midnight prague: Poems

Mar 2011 · 586

.

midnight prague Mar 2011

.

there is no more room in vast darkness
to place my emptiness
dragging raindrops stretch like mirrors
reflecting the void in dire need of a wakeup call
perhaps a tap on the shoulder
tugs
down
like
hooks
on my stomach

Mar 2011 · 459

this is for the unfinished

midnight prague Mar 2011

this is for the unfinished

I had to go, I had to leave.
lay
your beautiful face
on the pillow

and don't you

.grieve.

Mar 2011 · 496

A poem for hidden poems

midnight prague Mar 2011

A poem for hidden poems

This is a poem for the poems that are not ready yet
a poem for memories that have not yet reached the surface
a poem for miseries I refuse to accept

I'm not sure what the purpose it serves can possibly be
all I know is that even in the smallest way, I need to get these other poems
out of me .they are rotting my body.they are moving around harshly.

as a poet, I write when I am upset, I write when I am elated
there are still things I have to much pride to write of
things that swell in my wrist that I have not yet gathered inside
to see created into one of mine. To see breathe and become alive.

poets. poor miserable happy poets.
how do we survive.

Mar 2011 · 787

Little Boy

midnight prague Mar 2011

Little Boy

he said you little girls.you little girls.
dont do pretty things no more. your eyes are full of lies.
and you laugh at us with empty pockets.
he said. you little girls. are filthy. no.
dont know how to treat no man right. you spread your wings
and throw us on the ground and leave us behind.
stupid stupid little girls.

and I said little boy let me tell you a thing or two
about what us women have to go through

since the beginning of time us women have been robbed
of dignity. of sanity. even of insanity. you robbed us of everything.
you little boys. you little boys.
you tied ropes around our neck when we committed adultery.
although that crime for you went by very smoothly.
you killed our daughters and slaughtered our babies.
you banged our heads against the wall when we didn't bare
you a male off spring. You ***** us and used our body as
personal jewelry. You had no mercy when your attraction pursued you
our eyes wet and our tears ******. no you little boys.
you set no boundaries.

a woman jumps of the roof and commits suicide. She was kidnapped.
she is being *** trafficked. Some over weight pig tries to shove his
**** in her face. She jumped because she rather save her dignity before
she catches AIDS. and dies in a cell full of other women who cry every
single chance they get every single nerve wrecking/shattering day.

There is a little girl with big blue eyes, and light wavy blonde hair.
she is 6 years old. She has no idea where she is. She see's a man
sitting at the end of the room. He puts his glass of bourbon down.
he thinks of his wife and his daughters, picks the glass back up and chugs.
he trails his finger along the child's thigh, he tells her its okay. the is stained heavy with the smell of old carpet and hotel sheets.
your mommy and daddy told me it was okay, hush beautiful don't you cry.
years later that woman is a ******* because when she was 6 all she was
taught is that her body is a tool. Her kidnappers showed her love they told her
her mommy and daddy didn't want her anymore they are her new family.

little boy little boy. let me tell you about the girl who was sent to
the asylum on her 23rd birthday for trying to **** herself with a bottle
of pills and a bottle of jack. She woke up one morning with re surfaced
memories of her father molesting her when she was young. She starved
herself and would not leave her house for over 2 weeks. Now her sister
knew why she was a lesbian. Now she knew why. Her daddy would come
to her late at night and rub in between her thighs. Im sorry to be explicit
but you say us women have gone crazy and little boy I am telling you why.

so before you decide to judge a woman take a moment and try to figure
out everything that has made her cry. Look deeply into her eyes and
you will see all the goodbyes. You will see mentally how many times she
has died. You will always find some innocence and if she really likes you no
matter how many people she has been with she will still get shy.
You will see how many times her tears have ran dry. Because I guarantee you that ever woman you meet has gone through endless night of heart break and no shuteye, has heard every lie in the book and been defied. Listen closely
you will hear the ghosts from her past nearby.
The definition of a woman is something that is unbreakable.
something that when thought of you cant help but sigh.

if you believe that you truly are a man
then to you my heart expands
it is hard for me to see you after all these stories
but I do try the best that I can

so make no excuses, when defending a case speaking badly of women
because emotionally we are distraught more than you can imagine
and still seek to find the good in every ruin

Mar 2011 · 726

the pounding of the undeniable

midnight prague Mar 2011

the pounding of the undeniable

my heart claws on the inside of my chest. there is no escaping loves drum.
that rhythmic pattern that picks up. like the small things in nature in the morning. the undeniable laughter of the birds. the life coming after 9 months.
the purging after a bottle of whiskey.

I sit alone in my room. my hands are sweaty. I panic.
why is it against me and so out of my hands to deny you.
I stare at my dresses my womanly things that mean nothing.
I walk outside and stare at the immense blue in the sky. how it consumes me.
I watch the clouds sway. changing. growing. disappearing...
why does everything make sense all of the sudden. why do I feel lonelier
than I have ever felt in my entire being. time has never seeped through me
so slowly, every turmoil minute has placed itself like a beast upon
my forehead. Every smile I see has made me grow emptier inside.

my tears mean nothing anymore. meaningless they are compared to the grief
that screams inside of my gut. it is seen on my face. there is no hiding it anymore.
I can solve every problem. unlock every door. touch every star.
all of it will mean nothing. Maybe I will find it inside of me to walk away
but this time tell you to come

Maybe I will finally accept

there is no escaping loves drum

Mar 2011 · 597

my walls, covered in clouds

midnight prague Mar 2011

my walls, covered in clouds

I saw how silence rang in your hands
hiding secrets of illuminating tales torn.from the deep of human life.
trickled down like a prostitutes coldness. I breathe eager the things
that I did not work for to get. To know I can pick hearts like flowers
with he and she loves me yes and nots. I sit on the staircase outside like
a little girl in my white dress. just for a second I felt innocent.
and then comes that feeling inside. the rude awakening of brushed upon skin
too many salty droplets and a cringing thing named adulthood
soothing joys dance around like lazy stars without a care in the world
if only I was a star or even a particle of dust simply floating around in the air
I can make myself anything I please. I lie to myself.

lovers be lost. I can choose one. but what a crime a voice inside me yells
oh no no
what a crime.

Mar 2011 · 820

Take my body home

midnight prague Mar 2011

Take my body home

black candles are lined up like precious dark brides
their haunted bouquets of roses dimly light our staggered place
I fill you, like the body fills the coffin. you sweat perfectly content.
I taste your pain beneath my tongue like the thorns of the roses you.purge.
your eyes eat away at my flesh as I wither away
like the weakest human that has ever existed
the chandelier sways directly above my head. my neck is curved.
my veins thud and lay nakedly exposed against my throbbing body
I rest my hand at the bottom of my stomach and push.thats your command.
like vampires in love I set the white flag against your dreary eyes
and watch the exorcism unravel
your burgundy Lilith sings her saddest songs to me as. I breathe naked.
I have become a fiend of this aura we make. that pulsates like static.
you smell of earth, and wrap around me like a snake prepping its prey
what has become of the outside world, I think to myself
what has become of buses.cars. business.government. and mainstream
it has all been dissolved between our two separate skeletons
mummified reminiscent. I leak at the bottom of your mouth

Feb 2011 · 978

when you said. marry me.

midnight prague Feb 2011

when you said. marry me.

