I sustain a mirrored courage of the earth
staggering posed like two humans who saw
the world in each others eyes for only a few seconds
the contagious feeling bleeds throughout my consciousness
and then leaves at the tipping of the hour
grunting and ashamed
we are each others burden
each others disaster

I try to lift my arms in the air with broken shoulders
while a melting metal falls on the sides of my neck
my collar bone twists while I carefully hold my steady breathing
so that my rib cage does not explode
my eyes closed shut
the bones in my fingers holding on for dear life
veins blue like the sea of our dreams
I feel every ounce of blood tremble in my chest
I feel every cell in my body fight for my survival
I feel my immunity perish
A shriek comes up my pit from the core of my small body
it was as if every heart that had ever beat stopped in sequence
as if the world had found its place in nothingness
and was drowning in silence

I fall
onto a house made out of black brick
empty and creative with its own darkness
its striking absence of light
its livid and ebony coal rubbing against me
welcoming me to the safety of the place made for those
who were no longer able to hold on
shadowy and starless with its own language of mute
its strain and and distressed fever

the thick air has become my companion
the hard icy floor, and the raven walls
the windows are mute and let in no salvation
to whatever beauty may be left throbbing on the outside

I have become a slave to my own pain
I begin to rub my body against it
I let the poison drip delicately like art from my tongue
I let it run down my inner arms
wrists
and then slowly off my fingertips
onto my stomach
and then lower
I churn

I am expressionless
the satisfaction of finally spreading my body
of finally learning how to adorn these black waters
to drink the toxins, alone
makes me shiver
a smirk manages to escape my cracked lips
my broken cheeks
my pale and black eyes

In the corner I sit naked and shudder
something dark and slippery falling off the ends of my hair
I rub the fluid and examine it in between my fingers

I bare no protection for it is not needed
I am no longer afraid
those who strangle now fear me
rancid
******
skulls roll off my spine and line themselves perfectly like little school boys

screams echo from my pores
I have no recollection of what was of me before I came here at first
I am only content to have found this haven

but after sometime  I grow feverish
repeatedly I find myself in alabaster boredom
I want to escape

I want to feel warmth other than mine
something light
like the painters brush upon his canvas
like a morning wave upon sand that sinks beneath your feet like flour
like two little girls playing with each others hair
like the petite smile a lover tries to hide
like the innocence I once had

but the windows of my world are shut
and this place is placid and hallow - numbing

I tear my skin open with as little as a flinch
break my bone
and sharpen it against the rough walls surrounding me
my blood seeps into the floor like venom
scattering in thin lines
suddenly my body becomes more connected with this world
with this tyranny

but I refuse to stop

everything engulfs me
there is no whispering
there is no talking
but I hear something telling me that it loves me
begging me not to leave
humming in what feels like a beautiful witches tongue

I stop
and remember the nights I spent here
how delightfully lonely and mysterious they were
how my heart had been injected with their air and finally became paralyzed
how hungry I was for more of the thickness and the monstrosities
how it had taken me so much strength to finally give up
to finally leave, come here and accept that this is my fate
far away from any source of light where my body felt heavy and torpid
remote and listless there had been nothing to worry about because
I had become a dead creature
far from mortal

but then I remember warmth
and continue to file my bone that has been made
as hard as diamond by pain and coldness

I spear into the walls and break them
spread my  bat wings
and fly away from that world

an afterglow behind me
while the universe sings its traditional song of the hearts revival

tonight the threshold has been reached
I have climbed the highest mountain of desperation for peace
believe me not when ghosts speak tales of mountains of cruelty
I have been there as well

tonight I shall crucify the monster that was born in me
through your frigid hands
and I shall crucify his mother

tonight things I never thought could be done, will happen
and I will walk away with water on my shoulders
walk away with a drought in my eyes
I will not shed salt for this anymore

tonight I will be moved by things that I have yet to expeirence
things like relentless exuberance at midnight alone
drenched in the company of my own hands
nothing can tear me apart from myself

tonight I will drown

I will burn

I will remember nothing

my mind went white
amongst tiered humans walking like dying elephants.

there are other worlds. other minds. other heart break.
like the needle that sewed my skin when it came apart
there is constant reconstruction below this bewildered place
constantly in a state of shock
in a state of livid chaos
in a state of controlled happiness
held stealthily like the slaves shoulder to iron branding
the screams are loud, but the masters do not hear them
they do not flinch at the sight of this unruly pain

and so we have come to a place this universe has known far too long
the betrayers hand placed so solidly above the heads of those who have become numb
and a shadow above the minds of hope.

