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Aug 2011 · 518
her
michelle reicks Aug 2011
her
crazy porcelain white reflection
I stare at it, at her.
feel the tiny pulses
in my neck slowing
          to short tick
            tocks
Aug 2011 · 1.5k
high
michelle reicks Aug 2011
how do you feel right now?
              
                 delicious
delicious like french fries
             or a crisp apple?
  delicious like me.

                                    but how are you delicious?
delicious like i would take
                           one million licks
to get to the center of the
tootsie roll pop
              
                      oh.
                                      ­    yeah
                                       that makes sense
Aug 2011 · 575
power
michelle reicks Aug 2011
Barbies
          their heads come off
                so easily.
so i'm sitting in my room
pretending that i am
                       a ruthless
King

              and these ***** wenches

have all broken laws.

     and they need to
         be punished.
Aug 2011 · 487
so loud
michelle reicks Aug 2011
you'll have heard how the city once
ended in fire. The buildings crumbled
and shook and mothers clasped their
children close, not aware that they would soon cease to exist.
And the fathers with
the strong outside, terrified inside looks on their faces, as their
eyes tried to float up to gaze
at the flames, but the ashes
floating around would sting as
they flew down from the
sky, that was also on fire.
And the only thing to be heard
was screaming and crashing
and sirens and it was

                                 SO LOUD

that it actually seemed silent.
                     and then it was.

and everything was done, gone,
    dead and silent.
no noise. at all
not breathing
not wind
not birds, not crying, not talking
it would **** you
Aug 2011 · 437
are you love
michelle reicks Aug 2011
i turn my face away
when he asked me
"is this love?"

i wanted him to
ask me
"   are you love?"
Aug 2011 · 759
fresh mind?
michelle reicks Aug 2011
alright.
so i'm determined to write about something other than this boy
because i keep writing poems about him
and they basically all sound the same

because i think maybe i'm desperately in love with him
and he hurts me
all the time without knowing


but i'm going to write this poem about something else.
i'm going to talk about grocery lists

and cell phone numbers
and matching pale blue shirts
and push up bras that make me blink rapidly.

garage sales where i buy a wallet, a movie or two, a dress with a stain
on the top left shoulder


but it smells really nice.




and vegetarians.
why are they all vegetarians?

i'll talk about
tall glasses of cold milk
and little old ladies with bonnets on their heads.
how could anyone steal from her?
it broke my heart to see her cry as she spoke to the police officer.

i'll talk about not wearing ******* on a sunday night at the computer
wearing that dress with the stain
that i bought at the garage sale (smells like clean laundry and my fifth grade teacher)
and an uncomfortable bra

my scalp is itchy



i'm going to write about new york.
it's so ****** far away
but movies make me feel like i live there.
and movies that are set in minnesota(my homestate)
make me feel depressed and angry
(like NewInTown,Juno ***** that crap. we aren't like that.)




wow, this poem ***** even worse than the ones about that boy.



life is funny that way
Aug 2011 · 722
pavlov
michelle reicks Aug 2011
high fructose corn syrup and garlic salt
burn my throat

(i have made a habit of eating ice cream out of the tub after ten pm)

and i kick myself in the shins

everytime i think about you
and smile.

i'm so ****** at you
for being the one person that i can't stand to be away from.

why are you always leaving me

and why am i always happy when you come back?

i won't be your ******* science experiment
anymore




i'm sorry.
i didn't mean that
michelle reicks Aug 2011
i've never done this before.

i've never admitted to myself that i need someone
and i have never felt so pathetic because of it.


but holy ****, i need you.


i need you like i  need air to survive


frankly, i was dead from lack of breathing before i met you


i'm so scared that these weeks will turn into months without you
and i'll cease to breathe
again.