you are a form of poison
seeping through the rough edges in my mind
an immensity of nations I have brought out of this here.body.
to try and rid of the look in your eyes

your body moves swiftly on the ground
each step weighing a ton.you shake the ground beneath you.
and those surrounding you stop in awe. at the magnificent sight.
your exotic manhood. realistically condescending and ******.
you make me want to ***** and give me butterflies. simultaneously.

if I could sing my song, expand my lungs so that they explode
in the air fluttering around me like new born children
there would a girl standing at the end of the crowd crying
If I could play this tune on any instrument
I would make the hairs rise on the pores of some man
mourning his dead lover

you propose marriage

you dare caress the soft woman within me
you dare make some.almost.dead.suffocating. buried.dream.
a reality in my head once more you *******

you wrap around my pink finger like a sharp thread of Indian silk
you leave marks and my blood is not flowing properly
I can squeeze you with silence
I feel your body swell between my fingers
sweaty and frustrated

I see you sitting in your living room, lonely
so bent and out of shape. life's burden has came to you
with its heaviest distributer of pain. utter emptiness.
your forehead creases have become deeper
from endless nights of that deep hunger
the one that digs into your very soul
the one that makes you want to cut your stomach open
and stuff it with anything that will fill that empty void
that has taken its physical toll on your body

so you. the man that you are.
come to me. the woman that I am.
begging for that thing that you have lost.
the woman who gave you 4 nights of kisses.
shy looks,a nervous voice, blushed cheeks,a unpromising smile
and a very hasty departure

I picked up my imaginary wedding gown took off my
invisible Cinderella heels and ran like hell to the woods
after the day by the water you ranted
spoke in the tongue of a master
and I am no humans servant, you let the timid movement in my
hands deceive you of the power that strikes like a noble guardian

that day. you held my eyes in yours
and promised to never speak to me again if I did not get up
and leave with you. I retrieved what was mine, and did not hesitate to
shift a bone. silly of you to think that anyone can shake me
without my permission
maybe if you would have asked me passionately softly
rather than passionately angry
the past would be present. but our story did not unravel this way.

I cant lie. and say that you are not gifted.
you are in so many ways
you are a leader, and if you lived in ancient times
would be the head of any army. I see those lives that have lived
within you. old soul. broken. like me.

It almost hurts somewhere inside of me. to see a man of such
grace and honor fall apart in front of me like wood in my
fireplace back home in the mountains on the coldest of winter nights.

I sit here fixating impossibility.convincing myself.
regardless of the promises you just made after 3 years.
You have been begging on your knees for so long
that I can see the bone coming out of the wounds.
You are leaking everywhere. your pride has crumbled beneath me.

I sit and think about how beautiful
the children we will never make
will be.

Feb 2011 · 588

Inner

midnight prague Feb 2011

Inner

can I protect myself, from myself
such a folly when nobody is your worry
except the demon inside

Feb 2011 · 710

crandon beach

midnight prague Feb 2011

crandon beach

I should come in a locked incubus,
slammed with a appropriate warning label,
past figments of tender kisses and crazed lunatics
.

come here I point at you with my dramatic finger
you.come/ Eye contact becomes a form of survival.
Technique to **** the idle, melt your deepest fire.
Now I want you to listen to me carefully you much older.
you no more wiser than I/soul.
expand those ears that I'm sure have been deafened due
to all the screams that echo through them. The ghosts of
the ebony past. Drastic lights and mad art.
Thrusted naked upon my wall. You have been brought down.

I would like to give the benefit. But for the sake of this poem.
I will not. I'll taper with the thought of it. The slight burn that
disappeared before I noticed it was there. For the sake of a pretty
little write at the end of my night. by tomorrow morning I will not care.

listen to me intently

you who loved Esmeralda in Spain, Gypsy of dark colors
drenched in things I know nothing of. Curiosity that hummed
like a tempest. Challenging me like she always does. Has died out
in front of me as she always seems to do. prancing around at the right
moments bringing me back to my stone alter
I have ran out of words, I cant speak for things I did not receive.

listen to me closely
I wait for no none.

Feb 2011 · 1.3k

The buzz and the getaway

midnight prague Feb 2011

The buzz and the getaway

the vigor eases like a carcass meeting its soul mate
gently brought down to the home
all the wicked has been put to rest
and smiles flourish like cherry blossoms in japan
breeze brushes on the side of my sweaty neck
strands of hair in swirls along my back
.the incense burns. The smoke becomes an artist.
it has kept my attention more than most people can

somebody gives life
someone is having it taken away
dogs with cold feet, and felines who have too much
courage when entering your world
the present time, and how Sarah Palin is a *****
hopefully that construction on 595 will be done by the time
I get back, and something good will happen to someone

thoughts like that cross your mind when your on the ride
looking out the window focused on all the things you cant touch
humans who have turned into ants while trying to look for your house
thoughts slowly fade as the ex lover comes to mind
we have all tasted that wine. My glass is now empty.
brewed ripe and sweet, with agony for an aftertaste
I lick the sides. My lips are bruised with a charcoal red.
I ask the pretty flight attendant for another glass.

Feb 2011 · 589

commotion

midnight prague Feb 2011

commotion

we fail in our aura of traumatic meetings
of ruby lips and a similar tone
wine and ****** up love songs that end
in desperation and a longing to hold one another
or perhaps something that has been so numbed out

a figure of a pale girl, blurry. all white.
she feels nothing. but herself.
which is all she has left,
that
that is
all we
have left

If I remove myself and place my soul on some kind
of height
some altering place so that it is not mine anymore
it would look like you

generations have passed in what is really something
smaller than a peculiar year of very quite screams
and hidden agony, that would expose itself like
a mother who can no longer hold her tears in front of her children
we couldn't protect each other from that pain anymore

that has all turned into dust.

Feb 2011 · 2.0k

The breakdown

midnight prague Feb 2011

The breakdown

she drenched in the salt lake
her eyes scared by the city of bright lights, the homeless
the rich, faithful, and faithless. There is always a drought.
confined in the Romanesque heart of the men with hard ons,
and the women who just cant seem to get enough.
The white boys with baggy pants who drive by smelling like ****
and listening to some mainstream ******* that makes ordinary minds
even more ordinary.

The extravagant gay men - gorgeous- flamboyant witty and ridiculously critical
but yet have no restraints
The bull ****'s, the stems, the fems and the ones who have a few drinks
and want to touch something forbidden and then wake up
the next morning falling in love and realizing that maybe
they are not who they thought they were,
or leaving some obsessive uhaul with a broken heart

a scene infested with infestation
of a inner circle that screams something,
of noble drama, static eyes, drunken nights and high profile
love affairs, because nothing stays committed
but within the dysphoria breeds toxic secrets
ones that can break the body, like cold war hearts
shifted into a panorama of anorexia and bulimia
because too skinny is just never enough
bones are never enough
it had to go deeper then that.

