I want to weep
;
;
;

I want to weep
my very ancerstors out to you

I want to creep to you in the morning
and give you
my deepest secrets

do you know what you have done
hidden in your palms
in your simple hands

lays the external of my life
Im tortured without you

speak about a girl who faced decease
after walking blistered in the woods of tall alabaster skeletons
moving they're boney jaws up and down very slowly speaking to my smallest phys- co
they stand like brute columns
taller and wiser than the willow
skinny torture chambers of sick delight
slithering words leak like snakes who hold
a richer venom in this life
they bite and leave open sores
those sores are were the orchids leak out
fluttering down her skin so softly
you can hear the pedals opening in the still calm
she closes her eyes and smiles
while giving birth to the entities
that plague the very ******* dirt under her short nails
those flowers created a whole new beauty in me
the images grasped so tightly in my mind
but never again for my compassionate eyes to see
her body a inferno
where she places gargoyles on her boney shoulders
my loved ones, beckoning to me on my white altars
they say, hush hush
we shall not speak aloud of the murders
the dispensful ones she sweats out on hot summer days
she moves on
always
but then theres days that settle like tight tunnels
almost impossible to get through
so I starve myself so that I dont suffocate within them
so that I may get to the end
the light, and the start of a new day
but I come out weak,starving,and heavy with dismay
time and time again she faces the rather
mortal creature of her responsive
yet mute sanity
figured with the parents of all her young ones
childrens memories
ebbing like purified water
cleansing everything but that ***** mind
young ***** girl
with a white heart
stuffed into this suffocated box
that she burried underneath that one tree
in front of her house when she was only 7 years old
shes heard it time and time again faintly
somewhere in the wind, blabbering the brittle words
please come find me
but she goes on with her life
not finding the time or courage
and ignores that sorrowful plea

black candles are lined up like precious dark brides
their haunted bouquets of roses dimly light our staggered place
I fill you, like the body fills the coffin. you sweat perfectly content.
I taste your pain beneath my tongue like the thorns of the roses you.purge.
your eyes eat away at my flesh as I wither away
like the weakest human that has ever existed
the chandelier sways directly above my head. my neck is curved.
my veins thud and lay nakedly exposed against my throbbing body
I rest my hand at the bottom of my stomach and push.thats your command.
like vampires in love I set the white flag against your dreary eyes
and watch the exorcism unravel
your burgundy Lilith sings her saddest songs to me as. I breathe naked.
I have become a fiend of this aura we make. that pulsates like static.
you smell of earth, and wrap around me like a snake prepping its prey
what has become of the outside world, I think to myself
what has become of buses.cars. business.government. and mainstream
it has all been dissolved between our two separate skeletons
mummified reminiscent. I leak at the bottom of your mouth

It becomes hard for me to gasp
naked thrusted upon crying orchids
my thoughts hurt further than my skin
and intertwining loneliness
your body pressed against my frailty, further stresses this.

a hierarchy is in presence of condescending human minds
trying to reach the highest form of human motion
it is all love.
there is no love.

the thirst is fulfilled, yet there is a angry starvation
breaking bodies to the sound of wind and baroque melodies
of high courts and something ancient
something that our bodies are not made of

we are sprawled everywhere
on the floor like dead animals
being plucked by vultures
and somewhere amidst the pain. there breathes a noble pleasure.
a twisted game of  ****** and relief

a woman of pride I walk with my neck elongated
and my posture careless and stressed
I dare press my eyes upon the next prancing victim
for I am a black panther in this arena
of creatures roaming and courteous gestures

come lay next to me beautiful, may I wrap my gentle surroundings
about you, and taunt you with discreet words and subtle looks
that hold a greater meaning to something that is truly barren
within the sighs of these confessions. frigid.
I brush upon you with merciless poison

I have promised to let out a sigh of love
a cry of tender confusion, a protector of a dwindling suppression
staring out the gates of travel, as I deport to a distant country
to experience those who have lived different lives

there is a beauty here. one that leaves heart cold. and unwavering.
ones that make womens eyes turn into glass and hearts into rustic anatomy.
crazed in interlocking bodies of solid heights and crimson lips
buried in ruby graves beneath those who stand above others

torn between these sheets
a kiss on the forehead
and a promise to remain a strong woman
one that will not fall