*******.
how dare you
make me fall in love with you
i want to scream into your chest and pull out your hair

and then cry

i've never cried this much

i want to push you off a tall building
so my heart will stop feeling

so sad
all the ******* time
Aug 2011 · 1.3k
cecilia
michelle reicks Aug 2011
i'm so sorry
my dear little darling

that i couldn't protect you
from the flame and the cold


maybe you could come home
and live here with me
in my closet
and you could make my dresses smell like your cute little perfume bottles
and your sweet deoderant sticks

i miss your skinny body, holding you in my arms
girly
you were my daughter
my mother
my sister


don't ever let anyone tell you to stop being you
Aug 2011 · 1.5k
empty nights
michelle reicks Aug 2011
this large empty bed seems like
a c r e s wide     without you here in it.
I want to hear you laugh
and taste cream cheese wontons
on your tongue.
and when we wake up, you will smell musty and sour
like our tent of *******
always smelled

         I want to hear the funny nose whistle you make
I need to clutch at your
chest and gasp

                                              beg you
                                                   for release



but for now i will lay
naked, alone
in my football field nest of pillows

and dream, sleeplessly
of your sweaty brow
Aug 2011 · 542
like ruby red
michelle reicks Aug 2011
these three words have
been repeated to human being
to human being in a billion and fifty
different languages and dialects but
never
never
never have they meant
what you make happen inside
of me. It radiates from
your smile

and kicks me in the chest.
your palms sweat with the
scent of it
your tears
                  taste like love



i can taste the love in your
tears.

it makes me feel like
a new person. newly
whole.

And when the sweating, crying, smiling
has ended,

you'll still be right here.

I trust you now. I was
so scared
of moving at the speed of
light

but the      moon
                  sun
                  stars
                               have never been
                               as bright as I
                               am
                                       when I'm  
                                       with you.
michelle reicks Aug 2011
**** up
***** up
make up
make up stories
make up lies
lie down
lie with you
you're still mad
i can tell

i have rugburn
on my face
and on my heart
from you

dragging me around
this old
               putrid
house
Aug 2011 · 864
this is important too
michelle reicks Aug 2011
last night
we were both half expecting something


and it never happened
maybe we were both tired from the fifteensixteen seventeen *******



we just laid on top of the covers
of my bed
six inches away from each other
my eyes pacing pages of my book

and you solving a rubik's cube,
the creaking of it making me smile.



and i listened to your soft nose breathing
raised my eyes toward my ceiling
clenched my toes
and thanked god
silently

that you found me
Jul 2011 · 918
dear boo radley
michelle reicks Jul 2011
i never want you to know
how needy i am
                             (you will run away,
                                                   with your superfastsneakers)

But I wonder
                   if being needy
is the one thing that makes
me human. In that case,
I want you to know that I need you all the
time. And when I PUSH
you away, pull me right
back in. It's just a test.

There will be times when
I seem mad. I am.
Kiss my nose and my
cheeks. Don't let me
stay mad. Let me cry
into your button-up shirt
until it's stained
with my make-up.

I will always need you.
Jul 2011 · 797
benjamin breakdown
michelle reicks Jul 2011
the white of this padded room
suffocates everything
'till it's blue.

i will drive for miles
and still feel trapped
inside.

the speed limit here is only fifty five.
and all i want to do
is crash off the road.

i pass by hotel beds
and still feel like you are dead.

i will cry.
yeah, i will cry for you
my biggest question isn't
do you love me

it's always been
will you stay?
Jul 2011 · 612
in a sea of numb
michelle reicks Jul 2011
well
yesterday


you wiped my slate clean
i was reborn.
baptized


in a lake of sweat and happiness and tears.
mostly
your tears.

my ducts have been dry for days,
for days
days.
i had forgotten how to cry.
i turned myself off from feelings

to save myself from the pain of losing him.
but i still feel it.
little pangs, here and there.

and i hope you understand, because i can't help it.
i can't remember the last time i felt something other than content

when did i last feel pain?
mourning
grieving is hard work
and i'm too lazy to be sad about
anything, really.

i want something to tear my lips off
and pluck out my eyelashes

or run over my kneecaps with a truck

so i can feel connected to my own pain.


like i used to be
when i was 13
and suicidal

but at least i was human
Jul 2011 · 683
what a night
michelle reicks Jul 2011
the first step to all of this
is to convince you i'm not crazy

and the second step is to get you to kiss me

and the third is to make you happy.

