Dear Lover,

you are my first
I followed you with fragile feet
I touched you with innocent hands of  infants
finally able to control my own muscles
everything has lead to you
breathing has lead to you
seeing color has lead me to you
I remember your dark hair
and something inside of me sinks
like a ship with a thousand souls
awaiting their death
somewhere in that bottomless pit of beauty and destruction
somewhere deep in those waters awaits my last sign of hope
something of a tragedy and meanings lost as to why I want
nothing more than to be with you
and something inside me now wishes nothing more
but to be swallowed by this dark and endless ocean
of your reluctant love and dimmed fire
something inside of me begs to be in that darkness
so that I may not know another day of suffering
I walk throughout my day invisibly bleeding
gushing red on every sidewalk
I am ashamed to walk into places where people
are happy, and stain their surroundings with my
invisible affliction
only those who know can see it
but I cant see them
I cant see anything because I am subdued completely
immersed in my catastrophic realm of a deep agony
your heart is a vast desert
and I am completely lost within it
and this famine and drought is killing me
I am starving
my skin sags, I can barely open my eyes
and I am growing into something far beyond emotionally weak
in one second if you tell me to go
I will exit this world that I have thrown myself into by will
and will never twitch at the thought of you again
I will exile myself from here never leaving a trace of my soul
behind

sincerely , Lover 1







Dear, Lover

I understand that you are tiered with me
and I am sorry that I make you bleed
but keep in mind that your invisible red
showers like a waterfall unto me
remember that I warned you about my senseless ways
about my chained spirit flying free
about my deranged childhood and my broken hands
I warned you about my shattered eyes and my wasted lands
I cant help but wither away like pedals falling off a rose
in the height of spring
when you bring yourself close to me
when you smile that simple smile
I can die in your simplicity
I can die in your beauty
I can live in your eyes
and Im sure you know that more than once
it is plenty of times because of the portraits of you hung in my head
I fall apart like an ancient wind and cry
Im sure you know many times I asked myself why
why life must I be in this displaced manner
of a starved love and barren core
for there would be nothing more satisfying
then enjoying the ocean and things like autumn and the red leaves with you
do you not that think I am hurting too
you saw how my skin grew bright when you were next to me
you felt me from the inside of me
I let you hold me like a mother would hold her child
even if it was for a second I let you give that love to me
and it hurt more than anything I can ever bring myself to write about
or put into words
I was not meant for this life
as much as I want to be
I was simply not made for this love
my heart shatters and blows like glass
only things of nature can burn how I burn
we have been through this before, I try to stay away from you
but when something sits in front of you, so undeniable it is hard to learn
it has taken me quite sometime to say this
but apart of me has refused to stay with me
and will forever stay with you
a part of me has loved you more than it loved me
and I cant take that back, it is out of my hands
you say my heart is a desert
if I could generate a spring for you to enter naked
simple and at ease I would
but the only spring I have are those which
flow through my eyes and upon my chest
Im sorry
Goodbye

sincerely, Lover 2

you are the toska breeding in me like vicious flowers
cannas perhaps lotus or bleeding hearts
haunting the excruciating longing in my sinking chest
a calming and white haunting

I hear a thud in the middle of my body and it seems
that my heart levels itself in between my dimmed ribs
so that it may nervously burst in my core
to let that beautiful yellow childlike  sun into my body

what am I without you, a weltering raindrop
on top of a dark wooden roof
falling into the rustic mud while nobody is watching
being absorbed into the earth while nobody
cares

when I spoke my voice was hallow
and now you fill my speech and the streaks of tunes from my neck
like a starving man who by the grace of God has been blessed
with the feast of kings and queens

the phantom artist of something like a never ending dream
the gentle spirit
the serene incubus

you
daydreamer of withering beauty
heartless and genuine
I rest my smile upon your spine
I suffocate into your talent
of a deep and barren like litost

your calm ocean
as mine
filled with creatures only our imaginations
can begin to decipher
a tender arena of hearts and fowl play
you have taught me more about myself
I am bathing in beauty
drowning in a glorifying deep silk

I would bring my last weeping words  in a coffin
with  dark and rich embroidery resembling
that of your driven eyes
for a simple brush of your hand
upon my cheek

when your drapery and garments of a thick velvet
find a better home sprawled on the floor like dead creatures
and fill everything but you
I see poetry written all of your body
and the words puncture like exotic knives into my stomach
invisible scars singing like children in the sunlight
invisible scars that stand like strong men who are stricken
and afraid
your eyes hum lullaby's
and they sing the saddest songs
that are now stitched beneath my tongue
and to the edges of my lips
I drown in that forbidden place
where my stomach caves in
like lovers hearts beating in the grave of spring
a nocturnal escape of pleasures
and souls meeting place
dug with our hands through the soil of our lives
chastity comes in purely
while we walk with our disguise

I run to my blank pages
the way a child with a bruised knee
runs to his mother with tears in his eyes
and when he falls into her arms he is at peace
that is how I feel when I capture that brittle emotion
when I forfit it like a slave to my poetry
because I do not have a mother anymore
because all I have is my words
and that is all I really wanted to say
because my hurt at this point has no words
I just wanted to feel that there was something there for me
something waiting for my pain besides myself
and I just wiped the mascara from beneath my eyes
I just thought about you again
please I beg myself to forget you
I beg myself to forget all those simple and beautiful things about you
while you drench yourself in love

I have died within you
explicitly in ways that I only die within my own self
do you understand what that means
maybe you do not
but I speak with the words of a brittle child
who has parents who would never understand him
from such a young age
from such a young age
you see
I am learning these things
drowning in a genetic mutilation
this is not me, no
this is what life has lead me to be
I am underneath you
I breed within what we call sanity
although I know nothing of it
I will wait here for you
as you try
try
to tread closer to me.

maybe most women like me can speak these words
maybe not
when I purge tongue hanging from the side of my mouth
these poems that tread down like ******* tears
things that may be much to absurd
maybe I shouldn't share memories so blistered
your male heart and how you say I made it wither
kneaded down to a white dust that I blow like
dust off of my bookshelf
a man who holds something severe and endless in his veins
a emotion drenched in a hatred towards me
and who was I in that time when I handed you the young woman
within me
you are the ****** of love, you see
and yes I rip the words out just like that
I want you to feel this poem bleed
close your eyes and know that I am not at all worried
because knowing I destroyed you mentally for what you did
is far beyond a glorifying and blossoming seed growing within me
your minds a torture chamber, and we have announced all the rest
just go on with your life not accepting your flaws
and always looking your best

A blood thief comes into mind and with the inspiration
of a thousand enriched dark and artistic souls
I have been shunned by passions
extracted from the womb of resistance
thrown out cordless into a sincere and infinite space
I am sprawled on the floor in awe
still drenched in the fluid of my previous life
my elbows are weak as I try to raise myself
to look these things directly in the eye
my vision has yet to be fixed
but before I know it I have adjusted
for unlike the time our generation has been thrown into
this is a life that comes naturally

I want to run away from this place
if its on my feet and on a highway through the desert
while screaming at the top of my lungs
so be it
may I become bruised from head to toe
so be it
may I encounter a killer on the way
everything in the sky
I yell
then so be it