heavy black eye liner, and steel pumps
unravel like skin heads out on the prowl of navy blue nights
looking for pretty new flesh, someone who has yet to be touched
because nobody wants the new girl after she is no longer new
the spotlight hits you, everyone wants to love you
everyone wants to *******, everyone is willing to backstab
the girl you choose every 2 weeks to get your attention
thats just how it works, I have been that girl
with eyes turned away I had to watch someone become that girl.painfully.
there is a segragation within the sub culture. Just when you thought
there was no such thing

converse and button up shirts
the right haircut and strong eye contact can get you any straight girl
at least thats what they would like to think, and for the most part
they are right

a man leans his head over to grunt
as the woman who is doing what she does to pay her rent
gives in like a weak human who just cant keep the lie anymore
who explodes with her barbaric truth and stains those figured
around her with uncaring eyes. There is no more sympathy.
you probably walked by her at the gay club last night.
yeah thats her covering up her sexuality like a vegan
who wears the fur of a polar bear around her neck
and gauts and gushes and purges and numbs herself out
because her selfishness has taken over her pride
because she has lost herself
because she is too broken

this is Miami she thought, why am I here
from sky vision it looks looks like a cess pool
of humans trying to latch on to something that does not exist
of business men who are not getting what they deserve
of kids who are growing up to the sound of lady gaga
and some other ****** up quote on quote artist

and then I found what I never thought I would find here
some kind of starved meaning, leaning on the street corner
like a dieing baby
sitting in the trash can like some left over rice
barely surviving

an energy that is struggaling to keep its eyes open
a community of expolsive minds trying to fight out
these scenes and living in their own worlds

Feb 2011 · 750

you are restricted within the calm

midnight prague Feb 2011

you are restricted within the calm

someone told me you have become very thin again
they say your eyes have grown dark
and they find you in homeless caves
starving out your painted adventures with hopeless
remedies of your small id

your human has grown petite and you relate to things
that have no tongues
to things that do not speak
twisted dreams flutter above your head like numb
blue bats

your extended bones and your heartless sensibility
you drag yourself as if you were a corpse
imitating life, or trying to at least

there are no tricks no doomed songs
no childhood memories or sing alongs
dissatisfaction creeps like a permanent cloud
coming and going like nature in its ultimate height above you

it makes you churn like heavy mechanical machines that make
horrid noises at midnight when you are trying to sleep
when you ask yourself
am I really happy

Feb 2011 · 2.2k

gunshot reminders and a old suitcase

midnight prague Feb 2011

gunshot reminders and a old suitcase

she wanted to find something that made her passion hang
like a human from a tree somewhere in the late thirties
a silent hand pressed against her sponge mind
making her leak her tongue all over the ill surface

years have passed like a seamless tomb
with eyes that scream please, hold me here for more than just two minutes
I am bored with the 1 hour love meetings and the detours
that lead me to the lions cage
the forbidden conversations and the numbed movements
stone tongues of gargoyles limping on the edge of
Gothic cathedrals in Prague

an animal somewhere in the wild dies slowly
a snake gives its venom to prey

and then you stood timid at the bottom of the mountain
as I struggled to make my way down
I thought of how my mother would be proud
to see me in a wedding dress, letting go of the only daughter she was able to drench out
of her body

surrender I thought never come in the form of bliss
till I realized I would hold out against all odds with no mercy
I'm not going anywhere
I stand right here in the corner
with my poetry spiraling down my thighs
in hopeless patterns

Feb 2011 · 627

Spaniard nights and heavy drinks

midnight prague Feb 2011

Spaniard nights and heavy drinks

I, through a wasted experience swim in the stick figures of your genitals
and quite frankly, I don't know why I never ****** you
we stained the city shores and the art district
my footprints left behind a tar
I think of you now and miss you hauntingly
the way a soul misses the bed it died on

my eyes read , happy valentine
I don't know why you still contact me
I don't deserve it

days filled with adventure and feet that never stopped
tongues that never halted
hands that kept the beat going
and lips that ceased to be separated

off with his head
my mind cried loud in the nights
and the battle within me began
the tormented tug of mind and the thing that beat in chests

I cant remember the last time I felt guilt
for giving into my lonely ways
until for a minute I thought of you the other day
and the needles starting inflicting their stabs on my
wounds

I miss you.

Feb 2011 · 893

Miami lights and the red line

midnight prague Feb 2011

Miami lights and the red line

you shed your androgyny in front of me
like the leaking of a dead poets mouth
prized convinction your are the killer of these things
bitten by your sharp nails
our souls blood is splattered on the wall
like a child's mess

we held hands and ran through the streets of wynwood
both nervous at the thought of people watching the passion
strangers who like to be alone
woven together in a harmonious mesh

we came across faces
and stood in that one corner and looked at that murial
on the cement wall
screaming out its makers message
in a thousand different emotions that linked to our past

I would tug your curls and they would bounce
you watched me smoke my cigarette
put on your artist eyes and pictured a painting in your head
using my ghost skin for your next piece

you drank my skin like milk hungrily
and I felt when my insides dripped down the
corners of your mouth
I throw my hands up in the air
and ask what can break me more than this

I sat in your kitchen in all black
and watched you cook me that fish, a recipe you probably
called your mother to ask for
you opened a bottle of white wine
we carried our glasses and sat outside
while I lit a smoke
your yard seemed like it was a haven for
bohemian children trying to escape South Florida's
cement buildings

you put your arm around me
and I nestled my head into your chest
at that moment I told myself here is the line
standing in front of me thick and red
shouting its warnings like old tapes of Hitlers speeches
preparing his soldiers to **** innocent children
and there it was standing like every sensitive poem I have ever read
like every painting that had a heart beat
like every smile my mother has ever shed

that red streak was not a finish line
but the beginning of something that would have turned into happy
years perhaps or just many painful nights, where I find it hard to breathe
and I thought to myself I can fall in love right now
I layed there listening to your heart beat
you kissed my forehead

I raised my head to look into your eyes
and before I brought myself to make a decision
before I started feel my heart loose
I was already walking away to the place I have known the most

Feb 2011 · 785

misconceived guidance

midnight prague Feb 2011

misconceived guidance

I hold my pots and pans
my spices and fruits
lay in the kitchen like a dead spirit
hold up my most prized dish
and concur your presence with my
deep curve and my curious woman
is that what I was made for
I ask you silently with desperate eyes

hearing my mothers whispers
be tidy and clean, and gentle in your walk
you are girl they say
you are a girl
and one day if done right
you shall grow up to flourish into an endless woman
a woman of stature and grace

but I cried when I was young and I was told that it was not okay
and here I am left to blame for the fact that my skin is not smooth
It is not that I have scars everywhere
I myself am a wound
I myself am a scar

keeps your hands closed, fingers beautifully hidden beneath
your delicate pale palms
and some day my child they said
the right person will hold them
but my hands have ran over many shades of skin
I have touched much pain
my hands
my hands
touched life
and we all know where those places can be
bright and glorious
dark and terrifying
and sometimes I believe them
maybe if I would have hid my hands
maybe if I would have kept that noble innocence
I would have lived longer
perhaps had the right person hold them

my mother told me, my beautiful daughter
still young and naive
pure and childlike
when you walk bow that gentle neck of yours
don't let your newborn eyes become harshly polluted
I remember those words now when I cry
and these tears are not pure, they are not salty and white
but drops of debris and dirt
as bitter as gall

keep your body a temple sacred and known only to you
the deepest curiosity lies in the mystery engraved in the
comely body of a woman who keeps herself a mystery
standing beautiful like a blue rose between red ones
in solitude
gracefully content
and me, now
If I was a flower would be immersed in a euphoria of colors
drenched in the mixing of my body with others
scared by their skin
loved by their hands
and possessed in touch by touch

where do I go
mother, how do I ease myself of these monstrosities
how do I learn how to hold myself again without feeling guilty