fourth step, tell you that i love you

repeat
michelle reicks Jul 2011
dear god
everything is wet
it's like *** in a bathtub

you asked me if i was a water child
the answer is yes,always,yes

and i keep trying to tell you with my eyes
how much this means to me
how much it burns in my



chest

how badly i want to tell you

that i'm deep in water-love with you.
this is the moment that has been eating away at my fingernails and teeth and the roots of my hair for days.
days.







so i say it

and i'm covered in you,
i'm covered in the scared looks you're giving me


and i refuse to return them
i ******* refuse
to apologize for this
moment.


i will live to be 749 years old but i will look back into your greyblueblackeyes
and know
that i made the right decision
when those words flew out of my mouth
and then slapped me in the face.


and i don't give a flying ****.
if i sink
in this waterlove.

it will be
the happiest death of my living life
and i've died more times than a cat
Jul 2011 · 1.5k
too fast
michelle reicks Jul 2011
late last night i got home
and the skin between my nose
and my upper lip

was raw
from your mustache
and i didn't put lotion on it,
which is something i would normally do

and i didn't brush my teeth
or put my retainer in
and dental hygiene is important to me.

i just walked in through my front door and sighed a deep happy sigh

like the sighs you sigh for me so often.


my hand smelled like your hair.


and i've been taking hourlong baths
lately
which is something i don't normally do


my room is getting more and more ***** every day
and i can't find motivation to do laundry
(this is so not like me)

and i find myself daydreaming about you
while at work
and my heart starts beating.

it's never had a beat before, i swear.

and it's fastfastfast and
hard

like the way we kiss
but then we slow way down

and we play little games
with our lips.
i love smiling into your mouth
because i can't help it.
Jul 2011 · 852
milk this moment
michelle reicks Jul 2011
it's as if

we have known each other forever.
but i'm really glad we met last week.


because i know that

if you had known me when i was
suicidal
drugged up
glazed over ritalin eyes
sappy dramatic
lonely
teenage hormones
with an extra kick



in the chest



you would have ran in the other direction.
Jul 2011 · 672
you care
michelle reicks Jul 2011
i'm listening to our breath
and the buzzing of a minnesota mosquito
in my ear




i fall
deeper and deeper
into the pavement
and the grass
and the air
and you.


and it's easy.
there isn't anything important
that i have to do in the morning.

so this can just last.
if you want.




because this is different from anything
i've ever seen
heard
tasted
smelled
felt
before.

it looks like the minneapolis skyline peeping over deepdark water
it sounds like a mosquito buzzing in my ear, alongside your nose breathing
it tastes like the saltwateronmyupper lip
smells like sunshine burnt skin and long grass and sweaty armpits(myfavoritesmell)

feels
like
joy.
Jul 2011 · 412
you're not.
michelle reicks Jul 2011
i don't know
if i like the fuzz on your earlobes
more
or less
than anyone else's.
and i'm only telling you this

because i don't want to you feel too special
when you don't deserve it

but i wish i had kissed your ears.

i really regret that
but you would probably have pulled away

and then i wouldn't be writing this stupid ******* poem about absolutely nothing and calling it art
Jul 2011 · 947
kitty cat
michelle reicks Jul 2011
i had to shove my fat cat into a tiny kennel that was too small for her fat ***.
we took her to the vet.
she ****** in the kennel.
it wasn't her fault.

the visit cost 165 dollars, out of pocket.
so basically, we paid them to clean the **** out of the kennel.
and to clean the ******* of her tail.
and to tell us that she's fat.
(i already knew this.)


when we got home, i opened the door of the tiny kennel.
she stalked out,
looked around as if she didn't know where she was.
she squished her fat ***
BACK into the kennel
and peed.
and stood in there.

just looking at me.
this scares me,
does she need to go back to the vet?
Jun 2011 · 457
you get me
michelle reicks Jun 2011
your voice was not shaking
i only heard understanding.