I hold my pots and pans
my spices and fruits
lay in the kitchen like a dead spirit
hold up my most prized dish
and concur your presence with my
deep curve and my curious woman
is that what I was made for
I ask you silently with desperate eyes

hearing my mothers whispers
be tidy and clean, and gentle in your walk
you are girl they say
you are a girl
and one day if done right
you shall grow up to flourish into an endless woman
a woman of stature and grace

but I cried when I was young and I was told that it was not okay
and here I am left to blame for the fact that my skin is not smooth
It is not that I have scars everywhere
I myself am a wound
I myself am a scar

keeps your hands closed, fingers beautifully hidden beneath
your delicate pale palms
and some day my child they said
the right person will hold them
but my hands have ran over many shades of skin
I have touched much pain
my hands
my hands
touched life
and we all know where those places can be
bright and glorious
dark and terrifying
and sometimes I believe them
maybe if I would have hid my hands
maybe if I would have kept that noble innocence
I would have lived longer
perhaps had the right person hold them

my mother told me, my beautiful daughter
still young and naive
pure and childlike
when you walk bow that gentle neck of yours
don't let your newborn eyes become harshly polluted
I remember those words now when I cry
and these tears are not pure, they are not salty and white
but  drops of debris and dirt
as bitter as gall

keep your body a temple sacred and known only to you
the deepest curiosity lies in the mystery engraved in the
comely body of a woman who keeps herself a mystery
standing beautiful like a blue rose between red ones
in solitude
gracefully content
and me, now
If I was a flower would be immersed in a euphoria of colors
drenched in the mixing of my body with others
scared by their skin
loved by their hands
and possessed in touch by touch

where do I go
mother, how do I ease myself of these monstrosities
how do I learn how to hold myself again without feeling guilty

the year unravels beside me like a new born child
opening its eyes and only seeing in black & white
It is still adjusting to what will manifest, the things it will see
in such a short amount of time before its death
I wish the years where made to be longer
I think it is simply unfair
and what is my connection with this strange thing
a band that has a restricted time suffocated between its two ends
where do I come into this ebb of time
every second is precious I believe
disappearing in the air like smoke
as if it never happened, as if it was never there
my *** has not been touched in almost more months
than I can count on my two hands
and does that mean anything to anyone,
I have become eagerly selfish with my body
and then you come along and make me question my greed
but I stand firm and strong, like a column of dark gray stone
ascending from the bottom of the ocean and kissing the moon
and does that mean anything to anyone

I generate scenarios in my head of all the possible happiness,
of all the possible people, all the possible anguish that is far
beyond my comprehension and  maybe more than I desire to comprehend
I have recently came to an understanding of endless pain
I dont believe I quite understood it before
but after watching that man out of hate **** 2 men of a different color
a hate generated due to his fathers ******
then released from prison a clean slate
only to have his brother killed by one of the victims younger brothers
my head twisted and I felt his pain when I saw him hold his ****** brother
and my heart felt as if it was being suffocated between his very tears
I felt my heart disappear with his heart
I felt the deepest thing inside of my chest beyond my body
something that goes far beyond that
I felt that  thing weeping
and to think that there are agonies that surpass that
makes me question all my beliefs
makes me question myself
and quite honestly makes me question the things that I have cried for
and the things that I was unhappy for

me, a simple woman staring out into the sky
and I am but an atom
or something so much smaller than that when standing on the edge
of a black hole in our universe, falling into something that our human
minds cannot comprehend
and then where do I go
born into this world from my mother and father
my mother who came from the love of two orphans
and my father who came from the unfortunate meeting of a innocent
woman gone mad and a mad man
and my parents who came from two separate worlds
what has bred through my generations to lead to this
what happened in the seconds of my ancestors
the women who would in their free time sit alone
what is it that they thought of
did I ever cross their minds
did this madness ever cross their minds
are they flowing through me

I lay on my bedroom floor
a bedroom that I simply cannot stand but have somehow grown fond of
one that probably wont be mine in another year and someone else's
will my energy rub into them, did the previous owners energy run
through me, this previous child

its quite amazing how every human is a absolute work of art
generated by two people who at some point in time mixed the paint
of their bodies together and came out with a piece
call it cheap art, bad art, disastrous, ******
every human is still a work of art
filled with thought and emotion
peoples eyes lately have come to **** me
I cannot handle it, the thought of this alone
is so overwhelming

and here I am writing of it
like the slave I am to my own mind
like the slave that I am to my own thoughts
I am a faithful miner digging through the pits of life
eager to find something worth drilling for
eager to find something worth crying and laughing for
eager to find fuel to add to my fire of a raging heart