Feb 2011 · 625

when time makes you older

midnight prague Feb 2011

when time makes you older

I pair my hands side by side
the servant that I am
I am nothing but that
and I give thanks in the most kind ways
that I did not brake the way I thought I would
after your stigmatic body passed through mine

your poise was perfect
and you walk with your hands trailing behind your back
pointer finger slightly extended
the orchid swan
holding in her tongue
holding in the poison

no architect could have built our castle
ancient ruins falling atop each other like
the moon falls into my scorned eyes in the midnight
when I sit with myself
when the ache hits the center of my black lungs
when the melancholy sighs to me
as if her pain is greater
when I know that the true haunted king
sleeps in my stomach
arising and coming out of my throat
every so often

while I am sitting on the bench
while I am leaning on the wall inhaling those gray fumes
while I am reading my book
that is when that king comes to me
and wraps me in his hopeless melodies
of the days where we shared the same lips

and all I can do is give thanks
that I did not brake the way I thought I would
that the wound though alive
and breathing with its open sore of reds and pinks
pearls and hatred
did not slit me in half from head to toe

I know with my skin that you take pride in my pain
somewhere in your days you sulk in the compassion
that I hurt for you
it makes you feel wonderful and special
it makes you feel unique and beautiful

that me, who has had love conveyed to me in a thousand tongues
sits here alone like a cement column numb and baring nothing
receiving nothing, maybe simply existing
if that

you tread your eyes upon these poems
knowing in your darkest place that they belong to you
knowing in your darkest corners that you tore me
knowing in that part of your soul that stood naked in front of me
and how that part hid and wore a cloak of white
as to distract me from those short comings where you left me
with a welted heart here on my pillow
gasping for air
that would rather choke than be held by you again

Feb 2011 · 1.0k

obsolete

midnight prague Feb 2011

obsolete

the strangulation hummed like a crow
singing its sorrow into the womb of the night
claws wrapped on a thorned branch
disregarding of the pain
for its body has been numbed by its own pain
the noose lowers its insanity into my hands
like a tune humming its own thoughtless melodies
drenching like a dead animal
its ghost stories makes its ways like
lines of anarchy upon my pale skin
glorify the muse of forsaken life
built on the backs of dentured servants
crystallized in a putrid form
I am not here anymore
my skin tears open
and I smile as a drop of blood
falls like a sharp needle from the corner of my mouth
my insides are on the floor
staring at me with children's eyes
crying out bitter shrieks
I am glorifying all the things that are dead within me
and I have forgotten all the beautiful music that I once knew

Feb 2011 · 666

letters of lovers

midnight prague Feb 2011

letters of lovers

Dear Lover,

you are my first
I followed you with fragile feet
I touched you with innocent hands of infants
finally able to control my own muscles
everything has lead to you
breathing has lead to you
seeing color has lead me to you
I remember your dark hair
and something inside of me sinks
like a ship with a thousand souls
awaiting their death
somewhere in that bottomless pit of beauty and destruction
somewhere deep in those waters awaits my last sign of hope
something of a tragedy and meanings lost as to why I want
nothing more than to be with you
and something inside me now wishes nothing more
but to be swallowed by this dark and endless ocean
of your reluctant love and dimmed fire
something inside of me begs to be in that darkness
so that I may not know another day of suffering
I walk throughout my day invisibly bleeding
gushing red on every sidewalk
I am ashamed to walk into places where people
are happy, and stain their surroundings with my
invisible affliction
only those who know can see it
but I cant see them
I cant see anything because I am subdued completely
immersed in my catastrophic realm of a deep agony
your heart is a vast desert
and I am completely lost within it
and this famine and drought is killing me
I am starving
my skin sags, I can barely open my eyes
and I am growing into something far beyond emotionally weak
in one second if you tell me to go
I will exit this world that I have thrown myself into by will
and will never twitch at the thought of you again
I will exile myself from here never leaving a trace of my soul
behind

sincerely , Lover 1

Dear, Lover

I understand that you are tiered with me
and I am sorry that I make you bleed
but keep in mind that your invisible red
showers like a waterfall unto me
remember that I warned you about my senseless ways
about my chained spirit flying free
about my deranged childhood and my broken hands
I warned you about my shattered eyes and my wasted lands
I cant help but wither away like pedals falling off a rose
in the height of spring
when you bring yourself close to me
when you smile that simple smile
I can die in your simplicity
I can die in your beauty
I can live in your eyes
and Im sure you know that more than once
it is plenty of times because of the portraits of you hung in my head
I fall apart like an ancient wind and cry
Im sure you know many times I asked myself why
why life must I be in this displaced manner
of a starved love and barren core
for there would be nothing more satisfying
then enjoying the ocean and things like autumn and the red leaves with you
do you not that think I am hurting too
you saw how my skin grew bright when you were next to me
you felt me from the inside of me
I let you hold me like a mother would hold her child
even if it was for a second I let you give that love to me
and it hurt more than anything I can ever bring myself to write about
or put into words
I was not meant for this life
as much as I want to be
I was simply not made for this love
my heart shatters and blows like glass
only things of nature can burn how I burn
we have been through this before, I try to stay away from you
but when something sits in front of you, so undeniable it is hard to learn
it has taken me quite sometime to say this
but apart of me has refused to stay with me
and will forever stay with you
a part of me has loved you more than it loved me
and I cant take that back, it is out of my hands
you say my heart is a desert
if I could generate a spring for you to enter naked
simple and at ease I would
but the only spring I have are those which
flow through my eyes and upon my chest
Im sorry
Goodbye

sincerely, Lover 2

Feb 2011 · 980

Mamihlapinatapei

midnight prague Feb 2011

Mamihlapinatapei

you are the toska breeding in me like vicious flowers
cannas perhaps lotus or bleeding hearts
haunting the excruciating longing in my sinking chest
a calming and white haunting

I hear a thud in the middle of my body and it seems
that my heart levels itself in between my dimmed ribs
so that it may nervously burst in my core
to let that beautiful yellow childlike  sun into my body

what am I without you, a weltering raindrop
on top of a dark wooden roof
falling into the rustic mud while nobody is watching
being absorbed into the earth while nobody
cares

when I spoke my voice was hallow
and now you fill my speech and the streaks of tunes from my neck
like a starving man who by the grace of God has been blessed
with the feast of kings and queens

the phantom artist of something like a never ending dream
the gentle spirit
the serene incubus

you
daydreamer of withering beauty
heartless and genuine
I rest my smile upon your spine
I suffocate into your talent
of a deep and barren like litost

your calm ocean
as mine
filled with creatures only our imaginations
can begin to decipher
a tender arena of hearts and fowl play
you have taught me more about myself
I am bathing in beauty
drowning in a glorifying deep silk

I would bring my last weeping words  in a coffin
with  dark and rich embroidery resembling
that of your driven eyes
for a simple brush of your hand
upon my cheek

Feb 2011 · 504

no title2

midnight prague Feb 2011

no title2

when your drapery and garments of a thick velvet
find a better home sprawled on the floor like dead creatures
and fill everything but you
I see poetry written all of your body
and the words puncture like exotic knives into my stomach
invisible scars singing like children in the sunlight
invisible scars that stand like strong men who are stricken
and afraid
your eyes hum lullaby's
and they sing the saddest songs
that are now stitched beneath my tongue
and to the edges of my lips
I drown in that forbidden place
where my stomach caves in
like lovers hearts beating in the grave of spring
a nocturnal escape of pleasures
and souls meeting place
dug with our hands through the soil of our lives
chastity comes in purely
while we walk with our disguise

Feb 2011 · 566

....

midnight prague Feb 2011

....