under the phone crackling
i heard a train going somewhere far away.

i want to turn myself inside out
so you can see how my heart is covered in blood

but i can trust you
not to try to fix it.
but just to understand.
Jun 2011 · 579
mountain
michelle reicks Jun 2011
he seems so much bigger
than he used to
but i know he hasn't grown.
he'll never grow up

but he'll always be my mountain
tall and bigger than the sky
too large to handle
i'm just a little girl, after all.

he's crumbling, crushing me

i need to escape

i'm trapped under the rubble
of what failed.
Jun 2011 · 464
those girls you see on tv
michelle reicks Jun 2011
they know passion
they take it too far
faces suspended high,
like skeletal art.

they are passion.
not high risk gossip.
Jun 2011 · 926
little boats
michelle reicks Jun 2011
black
navy blue with white laces
scuffed
ripped
            i have so many pairs of shoes
they have seen my pain
sipped my sweat
protecting my sweet feet
my hairy toes with thick toenails

those shoes
          little boats
i sail in them
                 letting them take me where
they think
     i should go.




why are they always right?
Jun 2011 · 488
my body
michelle reicks Jun 2011
And Sometimes I
can't hear voices

but there's this sound--
one hundred people
inhaling smoke simultaneously
today is different than yesterday
      because i'm heavy
my stomach full
and swinging from left to right side
as if i'm with child
but my eyes, all the while
are watering,
they produce silky sweet wetness
a familiarity to me
the gossamer sheets stained scarlet
i wonder when that happened
and how i knew to wake up.
Jun 2011 · 549
i can't feel you
michelle reicks Jun 2011
If you said you loved every single
freckle on my knees
I could tell you that I love
every hair on your chin
because that's true.

but i don't know if i love the hair on your
toes

            it's really odd.

I want so badly to fall for you


but I am so done with

love.

            
             i can't stand it.
i can't stand myself.

if you said you loved every
single freckle on my knees

     i wouldn't believe you.
Jun 2011 · 606
happy tears
michelle reicks Jun 2011
our voices
blend like Robert's and Alison's
even when we're not singing
even when you are making
little grunts and i am
making breathy
             moan love
                        moans

and those sounds make me
want to cry just like
Robert and Alison
make me cry

     but they are always
                     happy tears
Jun 2011 · 637
needles
michelle reicks Jun 2011
my body is covered
in foam

i run into walls headfirst
and feel nothing

i inject hate into my own blood with rusty needles
and feel nothing

i walk on hot coals to feel something
other than emptiness
i feel nothing

i am just an empty shell filled with only your love
it's the only thing that keeps me alive
and i don't even want it.


i make these mistakes that i can never take back
but it's okay
because i feel nothing
Jun 2011 · 559
music
michelle reicks Jun 2011
the best sound in my entire world
is heavy breathing
unsynchronized
and the soft swishes of fingertips brushing over back-skin
and little gasps

of pure happiness

and i don't have to wonder anymore
if i am making music

or even if we're making love
because i am lying on beautiful cream colored clouds
in the back of your parents' van
and i don't think it really matters.
Jun 2011 · 578
after you left
michelle reicks Jun 2011
warm, indented pillow
found a few of your hairs
your head used to be  
right
here
a few hours ago,
you were right
                   here
curled up inside of me
and I didn’t know how
to feel about it
happy?
Differently pleasant
redundant movement
but I rejoiced
and I miss how you  feel

soft in some places
hard in others
the inbetween places
covered in me


       glorious
I wanted to      touch
you all over but
I don’t know you
that well


yet.

and now that you’re gone
I find myself
so very much

alone


and I am hating you
with
deep
rooted
hate
I want to love
you
but how do I do that?
Jun 2011 · 1.9k
soy mierda
michelle reicks Jun 2011
Tu me ves como una mujer muy fuerte (you see me as a strong woman
Estoy feliz y fuerte y feminista (i am happy, strong and feministic
Mi ****** es mi major amiga (my ****** is my best friend
Juntos somos activistas (together we are activists

