my chest tightens
did you feel that;

whispered
the monster

I feel so much more
my lungs are caving in
and I'm clenching both hands against my chest
like a mad woman
how can you be so gracious
how can you have been so contagious
I have no immunity to you


I am dieing.

your maniac kiss killed me with its sudden sting
burning inside of me like I am only your posession
I loose my morals
and hurt my head
at the end of the day I lay with my palms open
and speak to you of how I am tiered with this
in my head

what you hear from me is wordless
I dont need your comfort
I dont need your help
I will learn how to deal with your monsters on my own
I will learn how to give myself a shower

Im a baby
a child
I smile
and its innocent you see
you have though, brought the dead back out of me
and now my world is filled with black paint
black ink

dont speak
dont speak
your alienation has spoken enough
your eyes have been closed
and you wouldnt even dare look in my direction
that
that
has said enough

and I am bad
and I am sprawled
and I am the ****
the injustified loser

baring myself like a sick person
homeless
and begging for money to buy
a pack of smokes to exhale
these burdens

speak about a girl who faced decease
after walking blistered in the woods of tall alabaster skeletons
moving they're boney jaws up and down very slowly speaking to my smallest phys- co
they stand like brute columns
taller and wiser than the willow
skinny torture chambers of sick delight
slithering words leak like snakes who hold
a richer venom in this life
they bite and leave open sores
those sores are were the orchids leak out
fluttering down her skin so softly
you can hear the pedals opening in the still calm
she closes her eyes and smiles
while giving birth to the entities
that plague the very ******* dirt under her short nails
those flowers created a whole new beauty in me
the images grasped so tightly in my mind
but never again for my compassionate eyes to see
her body a inferno
where she places gargoyles on her boney shoulders
my loved ones, beckoning to me on my white altars
they say, hush hush
we shall not speak aloud of the murders
the dispensful ones she sweats out on hot summer days
she moves on
always
but then theres days that settle like tight tunnels
almost impossible to get through
so I starve myself so that I dont suffocate within them
so that I may get to the end
the light, and the start of a new day
but I come out weak,starving,and heavy with dismay
time and time again she faces the rather
mortal creature of her responsive
yet mute sanity
figured with the parents of all her young ones
childrens memories
ebbing like purified water
cleansing everything but that ***** mind
young ***** girl
with a white heart
stuffed into this suffocated box
that she burried underneath that one tree
in front of her house when she was only 7 years old
shes heard it time and time again faintly
somewhere in the wind, blabbering the brittle words
please come find me
but she goes on with her life
not finding the time or courage
and ignores that sorrowful plea

shed your gritty conflicts
brittle pain seeping in between the fragments
of your most important bones
give me your limbs
I will give you my movement
I will lay here numb
just to watch you dance
and see that bitterness leave
your ample solitude
burden laying in deep pits of hungry
monsters, moving through the desert
shattering the broken jawline
of everyday
truancy in lovers
anecdotes
telling small stories
with significant morals
branched off into the sun
by the greater worlds that
exsist within us
the first number
does not exsist here anymore

like a starving child on the bleak desert morning without his mother
I am desperate for you
like a barren cave filled with nothing but its own emptiness
wishing
praying
someone would come in to discover its beauty
I am yearning in these black oceans for you

burnt like a savage
a bull giving into the native
letting him stab and pursue him
use his very skin for a home
I try to limp away
with my tongue hanging out of my mouth helpless
I leave stains of the smaller things inside of me
my blood leaks out like a waterfall
this
this is how
I give into my loneliness

I am a sullen movement in the heart of life itself
reach out to me

bring me back from here

yet when I come back to my sober mind
I think

how it would be better
if I sit here in my own dark cave
never lighting a candle
dark
endless for you to find
completely taking you out of my mind
until the end of time

your  tunic pupils
extractions from the sky
encircle all that which lays in your deepest masculine eyelashes
Im enthralled with your profile
meager looks of
hearts dispelled
onto something greater than life in its most simplest form
you represent everything natural
extracted from the very womb of earth

I am lost in my own thoughts
of my responsibilites
as a woman of culture and as an artist
will I forgive myself
for touching your wounds

maybe not

your judgment passes me
as a frail child looks upon his guardian
no I am not that
I cant be


yes
yes
I need these little things that make us move
with what you say
love
love
I do agree
I nod my head in acceptence
awfully
to these things I can never posess
I will speak to you in these matters harshly
you see
sometimes I come off as too intense
too ******
at times I will make you forget
that I contain any kind of beauty

I have a holocaust in my heart
somewhere in its driven corners
and a black plague forfiting casting spells
to hearts somewhere in my eyes

I have sold many goodbyes
ignored many whys
and kept many standbys

black I watched these skies
turn
red I watched these thighs
burn
and just as quickly turn
pale
with an execution that very well
lasts a year sometimes

I want to be yours
but the sun and the moon
cannot live side by side

and neither could our two seperate cores
the ****** and the sores
sleeping somewhere under the beds of these bookstores

you see
I want to be yours
but Im afraid I have been burnt single
due to my wars