I run to my blank pages
the way a child with a bruised knee
runs to his mother with tears in his eyes
and when he falls into her arms he is at peace
that is how I feel when I capture that brittle emotion
when I forfit it like a slave to my poetry
because I do not have a mother anymore
because all I have is my words
and that is all I really wanted to say
because my hurt at this point has no words
I just wanted to feel that there was something there for me
something waiting for my pain besides myself
and I just wiped the mascara from beneath my eyes
I just thought about you again
please I beg myself to forget you
I beg myself to forget all those simple and beautiful things about you
while you drench yourself in love

Jan 2011 · 411

ljcljsdiosdj

midnight prague Jan 2011

ljcljsdiosdj

I have died within you
explicitly in ways that I only die within my own self
do you understand what that means
maybe you do not
but I speak with the words of a brittle child
who has parents who would never understand him
from such a young age
from such a young age
you see
I am learning these things
drowning in a genetic mutilation
this is not me, no
this is what life has lead me to be
I am underneath you
I breed within what we call sanity
although I know nothing of it
I will wait here for you
as you try
try
to tread closer to me.

Jan 2011 · 587

open like memories on the beach

midnight prague Jan 2011

open like memories on the beach

maybe most women like me can speak these words
maybe not
when I purge tongue hanging from the side of my mouth
these poems that tread down like ******* tears
things that may be much to absurd
maybe I shouldn't share memories so blistered
your male heart and how you say I made it wither
kneaded down to a white dust that I blow like
dust off of my bookshelf
a man who holds something severe and endless in his veins
a emotion drenched in a hatred towards me
and who was I in that time when I handed you the young woman
within me
you are the ****** of love, you see
and yes I rip the words out just like that
I want you to feel this poem bleed
close your eyes and know that I am not at all worried
because knowing I destroyed you mentally for what you did
is far beyond a glorifying and blossoming seed growing within me
your minds a torture chamber, and we have announced all the rest
just go on with your life not accepting your flaws
and always looking your best

Jan 2011 · 508

Run.

midnight prague Jan 2011

Run.

A blood thief comes into mind and with the inspiration
of a thousand enriched dark and artistic souls
I have been shunned by passions
extracted from the womb of resistance
thrown out cordless into a sincere and infinite space
I am sprawled on the floor in awe
still drenched in the fluid of my previous life
my elbows are weak as I try to raise myself
to look these things directly in the eye
my vision has yet to be fixed
but before I know it I have adjusted
for unlike the time our generation has been thrown into
this is a life that comes naturally

I want to run away from this place
if its on my feet and on a highway through the desert
while screaming at the top of my lungs
so be it
may I become bruised from head to toe
so be it
may I encounter a killer on the way
everything in the sky
I yell
then so be it

Jan 2011 · 459

.

midnight prague Jan 2011

.

Jan 2011 · 592

The return.

midnight prague Jan 2011

The return.

minutes ago I thought you left me
but you return like a raging revelation
stricken like vampires in the vultures nest
on the night when silence consumes brittle
sentimentality
and white owls howl their wordless short comings

moments ago I thought I had been drained
but then when execution of fortresses that
burn like brittle twigs on the warmest day of all summers
burn in me
for even in the draining of words there are words
even in the most Saharan and drought seconds in life
there is poetry

the soles of my feet burn in this desert
my blood simmers with the heat
my body lags and sweats the sweat of Egyptian slaves
and my moments in this anxiousness feel like days
I have endless mirages and within them
I see many things in all sorts of ways

I believe that time and time again you have saved me
from the remorse of countless burdens that I hold on top of my chest
I lay on my back, heavy
and I feel as though that the insanity in every asylum
screams its anxiety into my woman breast
and then at some breaking point in time
you make my hands shake with the nervousness
of writing my **** thoughts down on paper
and I give those screams to you
my beloved poetry

it is not you that abandons me
it is I that abandons you
its my self punishment and self reserve
of selfishness looking to find something deeper
when nothing goes deeper than you
and I write this as a reminder within my awakening
of these revelations of potency and a committed relationship
to make love to and feel you from the gloomy inside
it is you my passion that I will stay committed to
you are the reason that I have come to be
you are the reason that I learned to differentiate between being a child and a youth
you are the reason that I have grew
it is indeed because of you that I have crossed borders of
mental recognition and went places that others wouldn't dare to go
in thought
so that I may gather the seeds and relentless loves in life
so that I can give them to you to help you flourish and grow
so that when I am gray, wrinkled, and old
I may bask
harmoniously in a vast garden full of the plants of life
dead and alive

Jan 2011 · 821

Until next time.

midnight prague Jan 2011

Until next time.

I have been drained of words for now
you poetry always leave me like this
you divine entity throw me out on the side of the dirt road
I will wait right here for you to come back to me
until then.

p.s- I love you.

Jan 2011 · 799

Thoughts

midnight prague Jan 2011

Thoughts

the year unravels beside me like a new born child
opening its eyes and only seeing in black & white
It is still adjusting to what will manifest, the things it will see
in such a short amount of time before its death
I wish the years where made to be longer
I think it is simply unfair
and what is my connection with this strange thing
a band that has a restricted time suffocated between its two ends
where do I come into this ebb of time
every second is precious I believe
disappearing in the air like smoke
as if it never happened, as if it was never there
my *** has not been touched in almost more months
than I can count on my two hands
and does that mean anything to anyone,
I have become eagerly selfish with my body
and then you come along and make me question my greed
but I stand firm and strong, like a column of dark gray stone
ascending from the bottom of the ocean and kissing the moon
and does that mean anything to anyone

I generate scenarios in my head of all the possible happiness,
of all the possible people, all the possible anguish that is far
beyond my comprehension and  maybe more than I desire to comprehend
I have recently came to an understanding of endless pain
I dont believe I quite understood it before
but after watching that man out of hate **** 2 men of a different color
a hate generated due to his fathers ******
then released from prison a clean slate
only to have his brother killed by one of the victims younger brothers
my head twisted and I felt his pain when I saw him hold his ****** brother
and my heart felt as if it was being suffocated between his very tears
I felt my heart disappear with his heart
I felt the deepest thing inside of my chest beyond my body
something that goes far beyond that
I felt that  thing weeping
and to think that there are agonies that surpass that
makes me question all my beliefs
makes me question myself
and quite honestly makes me question the things that I have cried for
and the things that I was unhappy for

me, a simple woman staring out into the sky
and I am but an atom
or something so much smaller than that when standing on the edge
of a black hole in our universe, falling into something that our human
minds cannot comprehend
and then where do I go
born into this world from my mother and father
my mother who came from the love of two orphans
and my father who came from the unfortunate meeting of a innocent
woman gone mad and a mad man
and my parents who came from two separate worlds
what has bred through my generations to lead to this
what happened in the seconds of my ancestors
the women who would in their free time sit alone
what is it that they thought of
did I ever cross their minds
did this madness ever cross their minds
are they flowing through me

I lay on my bedroom floor
a bedroom that I simply cannot stand but have somehow grown fond of
one that probably wont be mine in another year and someone else's
will my energy rub into them, did the previous owners energy run
through me, this previous child

its quite amazing how every human is a absolute work of art
generated by two people who at some point in time mixed the paint
of their bodies together and came out with a piece
call it cheap art, bad art, disastrous, ******
every human is still a work of art
filled with thought and emotion
peoples eyes lately have come to **** me
I cannot handle it, the thought of this alone
is so overwhelming

and here I am writing of it
like the slave I am to my own mind
like the slave that I am to my own thoughts
I am a faithful miner digging through the pits of life
eager to find something worth drilling for
eager to find something worth crying and laughing for
eager to find fuel to add to my fire of a raging heart