Mi pelo esta corto y tengo confianza (my hair is short and i have confidence
Te aparecio como una esposa, hija, hermana, amiga. (i appear to you as a wife, a daughter, sister, friend
No me pinto. (i don't wear makeup
Mi cuerpo es bonito y no me interesa que otras piensan. (my body is beautiful and i don't care what others think

No necesito hombres en mi vida. (i don't need men in my life
No se amo mi novio (i don't love my boyfriend
Ni mi padre(nor my father
Me abandono.(he abandoned me

quiero a mi mama (i want my mother
Mi hermana(my sister
Mis amigas (my friends
Y mi vida. (and my life

Pero, en la noche (but, at night
Cuando estoy solo (when i am alone
Mi espejo transforma en un monstruo. (my mirror turns into a monster
Mi pelo es largo asi que puedo esconderme detras. (my hair is long so that i can hide behind it

Pienso que no puedo estar solo (i don't think i can be alone
Estoy triste sobre mi padre, (i am sad about my father.
Me abandono. (he abandoned me
Me odio. (i hate myself

Mi cuerpo es mi enemigo. (my body is my enemy
Solo quiero dormir y comer (i just want to eat and sleep
Mi vida significa nada (my life means nothing
Mi cara es diferente (my face is different

Cada dia (*every day
michelle reicks Jun 2011
this morning I was thinking about your skin

and getting lost in it,
unbounded-- had never felt like a better plan for the rest of my day

but you’re so far from me
heart and soul and mind

your spirit from mine

hearing my voice feels like damp mountains in a sunny valley of ground and sweat


and don’t you dare break my heart
I’ll light myself on fire
Jun 2011 · 801
red pen
michelle reicks Jun 2011
that last one was ******
                                                                   the poem was raw, gaping

my open wounds SCREAMING
                                                        “is anybody out there”

I won’t do it again.
I will burn my clothes
and shave my head
before i write another


I THREW
that ******* pen

into oblivion
destroying it in
a way
that it could never
be
un- destroyed- - fixed

my mind is so vivid, I can see
myself in a movie

starring me
titled “me versus that ******* pen”;

and I would film it, standing
behind the camera
and star in it,


                 red
throwing the                   pen

into the darkness
of the deep greyblueblack sky

I hope it never comes back.
Jun 2011 · 539
dying
michelle reicks Jun 2011
the nights feel so much longer
and I haven’t seen the sun in days

my skin will soon shrivel up

raisinistic features, screaming bleeding chapped lips


and I think I’ll **** that groundhog if
he says
what I
think he’ll
say


my hair will fall out
clump by clump

my gums in my mouth will become metallic and large

this winter will never end
Jun 2011 · 725
endless loops
michelle reicks Jun 2011
so
i heard that the play “the glass menagerie”
is really an autobiography of the author
Tennessee Williams.

and woah is that a mindtrap.
if this play is an autobiography
he would have had to have
this conversation
with his mom,
then write down exactly what was said

and then
THE PLAY
would be about
Tennessee Williams writing down **** that his mom says
and not his ****** up sister
and her stupid typewriter
and alcoholic teenagers.

Maybe I didn’t really get the symbolism
Jun 2011 · 786
snow fall
michelle reicks Jun 2011
My black gloves, coat, boots
Make me thick and heavy and slow
I am trudging through this white brick wall
I am tired and dripping.
This snow is ungainly
As it piles on top of the dead
Black, are the silhouettes of branches on drooping trees

Car crash.
Car crash.
Car crash.
I had forgotten that snow makes death unforgotten.
I am a beacon of safety
Inside my warm hut
With my life and my body, attached still.

Snow, sky, same thing.
Both a shocking white,
The color of the white light
Of death, reflected in a black lake
Swallowing everything else whole.
An insulting shade of pale,
Unimaginable in the middle of November.

