierced into the dark blue above

fingers settled like spiritual natives on blushed cheeks
smile when I speak
grow tall, infinite, strong

highways fall like clouds in my vision
they all have become a blur
exits off the roads and the furthest away from
temptation of fruitful chaos
mourned with lactating *******
children's laughter
angry fathers chest

head spins
black and warming winds
cool spins
welcoming grins
nobody ever wins

Im standing at a distance
this balcony feels like it could break
and I just might fall

last night I drove with dead people
Im surrounded by them through out so much of my day
their words flow through air
no, but they dont flow
through life
meaningless
they are so meaningless

but everyone is suppose to have a reason

the dead are everywhere
even when Im alone
parts of me fall
like dead skin
they are rotting on my collar bone
I rub them off


the dead sing to the world
and the world
it listens
and they dance
to the music

the meaningless music of the dead
the bleach blonde
and the brunette

are we written on the lips of that
manipulated venom seeping into your mind
those who see
see the crime


and then love
where does that go
ask the dead
maybe they will know

I remember yesterday in the apartment covered in murals
of beautiful eyes and psychedelic mushrooms
I see you sitting next to the ac right under the window
your sweating because its a hot day in the winter
my heart is trembling beaneath this pale skin
as I watch how your eyes lift themselves
heavily to stare out the window, because
you do not want to look in my direction, there is
no chair for you to sit on, because I am sitting
on the only one, the carpet is stained
and you sit legs crossed like a child
and again my heart is trembling beneath
my pale skin
where does your mind come from
I assume from years of a malicious father
who would come to you and love you deeply
after he has hurt you so many times
I assume that child that breathes through
your adulthood comes from the mother
who carried you with her veins
who struggled with her husbands pain
how could I walk away from you
you are a baby in my hands, and how
can I abandon that
beautiful
beautiful
scared face
lips meet in a place of peace
and content understanding
beneath trees and all living things
our faces touch lightly
how can you still be so innocent
how does purity flood your hands in such a way
that the mere definition of chastity is evolving
in my mind
I understand nothing anymore
I feel guiltless
I feel flooded in shame
I focus on the lines in your
pupils and I am elated with foreign
I am in a different land
we must go back to our separate
homes

sterile, I lay in bed
the woman that I am burning like endless candles
lit on the night of a great death
I am a great death
I stretch to release my family's history
torn between expectations and love affairs
and a grandfather in prison and my grandmother
drowning in tears and raising a son who did not come out of her womb
that poor woman with that blonde hair and those green eyes
rage breeds along love on her side and she is so taken back by the two
stricken in a consistent dilemma of letting both get the best of her
her bleeding insanity
and her bleeding forgiveness towards a man who did
nothing but annihilation
until her normal mind went to waste
what is it in a mans eyes that lets him dare
brake a woman
a frail,small,feeble, innocent woman
where do these men find the strength to see a woman in a pit
of tears generated through her pupils by his monstrous hand
is the heart not what gives birth to the strongest of emotion
this mental thing, and is that where that selflessness comes from
because it is all much too powerful
you my grandfather, must be some kind of genius
to have found that black and hidden place where you find
the coldness to do such things
you tortured soul who spits on all his children
you tortured man who's actions lead to consequences that befell
your grandchildren, your anger has bred through generations
your anger bred through my father and then to me
you broke men and you broke women
you
you
broke all of your children
all 7 of the souls you made
but you will not brake mine this I vow
I will stop that anger here
I will stop it now.

the woman that I really am lays in my hands
and my palms are closing around her
I want to suffocate this thing moving
why do you drape me in the flags of your country
filled with its millions
yet I am so alone within you
countless and needless
pin drops on the wooden floor
where I held onto to you last night
you me
myself
I held onto myself and spoke with charm
because my concience wasnt even there
just my arms

my nose traced the cracks on the floor under me
drops of salty water pressed against my lips
then my tongue
then into me
and recycled for hours

dust leaves its traces on what was something that
was suppose to be a bond without intimacy
but a bond of human love
green birds come to my window and leave black notes
and sing black notes
and spread black notes to other windows

but oh little green bird I fed you when you were hungry
I opened my door for you, to come and seek refuge
I let my words help you
you failed me
oh how you failed me
and you left quite miserably

no gesutre did I give to have you turn your back on me

should I say it
should I ask it
to forgive me for being me
for moving the way I do
for even looking in your direction or speaking to you

love quivered hands
freindships bonded
souls with few simple silent moments
other silences came

torture me so that my fingertips never want to see light
and my day consistently turned into a barren night
no fight exceeded something as such
from a stone a cobble a crystal that I held on to so much
dont let it be that it is any other being you trust

for humans when eyes wet in lucious envy what freindships do is rust

the color green
floats around in my mind like a pool of death
bottomless in my heart
thick and dark
flowing completely
and
completely
empty

its all there
but its all gone

I am a human
but I lack all the characteristics
of a human mind
Im frigid
metal like
placid
and emotionless
you bring me forth

and I lay in my tomb
next to all my thoughts of you

death

you have annihliated me
brought me to an end
of no return
my words would never be enough

if times cures
I will feel you a millenium from now
flowing through my blood
as if we just met

she wanted to find something that made her passion hang
like a human from a tree somewhere in the late thirties
a silent hand pressed against her sponge mind
making her leak her tongue all over the ill surface

years have passed like a seamless tomb
with eyes that scream please, hold me here for more than just two minutes
I am bored with the 1 hour love meetings and the detours
that lead me to the lions cage
the forbidden conversations and the numbed movements
stone tongues of gargoyles limping on the edge of
Gothic cathedrals in Prague

an animal somewhere in the wild dies slowly
a snake gives its venom to prey

and then you stood timid at the bottom of the mountain
as I struggled to make my way down
I thought of how my mother would be proud
to see me in a wedding dress, letting go of the only daughter she was able to drench out
of her body

surrender I thought never come in the form of bliss
till I realized I would hold out against all odds with no mercy
I'm not going anywhere
I stand right here in the corner
with my poetry spiraling down my thighs
in hopeless patterns