I have come across a mind recently
that is bent in all sort of shapes and directions
I can hear the bizarre in that voice
and I have been rather amused, for a longer stretch of time than I usually let myself be consumed within another human
I have forgotten what those waters have felt like
coming to me, yet staying far away
there is so much room for me to breathe
and yet so much room for me to be close

I have found new sanctuaries within myself
where the elimination of boundaries have been discovered
where nature breathes like a blushing ghost
where the flowers are dead yet sing the tales of liveliness
and bewilderment and they are just as beautiful as the new born
flowers, but they have the death and wrinkles of wisdom
the rivers butcher into the oceans
and within their butchering they make love in the most
calmly fashion
lovers roam these lands touching and kissing each others hands
there are no promises of love made, only ceasing of the moments
and a lingering future of mystery and hope
that is all

and many times I retreat in my thoughts and wish that I lived within
this state of mind when I met you or you or perhaps you

I have been known to suffocate love
I have been known to walk away full
to empty myself and dehydrate my body of life's genuine water
I have been known to drown that emotion
I have been called the reaper of these beautiful things
but I have done quite more than forgive myself and accept these things
and I have done quite more than just make myself believe that I can

restraint bled through me since I was young
because emotions where made to be wrong
these things erupted in me the wrong way

but I am here now in this state of mind
and have come to the realization that this is where I belong
the risks I shall take
I am not preaching only endless beautiful things
no, I am preach things of a true life
and taking it in for simply everything that it is worth
I don't believe in solid dedication
I hunger for space still
but now I hunger for other things as well
and the mix of the two
has made new souls within me

Jan 2011 · 572

song of the dove

midnight prague Jan 2011

song of the dove

sickly rip me from this diluted tree of melted charm
take me back to those barley filled days
and place me with your little fingers back upon that farm
a time when there was no such thing as firearm
or harm
a time when I was filled with scars of loyal work streched forth for the world to see
down my arms
I time when we didnt hurt our brothers
a time when we went to ours mother for the answer
a time when our ancestors and relatives did not pass this life to live in cancer
a time when the pigs where not the bachlors
a time when a woman was not a cheater
a time when the human was not the actor
and the actors and artists human
these minds
have come to crease the internal of a superficial disaster
that only the right heads can master

I was thinking of our situation on this one night I was plastered
and woke up the next morning after
with the bitter potion still pumping through my combusted liver
and remebered last night with its bright lights and rich champagne
and started to shiver
and how I would have loved to celeberate any occasion down
by a white river
filled with stones and fish of similar nature
a fire and love that spread out through the achres
flowers worn by the women and men in theyre hair for praise
to our universe
and in our very own souls we would immerse
and our eyes and hearts would burst
and the only spell that would be casted upon us is mother natures tender curse

Jan 2011 · 747

The woman hears my sighs

midnight prague Jan 2011

The woman hears my sighs

I dig my hand into my chest
to find that thing that is suppose to exsist
and when I bring my palm back out
my hand is consumed in ash
the reminants of those things that exsisted
filter in the creases that depict the past in my small palms
those memories when I would look into your eyes and smile
with the lips of a child
I hold you in my eager mind like an antqiue too precious to speak of
our lives have bid us to walk in a direction opposite of what we had hoped so long to accomplish

and now I see you, sitting beside me and I wish
nothing but to graze my hand upon yours
like the wind flourishes the oceans heart to beat
in a more rapid pace, like the winds bid the waterfalls
to leap into a uncharted terroritory
this is how I wish to brush myself upon you
I want to kindly give you the most feminine part of me
so that it may touch and love the most feminine part of you

I wish to scourn you like the sun scorns the leaves
in autumn, I would hope to make your colors change
to make you fall stagnant on the ground, like a silent whisper
I would like; if it was in my power to place a winter
upon your womanly chest, to freeze you
to make you shiver
to isolate that bitter, bitter potion within your distraught eyes
only so that I may bring the spring of my love
upon your soul
only so that we
you and I
live in our own universe where things that are forbidden do not exist
such as this burdened control
so that I may kiss whatever it is that is left
of you, whatever was not burnt and killed
by your fathers eyes
when he left you
and generated those monstrous cries

I, me
somewhere inside of my endless space
miss your defined jawline and that magnificent face
I miss that one morning I woke up beside you
after the first night our virginity in this type of love manifested
I cringe at the sight of your almond shaped eyes on that day
when the sun peeked through your white blinds and blue walls
and casted that eminence upon you in that natural way
when your tan and native american like skin brushed upon mine
and I closed my eyes and held you as if it was the last time
our hair was long and black and encircled our faces
like dead flowers in a field, I knew who you were and I knew nothing of you
I knew who I was, and I knew nothing of me
but regardless
we were one

If could rip my eyes out in exchange for words soft enough
to explain our touches, to explain the tenderness that ran
from your woman and into mine
I would
If I could shed my skin in exchange for words that cry a thunder and volcanic eruption powerful enough to convey the needles that dug into me like hope against fragility,
with no
no mercy
I would

that was almost 4 years ago, before I knew what I know now
that morning is many days and many nights behind me
and still till now, the noise made between our two separate bodies
hums its rhythms like a permanent tune, scarred lucid and repetitive
upon my ear drums
still you melt in me like the snow melts upon the highest mountain
in the sun, when summer approaches in june
the time you and I first met

Jan 2011 · 648

I

midnight prague Jan 2011

I

I have found a undeniable love
and it is here in my very pit
I can not deny you
I do not know how I turned my face from you, , , , ever
your chest is mine
your lips are my lips
and when you place your hand upon my dark pages
you see, we are the same book

your heart beats at the same pace as mine
your hands cringe the way mine do
and your body bends in cryptic ways as does mine
I cannot help but suffocate myself at the thought of you
I have yet to confess my intricate obsession
I have yet to confess how I wish to reach my hand out into the air
and into your collar bone
I can already feel your ribs beating against mine
your mouth is creasing my ear, and I cant take you
because your beauty is too much for me to comprehend
please, put mercy upon my forehead when releasing yourself
there is only so much agony in a mixture of love that I can take
and you are far beyond anything I have ever experienced
I am moved
I am moved

I wish to hold your blood in my palm
I wish to have your humanity melt into me like forbidden paint
I want your soul to execute mine
we will move in this life together
my love, we are everything
you are everything
and the only reason I am whole
is because I have become a part of you

I am in love.

My hands, they rise in this medium
and I feel like I am the king of everything
no one
no one
is better than me
and that is only because I have your love
that is
only because I am the owner of those brown eyes
that have shed the agony of a soldiers mourned body
you are a ancient work of art
you have concurred lands
you have banished me
and brought me back to this endless and short time
I want to bow my head to the side gently
I want you to understand how I innocently love you
with the eyes that I have found in me to be
child like

.