A white bleached ivory
Your knuckles are that color white,
Bloodless
As they grip the wheel
But your fingertips forget how to drive
Your mind loses all the knowledge
You have gathered over your twenty three years

Your secure little buggy
Is no longer secure
No longer out of harm’s way.
The permafrost inching its way under your wheels
You are a little child learning how to walk,
Slipping and falling,
Reaching for your mama

You really don’t want to go over there
REALLY don’t want to go over there.
Because over there is the ditch.
And you scream “NO NO NO NO NO NO NO”
But who are you yelling at? No one can hear you.
You’re all alone in your little buggy
And the snow muffles you anyway

And you are upside down
god is grabbing you by your ankles and shaking you
Hoping for money to fall out of your pocket
And then you’re right side up
And then upside down
And your brain is sloshing and slopping
All over the upholstery

And the red is all over the windows
Thick paint, splashed over the cracked panes
Your hands are covered in your own gore
Gushing from your thighs and stomach
And you are making so much noise
Why are you yelling?
No one can hear you.

And now you’re dead.
The air in your punctured lungs is frozen.
The blood on the window is turning rusty red crust
And the people in the little buggies next to you
Are watching you as they pass by
Some even fold their hands and pray
But they shouldn’t take their hands off the wheel.
Jun 2011 · 920
i wanted to be
michelle reicks Jun 2011
In the beginning all I wanted to be was a dancer
An astronaut
A genius  
A teacher
After that an architect

I remember being young and wanting to be a firefighter
Then scientist
Then a football player
And after a while I wanted to be a novelist,
Later a musician
And for a bit I even thought I might want to be a senator
Then a vagabond
Wandering the ***** streets and paved highways
Then a poet
And here I am


Writing these words,
pretending that they mean something,
and of course, they don’t
and they won’t until I

become
beautiful
a model
a mom
a *******
and these words won’t mean anything until I have lived them

YOU
Know that these words don’t mean a **** thing
But I gotta write them anyway
Because otherwise my thoughts will drown in my head,
Kicking and screaming for their lives,
while this blue ocean falls and crashes over them
And I want to be a fighter pilot.
I wanted to be a star
That shines brightly in the bathed black night sky
I wanted to be a hero.
I wanted to save and be saved
From the ground that keeps falling on me
After my fair share of dreaming
I soon became an artist
I became silent for a while
Developing thoughts
And movements
Developing myself behind closed doors
Empty spaces
Screened windows
In the end all of us become what were supposed to be
Not matter how hard we try that’s the best we can do
In the end, that’s all we ask for

And in the end, I was a friend.
I was needed.
I was there.
I am here.
And I can’t keep wishing that I was something, because this is what I am.
And this is how my life is
Every day, brushing my teeth like it’s the most important task I have ever been given.
And I
AM
Nothing important.
that's alright with me
Jun 2011 · 1.2k
haikus are so hard
michelle reicks Jun 2011
I remember when
ice was glass and the sky flew
That line makes no sense

Haikus are dific—

Haikus are quite hard.
This poem is total crap…. now.
….
refrigerator.

I ponder meaning
and the purpose of haikus.
A watermelon.

Seven syllables
what is the point of these things?
I am so bored now

just saying the words
omitting lines that make sense
‘cuz of syllables

I should just give up
But it’s finally easy
Okay, maybe not
Jun 2011 · 2.0k
i hear water singing
michelle reicks Jun 2011
I hear water singing,
the different musical symphonies of the rivers,
lakes and the vast ocean sea;

The sweet sorrowful song of the whale--the same song as when I first heard it,
off the edge of a boat in a yellow rain jacket when I was less than nine years old,

The children laughing as tadpoles swarm gaily around their tiny toes--the cream colored foam swallows their legs up to their knees in the orange midday sun,

The chirping of a dolphin, kissing the deep blue waves each time it leaps,

The seahorses galloping and neighing in the salt sea and the catfish purring and licking their paws in the lakes of Wisconsin and Minnesota,

The seagulls calling to the fish to leap out of the water to become breakfast,

The sobbing of the naked woman in her bathtub at home, the suds up to her pink neck--toes turning to raisins,

The deep bellowing of a cruise ship, filled with all of the people laughing inside its belly,

The ocean whispering against the sand as the moon is gazing into the largest mirror in the universe,

The sun singing loudly in the morning time, peeking above the horizon and pulling back the curtains of the night, greeting all of her lovely friends; bold, sweet, and strange.
Jun 2011 · 1.6k
i really couldn't
michelle reicks Jun 2011
Everything reminds you of him.