I have come across a mind recently
that is bent in all sort of shapes and directions
I can hear the bizarre in that voice
and I have been rather amused, for a longer stretch of time than I usually let myself be consumed within another human
I have forgotten what those waters have felt like
coming to me, yet staying far away
there is so much room for me to breathe
and yet so much room for me to be close

I have found new sanctuaries within myself
where the elimination of boundaries have been discovered
where nature breathes like a blushing ghost
where the flowers are dead yet sing the tales of liveliness
and bewilderment and they are just as beautiful as the new born
flowers, but they have the death and wrinkles of wisdom
the rivers butcher into the oceans
and within their butchering they make love in the most
calmly fashion  
lovers roam these lands touching and kissing each others hands
there are no promises of love made, only ceasing of the moments
and a lingering future of mystery and hope
that is all

and many times I retreat in my thoughts and wish that I lived within
this state of mind when I met you or you or perhaps you

I have been known to suffocate love
I have been known to walk away full
to empty myself and dehydrate my body of life's genuine water
I have been known to drown that emotion
I have been called the reaper of these beautiful things
but I have done quite more than forgive myself and accept these things
and I have done quite more than just make myself believe that I can

restraint bled through me since I was young
because emotions where made to be wrong
these things erupted in me the wrong way


but I am here now in this state of mind
and have come to the realization that this is where I belong
the risks I shall take
I am not preaching only endless beautiful things
no, I am preach things of a true life
and taking it in for simply everything that it is worth
I don't believe in solid dedication
I hunger for space still
but now I hunger for other things as well
and the mix of the two
has made new souls within me

blurry images of black figures
fill the cinema in my head
a deep soft
creeping
passionate
whisper
seeps
in

she speaks like a distorter
of colorful images
blotted out
in the
pain
ful

we smile on the bench like wicked
I press my eyes on the skin
and I am far stricken
touching the
pale ill
inside

eyes that are filled with
slumber ancestry
mourn the funeral
of anatognized
lovers

breathe out
purging
lightly

turn to the side of dark
barcelona instristic in the wet
paris of your broken fingers
linger elegantly
with my dress of leather
take your hands
kiss them

banish crime of the wrong
ashes of the fire flutter
around me like doves
on a day of birth
I lightly lift my arms
so that the flesh falls on my hands
and I feel those things for the last time

creasing eyebrows
the frigid temples of these ancient ruins
hidden deep in forbidden valleys
carefully painted with a red smoke
of lips
the lines in palms
and feminine hips

laughter and screams fade out
with the pressing of things that
beat within small human chests
that may stop at any moment
we must keep going now
in search for a sacrifice
for the blood of harmony
in her smallest hope

do you feel the heavy burden of the white oceans
filled with nothing but sanitys affliction
lets throw our minds into those waters
carelessy
like the small
particles in the wind

the sky closes
the sun purges
the night runs to a haven
cross bred in between the two
we are in a place
we dont know of
and the muscles in my cheeks
shiver as I smile
finally.

my hands believed in you
satisfied by little to none
I could have gave them to anyone
little white pedals laying stagnant on each fingertip
revelations of the flowers you helped blossom in my impotent heart
how can I explain something provoking veins inside the blood of my emotions
when I didnt even know blood flowed through anything but my physical body
a cemetary of memories lie abyss somewhere inside of me
like the joyfull living praised when there but never appreciated enough

until souls bid farewell


the hour of separtion came to me as something that was dream like
something that couldnt be real

a few days pass almost placidly flowing over my being
and then it comes
expected lament,

this piece of land inside me is not vast
containing many souls some meaningless and some worthy
rather it is appressed and compact with little space
for the memories at rest
intertwined helping me remember together
in yearning harmony
the grass is so green over every grave
the sun never sets
but the flowers have disappeared
yes
the flowers they are
dead

shed your gritty conflicts
brittle pain seeping in between the fragments
of your most important bones
give me your limbs
I will give you my movement
I will lay here numb
just to watch you dance
and see that bitterness leave
your ample solitude
burden laying in deep pits of hungry
monsters, moving through the desert
shattering the broken jawline
of everyday
truancy in lovers
anecdotes
telling small stories
with significant morals
branched off into the sun
by the greater worlds that
exsist within us
the first number
does not exsist here anymore