In the old market, I walk by a man who's family's hunger is painted on his face
like the gushing of blood red smoke. I had wished to wrap my arms around him for the day/
instead of walking around looking at things he would never dare lay eyes on
for there are mornings when he would give a fragment of his body in return for full stomachs
that sleep in the same room, so small at night/ little reminders that there is a reason behind his
undeniable struggle resting upon his eyes like doormats to homes of the elderly who have been abandoned, peering out the window trying to hold on to one beautiful memory to keep them alive
in there what is to most, the most foreign loneliness.
what will his children be, I ask myself. Why is it me that has been given more and not them.
these thoughts ache in my veins.

I pass by a building, where the rocks are ancient
a small thing it seems left behind by history. vacant .

there is a man selling raspberries that are rich with sweet sap
he stares at them only wishing that his life was as rich
flooding with envy at the sweetness of their nectar
then brakes away in thought to stare at the marvelous ocean
swaying like the beautiful mistress he never met under the arabian sun

droplets of sweat break at the rate of breathe that is taken
on these grunge filled streets, auras coming and going of loss and celebration

I am no longer rusty
tunic driven like a alabaster skeleton through tongues of wine
hearts of misshaped happiness breathing beneath my tongue
aqua marine
risky
danger zones between close mouths and breath
long locks of dark brown trail against your back
like water paint fluid on your paper like skin
hold me here beautiful forever
I will rest in between your palms
as you open them to gather water from the
river of our sacred dreams
I will lay there like a small fairy
for you
at ease

I understand the viscousness the inexplicable vitality
with a woman next to a woman
I can teach you how to be comfortable with me
we might become black at times

we might burn
reminents built
torn and ashy

but here there is a beauty
a burgundy understanding of similar nature
rich with cause
suitable by death

night bound by the man who believed he was clever
driven insanity
crude hearts gestures
leave that castle
be my vampire
join my tower

touch the sent of the wicker
and dive into this feminine power
I set hot trembling
tender sighs let out
every hour

I will hunt those wild beasts within your breast
hold your hand and kiss your chest
stitch myself to your ivory neck
seek you
until my hearts a wreck

I was made by long pale fingers
hard working veiny hands combined at the tip
long black hair and womanly hips

I was made by a battleship/ a gun
I came from a body of warfare
a heroic soldier with a heart of steel and orchids
brutally drenched into this life

I came from tears
a soul who departed its country so fresh and young
a woman who will always remain innocent, from whom I learned
the beauty of being humble and having a short tongue
I came from pain and hours of screaming and turmoil
made by love and given away to life
torn by the same *****
I am her, and every ounce of good
was taught to me with her sweat and patience

when her heart felt withered and no longer at ease
she would eat my pain and cry my tears for me
she gathered all the fruits of life and put them at my door
even when I would not answer
she kept gathering to give me more

before I knew her name, before I could speak
she would bend over backwards to help me
when I knew nothing, when I was small and weak
she loved me for who I was, and through the years has seen me grow
and loves me still the way that only women who have given birth could know


my keeper
and a part of my soul
connected through a tender bridge
and cared for me still when my heart was made of coal

she is my best friend
she is the ultimate lover
she is the woman of all women
she is my beautiful mother

I come close to you
.
.
I Kiss you with my scars
come close to me
.
.
finish me.

you see,
I have came across you so many times before
you stricken love

you love that is filled with passion
you love that is filled with detriment
you love that is filled with ocean like conversations
you love that is made of fire- burning
you love that is made of water- flowing
you love that is made to not last forever

the one that understands when it is time to pick up
your ***** feet and leave through the door that is already
waiting open for you
the door where on the other side life feels and looks exactly the same
but a little piece of the sky goes missing somewhere on the painting
a fragment of art in your life has been burnt
by fiery meetings of skin cradled on warmer skin

a love where the water is greater than the fire
where passion becomes extinguished
at any given moment, for a reason that will never
appear in any of your art work

you open your eyes one morning
and you instantly know all that was there
is sleeping now, in some form of energy far away from
the bed you and your ex-lover sleep on
leaving a lingering a permanent whisper behind

saying
I love you, but accept this