Everything.

I stepped out of my bed and looked at my bare feet, the nailpolish on my toes chipping away from prom night.

I get into the shower and I wash my hair, feeling its curliness and remembering his fingers running through it.

Fingers, and then

My hands, dangling them behind me in long hallway, wishing you would latch on.

My dad, and the times I biked to your house to drown out the hurtful words he screamed in my ears, and knowing that you would kiss the bruises on my thighs until they disappeared.

My ankles and the times you laughed at the patch of hair I missed while shaving

My backpack and the how you lent me three dollars and 48 cents so I could buy it.

And my cheeks, and all those ****** days when you refused to kiss them, but kissed my lips instead


Thinking about God, remembering thanking Him everyday that I’m alive every time I pass the part of 94 E where I got into my car accident, on the way home from your house on that icy night.

I can’t function in a normal way without pangs of hurt
Popping into my head like bee bee gun pellets.

I can’t think of bee bee guns without thinking about that night we hung out with your stupid friends and they shot a phone book with it, putting holes three inches deep.

I can’t think of that night without getting angry at your parents.

I can’t think of your parents without thinking about the day your mom caught me putting my shirt back on after an hour and a half of happiness
and how she sat us down

And said that you needed to think about your future, you future wife.
Was I really worth it?
Were you wasting your time?
I guess that was always up to you.

I can’t think of Christmas, because you gave me a ring that morning
And we fought a lot that winter.

I can’t think about Halloween because we used to go to Erin’s party every year
Except this year because she cancelled it
At least
I think she did.

I can’t think about valentine’s day because the day before it is our anniversary, the day you asked me to be yours
Over a text message.

And I said yes.
Over a text message.

I can’t think of easter because that was the day I kidnapped you
And took you far away from your mom
Where we couldn’t hear her tell us we were wrong about each other.

We went to a bridge
And you made me feel so beautiful even though my shoes were so ugly.

And we kissed on top of every sculpture
And we tried to kiss at the very top of the world, but it was closed
Because of easter.


And I can’t think about the day after easter
Because that was when I ended it.

And I’m not ever gonna get over this.
Jun 2011 · 535
i write to remember
michelle reicks Jun 2011
I write to remember
I write to hear the rain fall over and over in my head

I am writing to hear his voice softly in my ear,
feel his lips and breath next to my face

I have written to cry
i write to make others cry
because that’s how I know they feel something

that’s how I know the difference between us
and them

I write to remember the mud under in between over up top of my toes
And the glorious cold sweetness of it
How I remember it musty and home-like

And I write to remember her eyelashes
And her crinkly smile

I always write to make myself feel something
And to make others feel me
Feel my soul
Reaching out like
I reached out to him
After I drove away

I write to remember
The people I have lost

And I hope that when people read what I have written
They will change their minds about killing themselves
Because it will remind them
That life is beautiful
Jun 2011 · 892
i'm distracted
michelle reicks Jun 2011
So right now I’m confused
Reading Howl is a lot
of work
   But I’ve heard
that it’s worth it.
But I’m distracted
by the stubble on my legs
and my sharp toenail digging against the
inside of my fetid weakened shoe
and how my mouth tastes
like sour milk


I should have
brushed my teeth.
I’m distracted by the macabre yellows and
emerald greens swimming in my head
I’m being thrown off by the ads
and the sadness
and the media
that is inescapable.
by the *** and the commercials and the products and the stores
so inhuman
like I used to be
before I learned how to breathe.
I’m vomiting.
I want to crash through the ceiling of the people living their
maddening
bitter lives in the apartment below mine
and I feel light in my head
like it might float away,
filled with air.