Jan 2011 · 390

untitled 03

midnight prague Jan 2011

untitled 03

I find you
you who I create
and I lay my head next to yours
so
so
calmly

I want to do nothing
nothing
but to give myself to you
but to hold you in my arms and love you
my infant, my child
you are mine

and I can not imagine this world without you
although I go on breathing every minute of my life
while you are non-existent

Jan 2011 · 634

no title 2

midnight prague Jan 2011

no title 2

For the first time in years, I lay my head upon my own shoulder
and I weeped, with no trigger, with no particular reason
it was not a heavy pour, a light one, almost dead
I closed my eyes and I was completely submersed in a web
of silver wrapping itself around me
and thought that was my own loneliness
I have never felt this alone
I have never felt this one

the thought of this alone gives me fear
to lay there completely at mercy to my own self
to have finally accepted my own truth
one that I have long manipulated a lie
I myself have been a lie

I have chosen to live my life in this manner
constantly restricting myself from love
executing it, and making it small
draining it, causing a famine in energies
suffocating it, and bleeding it merciless
walking away from it with my heart
bleeding barely beating because I have taken it back from
you and you and you
I stay up late at night and think how will I regain that thing
that was once mine, and in a instant I slip through a crack
in my mind, and it is there again my flesh in my hands

I can see myself already in it
and Im crying and screaming at the top of my lungs
and you hold onto me and beg me not to go
and I with blood running down my cheeks struggle to get away
struggle to escape just as much as I want to stay
and I brake things and hurl my body to the ground
I create a hunger that shrieks so loud
and I drown myself in the sound
the queen of desolate is what I should be crowned
you stand there behind me, lingering in the background
yet again you have watched how I make myself drown

I impose my own judgement and wonder if its an incorrect soul
or if I make it a rule upon myself to believe that this is so
my hands are open
my chest is open
my legs are open
my heart
my heart
is open

I hold life like a curtain in front of me
and I take a knife that I made with the barbaric woman within myself
and I cut straight down the middle, with a wordless expression
I want to know what is behind it
I want to touch those things that will make my fingertips burn
I want to come close to things that will make my hair rise
I want to rid of this state of mind
and learn how to become more wise

Jan 2011 · 533

I am

midnight prague Jan 2011

I am

adorned in my own childhood memories, the rot and laughter
I lay there moist and in no obedience when it came to distraught thoughts
I wanted to feel something that burned the way I did
so I lay naked upon this lava
and without dying I feel its fiery mind
I enjoy its inextinguishable kind

I wanted to die slowly the way beautiful natural things died slowly
so I went to the garden and
picked the most intriguing flowers my eyes could find
I cut their stems
then I cut open my wrists and my spine
I lay on the earth and watched the time
I lay there and peacefully cried
how seconds turned into hours, and I lay there slowly
with those flowers and together we died
my smell fell into the universe
my coffin slowly decayed
laying there completely lifeless under the suns shade
and when I awoke from that death
I was no longer afraid

yet there are things that I still cant reach
yet there are times I still dont know how to speak
I remember how you left a streak of light behind the smallest of movements and I fall weak

so I go into the ocean and I hold my breath
I want to be here forever,
even if that means
death

Jan 2011 · 524

tragic lovely

midnight prague Jan 2011

tragic lovely

you are like a old Gothic cathedral
standing heavy, uninviting yet undeniably luring
your heights are ascended and when I walk into you
I feel overwhelmed, by your detailed corners
your windows that bring light into your
gently smiling darkness
your ashy art mystifies me in a ****** tangent
your ghost stories and dead spirits
the love you have emitted
the love you have forbidden
the souls you have forgiven
the necks you have bitten

your different masks and your musical *****
where all the affairs and making of bodies one have taken place

I wish to breathe it all

I will sit on your empty benches
till you find a way to grace next to me
and place your hand upon my chest
so that I may feel my heart burst beneath your human flesh
you see
I must have this

I must live with you in a place that I know exists
a place that has been in the making for years in my head
I refuse this time, I refuse these people
I refuse to even speak of what society has made itself
the new words, simply will pollute and degrade my poem
of something that is so much higher than where we live now

place your hand calmly in mine
as I watch the entity which lives in your face
give me a sense of re-birth every time I bestow my eyes upon it
you are a riddle, a magnificent opera
you are what makes blood
blood
your are the atoms that make up love
your are the anatomy of every beautiful word
you are the feathers of every raven bird
you are the bed that I rest upon
you are the whiteness in a swan

you are the tragedy in all of the plays
you are the sun and moon of my
days

Jan 2011 · 606

This noble art

midnight prague Jan 2011

This noble art

tell me what is more natural
then words pulsating like veins on the paper
then parchment quivering in my very hands
a emotion once breeding in the chest of a human
something moving hungrily under inflicted skin
something making its way like cement from the pit
of a stomach, rushing through blood
a raging emotion fleeting the body
and out into the physical world

tell me what is more natural
then an essence so calm
the only thing more beautiful than love
is the words of love, its description
the endless manuscripts written by
hands and hearts who where at some point in time
experiencing a divine emotion
a description in default of the macabre
and how tears are made and fall from eyes
a horror ringing in the homes of so many books
as to how a human can die mentally
a proof that this is more than real
that a mental rot is existent

tell me what is more natural
than the thunder that protrudes from hearts
galloping like a non tamable beast gathering flesh
racing like light into the universe
words describing the sun
and how she burns
and how she dies

the moon sits in the midnight sky
like a beautiful mistress happy that she is once
again alone and enveloped in the darkness that she
mourns and sings with, when the light has departed

the trees sit like stakes of wisdom
soundlessly crying for the humanity that it witnesses
they see what no one sees, they hear what no one hears

the ocean a translucent mystery, consuming
killing men, and calming men
she too whispers secrets through her energy

and tell me what is more natural than to write of these things
then to make poems and literature of them

and if in essence you cannot find beauty in literature
I encourage it best that you question your faith in humanity
I encourage you to see if your blood mentally runs thick
that your heart speaks and understands its wonders that
flusters and ***** mankind's mind
every woman and man is a poet or painter
every human has it in them to make art that speaks life's real truth
for miles and acres

Jan 2011 · 393

to you

midnight prague Jan 2011

to you

My heart beat so hard when I was next to you
that I feared you might hear my barbaric secret in its drum
my pupils expanded so wide, at the sight of your hands
that I could have swallowed the ocean with my eyes
and then shed that salty water when you depart
my heart surrendered and my soul left to the skies

locked in your demented skin and your innocent smile
I would like to kiss the back of your neck and breathe you in
for awhile
your moon stricken and I drink you in the morning
I place you like salt on my tongue
I take your skin and cover myself in it
we make each other wet with scorn
your paint is on my walls and now it is not myself
it is you that I morn
it is my white face that is torn
now
now
the fragile death has been born

Jan 2011 · 505

tongue of made love

midnight prague Jan 2011

tongue of made love

I can assure you that our insanities will mix beautifully
I can assure you that your boredom will dry
I promise you exhilaration
I promise you adventure and madness
I promise you glory,******, love and
sadness

Jan 2011 · 708

delirious

midnight prague Jan 2011

delirious

walking down a trail that has laughter and purge embedded
I stagger with a crooked smile and a insane mind
I limp like I am in my hundreds
I tatter justifying your ignorance

your pupils are sewn into my wrists...
your darkness drowns itself in me
oh no
I cannot
take
this.

music of mushroom decent play in forbidden tunes
and I welcome them
a stagnant whisper, someone is passing their soul
and there she is that little girl born in early June
I lay on the piano and melt into its strings
I become a theater, making our play
composing its music
remembering those days
I could have loved you
in
so
so
many different
ways