But my legs are so heavy

Like anchors
just begging to break

through the table that I’m
sitting on


And now I’m thinking
about death.
how did Ulysses S. Grant
feel about death?

It makes me wonder
I hate wondering about things
because I never come to the right conclusion
I can never figure it out
how does death work?

does it hurt?
is there
a period of time where you
know that in a few
moments, you will cease to
exist.?- - - (except to those that
find your body, naked and wet
on your roof top)
How did you get
up there?
I floated
you can’t float
Yes I can.
Jun 2011 · 2.8k
jealous
michelle reicks Jun 2011
There’s this beautiful girl at my school
And she smokes a pack a week

And she’s pregnant


She’s got beautiful eyes and that’s all I can see
Her baby will have beautiful eyes too.

And she moans out loud in the lunchroom, “man, I’m going to be so fat in a few months.”


And I swear to god that whenever I see her,
I want to lift up her shirt
and press my cheek against the life beating inside her
and hope that it soaks into my pores
So I can feel something as real as that.

But when I have a baby girl someday
I will love her
Like I love the taste of a grapefruit on hot summer days
I will love her like every ****** I have ever had
I will love her like every prayer I have ever whispered in my car
I will love her like how I miss my dad sometimes

And my baby girl will know that I love her because when I put her on one of those horses on the carousel, I will kiss her hand every time she comes back around to me
and I’ll miss her every second she’s away

And I’m going to teach her so much more than her daddy ever could.



My baby girl’s gonna learn that everybody’s going to die someday
So she should try to meet everyone as soon as possible.

And I’m gonna make sure she never has *** with a person she doesn’t love
But I’m gonna make sure she falls in love every day.


I’ll teach my baby girl to love the way I’ll love her
and then

I’ll love her more every day
until I die or
until I forget whose hands are attached to my wrists.
But I'm sure I’ll remember
when she holds them.
Jun 2011 · 555
kisses
michelle reicks Jun 2011
I’m so troubled

The way he kisses me is the same way you used to
And I don’t know

If I like it or not.
Jun 2011 · 641
let it grow out
michelle reicks Jun 2011
I used to run my fingers through the hair on your head
And it made me so happy
Because I think maybe I helped it grow

Maybe it was my love injected into your forehead
everytime I kissed you that made it so dark and thick

or maybe I was watering the roots of your hair with my tears and sweat and saliva when we made love

or everytime you kissed my pantylips
my lemon-and-dirt smell made it a whole inch longer

and when we held hands
it grew down to your knees

which is just where I like it.
So I can run up behind you and pull on it and spin you around to face me



But we’d cut it all off with a beautiful pair of scissors
So I could see your eyes
Jun 2011 · 606
let me be remembered
michelle reicks Jun 2011
i'm gonna my life in happiness
i'll live with no regrets
and when they put me in the ground


let me be remembered as the one that never
fell in with the crowd.

let my friends say to my sister at my funeral

she was always a little different
but in a good way

dear lord
if i ever spray tan my ******,
let you strike me down with lightning

Don’t ever let me go on a diet
for anyone else but me


and if there is ever a moment
when you see me from your pillows
and i am allowing myself
to hurt others,
hurt me.

hurt me until i suffer.
hurt me so i feel the pain that i have spread
and i will learn.

and if there is a day
when i don't enjoy learning
or a day that i don't make someone smile
or a day that i don't ask a question
do not be afraid to take me off this earth.

because on that day
i will be worth
nothing
Jun 2011 · 574
mars
michelle reicks Jun 2011
dreams of dying

then what happens?

mine will go to the darkness, like hers did
and she will weep giant waterdropletsonmyface,
and i will drink them until my stomach is full of sadness

she will always be reaching for that small moment of peace

and i will always be searching for someone to love me

she has no heart, no *******,
no legs no belly no heat

now you are here

your clothes are vacant
i want to wear them for you
let's be together

climb into each other's shirts and skirts and socks until
we can't move anymore

and we'll lay over each other
resting and reading sleeping warmly
and you will never be tristful, here with me

and your lips will taste like sweet coffee
all the time

how nectarous
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