I watch the end of my cigarette burn, and the smoke unfolds
I fill my ashtray
with the memories of the old

Jan 2011 · 745

Grandfather

midnight prague Jan 2011

Grandfather

sterile, I lay in bed
the woman that I am burning like endless candles
lit on the night of a great death
I am a great death
I stretch to release my family's history
torn between expectations and love affairs
and a grandfather in prison and my grandmother
drowning in tears and raising a son who did not come out of her womb
that poor woman with that blonde hair and those green eyes
rage breeds along love on her side and she is so taken back by the two
stricken in a consistent dilemma of letting both get the best of her
her bleeding insanity
and her bleeding forgiveness towards a man who did
nothing but annihilation
until her normal mind went to waste
what is it in a mans eyes that lets him dare
brake a woman
a frail,small,feeble, innocent woman
where do these men find the strength to see a woman in a pit
of tears generated through her pupils by his monstrous hand
is the heart not what gives birth to the strongest of emotion
this mental thing, and is that where that selflessness comes from
because it is all much too powerful
you my grandfather, must be some kind of genius
to have found that black and hidden place where you find
the coldness to do such things
you tortured soul who spits on all his children
you tortured man who's actions lead to consequences that befell
your grandchildren, your anger has bred through generations
your anger bred through my father and then to me
you broke men and you broke women
you
you
broke all of your children
all 7 of the souls you made
but you will not brake mine this I vow
I will stop that anger here
I will stop it now.

Jan 2011 · 442

.

midnight prague Jan 2011

.

Jan 2011 · 859

forsaken

midnight prague Jan 2011

forsaken

I run into your ruined eyes like a body that has given in
like the soul turning to death, when he lays a smile upon its cheek
I mourn the thoughts that once progressed through my head
those butterflies breeding inside of me in the seconds
before I knew I would walk up to you
and you would touch me
and I smell you
and I feel your warmth
the small hairs on your body rub against mine
so female; you
so love; you
I hear you in the deepest silence
burried beneath all this dirt and the highest building
I jump off with my mind
to come to you, to go deeper then the ground
I drown myself in hopes of finding you in a place
where lungs cannot breathe
that is where we come from
a place forbidden
a place that we are raised to believe that we cant go
and these people walk aimless
oh but we know
we know
I run into your death
like a flock of birds heading south in the winter
your black feathers touch mine
and I retreat to a land where my skin melts
with the thought of you
a place where
I
I
deteriorate
like leaves falling off the trees in autumn
I dont know how to hold myself together anymore
I am paralyzed, stricken
yet I am shaking
I
my love am in a state of deep panic
eat my words
**** my love
stress my emotions
and **** my dove

Jan 2011 · 451

untitledx

midnight prague Jan 2011

untitledx

the bones in my fingers shiver
lost on a winter night of broken bones
sultry past kisses and hearts in a wither
nothing was more beautiful than our mixed pain
in the same *** that we fashioned with our
small moments of drunkeness and incoherence
I wanted to be lost all the time with you
floating on every surface that life would take us to
I walk down the park and the leaves are blowing
all around me, nature she is trying to tell me something
my thoughts of you then stop, and the wind calms
how am I to live like this, and where can I go to find the answer
Im exhausted with trying to find it in me
because its not
the only thing that is inside of me is you
and I have become so so heavy with you
my thoughts have turned into flesh that I cut open
with knives and I drain them of their blood
and hang the old skin on my walls
and remember us
I paint our lost fetus in the
midnight
we could have been everything
thrown our hands in the air and never
let life stop us, do you have any idea
what these words mean
do you know where I rip these words
from
my eyes are bleeding
as I smile at your departure
as I bid you farewell

Jan 2011 · 465

con

midnight prague Jan 2011

con

even in my most refined spaces
even in my most lonely minutes
I have a love breathing in me
for someone

Jan 2011 · 739

I hold nature in my hands

midnight prague Jan 2011

I hold nature in my hands

the way it feels when your eyes role back
the way it feels when salt turns into sugar
a stillness is born between two fires
burning and feeding off of eachother somwhere
in a forest of raven
the clouds die and give birth above us
every second, something has a beating heart
somewhere very close to me
somewhere there is a child emiting a smile
for the first time
and his mother becomes weak inside
somwhere there is a woman giving birth
to a genius an energy permanently marking the world
I, with these hands
have found profound use
I with this heart have witnessed much abuse
I with this soul soak that thread which ties burdens
so that its knots unravel and become loose
and I hold onto lifes energy
I bring it into my body, and with my mind
I begin to ******
attract thoughts of nothing but a bliss
and calm auroa
and when I lay naked on nature herself
you see its these poems that I produce
when I speak and say I need nothing more
than her love and she is always there waiting
for me in every tree
in every bee
oh how I miss you in these cities awfully
in every flower
rot the superficiality and give me that
natural power
that speaks history and wisedom
through different levels of silence
life it seems to me sometimes
has lost its balance
and so from that ignorance we must distance
kiss the wind and see that in simplicity
is where lives true brilliance

Jan 2011 · 936

infancy

midnight prague Jan 2011

infancy

I hold these thoughts as I hold onto my infested pupils
my hands open like that of an infant in sleep
curved fingers, innocent and unexpecting of what is to come
the life
the street corners
the slum hearts
the filthy
all the ends and all the starts
the loved ones who will depart
the torn bed sheets
and the opening of evil flowers
in the dirt of small drunken conversations
the murders and the beauty
of the old burnt down houses
the strongest agonies that derive
from the simple things that once
made hearts dance in the wind
when love bathed in the sun
with its blue veins
I forget everything

to be brought back to this state
I know noting of these things
I look at life with innocent eyes
and I feel like a child again

Jan 2011 · 751

smile when I speak baroness

midnight prague Jan 2011

smile when I speak baroness

my neck bends in a whirlwind of intoxicating
panic
as my blood laps like waterfall through my
ill veins, I die in rememberence of you
the way a butterfly lays on the leaf
and gives out its last second to nature gentely
that is how I give in
I move in front of you with no fear
stare into eyes that resemble mine
you were like a sister
lover
forbidden in each of our places
seperatley, when you were so close
like skin on skin
blood in blood
searching for our greater meaning
we almost found it
then it slipped through
our young, rough hands
like liquid silk
if it were with broken ankles
I would run to you and throw
myself into your chest
and curl up into you
as my life had been taken away from me
and you returned it gracefully
I would weep
if I lived in that world
that does not exsist
that I play with in my mind
sometimes, when coming to you
is not a choice, but I must
I make our world
that was so much more beautiful then the
one we lived in temporarily
I know it is you that belongs to me
but I let you go
you needed to be free
I must admitt I hunger for you awfully
I miss the similar beauty
alabaster chronic diluted in a purging
of looking for the greater thing within
I feel you in that
decadent inspiration brought forth
by you, I will not receive that from anyone
understand my passion excerted from small scenerios
I have a respect given for, and its you
I am lurid
naked
cold and I shiver
underneath the reality that has
placed itself upon my back like a fire of nights
you see, my skin has melted off
my blood has been drained
and I dont feel those things anymore
but I know they are there
to your presence I have become unaware
I bend my neck and in all honesty you couldn't have been
proved more guilty, hours when immersed in our silence
I thought, and came to this conclusion
watching your wooden face unrecognizable
on the outskirts of some forgein place in my head
you are not here anymore
you are *dead